Friday, November 24, 2017
Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs Review
note; I spell non canaidian. no extra U's
snow white and the seven dwarfs
this is my review on snow white and the seven dwarfs (1937 ver)
its based on the brothers grimm who usually had cannibalism and serial killers in their stories
after some credits to nice music a book opens and tells us the background like in silent films
snoe white was a kind princess but her evil queen stepmom was a b--ch to her
also her mom has a black magic mirror
yes animaniacs did a parody of this
so the queen keeps needing the mirror whos the hottest chick I the kingdom
but the mirror sez snow white is the hottest
queen dresses her in rags and makes her clean
like a slave!!
the queen is shocked that her b--chyness isn't the most wonderful chick in the kingdom
snow white sings of finding a nice bf
also then a prince comes by
snow white reminds me of my gf
she's got dark hair and milky white skin
but my gf has longer hair and big eyes
kinda like mrs Addams from the Addams family
the prince starts singing to her and she runs but returns
the the evil possibly brittish queen gets p-ssed at this
man this is good animation
and its fullscreen
no black bars
queen has a huntsman sent to take her out and wack her
hey its just like with daiana in England
also the queen wants huntsman to chop her up and bring back her heart in a box
wtf that's sick
kids movie my a55
what next? make the prince the human centipede?!
wheres the king anyway?!
I think queen had him wacked
so huntsman is gonna waste her but cant do it
he outs the queen and sez to run away and never return
just like the lion king
she runs to the woods and all these creepy cr-p happens
the plants are grabbing her
is this la blue girl?!
son of a b--ch this place is haunted!
she freaks out and collapses after all this freeky cr-p
btw we're 10 mins in and all this crazy cr-p happened
great animation too
back in the 30s they knew how to make it good
the 90s had good shows like ducktales and gargoyles
what would walt this of the cr-p they got on the Disney channel now?
so then the sun comes out and all the creepy eyes in darkness turn out to be cute woodland critters who comfort her
I guess they senses her positive Ki
she instantly recovers fro her horror and sings
I just noticed snow whites hair looks like a 20s chick
this light song is like a g rated betty boop cartoon
so snow white needs a place to sleep as she don't wanna do it on the ground like campers
and the animals lead her to a house
wow water reflection distorted mirror image on the ground
how'd they do dat?
btw snow white is in high heels
and all those malcontents said the chick in Jurassic world running in heels was unrealistic
snow white goes in and everythings small
she thinks its for kids
but its a bit dusty and cobwebby and messy
leave the webs alone
those spiders live there
so she decides to clean up
when my mom cleans my cr-ppy area, she always moves things and I never know where she put em
it may look disorganized, but I know where everything is
also the animals help her clean
is this really happening?
or is it in her mind?
if it is happening I think the animals are magic
lol a spider scared off a rodent for ruining his web
if it were a bigger spider like in brazil it would eat that rodent
why is it always cutesy animals helping her?
why not centipedes and spiders and dragon flies and worms?
y'know, the useful ones
birds are only good as food
squirrels and rabbits eat crops
deer are good to eat
as are their fusion with sasquatch; the moose
meanwhile, a family of midgets dig for jewels in a mine and sing
I notice these jewels are already cut and polished in the earth
then they go home singing
good use of light and shadow
and good angles
at home snow white goes upstairs and finds their beds
she sleeps across 3 beds like in the simpsons how homer parked across 3 handicapped spots
at night the animals hear the midgets coming and cheese it
when they get home they see the lights are on and the chimney is smoking
so they assume its a ghost, goblin, dragon or daemon
does that mean they have those things in this era and place?
is this the lord of the rings?
they look around and notice its clean
they think the stew cooking(made of one of the animals who cleaned?) is witches brew
also sneezy has a hurricane blast sneeze
so they tie up his nose
wont his head asplode then?
theres 7 midgets
like the 7 deadly sins, 7 dragon balls and 7 chaos emeralds
after a fake scare they think dopey is the monster and beat him with clubs
but he's ok
they think snow white is a monster and try to ice her but stop when they see her
why is everyone trying to wack snow white?!
they think shes cute and grumpy is against her
she wakes up and is surprised theyre midgets
she knows which dwarf is which based on their outward personality
what is this?! full metal alchemist?!
they are named after their trait like the seven deadly sins??
she reveals the queen wants her iced and the dwarfs know the queen is evil (like the one in England)
she gets to stay to cook and clean for em
like a slave!!
she wants em to wash b4 dinner
they say they did but when she chex their hands theyre covered in filth
snow white is disturbed they have a fine layer of fdust on their palms and makes em wash
snow white has kind of a girly voice
she seems like a bimbo
I mean it in a good way
as in cute and cheerful and nice and fun
they wash in a funny way
later the queen talks to her black magic mirror and it reveals the heart in the box was from a pig
so evil queen goes to her lab and uses her spellbook to find how to disguise herself
she uses Halloween cr-p to turn herself into a nasty old hag
now she's the modern queen of England instead of the 30s one
man she really deforms
why'd she use magic to turn her clothes black?
just change ur outfit!
this is like cutey honey but on drugs
the good guys then sing and dance 30s style
dopey and sneezy do the "2 midgets in a coat" thing to dance equally with snow white
sneezy sneezes in the coat and it inflates and rockets dopey out the top
i'm not sure he had that much air in him
maybe he has a pocket dimension inside him that blasts air from an elemental plane
then snow white tells a love story about meeting her prince in high pitched song
then its bedtime and snow white gets their bedroom and they sleep in the lower level
b4 bed she prays and asks for grumpy to like her
what a nice girl
they wouldn't have that in modern Disney
one dwarf uses dopey's a55 as a pillow
so the evil queen makes a poison apple that turns a green apple black, then red
race tf sequence
but only loves true kiss can revive the eater of the apple
as the evil hag leaves she kicks some bones of her victim imprisoned in her cage
that's f'd up
probably disagreed with the monarchy and was executed by starvation
maybe its the king who she had imprisoned for defying her
just like in england
so the midgets leave for work and tell snow white to beware of strangers
so I just noticed I think dopey may be mentally disabled
nowadays they'd make it super pc or dark and malcontent
secretly grumpy warms up to snow white
why is she called snow white?
cuz shes pale?
is that her street name like tin tin or t bird or funboy in the crow?>
or wolverine, gambit and cyclops in x men?
so snow white if making a pie for grumpy and the hag comes by
hag sez men prefer apple pie and offers her the one red apple in a basket of green apples
the birds attack the hag but snow white saves her
she fakes being unwell and snow brings her inside
the animals rush to get the midgets
huh, this is a lot like birth of a nation how lilian gish was in danger and the heroes of the film rush to save her
and it keeps cutting between the two
so hag sez the apple is a magic wishing apple that biting it will make ur dreams come true
grumpy leads the charge to save snow
snow white wishes to lives happy with her bf and bites it
then she bites it off screen
then its raining like in 20 000 leagues under the sea with the squid fight and the animals and midgets chase down the queen
she gets stuck at the top of the hill and tries to crush em with a rock
but lightening hits the rocks under her, and she falls and the rock goes after her
um, lightening doesn't destroy wet rock
it conducts over the water
whatever, shes in h-ll now
they couldn't have the midgets beating her dead
so the midgets are bummed snow white bit it
aww a sad moment
then we get text saying they couldn't bury her
so they made a glass and gold coffin to keep her in
then the prince from b4 comes by and sings of love
what is this? sailor moon?
he smooches her body and she revives
she kisses the dwarfs heads bye and goes off with the prince to be a good queen
that was grand
classic, beautiful and clean
nowadays they'd add a lotta pop culture refs and modern cr-p to appeal to the kids
but this was timeless and perfect for telling the classic story
I've seen this as a kid but now I can appreciate it
for snow white and the seven dwarves 2 I want there to be an 8th dwarf who returns and finds they knew snow white. he's disgruntled they didn't summon him while he was out whaling in the ocean and goes to see snow white. but the evil queen has revved herself by possessing the vultures that went after her when the rock fell on her and returns to the castle to get revenge. she uses her black magic cr-p to return to human forme and powers up into a huge hulking abomination that attacks the castle. and the prince, snow white and the 8th dwarf team up and take her on. its also a 16 bit game on sega genesis, super Nintendo and game boy advance where you have missions to attack the giant areas of the monster queen to break her down one part at a time playing as the 8th dwarf, the prince or snow white and they each have their own abilities like snow white fighting by sending birds to attack, the prince has his sword, and the 8th drawf has a harpoon