Friday, November 17, 2017

Audrey Rose Review

note; I never saw this b4 so my spellings gonna s-ck to keep up
Audrey rose
this is my review of ausrey rose
its directed by Robert wise who did lotsa good cr-p
ooh its by mgm
and united artists
it starts with a car crash
then the car catches fire
its got Anthony Hopkins
I like him
it shows a fam bike riding
I think theyre on vacation
good music btw
the think develops photos and makes out with husband
then they pick up their daughter at school
but the mom trys to escape the dad
at home the daughter sez her friend who's 9 is having her peereeod
shes gonna get pregnant in grade school
I think this is a different couple
this womans husband comes home
the other dad has a beard
I will call him beardo
at night the daughter makes moany sounds
shes being b0ned by a ghost??
her name is ivy
mom chex on her but she cant remember her dream
mom lets her stay home from school
later the dad describes the beardo to a cop
but cop sez as beardo hasn't done anything wrong, they cant do anything to him
otherwise its soviet Canada where you can accuse someone of a "human rights" offence and get em charged in a kangaroo court
at a store dad thinks he sees beardo and looks around
but theres not him there
later dad gives ivy a purse
its revealed beardo got it
previously beardo called to ask how ivy is
later in da mail mom gets a letter with a paper with some info on some guy
dad sez next time he sees him hes gonna get him
then we cut to a cop keeping people from fighting
but its 2 others in a car accident
good fake out
mom is late cuz of da accident and runs to get her kid
as the school she cant find ivy but its now raining and she sees a kid running
so she goes after her
man she runs weird
then beardo (oh f its Hopkins) sez ivy is safe and for them to talk to him later
at home mom gets p-ssed at ivy for leaving school w/o her
beardo calls and sez to meet somewhere
just tell em what ur deal is now!
u had 2 chances to say it!
at a restaurant they meet and beardo shaved
imma still call him beardo
ahh my gut itches
man I got fat
so he tells em his daughter was named Audrey rose
beardos gfam bit it in a car accident years ago
later at a dinner party a psychic knew everything about beardo and his daughter was alive
beardo went to another psychic who sed what Audrey's new life was like
and she came back
and after beardo saw ivy he knew it was Audrey
the rents go home b4 beardo can finish and ivy was having a nightmare
beardo calls again but they hang up
later dad talks to a jewish guy who tells of the dybbuk (which sam raimi made a movie about(the possession)) a wicked spirit that atakcs people
later beardo comes by and recognizes the place from what the psychix told him
beardo said he went to india to learn of reincarnation
and narrowed down who Audrey became
she died 2 mins b4 ivy was born
spoiler; people have souls b4 they are born
ur not wiggling around in da womb as a soulless hunk of meat
having a soul isn't depentant on location
then ivy starts freakin out and screaming
and no one can get through to her
but beardo calms her down saying her name Audrey
and sez Audrey cooked in a burning car(ivy said she was hot)
dad goes mental on beardo
he helped ur kid!!
also Audrey I mean ivy has finger burns
dad sez its the radiator
but she wasn't near it
mom reveals every year near her b day she has nightmares
dads denies the next life in an attempt to comfort his wife
that's kinda awful
later dads calls from work saying hes gonna be late
mom accidentally leaves da phone off da hook
later mom puts up a screen over da window in ivy's room
beardo calls but she sez to say shes out
I assume hes gotta  tell em something about ivy that they didn't let him say b4
later ivy starts freakin out and f ing up da place
its pretty freaky
no audio, just doomy music
eventually she lets beardo up and he calms her
mom sez a prayer to repent of her mistakes
hopkins i mean beardo sez her soul is trying to get free
and ivy might bite it
eardo talks about the cr-ppyness of india he saw and how they say this life isn't the end
and people have many lifetimes
and cuz 700 million others think its true it must be real
46% of the population believes in global warming
48% is creationist
and that's with the media bashing creationism and boosting global warming
so creationism is more believable than global warming
48 is more than 46
a dr calls mom back but mom sez to come back in da AM
i checked Wikipedia and it sez this is based on a book
wtf the book is inspired by actual events!
dad returns and is p-ssed she let in beardo
but he gets p-ssd back at him
later ivy asks why she didn't wake up from "burning her hands on da radiator"
dad sez burns hurt later and they put ointment on
that's cr-p btw
later dat night, ivy frwaks out and beardo comes by
but dad assaults him
so beardo fights back and wins
man theres a lot more swearing in here than most Robert wise films
beardo locks them out of their home and when they go to the service enterence beardo and ivy are gone
da cops are there and try to get beardo to come out of a loced room
they talk him into letting em in
then da cops book beardo for "kidnapping"
he went like 20 feet with her!
then its a court case and this lawyer argues reincarnation is real
and  guy from india is a witness to convince 12 jurors of it
he gives a lesson on his beliefs
lol he sez their belief makes em love all people
what about the religion wars? the murders? the raepes? the class system?
we get footage of india people in the river
don't wanna say "Indians". it might be racist
later at this catholic school, a girl brought in a newspaper about da trial
ivy has found out and is disgruntled
mom trys comforting her
mom wants to take ivy home but ivy wants to stay cuz they're finishing a big a55 snowman tomorrow
ivy thinks it wou;ld be great to "live forever and never die"
1; they die endlessly with reincarnation
2; even if the person lived forever they'd outlive everyone they love ands be alone in a world passed by them in tech and culture
at night the mom sez; Audrey rose, a few times
at trial the woman driver who iced beardo's fam is called for da defence (f u spelling! defence is spelled with a C! offence has a C! its da same wurd! homie!!)
she sez what happened when he iced the people
at this catholic school they have a ritual where they burn a fire ring around the snowman singing against "old man winter" to go away til xmas
that's f;d up
besides, winter is fun!
snow is great to play in or slide on or build with
oh and ivy walks into the fire
but is stopped
and she has no memory of it
shes ok as she was wearing a lot
mom is called for da defence and sez she believes in reincarnation and beardo is right
her husband is gonna chop her up for dat!
later the dad consents to little ivy being given a test
they gon hypnotize her
mom don't consent but ivy and dad do\
a boris Karloff sounding homie hypnotizes her over a private video thing to the jury
holy cr-p its norman Lloyd
ivy goes back through her memories and shows some good acting skill
norman Lloyd has her go back b4 she was born
but she goes into a fetal position
proof we live b4 birth
in da womb!!
then he takes her back to her previous life
waoh! crazy eyes!
she recalls the car crash and freaks out
I just realized her burning her hands on past fire is like da matrix where if you think its real damage, you get it
or nightmare on elm street where if u get chopped up in a dream, it happens in real life
norman Lloyd brings her outta her hypnosis
but she still freaks out
on the other side of the one way glass beardo calls Audrey rose
but she cant hear him so he busts the glass
then the mom comes in and theres a slow cameras move to build suspence
beardo sez her soul is set free a few times
a buncha times
I think she bit it
mom writes a letter to beardo saying dads warming up to the idea of reincarnation
and beardo took ivy's ashes to india
and she can have peace in heaven to heal her soul b4 being reincarnated back to earth
the end
if she goes to heaven why does she gotta return to earth?
its paradise up there and rough here
its like you get to like in the 1st world between times in the 3rd world.
that's kinda awful to force em to go back down after the joy of the best
its like playing sonic adventure then having to play sonic boom
but that was a good film
well done
well ACTED
and good feels
its got some parts that freaked me out a bit
and I abridged violence jack!
Robert wise was great at horror
for Audrey rose 2 i'd like for it o be the distant future year of 2005 and the dad has frozen himself in cryosleep. he revives as he calculated his daughter would be reborn by then and contacts her. shes a teen now who wears a sci fi outfit like in dirty pair or the chick benten wastes in cyber city oedo 808 ep 3. also the dad has to get used to this cyber punk future with people being mind linked to the internet by brain implants and everyone dressing in cyber bikini's and speedos and listening to 80s style music as it never left.

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