Friday, May 31, 2019

Elephant Boy Review

Note; i spell like an elephiant would... on crack
elephant boy
this is my review on elephant boy from the distant future year (to the czar) of 1937
its based on a story toonami i mean toomai of the elephants from the jungle book by rudyard kipling
its directed by Robert J. Flaherty and Zoltan Korda who did good cr-p
recording director; a w watkins
any relation to sky watkins who was in la blue girl and urotsukidoji?
it stars sabu and a buncha guys i never heard of
also it starts with a book opening and the credits on pages
just like pretty much every book film from then
so then we see toonami talking to the audience and saying his fam always named their kids toomai and did elephants
he goes on for a wordy monologue like tommy wiseau would do about his elephant fetish and how to catch and keep em
after 1 hunt they called him tomai of da elefantz
then we see an asian elephanrt and it looks weird but cool
it pulls branches off sabu and he wakes up
also theres a monkey
elephant eats sabu's stick he calls a shuriken i think
then his boss or owner or w/e comes by and sez theres gonna be a hunt but but sabu has to wash his elephant(that sounds wrong)
he climbs up on it and rides off like he man on battle cat but more size difference
the elephant almost steps on a kid but dont and they go to a village to eat cr-p off a roof
the elephant works woth sabu to lift and help him
its like tommy and the dragonzord
i think they r eating water melon but i cant tell as its b/w
also theres a sign o the wall asking for elephants to join in on a hunt
for some reason, i think my granspa from slovenia (1914-2009) looked kinda like an elephant
something about his eyes
so sabu rides the elephint to the water and its butt moves left and right as it walks like a fat chick
he helps bathe his elehant
also theres a mommy and baby elephant in da water
imagine if he crawled inside the elephant's a55 and controlled it like a veritech
meanwhile some brits are talking about how they need a lotta elephants
1 guy wants 40 and interviews a gy who sounds kinda like boris karloff who sez the elephants left
someone blows a big A55 horn to summon the elephants
1 guy with sabu gets spritzed by his elephant ands punches its back
nowadays some animal supremacist would go mental over it being "cruel"
yet anyone with a working brain knows that wiener's fist cant hurt that hulking dinosaur
its like spitting on a dog
no damage
baby sucks mommys nip
so thats an elephants nipple
looks like a zit
so the brit has an interview of thre elphimys
1 guy brings a chaimned elehasnt in cuz its strong but a trouble maker
brit sez if da gov found out they'd have him shot
thats big gov
oh and sabu's zord is brought in and shows ff his tricks
also owner is his dad and sabu sez he learned a lot from the elephant
it fought in wars and afrca
i was not aware england dominated india went to war wit soviet africa in the 1800s
cuz sabu dont gotta mom (;like in all disney films) and brit dont want him getting into trouble, brit brings savu along
later sabu prays to his god and sez he'd never steal melons again
so when does sabu become grotesque and deformed into some boney abomination and anthony hopkins falls in love with him?
so they go a long way to da jungle and i just realized that sabu and elephant are like tyson and dragoon in beyblade
elephant holds a stick to help sabu climb to catch this animal rthat looks like the thing from mac and me
but brit busts his a55 for going out in the dangerous jungle
at night brit wants a big a55 stockade made and to get ready for the hunt
after this big wood castyle is slapped together by work from man and elephant
elephants are daemons right? they got head wings for when you blow the body and the head to fly away.
mouth horns for stabbing people. and a tentacle on its face. plus they have huge tentacle like d0ngz! its like something from Urotsukidoji
so the castle has a gate that swings closed
but after 6 weeks they cant find any elephants
or; hairless mastodons
and brit wants to give up
bit is convinced to try for 1 more moon(whatever that means)
sabu gives the people advice on how to catch e;iplants and is laffed at by the unwashed masses
they say he'd be a hunter when he sees da elephants dance
he runs off and starts crying and cutting himself while listening to mo music
the brit sez if he finds eephants dancing he'd make him a hunter
later a tiger goes near the goats and dad tells brit as he told no one else so they wouldnt freak out
not sure if its day or night as the lighting keeps changing
brit and dad go out and brit uses a gun on it
but dad runs out like a dumba55 and the tiger gets him
they bring hats left of dad back and sabu sees him
he's got no face, hands, feet or man parts amnd his gut is open and spilling organs
thats a chimp attack
so sabu bites it from the shock and it ok after some rest
when he comes to brit comforts him
later sabu burns the pieces the tiger didnt eat
but elephant is going mental over his master being eaten by a tiger and is chained up
brit decides to send sabu back and to school to learn math and reading and cr-p
and some bad guy is gonna have the elephant
bad guy whips elephant with a chain but it breaks free and goes on a rampage
once in hawaii this circus elephant went mental when a new trainer made a MIstake and crushed his head under his foot, then busted up da town
it took the cops over 80 bullets to stop that rampaging behemotrh
sent it to H E Double Harambe!
so sabu comes back and tells the elephat off and it works
it pix sabu up and carrys him on his head
it looked like he was gonna stick his tusks up his a55
later sabu tries helping bad guy but bad guy ants sabu and elephant shot and sold parts of
the people debate capping or oisoning elephant
brit goes to see bad guy and gets him to call off the hit on the elephant or he'd kick him outta the camp and let the animals b0ne him dead
sabu is sleeping so brit ias gonna tell him about it later
but sabu was faking it and runs away with his elephamnt
is this an 1800s free willy?
eventually the camp figures out hes gone and go looking 4 him
if this goes how i think it will, the kid nearly gets killed and the elepphant gets wounded saving him, but they pull through and save the day
i think i saw this years ago but dont remember much
so sabu sleeps and elephant goes off on his own
later sabu wakes up and ant find him and i'm not sure if its day or night
he loox 4 him and finds a swarm of elephants walking
he eventually finds his elephant and they reuse footage of it putting him on his head
they go with the swarm of elephants and they all start roaring rthen dancing
imagine a break dancing elephant
after much reused footage sabu and elephant are on da ground as monkeys watch
imagine if in all the footage shot for this, they had an elephant reaching up another ones a55 to get a snack.
thats real
look it up
so its implied its probably a dream that had the dacing elephants
but theres a water hole full of elephants
the camp comes and sabu tries to take brits gun to stop them from wacking his elephant (that sounded wrong)
he offers to be brits slave if he spares elephant
brit tells sabu he wont cap elephant and sabu sez what he saw
he brings em to the swarm of elephants just a few feet away that thety couldnt see somehow
the camp use horns and fire sticks  (torches ) and noise to herd them to da river
then they ride their elephants and get em to the fortress they made.
nowadays they'd make this look bad for catching wild animals
so sabu gets to be a hunter and is sent to train wth a guy for 10 years like terry and andy bogard from fatal fury 1
and now hes toomai of the elephants like his grandpa
everyone cheers
the end
that was nice
simple clean lite fun 1800s movie
i like films based on books, set in the 1800s, and used without cgi
although bram stokers dracula s-cked
this was a well done film and its got good feels.
For Elephant Boy 2 I want it to be about his training and he hears of harry elephants in america that were sighted in alaska. he goes on a trip to it and now as elephant abilities like strength, hearing, swimming and detatchable body parts under his control. he goes there and its about him hunting, finding, and fighting with them as there are 1000 foot squid under the north pole where he is that come up and eat them. its also a 16 bit platform sega gensis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar an gba with you using our abilities to go through the north ole and ice castles of the people there and fighting them, north animals, mammoths, wooly rhino's, and a giant squid as the game boss.

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