Friday, April 6, 2018
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie Review
note; i'm from da 90z. so I grew up with this. but I still wont spell right
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie
this is my review on Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie
Its not canon to the tv series but made a lotta cash from power ranger fans
I loved power rangers in the 90s but kinda lost interest after season 2
I got back into it for zeo though amd stayed with it until halfway through dino thunder
after wild force it was all down hill\
Disney did to power rangers what john wayne gacy did to young males
tied em up and b0ned em dead
so the movie starts with the gang skydiving
ulk and skull nearly jump out w/o parachutes
and the gang suggested they go 1st
were they gonna kill em?
I know in season 1 they were minor bullys
and the rangers are teens
but still man
btw; theyre sky diving suits look like their power rangers outfits
turns out; the sky diving is a fund raiser to save an observatory
also some wiener kid is embarrassed his dad landed in the parking lot on his jump (which we never saw so it didn't happen)
wiener is into tommy as he's the cool one
cuz grade schoolers hanging out with grown teens was normal in da 90s
although at Yugioh tournaments it happens too
looks like they saved the observatory
normally zedd would try to stop that for some reason
oh and theres a comet coming soon
and bulk and skull haven't jumped
so much for them saving the space thing
the planes running outta fuel so they jump
guess the pilot is going to h-ll
then the rangers go roller blading
and Kimberly is in mini shorts and a belly showing top to appeal to 90s teens
after they go through a construction site like in a 16 bit beat em up, bulk and skull land there
when questioned why they're there, they say they are building inspectors or something
and I think the construction guy buys it!!
bulk and skull outsmarted a guy
how low for him
but then the site finds an ancient metal mortal kombat looking thing
so they open it up and a big evil looking claw holding a purple egg comes up
reminds me of that jim Henson movie the dark crystal
1 guy touches it and gets shocked
then the rangers are summoned to the command center and it looks really overdone
like a bad 90s game show
zordon tells em 6000 years ago, ivan ooze ruled the world with evil
and nearly finished his machines to enslave da universe
but a team of teens sealed him away
but now he might come back
so the rangers gotta go there and seal him away
why didn't zordon just tell em that where they were?
why bring em to the command center to tell em words?
also, 6000 years?
that's when the earth was made according to creation science!!
then its night and the rangers were just doing d-ck on a stick for several hours
lord zedd (looking bad a55) and his crew come in and uses a sleep spell on da guards
btw goldar looks like cr-p
his mouth don't move and he looks plasticer
zedd unseals egg and its just a tub of j-zz
then ivan ooze cgi forms outta it
zedd tells ivan ooze to assassinate zordon
is he gonna do it j fk style or daiana stlye?
also rita has the hots for ivan ooze
sounds like a deviantart image for slime expansion
zedd and his homies book it and ivan smells teenagers
so the rangers have B O?
well they do do a lot of sports
and some of their outfits don't have sleeves
I can imagine one of em stretches and just blasts stink out their pits!!
and its not deodorant he's smelling as they didn't have that 6000 years ago
then the rangers teleport in
which means ooze could smell em b4 they arrived
either hes got super smell or the rangers have strong B O
they find the j-zz tub and a guard stops em
turns out its ivan ooze
the rangers tell him theyre the rangers and he summons ooze puddys
its like if the crow met the beetle borgs!!
ozze sez things are gonna get f'd and he leaves
then the rangers fight the ooze puddys
they mix mild pg kung fu with snappy comments to lighten the mood
and unlike the cr-ppy Disney series; its fun in here
bly punches one and ooze comes out on his fist
is that blood or mashed organ tissue??
despite then not really taking damage the whole fight, they say they're losing
so they morph into their ranger forms
the suits are really overdone compared to the tv series and are made of pleather
plus the morphing is the power coin coming the screen and cuts to then in ranger form
et somehow after morphing the ooze puddies are gone
all they did was hold up the morphers and power up
did they close their eyes when they morphed?!
how'd they miss em?!
meanwhile, ivan ooze slimes his way into the command center and alpha tries a karate chop
of course it fails
why didn't Zordon give alpha some weapons?!
depending on the power chamber to protect you?
I know u need a power coin or zordons consent to come in
but as ooze got in w/o either i'd say a weapon system would help
Zordon talks with honor like optimus prime while ivan ooze is more comedic and sarcastic like rita from season 1
ivans p-ssed cuz zordon sealed him away for so long
huh, like king piccolo on dragon ball
so he starts zapping the place
also alpha is doing a little dance as he was shocked by ooze after the chop
meanwhile, the rangers are going through the site like its an 80s horror movie
hope theyre virgins
although tommy and Kimberly were a couple
I had a dream once where Kimberly was pregnant and fighting puddys in her ranger outfit (but wasn't showing
I was surprised fox kids had a kids show with teen pregnancy in it
later in the dream, Kimberly was at the juice bar and taking birth control pills and Lord Zedd used his lightning on em.
man I got weird dreams
sounds more like a bad mad tv episode
Alpha 5; ay yi yi yi yi! zordon! lord zedd has cast a spell on kimberlys birth control pills! now if she even kisses tommy she's gonna get really pregnant!!
zordon; it is worse than I feared! the pregnancy spell will make her eternally pregnant. Once impregnated she will be pregnant forever!
lord zedd; that's right tommy! move in for the kiss! then that's the end of the pink ranger! you cant fight evil when full of babies!! ahahahaha!
so the rangers fight the ooze guys and some splatter on the wall
reminds me of spider man the animated series with hydroman
imagine if it was a human doing that
wtf billy has a grappling thing like batman
and Kimberly has a whip
sounds like someone in the production has a fetish
tommy uses his sword to fire lasers out of its handles eyes to cut down a metal thing and crush the rest of em
why not just use the blade?
then their powers turn off
a few seconds earlier and they'd be ooze food
they walk to the command center and its got purple j-zz on it
inside its trashed
and Zordon is outside of his glass tube
and might bite it if he don't get fixed
although in power rangers in space when andross busted Zordon it saved everyone
Zordon sez the power rangers are over and ivan won as their power is busted
alpha sez theres a power that can save him on another planet
and everyone who tried bit it
we need the SDF 1 to do a space fold to get there!
fire up the Protoculture!
man this is like the transformers movie
characters biting it on cameraand talking about it
so alpha finds a way to get enuff power for a one way trip to it
so the rangers transport to the planet while rita and zedd and p-ssed ivan let them get away
btw zedds castle looks more 90s than ever
ivan when he comes in; hi honey! I'm home!
y'see, that works
hes fun and offbeat
but a real threat
I hated lothor in ninja storm for being just a bad joke
its like ivan ooze is adam west batman
and lothor is George Clooney
so rita b--ches at ivan until he zips her lips and not her nips with a ooze attack
ivan takes over and zedd cooks him with a power beam which he shrugs off
ivan seals rita and zedd in a snow globe and goldar and the pig guy join ooze
btw that shows just how bada55 ivan ooze is
rita nearly beat the rangers many times
zedd made them need new zords
and ivan took both down like nothing
so ivan horks up some goo and spits on the floor
just like me lol
the goo turns into tengoo warriors which look like the skeksies from the dark crystal meets the wizard of oz flying monkeys
they then fly through space like birds
yeah that makes sense
rangers get 2 da planit and find a monster skeleton
back in angel grove ivan wants to enslave the parents of the kids to dig up his machines
he can blow stuff apart with magic!
just fry the ground until theyre out!
so then he zaps factory cr-p into j-zzing machines to make his mind control slime
r Kimberly and tommy have a moment, the tengoos attack and beat the rangers a55es
until this bikini chick right outta golden axe comes in and drives off the tengoos with noise making sticks
she tells em to go home and attacks tommy when he sez they wont fail
but changes her tune when finding out they know Zordon and ivan ooze is out
meanwhile, ivan is dressed as a wizard and giving kids free slime
cuz kids accepting gifts from creepy strangers who talk in rhyme was normal in da 90s
what if he put drugs in it?
remember those blue star tattoos or w/e?
u put a temporary tattoo on and it gets u hooked on drugs
btw the 90s sure loved slime
oh f its gak!!
so after walking all day with no food or drink, the rangers get to the ninjetti temple ruins
and across a forest is a place with the power
huh, I just realized that the bikini chick and Kimberly are kinda like tea and mai from Yugioh
so bACk on earth the wieners dad comes home, notices da ooze, opens it, and sticks his hand in it
it could be acid!
well the ooze mindwipes him and the other parents who touched it to go to ivan
and that same day the news reports on the parents going out
ivan has tv adds for his slime
so back on the planet its night and bikini chick tells the rangers everyone has an animal spirit in em
is this going furry??
she blows glitter on a fire and the rangers get ninja outfits
they look like nin-nin from la blue girl!
the she tells em what their inner animal is
and all are new
what about their dinozords?
none of those were their real animals and the whole time they had these ninja thing as em?!
also adam is bummed that his fersona is a frog
so bikini chick sez its like the one u kiss to get a prince
then kisses him on the forehead
but he's in high school and shes thousands of years old!!
nah, its the 90s
we weren't mental about that back then
although la blue girl took out the midget scenes cuz they thought it looked like miko was b0ning a kid
also she cant go with em to the power thing as she'd rott like Zordon out there
so can she leave the planet?
is this like her prison?
sounds like the thing from zyuranger how the dragon ranger could only spend 30 hours outside of the thing b4 he bites it
then she turns into an own and flies away
that came outta nowhere!
meanwhile, wiener comes home and finds dads out
so he went home, dropped the ooze jar off, and went out to score some chronic or w/e?!
oh and the rents are digging the ooze machines out
the tengoo return to ivan and he's p-ssed they didn't kill those teens
huh, guess they were virgins
after finding out bikini chick saved the rangers he microwaves the tengoos and the blow
the next day, da rangers go out to the power thing
on urth the wiener finds the rents enslaved by ivan
ivan sez after he gets his machines running, he's gonna wipe out angel grove, then, the universe!!
so he's broly from dbz?
on da planit da rangers go through a boneyard of what looks like dinosaurs
then one looking like monochromon from Digimon comes to life and attacks
it actually looks pretty good
not with cr-ppy cgi
somehow it reminds me of the never ending story
they fight cr-ppily against it and tommy beats it by pulling out its key bone
meanwhile, ivan used his slaves to build his zords in a factory
then ivan sends them to commit mass suicide by jumping off the construction site
that's pretty f'd up for power rangers
is this a cult?!
the wiener hears it and goes to stop it
and ivan pumps his zords with his ooze
wait that sounds wrong
then xaps em to revive em like with the 2000s astroboy movie
meanwhile, da rangers get to da power place
statues cgi to life and attack them
da rangers fight em but the monsters have weapons
so its the liberal way
law abiders don't get weapons and the bad guy do lol
what the rangers otta do is hit em once and block or evade until time runs out and they win by having more health
wait that's super smash bros
rocky kick one into the water and it goes all Alka-Seltzer
tom d Kimberlee crush one under a rock
billy and adam use a trick to get 1 monster to CHOP THE OTHER IN HALF!!
just like fist of the north star
or violence jack
they team up and tommy spins while going right in a straight line with a corkscrew kick and knocks the last one into the wall
and he blows apart
if this were with humans it would get a hard R rating
imagine a R rated power rangers
with b0ning and swearing and blood and gore and puddies eating eachother
the place opens up and theres a meal plate with their inner animals on it
how did it know they would have those animals?
was it destiny?!
did they need the right animals to beat the boss?!
so outta the image comes 90s cgi glowy animals that fuse with the rangers and gives em new powers
yet they still have the same costumes
I mean yeah going from dinozords to thunderzords didn't give em new costumes
but these are new powers!
thy teleport home and ivan oozes zords are attacking the city
and they look like cr-ppy sega cd cgi
I feel like this should be in wild woody
even ecco the dolphin looked better than this
I know they had like under a year to do it and its the early 90s
but get some leather and latex and have guys in costumes!
Godzilla and Gamera did it!
the news sez the ooze zords are bustin angel grove worse than ever
yet I think rita and zed did worse
plus the oozords aint really doing that much damage
one stepped on a car
so at night ivan smells the rangers and they show up
well they aint showered in like 2 days min
the towns a bit more busted and the oozords show up
the angers summon their zords
btw i gotta say
each season the zords get worse
season 1 had dinosaurs that all fused into Ultrazord who fired endless cannons to nail the baddy
season 2 had legendary creatures who couldn't have all 6 together and the Ultrazord just stacked the zords and sat on the baddy
season 3 is real animals like a frog and a crane that needed Titanus to come back to have an Ultrazord
season 4 was out of place artifacts that no kid knew about
and season 5 was freekin cars!!
good thing power rangers in space had good writing
plus space items were cool in da 90s
btw in this movie the zords are cr-ppy playstation 1 cgi
they get in the zords by flying (or is it jetting?) and the zords are just flying in the air
what is this? g1 transformers?!
meanwhile, the kids are having a g rated party with the gak and wiener gives a speech about ivan being bad
and if they don't trust him, their rents are gonna bite it
sounds like global warming
give me cash or the whole planet is gonna bite it!
so the rangers use the individual Zords to fight the oozords
meanwhile, the party kids take a monorail to save the rents
oh and bulk and skull are with grade schoolers at a party
anything for free pizza and pop huh?
tommy comes back from his zord being hit and him doing nothing for a few mins to recover his Zords HP and blows apart 1 oozord
ivan cgi's himself into slime expansion-ing the remaining oozord and fusing with it
sounds pretty fetish to me
the Zords combine to the ninja megazord
but tommy stays behind to use his zord to be a makeshift track for the monorail that ivan oozord stepped on
they also have the shogun megazords sword and ivan uses a space needle as a staff
the space needle snaps the power sword somehow and ivan chucks them through a building
tommy joins his falcon zord to the ninjazord and they fly into space
so ivan follows on metal bug wings that just stay still
meanwhile the kids get to the site and wiener gets bulk and skull to work with him to save em
the oter kids hold em back
if u snap their legs they cant walk off the cliff
in space billy has a plan to stop ivan with orions comet
is this related to the lights of orion?
wiener kid has bulk and skull turn on a firehose and he blasts the ooze off the parents
that's all it takes?!
if it rained would his ooze stop?
in space the ninjazord lures oozord to the comet path and ooze tackles and holds em
Aisha uses a knee to oozes crotch to knock him away
how'd they know ivan in his zord mode had parts?
how does he have parts?!!?
comet blows oozord apart and the slaves are freed
so the water had no effect?
his plan was to hose em off for no reason?!
btw in under 2 days, the slaves excavated and assembled 2 giant robots
shows how much work you can get done w/o unions in the way
the rents reunite with their kids and everyones happy
the rangers return to the command center and zordons bit it
tommy remembers that with the great power, all things are possible
Sounds a lot like a Bible quote
so the gold saints channel their cosmos and fix everything
like how Zordon used his power to reenergize tommy green ranger powers
wtf Zordon has fangs
with Zordon unkilled and everything fixed the rangers have dinner with the kids
wiener reunites with tommy and Kimberly sez hes a hero for saving da rents
they say he could be a ranger and he sez its impossible
but tommy sez nothing is
wiener wants to be the silver or gold ranger
then theres fireworks thanking the rangers to 80s music
isn't that too soon?
the oozords just busted the city
actually the citys often under attack
fireworks might freak em out!!
oh and after the credits zedd and rita return and are p-ssed at goldar and pig a55 joining ivan to save themselves
see u in h-ll piggy!
that was good
I liked it
good clean 90s fun
a bit darker than the show
but well made and enjoyable
even with the cr-ppy cgi
its got a so bad its good charm
for Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie 2 I want ivan ooze to reincarnate himself with the ooze he left on earth to brainwash the parents and return. he unleashes an al out attack and busts the ninja Zords. then lord zedd comes in saying they hate ivan ooze more than the rangers and give them the zeddzords to fight ivan ooze. also zedd and rita become rangers for this one time and zedd uses serpentera and rita uses a remastered cyclopsis and they combine with the zeddzords to form an Ultrazord that can stand up to ivan ooze in his ultra mode. also Zordon gives zedd the zeo crystal to power serpentera enough to face ivan ooze without running out. its also an up to 4 player beat em up on sega enesis and snes and arari jaguar and Panasonic 3do with players as the rangers or zedd and rita and they fight tengoo and ooze puddys and ivans slime avatars.