Thursday, January 6, 2022

Pumpkinhead Review

 Note: I spell like I got pumpkins for brains


This is my review on Pumpkinhead from the didstant future year of 1988(The year the Sega Genesis came out in some parts)

Its based on a poem by Ed Justin I never heard of and is directed by Stan Winston who did the effgects for 80s and 90s films like Batman Returns, Edward Scissorhands, Jurassic Park, Terminator, Aliens and  many other classics

It satrs Lance Henriksen from Aliens, Jeff East from Superman 01, George Buck Flower from Escape From New York, Back to the Futrure, Ilsa She Wolf of the SS, Power Rangers Time Force/In Space, Mayim Bialik from Blossom and Big Bang Theory, Tom Woodruff Jr from Aliens, Terminator, Demoltions Man, The Tremors movies, Hollow Man Jumanji, Cast Away, MNortal Kombat, Godzilla vs. Kong, JKurassic World series and a bunch of others, Dick Warlock from Dunfeons and D0ngfs, a fantasy f--king, jk really hes from the Halloween series, Spreider Man 01, Biug Trouble in Little china 1, Escape from New York, The Green Be\rets and Soylent Green (Which is in 2022) and a bynch of others i never heard of

I saw this b4 and have it on vhs but imma watch this on Comet as its on

So after Logois and credits we get this 50s fam in the country and 50s dad is scared

ooh, its in PROPER fullscreen!

no black bars eating half the picture!

so dad bars the door and this guy is ruinning through the woods in fear and comes to the village\

good smoky night and lighting and feel and msuic

he bangs on 50s homes door asking for help but they leave hi m to die and mom and kid wanna help but dads sez its too dangerous

running guy sez he didnt kill the girl but 50s dad sez he don't know anyonmg of it and running guy books it and is f'd up by this cryptkeeper like abomination as 50s kid watches from his window

then its the 80s and 50sm kid grew up to be lance hendriksen(why not lance b ean from contra or lanbcer from robotech?) and has a son who looks like the kid from jerry mcguire

they have a nince warm father/son moment and its quite loving and happy

really moves the heart

then they eat and kid feeds his dog at the table but dad has him feed it in a bowl

son makes a necklace for hios daddy and daddy is ghruff sounding but has heart

dad tells son a story about a guy whos son would grow up to be special but we dont hear it as we cut to dumba55 teens driving around

f--king teenagers!

When I was a teen I wondered why everyone hated teens

then after watching Degrassi and growing up and seeing how f'd I was: I can see why

So dad and son go to the store to get supplies and have clean fun father/son moments

the teens drive by this guy and 1 says he heard a guy killed his woman and ate her to get rid of the evidence

what is this?! Soviet California?!

1 teen and his woman are drinking and making out and they go by the store and sons dog barks at beer teen

beer teen barks at i mean mocks kids glasses and the other teens are nice to him

beer teen goes moped riding and this onfederate seemin dad with a pickup truck full of kids comes by and they never sawe a camera

the confederate kids act up and 1 older kid warns em to be good or krampus i mean poumpokin head will get em and they sing a poem

good girl teen sez to stop as they're scarting the confederaste kid and the confederate teens go off

confederATE DAD needs his feed from dads store b4 dark and dad lance goes to get it and tells kid to brting da dog inside and be careful

the teens moped around and dad lance goes for the feed but dog gets out and kid runs after him and gets run over by beer teen by mistake as he had jumped a hill and cant change direction in mid air(like road rash)

beer teen freaks out as he was drinking and drives away

so he drank, ran over a kid, and now hes panicing and drivving a car?

why not just spin a relovler?!

so thergood teens go off and i guy stays and when dad comes back he sees how these f--king teenagers have ruined his life

guy there sez it was an accident but lance gives his a death gaze and goes off

meanwhile the teens go to a cabin in the woods and good teen girl trys to call for help but the phone cord was rtipped out by beer teen as hes on probatioon now and thinks his avoiding jail is more important than a boys lifew

the teen fight for a bit and beer teen is slugged but head nails the guy who did it with an item

lance is sad his kid died and tells him the story of the guy with a son he loved but the kid says his last words and bites it

its actually well done and i almost cried

so drunbk teen seals the good teens in a closet as he dont wanna be b0ned dead in prison (which he kinda deserevs) and guy who stayyed behind says he told lance it was an accident but lance gave the death gaze

lance drives his pickup truck by this redneck looking place and drops off the feed and asks confederate dad where this witch is as he wants her to fix his dead kid

onfederate dad sez the only thing she can do is sewnd him to h-ll and wont tell him where she lives

but confederate son helps lance get her for money and is taken with him part way

he goes there and The with is creepy and is played by a chick i never hear weho doesn't seem to have any info of online

perhaps they used a real witch? She seems all decroded so she might have been from the Civil war and extended her life with naecromancy

she sez she cant raise the dead but he offers her a bag of silver dollers and says he saw the pumpkinhead thing long ago and wants vengenace

she sez theres a high price and he dont care as they killed his boy

she sez theres a place where they berry people they are ashamed of and to dig a thing out of there and bring it back

btw the kid being run over and trying to be brought back was kinda like Pet Semetary

and the grave digging adds to it

so he gores to this misty place like as mofern day 30s fiolm and 

digs in this mound thing awith pumpkins on it and finds this corpse thing he pulls out

So its nigfht and 1 teen suggests he takes the heat for beer teen killing that kid as "hed just get a slap on the wrist" but beer teen dont consent

So lance brings the corpse to the witch who says its a demon fort mans evil to get revengenace

she cuts his hand and uses his blood to make a pact with it and does it with his sons dead blood

clips from interview with a vampire where tom cruise spazzers out from eathing dead blood

lacncer is kinda f'd and the daemon comes to life and is all grotesque and corpsey

she tells him he can go now and he drives and sees his son sit up and ask "what'd you doo daddy?" but its just a vision

lance berries his son and sez to his wifes plot "they killed out boy and now they';re gonna pay"

2 teens are out and 1 holds a crsos to the other to encourage her to do whats right and the monster grabs him and brings him to the trees as lance experiences it all through the monsters eyes!

cross chick returns to ther cabin and beer teen and another go out to look for the one who got it but dont find him

they are gonna go back but it drops tree teens body by em and catches abnother teen as lanmce experiennces it carving a crosss on her head

lance drives to the witch saying this isn't what he wanted as he sees it but she sez she can't stop it and mocks him for thinking revenge would be clean aand easy

cross teens head is sqyuished on a window and shes iced and beer teen goes out yelling "i';m da 1 u want" and eventually the thing confronts him

he swings a knife At it  but it catches hhis arm and takes his gf, drags her out and drops her from a tall ttree

lance comes by the cabin with a shotgun and the teens left a while ago, then we see the teens banging on doors in a village asking for help

1 redneck pulls a shotgun on em and tellls em to gtfo  as if he helps em,, it'll come for him!

accessory after the fact!

then pumpkin head shows up but lance fiorres his shotgun at it like Devoilman OVA 01

1 teen goes by it and is grabbed, oh its beer teen, but it gets up and stans him right through with a shotgun like Michael Myers did in that 1 Halloween sequel

so now the teens are hiding by a house and the confederate teen who showed the lance the witch for 20$, goes out to help em to see it the pumpkinhead is real or not

what is this? dinks who try things they see on 1000 ways to die?!

if ur right its gonna kill you!!

he tells the teens they're marked (Like in berserk??) and they go off to a ruined church thinking it'll protect em from the daemon

confederate teen tells em about it and says its called pumpkinhead as its  from the pumpkinhead graveyard

tteens say their friend ran over a kid by mistake and conffederate teen sez kid bit it and pumpkinhead comes into da ruined churchg (whuch was a good iddea to fight evil with holy)

good light and wind and smoke effects. very 80s

lancer asks for help from confederate dad but onfedtera dad pulls a rifle on him and sends him away

teens try to get away in car or bike or w/e but poumpkinheadvgets the chgaiuin to the thing and takes out 1 teen

lancer meets confederate teen and good teen and confederate teen sez "pumpkinhead is real!" like lanncer wouldnt know!

its like telling the queen that diana was wacked!

So the last teen pumpkinhead got isnt dead yet anbd is beibg drAGGED and lancer and the teens go to lancers house

good teen tells lancer it was an accidfent and pumpkinmhead goes in this house and gets the confederate teen and it looks better thancg ever could

it carrys him outsiode and lancer's eyes f;';'d over as pumpkinhead dshares minds

lancer gets stabbed by mistam,e on a putchfork and puipkinhead takes the same damage

good teen takes a flamethrower to pumpkinhead but it does jack sh-t

its face turens like lancers and lancer gets his firearm and puts 1 in ht ehead

but hes not dead yet and good teen finishes him of and the monster catches fire like in The bible with Elijah

later thw witch brings lancers body to the pumpkin patch and bnerries him in the pumpkinhead mound as he wears his sons necklace

the end

griup; james moiriarty, like the sherlock hjholmes ghuy?

oh and theres good rock country 80s music

overall, i liked it

simple premice, told well, good effects, nice message and cool music

the Father and Son moments are actually warm and loving. It really shows how much this guy loves his kid and why he does what he does

It shows the dangers of revenge and how it only brings ruin and damage instead of justice

Also ther dangers of beer and how, to quote Cyber City Oedo 808: The drug resuylts in impaired motere neuron responces that will hinder your work

also it shows how owning a pet can be bad as if it weren't for that dog; the kid wouldn't be out and got runned over

its a nice above average 80s horror and no nude scenes or b0ning

glad i saw it

For Pumpkinhead II I want the kid in heaven to have an angel sent to free his dads soul from the pumpkinhead thing and it. The witch summonms the demons she works for and they devolve the area intyo a h-llhole! So the Angel has to fight the daemons and free the area! Also its an 8 bit side scroller on Gameboy, Nes, Master System, Game Gear, TG166, Atari Jaguar and Lynx where you fight through these La bLUE GIRL mONSTERS AND take on big 8 bit bosses likee in Castlevania

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