Friday, January 7, 2022

The Breakfast Club Review



This is my revierw on The Breakfast Club from the distant fiuture year of 1985 (The year Robotech came out and Lisa Hayes in it was Born)

Its directed by John Huges who did 16 cangles, weird science, ferris buelers day off and uncle buck

Ity stars emilio estevez from The Mighty Ducks, Molly Ringwald (Zaa Wallrudo!) from Pretty in Pink, Judd Nelson from Transformers The Movie, Anthony Michael Hall from Edward Scisdsorhands, Ally sheedy from Wargames, Paul Gleeson from Panic in Year Zero!, John Kapelos from Weird Science and The Shape Of Water and Ron Dean from The Fugitive (hay, i saw em all! in stiff! Stuff!)

Woerd haS IT THERES A 150 MINUTE CUT OF THE FILM THAT the director has in his private thing and f u caps lock

It did well as it was made cheap and has many good revierws and fans like my cool 90s aunt who was an 80s teen

it starts with credits and title to dont you forget about me of yellow text on a black background and a quote from bowie on how teens know what they are going through

then the screen blowsd apart and a narrator sez info on the date and school and about how the teacher dont see them except as the seer wants to see em, but they used to be like that and now grew

the teens are dropped off by their rents and each has them wanting to do something they are fit into

the teens sit in the library and judd looks like he's the kid whgo'd shoot up the school in his shades and trenchcoat

vice prtincilpe tells the teens to stay in their seats and not f--k around and to write a 1000 word essay on their sh-t

judd bender asks if barry manilow knows he raids his wardrobe and gets another detention

bender is a j-rk off and is gonna p-ss in his seat and jokes about b0ning molly ringworm pregnant and p-sses off charlie sheen jr and her by joking about if they b0ned

but this is on Laff so its censored and they cut several minutes of swearing and secks talk

emilio sez if bender vanished then no one would miss him and molly sez hes mocks stuff as he's afraid they'd turn him down

hall adds in hes into nerd sh-t and molly sez acedemic clubs aint as good as fun clubs and bender counters

the topic comes to drugs and hall whines about knowing someoine who did it

shut the f up hall! no one cares!

bender mocks emilio over being a werstler and wearing tights

as vice gets a drink, bender takes a screw out of the door and when vice comes back the teens say it came closed by itself

vice accuses bender of stealing it and the kids defernd him but vice trys to hold the door open with sh-t but it dont work

despite there being another door right next to it vice dont wanna use it somehow and bender talksd back to vice and gets a bunch of detentions and vice sezx he's got bender for 2 months

after vice leaves bender yells f u in the uncut version, but this is the tv version so they cut like half the lines

so the teens screw around and bender smokes and sheedy ties a string on her finder and draws some picture

they could tighten their muscles to work out buyt dont

so after vice takes epm to p-ss. emilio asks if molly is free to a party later and she sez her rents use her to get back at each other

bender asks emilio if he gets along with his rentsand if yes hes a liar and idiot

hall is a wiener but bender sez he's a parent WILD dream and has noi life

bender sez clair (molly) is a fat chick name and sez some fatchicks look like you can still see the chiuck they used to be b4 the enfattening

Once on My 600lb Life: This huge fat chick with milky skin and orange hair was taking a shower and herr gut went to her knees and she was soaping her fat

so i send it to my homies saying itsd miolly ringwald and 1 thought it was real

bender jokes of mlly enfattening and she flips the bird and bender mocks her about beign a virgin in sexy ways

esitves stands up for her and they fight a bit and esitvbes wrestles him to the floor

but bender sez if he wanted to get seriousm he'd kill him and get sued

the uncut version has bender pulling out a switchblade and jamming it in the chair to prove his point

janitor comes by and bender mocks him but janitor sez he knows about em as he collects data on the like ,.istening in on their conversations and reading their notes and stuff

like facebook andf the gov

so later ther teen whistle the song from bridger on the river kwai or lisa her teeth are big and green

vice sez theyuu get 30 iins for lunch but won't go to the caf but emilio and sheedy go to the teachers lounge to get soda

they talk and she sez she drinks vodka and he goes on about his coach and dad wanting him toi do stiugf

in the library bender wants to show molly a picture of a guy with elephantiutus of the n-ts

then bender asks about if hall b0ned and hall sez he b0ned a girl in canada but later comes out about being a virgin

molly is ok with guys being virgins (plus no aids) and then they have their lunches

molly with bento sushi, emilio with a big a55 buncha sandwiches and milk carotn and fruit

sheedy has pixie stix and candy on bread as she wants diabetus

bender mocks hall over his neat and tidy lunch and clean wholesome life

but when emilio asks bender how his fam is, bender shows a darker vierw of abusive p[arents who insult him and say F u in the uncut ver

emilio dont bvuy it but bender shows him a wound of his dad putting a cigar out on him for spuilling paint in the garage

then chimps out, throws books  and climbs a stair thing

vice spills his cr-ppy coffee and bender and guys go out when he goes out somewhere

bender goes to his lockwerr and gets chronic as they dont have dogs in schools yet

on the way back they see vice from behind and spazz out and run like its scooby doo but with 80s msuic

emilio wants to go through the activities hall but bendewr sez caf but they ditch him form no reason and run into a fench

so bender stuffs his chronic in halls pants and runs through the school singing loud to drawe his fire

vice catches him in the gym playing b ball out in the school

when a coupole of guys, who were up to no good, started selling chronic in by b=neighborhood

i burned em at the stake and my mee mah sed; its a good thing that you make those bad guys dead

vice takes him back to get his coat and bashes him for pulling a false alarm and sez "what if ur dope was on fire" and bender sez "itt can't be, its in halls undies"

vice sez in 5 years bender will be a joke and it offends him so he mouths off ito him

So vice takes him to the closet and threatens the punk bender in the future and that no one will believe him if he outs him

my idea; he starts b0ning his a55! but bender sez; jokes on you sir, I have... BUNS OF STEEL!! (he flexes his a55 and snaps off the guys weener.) adult; noooooooooooooooo! give it back! bender; oh i'll give it back! haaaaaaaaaaaaa! (sh-ts his weener out so hard it goes through the adult and nails him to the wall) adult; bender! when I get outta here, your a55 is mine!! bender; glad to hear it sir. as I think we just saw how well that went for you.

so vice offers bender a free punch but its a trap and he;'d get in deep if he did so he dont fall for it

vice goes to take a 30 inch dump and bender goes through the veiling and tells a joke about a naked blonde but falls through the ceiling b4 finishing

bender hides in the library and vice comes in asking what the noise was but they say there was no noise

bender looks up moll;y skirt and she catches his head in her thighs and they cough and make sounds to cover it

vice goes off and bender comers out and gets back his chroinc and molly goes with him to devolve her brains

as does hall before emil lang goes even though hes on ther wrestling team and gets tested

molly bender and hall smoke chronic and emilio rocks out to 80s msuic after doing some

ooh, a confederate flaG IN THE LIBRARY

meanwhile; voce looks through the files and sees 1 guy has a history of mentyal illness and the janitor catches him

vice has to bribe him with 50 $ or he's f'd

good thing theres no cameras here

so sheedy lists facts about hall but its cuz she stole his wallet and read his things

also one of them has a xxx image in his wallet

bender about his many gfs and hall has a fake ID so he can vote

voter fraud is real!

sheedy dumps her purse and a load of sh-t comes out and she sez she wants to run awayu and go to africa cuz her hoime life s-cked

sheedy spazzes out and emilo trues to help her but she rejects him and sez emil has a problem of doing what anyone tells him

emil sez she dumped her purse out and bought them otu and itds a serious moment, only top reveal her rents ignore her

vice tyalks with janitor who sez as a kid he wanted to be john lennon and vice sez each year the kids get worse

but janitor sez the kids didn';t change, he did and his age 16 self wouldnt liker him

vice sez in the fuiture the kids will be in charge and it f's him up

looking at how in the 2010s we had tide pods and the skull cracker challenge; i can see his point

but many people grow and digivolve

i was a c-ck sucker at 16 but grew beter

so the teens talk about what they';d do for 1 millionm $, like doing to school naked and sheedy sez she does anything lusty and is a sercks addict

also she b0ned her shrink as she paid him for it and he's married and molly thinks its gross but sheedy b00ned him a lot

sheedy asks if molly b0ned and sez if you didn't uir a prood and if u did ur a sl-t like bluma in dragon ball

they talk if molly is a teeze and they twist her words and she eventyuually admits to being a virgin and butt virgin

sheedy admits she a virgin and butt virgin but a compulsive liar and molly swears at her

emilio; we're all weird but some are better than others at hidiong it

then he admits to taping a wiener kid's buns together and when they took off ther tape; hius hair and skin came off

but he did it for his dad as he wanted his ad to think hes cool as he had a lot of fun school stories

then goes on about the shame and humiliattion of the butt taped kid and when he told his rents what happened

but that story is kinda funny despite the somber music

someone otta edit this with comedy music or a laugh track

emilio whines about his dad wanting him to be a winner and him hping his knee f--ks out so he wont have to play

yeah cuz being a cripple is easier than saying no to ur dad

hall goes on about how he's failing shop and how he couldnt make a ceramic elephiant lamp and got an F and it was his 1st F and he thoughtn it would be an easy grade as the guys who atke shop are dumbna55es

bender bashes him for being a brain cripple as he takes shop and they talk about the stuff they can do

molly puts on lipstick with her t-ts and bender is sarcastic and the teens swear at him in the uncut version

bender talks back and it devilves into bender telling off molly for having an easy liufe and getting all she wants while he got a carton of smokes for xmas

emilio wopnders if they'll become their parents and molly sez no but sheedy sez yes

hall asks if they'll be friends on monday and molly sez no, then asks emilio if hall came up to him and his frtiends, would he accept him?

bender swears at her for not being friends and molly sez he wouldn't invite hall either to do drugs

bender tells her off and molly sez she hates him and b--ches out

hall sez he wouldn't do that to em and this is sdeeming like the ps2 game Bully witrh the clans of students

molly sez she hates being subserviant to her friends wisdhes as they dont understand her pressure and hall snaps and sez he was gonna suicide as he got an F

but it was a flare gun, which can burn pretty hot andif he put it in his mouth or butt would end himself

the kids laugh at him trying to eat a flare gun and he laughs too

but sheedy reveals she didnt do anythionbg wrong and just came in for detention for fun as she had nothing better to do

then the teen rock out to 80s msuic for a while and hall is actually taller than the other 2 guys, which if you saw edward sissorhands, you'd know he's bigg

so somehow bender gets in the ceiling and crawls back to the closet

molly sez as they all feel the samew; theycasn have hall write the paper for all of them, evben though its not 1000 words and they were each asked to write 1

molly gives sheedy a make over, which isnt done anymore, and she comes out looking less mental and emilio likes her

molly goes  to see bender in the closet and kisses his nack

bender sez he';d be good at her getting back at her parents

emilio; what happened to you? sheedy; clair did it. me; she had some evoilution pills in her bag!

so the tewens leave as dont you forget about me plays and emilio makes out with sheedy

molly gives bender an earing thhat he wears and they make out a bit as her dad is right there in the car

the narrator is hall and says stuff like he said at the start as vice reads it and they are the breakfast club

then bender walks acorss the football field and raises his fist  as the credits roll

the end

what a movie

it kinda was before degrassi and saved by the bell and powert rangers

good acting and music andf themes

good feels and style

dat 80s feel

bender is sarcastic and slick and sly and crafty and takes shots at everything and always has a good comeback. he reminds me of kagefusa from manyuu hikencho

Also he inspired Bender Bending Roderiguez in Futurama and Nelson from The Simpsons

it holds up, even though I never had classism issues in high school

they all add to the story and its a good paced film that dont drag or feel long

The 80s had some of the best movies. heart and feels but humor and tude

this one was great and left an impact on our protoculture

For The Breakfast Club 2 I want it to be the monday after and they are being friends togetehr even though they are from different clans, so their 1st friends shun then and treat them like cr-p, so they gotta fight thewir way through the school and beat the teens doiwn to earn back their pride. Its also a 16 bit beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG165, Atari Jaguar and GBA and you play up to 4 players with the computer playing as players 2-5 and you beat through the teens and in the end face the vice peircilple who has had it with these teens and is gonna beat em dead as he's gven upo on life as the teens drove him to it

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