Seven Ways From Sundown Review

 Note: I spell easy like sunday am

Seven Ways From Sundown

This is my review on Seven Ways From Sundown from  the distant futur3e year of 1960 (70 years before Robotech Season 2 and Transformers Zone)

Its directed by  Harry Keller who did nothing I saw

It stars Audie Murphy from The Red Badge of Courage\Tumbleweed\Ride Clear of Diablo\Destry\The Guns of Fort Petticoat\Cast a Long Shadow\Showdown\The Texican, Barry Sullivan from Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here\Oh, G=d!, John McIntire from The Lawless Breed\Apache\Psycho\Rough Night in Jericho\The Fox and the Hound\Turner & Hooch, Kenneth Tobey from The Thing from Another World\Ben\Airplane!\The Howling\Gremlins\Big Top Pee-wee\Gremlins 2: The New Batch\Honey, I Bl=w Up the Kid, Mary Field from The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse\Cheers for Miss Bishop\the 40s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde\Miracle on 34th Street\Life with Father\A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court\Mighty Joe Young, Suzanne Lloyd from The Twilight Zone, Jack Kruschen from The the 50s War of the Worlds\Cape Fear\McLintock!\60s Batman, Claudia Barrett from White Heat\Robot Monster, Don Haggerty from Angels in the Outfield\Cattle Empire\The Night of the Grizzly\Dirty Harry, Robert Burton from The Band Wagon\Birdman of Alcatraz\The Manchurian Candidate, Fred Graham from Mutiny on the Bounty\Rthe 30s omeo and Juliet\Fort Apache\Adventures of Don Juan\Tulsa\the 50s No Way Out\Angels in the Outfield\The War of the Worlds\Demetrius and the Gladiators\20,000 Leagues Under the Sea\Rear Window\Seven Men from Now\The Alamo, and some guys i nevr saw in cr-p

i never saw this before but its got audie murphy so its probably good

So after title and credits in color and proper full screen to nice music we get a guy at a salloon shooting up the town and torching the salloon and booking it on a horses a55

later a Ranger whos probably not Walker Texas comming by and the people wanna tar and feather him

he pulls a gun and they blame the bad guy named flood f--in it up on him not being there

This is why we have the 1st ammendment, in someone attacksm, we can try to fight back, otherwise its saying only firemen can use fire extinuishers

so walker i mean audie the texas ranger goes on lloooking for jim flood and tells the authorities and they'll aid him

he's a new ranger and dont have a revolver as they would issue him one

a cop w/o a gun? whats he gonna do? tell the bad guys to sotp, or else?!?!

so he's given a firearm and is advised on etticuite for the service and goes gun training which if this were a game, would be a good mini game

he missed all his shots and is told of a chick who feeds the rangers and then we see this blonde and her mom as mom makes her a dress on her

audie comes in and the mom and blonde are the feeders and serve him but not as dinner

he has a thing for the blonde and her dress is tight and shows off her b00bs

as she changes outta her dress, audie comes in and looks away but shes wearing a clothes under it

audie gives the dog beans and its gonna stink and audie likes her dog

audies name s seven and  his fam had names liek 1 for the money and 2 for the show and he's seve ways from sundown jones

is this like 6 from blossom or w/e?

so his brother 2 jones, which seems like a japanese thing like the asu sisters in puni puni poemy named things like shi which is japanese for 4, was iced and was a texas ranger

so the hgiher ups talk about how if audie 7 finds out about whoice dhis bro it might make him go mental

as audie goes, the dog follows and an eagle comes for it btu audie ntakes it out with a rifle liek jfk or harambe

so sergetnt higher up talks with audie and offers to teach him how to use a sidearm

later i think the guys know tht flood iced 7's brother and blonde comes by 7s place as her and ma left the barn raising from feeling bad and worriess about flood as she heard hes big and bad and tough

1 point she sez hes 20 feet tall, a ref to the giants of the bible and i guess he can change size like a transformer

so they talk all 50s like they are gonna be in  love later but not yet and hold back and she wishes him goo luck

the nexte daye the audie is going out and blonde chats and wants to talk i mean write letters (women who can read?!) and she made him a cake but he accidentally crushed it(oh, cook books, yeah they read)

so 7 and sergeant go looking for the jim flood which sounds like a johnny quest enemy liek ezekiel rage and stop by a salloon that the peopel are afraid to mention the jim

serg asks the waitress/h00ker about jims brand scar shaped like an X and says he gave him it when he was drunk

maid/h--kker tells where he is and wants to meet him agaisn as shes gay for him and i guess they b0ned and she like it

they go on and we're 35 mins in with adds, which didnt feel like it and sergeant sez jimmy never told a girl where he was really going so they go the other way

later the jimmy floody is teaching a kid how to fishand whittleing a wood and leaves the kid his folding knife as he rides off

is he like a robin hood guy that only kills the bad guys and helps the little guy?

on the wastelands of anti soviet Texas, sergent finds smokes that flood smoked and knows him too well galvatron

bimmy was good at everything an didnt need to try hard and became an outlaw cuz he never grew up and has fans who love him as an hero

if this were made today, srgeant would be queer for flood or his ex butt buddy

the dynamic duo gets to the kid and kid sez no ones here in months and then that "he sez not to follow him"

So the guys go on and bimmy uses a rifle to j fk them and sergent gets capped

sergenat tells 7 to not judge bimmy and not go after bimmy himself and bites it

after putting rocks on his body for the dogs to dig up and sasquatch, and fireing at it, he rides out and theres snow somehow in the woods and fires on a guy with his boom stick

he gets bimmy who he shot at, at gunpoint and checks him for weapons and finds a cigar

cuz jim is bleeding out, they go to jims cabin to fix him out and this seems like something i saw, i think i remember this film from b4

so bimmy black out and 7 brings him t the cabin in the woods but not the horror mive and does makeshift surgery on himto get out the bullet

vivisection!!! its camp 731 but rEAL!!

jim sez its nice that 7 didnt leave him to die but 7 is malconrtent over sergent getting it and jim sez sorry

jim sez he has a scar on his head from a comanche starting to scalp him and sergetnt saved his skin

later mighty number 7 shows bimmy he found his food and firearm and bimmy sez he'd have told 7 about it

This was rated PG in Australia Canada Ireland Israel Maldives Malta Mongolia(They have cowboy movies in Mongolia?!!?) New Zealand Nigeria Puerto Rico Singapore South Africa england and America 12+ in South Korea Taiwan Austria Japan Norway Brazil Finland France Germany, 13+ in Philippines 14+ in Netherlands and 16+ in West Germany

So 7 and bimmy eat and 7 dont trust bimmy with a knife and mentions rat poison he found and bimmy plays it cool

bimmy throws a fireplace poker at the wall near where 7 was and sez 7 didnt watch him close enough

later they play card sfor pennies and use beans as chips with one penny

after an offscreen game whewre bimmy wins each hand and gets 62$  when 7 makes 26$ a month

he's gonna have to sell his butt virginity

for the night 7 puts bimmy in the pantry to keep him from getting away and asks if he missed him with the poker on purpose and tells his real name

bimmy didnyt asnwer and the next day they head backon horse a55 back through the desert and at night they lay cards and wins and when he shows him how, bimmy shoves 7 over and gets his gun

7 reveals he unloaded his 6 gun and pulls a rifle and bimmy wants to be partners and sez 7 owes him 86$

as 7 is gonna tie him up, bimms knocks him down and ot and pulls a rifle but dont end him

as bimmy gets his things, 7 gets a wood and beats him out

he keeps hammering and when he's done, jim flood is a mushy pulpy mess of flesh and gore

jk really he wales up tied up and as they go on the next day, bimmy wants to go by soviet califronea n the way to texas

are they comming from Japan?!

so they are in apache land and the apache think land is sacred and are probably gonna do the execution by hot coals, 1 coal at a time, or the man parts destruction over several days

so they get hbehind a wall or rock o w/e and bimmy wants a gun and audie wont give him one as he know he cant trust him glavatron

the indians attack and audie picks em off and they retrerat so the Amercians flee on horseback

we need the mongols to fight em, the REAL masters ofn hrosecombat

so bimmy gets an indian gun and it only had 1 shot but the indians leave

they get to a busted place by a wall and stuff for the night and bimmy sez he hearly bit it many times as i think he used the Contra Code for 30 guys like Rasputin

they talk and 7 sez his bro was iced last april while working for the rangers and the bimmy recognizes it and sez the bro bit it cuz the other ranger who was assigned to aid him was hiding and was the REAL cause, not the guy who caoped him

but then claims he didnt' see it but heard of it

they get to a town choice with 2 roads going 2 places and choose the right hand path

in the town they go to a bar as jimmy sez its ok to go to get a drink and 7 sez 1 drink wont hurt

remember tiny toons one beer?

so in the bar the people wanna free bimmy but bimmy sez not to and 7 trusts bimmy to keep his word at not escaping

1 bar5kank ez the town would gibe 7 enough money to retire if he lets them save jim and its revaled flood didnt go on a rampage in that town and the people love him

then 2 bounty hunters come by wanting flood and say they are new mexico authorities and texas rangers aint and audie dont trust em

they think he's defending flood and thus breaking the law so they come at him and audie caps 1 and books it and sez if others follow he'd untie flood and give him a gun

later flood sez they should have stayed and b0ned some chicks and audie sez he has a chick at home he likes more

floody mary sez hes not going to jail and they ride on and go off to find more supplies and flood is jonesing for a smoke

they stop by a wagon convoy and they recognize jim flood and this is seeming like afro samurai where everyone wants number 2 to get number 1

they wanna take jim but 1 guy sez not to go against the law, then when they go to get the cr-p, the guys jump audie and a fist fight breaks out

bimmy aids audie and the convoy books it leaving 1 wagon

bam magrenate flood has some smokes he got from the wagon and wants to recruit 7 to be an outlaw but 7 is honorable and dont wanna befoul his good name or the name of his ancestors in the Samurai Klan

they find bacon which is NOT kosher and go on and later come across some guys who want the flood

flood sez to let em have him as he dont want 7b to go to h-ll for eating unclean food and 7 dont wanna give him up

bimmy pulls a gun from an enemy and he and audie waste the guysand afterward, he puicks up another gun for later

bimmy has a gun and audie has him at gunpoint and throws audie the open gun

latee they get to da town and fludd from mario sunshine which wa the best 3d mario game i played but thats like saying its the best naecro p0rn0 cuz it didnt have amputees in it, has a gun

so fludd is turned in and audie gets the girl and the flood mocks the high rank ranger for being hiding when the guy who was 7's bro got iced

jim sez rtanger sent 7 jones to hope he'd get it so the jones klan would be ignored and ranger lets jim out to go free but is gonna ice him so he cant tell of rangers evil

so audie talks with gf about how he likes jim and hes free like a bird and gf sez "like the one who teid to eat my dog?"

me; yes, its a lower life forme, spiders eat rats and centipedes eat snakes

so jim breaks outta jail and audie doesnt fire so jim caps his blonde

blonde is not dead but when 7 coems out, he sees bimmy offering him a chance to join him and be like decepticons

7 tells jimmy he fires one off and capped his gf but bimmy sez; sorry, but we can go have fun togetehr

7 sez the man who iced his bro ight have been sorry but bimmy goes off

when 7 pulls a gun, but 7 picks him off and they talk about how bimmy was slower than usual but he sez 7 owed him all that money

then jimmy bites it and goes back to h-ll where his kin came from and 7 kneels over his corpse as the film ends so he can b0ne it after the creidts

the end

that was pretty good

i actually saw it long ago but didn't realize until later, but the opening seemed familliar

audie does well and it has a good showing of how the bad guy isn't evil but irresponsible and never realizes the damage his acts do

hes like those malcontent teens and 30 year olds who spazz out when someone says something they dont like and tries to harm them and wounds innocents

acting on impulse instead of logic or reason

his relationship with audie was good and developed over the film and it tells a good story

him being too dangerous to allow to live was like with Transutate in Beast Wars as while not malicious, was a risk to have around

except he wasn't all devolved, well, not physically or mentally, but in other ways

i liked this one and it goes by at a good rate and has good twists

For Seven Ways From Sundown 2 I want the jim flood to have survived and is on trial for his crimes but gets away, months later, the chick is healed but needed steampunk parts equipped to her and doesn't like being a mechanical freak, audie and her get work of a sighting of jim and go after him and she has gear spring tech built into her and has gained a lot of muscle from carrying the xtra weight, which audie likes,They go from place to place findign clues to where he mgiht be and beat through the people who are his fans until they reach him and he's had himself connected to a bison like a centaur from the waist up from where the bisons head was to repair his damage and make him stronger and unstoppable. Its also a 16 bit beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where 1 player is Audie who's faster and the other is the cuborg chick whos stronger and they have ranged attacks with recharging ammo to reload and fight various olde weste guys.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter Review

 Note: I spell better than the frenchies but not at human level

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

This is my review on Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter from the distant future year of 2001 (30 years before Transformers Battlestarsa The Return Of Convoy)

Its directed by Lee Demarbre who does weird cr-p

It stars no one I know of and they ain't even on soviet candy a55 back door wikipedia

I saw this on Scream in the 00s but it went tom Dusk and other things. Its a horror network that gave free at Halloween timres

so after a logo we get sounds of people talking of Sin and The Savior and guys holding signs saying Jesus will return soon

Then this beardo looking like Rasputin in a suit comes out and says how your life is like a house with the foundation being childhood and trying to reach the top floor

I often have dreams of my 90s home and grandmas place and going up stairs and the floor being not safe and having bathrooms I wanna shower in and huge centipedes around

So Rasputin Jr like Cell Jr, Goku Jr and Garlic Jr sez ur not alone and Jesus is with us and reads the Bible saying so

we go in the house and get title AND CREdits

some of these characters and actors sound like its p0rn0

aalso its in color and looks like it was filmed on a camcorder and is in proper full screen

then its night and this vampire gets this chick but the vampire is also a chick

vamp chick is out in the day and wears shades as this is a real vampire movie and sun phobia is made up for the 20s movie with Count Orlock by Max Schrech

she calls on a 90s cellphone and asks where the lesbians went and then in elsewhere, a priest runs as a punk reads the paper that says theres not enough lesbians

what is this? reddit?

Go Nagai does a lot of that, just watch Cutey Honey

so the punk is also a priest and wants to help the chicks and they decide to bring in the one Man who can save it

punk priest rides a scooter in a helmet that has a place for his mohawk and then we see them going to the beachwhere what looks like Jesus is baptising an albino looking chick

It IS Him andthey need His help to beat the bad guys but He says He needs to finish building The Kingdom

then this Sand castle He was making is stepped on by goth chicks and They kung fu fight

He sends the proests to bless the lake but as they kneel, the goth chicks bite em

He throws em in the water and they spazz out and bite it but the Priests got it too

So He rides a scooter with a helmet and the Bible Book Names are whispered and He gets a haircut and ear ring

Spoiler: Tattoos and piercings are against The Bible. Its not good to deface your bodies made in His Image

Then he walks through town and sings in a really dubbed over thing but the people think He's tricking em

So He shoews His hands and dances and heals people with chicks in 70s outfits dancing around

The people ditch but a Proiest comes by andThey go to a Church Apartment

So They go to a restaurant and priest tells how people who helped ppeople in need vanished and The Church didn't help some cuz of their lifestyle choices

Sounds canon as Jesus helped sinners the pharasies shuned to get over their sins

Jesus thinks the vanishing chicks is connected to the vamps walking in daylight and gives Him money from the Curch Collection as "Its His anyway"

\So He gets wood for stakes and a car stops by with malcontent athiets comibg out and trying sto sto Him

a buncha punks come out of the car and attack but He beats em to techno ish music

If He is real, then athiesm is wrong, bt I guess l;ike scientists, THEY don't want the TRUTH out!

So more athiests swarm out of the car like clowns and get beat out like its no budget Streets of Rage

Some cool moves and shotsthough

Another few come anmd He beats through em  like WWF so this Bojutsu guy comes out wth a staff anda shaved head but no visible swastika tattoos, but is dressed like a buddhjist

after he's beat out, the main athiests attack andare quickly stopped so He leaves with the wood for stakes

He walks down the street in sneaers and electronic musicplaying

At this rom He goes in is a woman with a gun and he fights her bu she says "I'm on Your Side Rabbi" and works for Mary Magnum

They take a sauna in towels and she rubs His shoulders and says she works for another sect and uses a laptop in the sauna to talk about how vampirism is an infection and is too chaotic to science rioght

also the sensitivity to light is as photons are a particle and a wave and she is looking for a scientist who might help in pathology

Also she gets Him a new outfit to go un notced even though in soviet canada all these turban gajin walk around like its the 3rd world in dress

the chick has salt and pepper shakerws and 1 is a toilet and He tries on vvbarious outfits to music

This feels like its a 70s or 80d film in camera work and filming

the chick walks up the stairs with a look at her butt but wait its another chick and its the vampre from b4 asking about johnny and how she needs to see him

store guy sez hes in the hospital doing tests and after paying the store guy who talks like a p-mp or 00s guy, the Heroes follow the vanmp chick on a scooter after her car

at the hospital she goes in and the door walks and He goes in a sewer saying "If I'm nt back in 5 mins, call the Pope" but she follows in the vets with a butt shot like DBGT and Pan

They see this creepy dr reading The Bible andoperating on a chickand pulling off her skin and playing with it as he goes on about using svience instead of Religion to do things

Also he grafts skin on vampirers to let em walk in daylight with drugs and we see open organs and its bada55

the vamps neeed a lot of blood to recover from the treatment and mr golgotha comes in mentkioning he b0ned or j-rked off and dr sez the chick hes cutting up is under post mortum stress disprder

vamp chick comes by and her name is maxine schreck and main chick has intewrest in her but Jesus sez shes bad

dr sez they need another lesbian for skinning and the baddz go out as the HEROes sneak out the vents andslowly jog

They follow the baddz to the lesbian drop in center and this lady sees the chic feeding on a room of dead queer chicks and stands there screaming like a mongool loid

the good Giys come in and the vampires confront em and golgatha sez "close ur eyes" to play a game and punches Him when He does while saying "You're It"

then a chase through this 1970s style building to the roof and a fight breaksd out

The chick gets easily beat and bit and He is beat on by golgatha which makes this seem like an Anme

she still isn't dead despite a neck bite and fights on but is beat out and fed on again

He is beat out and we get Rasputin Jr saying "When you live in the house long enough, you'll realize, "who is my neighbor" " then He lumbers in the night and a priest leaves Him as He asks for help

Same with a cop but a blonde comes by with a dog and it might be a hermaphroditre and helps Him at his place

In bed the hermaphordite aids Him and its a thing on tHe Good Samaritan and can relate to being an outsider and cleans His wounds

So later He makes stakes by sharpening dead tree things and at a restaurant is given ice cream and cgerries that talks to Him and its actually The Lord saying to find a wrestler to help

So He gores to this air port and I'm surpirzed the movie had the budget to get a plane

this luchador and a blonde guy come out and the luchador is in a mask like destro from G I Joe

theb paparazi asks a lot of comments and  he seems like a dubbed in anime thing or Kaiju film

He likes the luchador and luchadors manager comes in which luchador sez to look out for or he'd have Him wrestling midgets in boardertowns

They drive and luchador is a good Christian and they go to the clothes plac and askabout where golgotha is

clothes guydont care so luchador holds him to the table and sez johnny golgatha and his max shchreck are at some place but somethings gonna happen later

clothes guy tries fighting but is taken down and later dr puts a body in a car in a junkyard

at the Dominion tavern, this blind leper comedianwith devolved teeth like a frenchie or brit sings scat but not scatting as he sings on the floor

Jesus and luchador come to the club and luchador confesses his sin of lust but is forgiven as he was watching 2 chicks making ouit

leper mumbles and sez to applaud for The Savior and He comes up and does a spoken word thing but sees only luchador and a blonde have reflections so he throws a drumstick into a guy and starts wasting vamps with stakes and drumsticks and luchador joins in

leper feels a guys mouth for fangs and shanks him and Jesus breathes on a va,p with a flashback showing a garlic heavy hot dog and luchador throws toothpicks a darks into vamps

luchador sez this chick won him over and another chick blows glitter in his face

in the bathroom He fights a vamp ad uses a plunger to skewer another and johnny golgathatakes this chick

When He gets back everyones gone so He gets a haircut and gets ready and Mary calls Him  on a statue and gives advice He already knows

Then main chick comes over an when He opens the door, theres vamps with her and they fight Him

He nearly shankes her but johnny golgatha stops Him and sez they have the luchadoor and need Him to come with em or the luchador is done

Rasputin Jr looks in thre  medicine cabinet and sez "Physician, heal thyself" and there a lot of good Bible refs in here in a sily way

the vamps take Him to a jump yard and the luchador and his mintion blonde are there and the vamps knock Him out and when He wakes up, is tied to 2 cars

this guyb I think is a priest who turned cuz both The Right and wrong offer resurrection and eternal life but the vam,ps is more "fun" and johnny golgatha sez "sacrifice is Your Thing?" but He sez "My death as never the end of the story"

He asks why lesbians and johnny sez "they're deviants and no one would miss em" but He replies "nothing deviant about love"

even interspecies? look at Robotech! Humans and aliens! or Animaniacs! The Warners and humans!

So the cars drive to rip Him in 2 but Luchador breaks outta chains, which I think he could do b4, and breaks the vamp chicks back, then frees Him

After much waiting, He fights the ex priest I think and jgnnt and luchador fights a chick

main chick comes by on a mototcycle like its Go Nagai or Hoktuo No Ken and knocks around Him

So did they replace her skin?

So luchador knocks her overand  tThey fiht various luchador or WWF style fight

a reporter and camera crew film and broadcast the fight and say its Jesus and watching on TV is the dr who is visited by Jesus who says "I'm everywhere"

in the junkyard He gets windshield wipers and makes a Cross and the 2 wwf chicks beat on luchadror

johnny golgatha grabs the Cross and fights on and in the hospital, dr pulls out some intestines and fights with em even though its not very damaging

he ties up Jesus's arms with the guts and they fight and after getting out, the dr pulls out kidneys as boxing gloves and face punches

He cuts the kidney cord and wait its the throwat of the dr and heals himsaying "Not even this seperates you from My love"

luchador shanks and takes ooff the heads of the WWF chicks and dr eats some guts and fight on

is this like Goku giving Cell a Senzu Bean?

So johnny glgatha gets Him in a back to back lock ad maybe priest shanks Him with a stake

the sun goes dark and He takes the stake out and Light shines out and burns the vamps away but luchador covers someone with a coat saying "No"

so chick is dead and luchador wants Him to heal the chick luchador likes

after a cpeech He sez to remove her mask and shes healed of vampirism and she was the one luchador didnt want cooked

He heals the chick with a kiss and chick wants maxine schreck healed as she's gay for her

So He heals the main vamp chick maxine schreck andcures her of vampirism but not gayness as they start making out

luchadors woman claims to be bi so she's halfway there and Rasputin Jr sez love covers sins and goes ob for a bit

The He sez to the peopel to make up their own minds and follow His teachings and its the message not the messenger that matters

someone gets a cellphone call and its His and He sez to J P (the Pope?) He's busy and to the people that He's the part of the people that feels bad when you dont give someone in need money

then an upbeat 80s song everybody get l=id tonight and the people party

luchador goes back to mexico with his half queer gf and  this thicc blonde a55 egts felt up by I think Him, which is not canon

the end

that was nuts

sily zany but cool and fun

its got good style and the acting and is kinda cheesy but for something as weird as this, it fits

the music is good and the credits have bloopers in em

no Imma strong Crhristian who even eats Kosher, so you'd think this might "offend" me

but I read a lot of weird a55 Go Nagai manga and he's done far worse

this is more lighthearted and has no hate or anger to The Lord

Its all in good fun with a few good Bible messages and refs

its not like family guy hating on The Church or believers

Its pro Christian with some weir d gore and violence and lesbianism

like Go Nagai

its ridiculous and you canyt tale it srs

i enjoyed it and I'm glad I saw it all the way through

it holds up and it got good reviews from various things

For Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter 2 I want the athiests to team up with vampires as both hate The Lord and use the news to make vampires and demon worshipper slook like victims of the "evil" christians, so He comes back and beats through em and the Luchador and the ex vamp and main chick have returned and are buffer and thiccer and help beat through em to get to the leader of the main mecia network and show his evil by holdign him in a truth lock that makes him admit he's evil. Also its a 16 bit beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as up to 4 layers and beat throguh athiests and vampites and cyberized people with demon tech and turn people into demon slaves by getting it installed in em by getting em to think its "cool" or trendy and after beating the evil outta em, they turn good.

The Beast Of Yucca Flats Review

 Note: My computer screen died so I'm reviewing this on a tv with my laptop plugged in and watcxhign off a DVBD on my laptop, so imma spell bad

The Beast Of Yucca Flats

This is my review on The Beast Of Yucca Flats from the distant fduture year (To Bela Lugosi) of 1961 (50 years before the  1st robotech war and 70 beofre battlestars the return of convoy transformers)

Its dirtrectal by Coleman Francis who did nothing i szwq

it stars Tor Johnson from Angels in the Outfield\Plan 9 from Outer Space, Conrad Brooks, who's polish, or el polen zakkemn, fromPlan 9 from Outer Space , and no one else i saw in anything or is on back door wikipedia weho thinks lee harvey oswa;ld iss an assassin but oj is inot a killer

I never saw this but people say its bad

I'm watching this onb a movie box set of public domain dbds with double sided disks and a guide that tells you what is on what

it starts with a chick afetr a shower and a guy strangles her and i think b0nes her corpse

its like shinji from ecangelion after growing up

then title and credits

also its in proper full screen and is in b/w

a narrator sezx this soviet dr escaped the ussr and came to the yucca flats to meet Americans

his name is  josef ji something ski and itys like jojo

hes played by tor jonghson and theres 2 soviet agents after him

a gunfight breaks out and jojo gets in a car and the soviets chase him

As a polish catholic american from ther 80s, i;m pretty sure the sovbiet did bad

So the jojo has data on mans 1st rocket to the moon, and not the fake nasa one lol

so 1 car pulls over and gets behind the other and chases itand thjey get to the yucca flats

jojo walks off as both sides cr-ppily gunfight a few feet from each other

fata55 jojo walks on looking like the kingpin in spider man and the gov guy defending jojo gets it

jojo is hwere a nuke is being tested and hhis briedf case is burning and i think stan lee ripped this off for the hiulk

you kno, in 1 part of the Bible, it says how a nuke affects people with tongues and eyes melting out or w/e

later this car wqwith a chicvk and duide in it stops and big hands ice the guy as he worked on the car

the woman puffs a faeg and never noticed as it was a silent hit and from inside the car, these grey hands strangle her from behind

he can phase shift through matter?

so a decroded and devolved loking jojo picks her up and carries her out but we dont see her face i mean his face full

he carries her off to probably b0ne and well, to be fair, he IS a soviet, look what they did to german women in the 40s!

later a mexicany looking dude finds the chicks car andlater a car drives to town

narrator calls him deasert patrol and weait i think its mexico calling desert patrol to check the car and the body

so desert patrol comes by the car and gets his gun and turns off the lights

he chex it out and narrator sez hes joe dobson and finds the body a purse and footprints to the wZsteland

he drives off and leaves the body to be eaten by critters and devolved tor jojocarries the chciks body

doobson goes to this guy jims place and hes got a blonde in his bed he b0ned

jim os joes partner and not in bed but on the force and was in korea

this narrator feels like title cards in a silent movie

jojo gets the body in a cave and i think b0nes it and this is a lot like plan 9 with him beign a normal guy who got no libnes being devolved into a monster

so jim and joe comes out and search the yucca flats and jojo gors off with a stick

joe and jim go on clifs to find the cave and the narrator sasy a lot of the action like beign 1000 feert up and describing the devolved jojo

so they find thre smokcer chickand somehow shes still alive and somehow carry her back but i think she bit it

so word is out of something in ther yucca flats and thre people are worried like the media wants em to be

later this fam, the rtadclifs, liek harry harambe potter. comes by and has 2 kids who feeds sodapop to pigs, and not the ponyboy brother from the outsidcers

the dad gets the car gassed up and they saw pigs and a coyote and they leave

jo its daylouight and sunny and hot and jin and joe are in the yucca flats and looking for whats icing people and have guns, unlike the destination truth guys or 2001 a space odyssey guys

the dramatic music sounds like the cape feare msuic from the simpsons and wwhile driving the radcliffes car f--ked out

jim and joe are gonna parachute FROM AN AIRE CRAFTE AND WAIT I THINK ITS JUST JIM AND TRY TO GET THE KILLER

the radclifes cant find their boys and the mom looks like a nerd

now we're ghopnna get michael cxera as harry  potter!

maybe the kid from hoem alone

so after many scenes of the aire crafte going around and dad looking for his boys and not his gon-ds, we see the kidfs i thinkand dad gores over a wire fence

he sees a sign sauying its a missile range and eventually joijo shows up and i think he wants to ice and b0ne the kids like hes a school teacher

moustache jim sees jojo in his hsi aero plaine and opens fire with a rile w/o any wind on him despite moving aty hgih speeds and leaning out the window

wait i think hes firing on the dadwho rtuns

j fk time!

unless he'sgolgo 134, i doubt he can sniper a guy from a MOVING AIRE CRAFTE!

but holy cr-p one iof his shots got lucky and he harambe'd the guy!

so he parachutes down and i thinkdad survived and played robopossum and escaped

mom, is wandering around and looks like a nerd and dad gets back and drives off leaving his wife and kids bejind to be eaten by sasquatch

jim and joe reunite and drink i think moonshine and the boys walk to the roadand wait its mom who was at the road and the boys are llost

the lost boys, by joel sodomazinger

so da boyz make it to water thats probably irriadated and drink from it

the jojo is near em i think, its not clearly edited and the boys sit uncer a tree that seems like the frankenstein scener with the girl

so the jojo finds em and devolvedly moans and the boysn  run

was the nuke a muissile full of flu shots??

so the boys are in a cave and eventuallyu the jojo comes in and acts like hes ret-rdedbefore going out and throws a rock an spazzes out

he misses his woman body he b0ned and probably is hard right now and wants to jam it in something

he lays on the ground and i think goes to sleep anmd was proibably h-mping the gorund in the real vdrsion

i think the boys get out maybe, i wasnt looking and some neighbors were brought into the yucca flats to help

k now the boys sneak oout and the jojo wakes up and throws rocks like some kind of ape or sasquatch and the boys casually escape

so jojo is chasing the bopys and jim and joe see him and put 1 in the back like yamcha in drtadon ball evilotion

i think hesd buity it and you'd think the nucular thing would make him able to take more damage

bimmy and jimmy find the body and he wakes up as i guess he had an extrta guy and throws emn aroiund and i think strangles jim

eventually jim figths back and joe puts a ferw more bullets in jojo to save the jim

dont worry, hes out cold, he;''s gonna be ok, he just needs some rest,i can see his parachutes, hes safde

so tyhe guys walk off and jojo moves but i think was turning over in his open grave

mom sees a jack rabbit and not a jackalope or jack a55 and the boys somehow find their way to her

the rabbit eats some of jojo and he grabs it and i think kisses it but bites it again and the rabbit goes off

the end

that wasnt so bad

yeah its got a lot of aimless wandering around and stuff plain dont add up at tuimes

but its not boring and its not so long,m, only under an hour or sop

uts somewhat creative aND tor does a decent job as a devolved soviet

its a warnin of the dangers of progress and how the best of us can be ruined by science gone wrong

i didnt hate it, its kinda tough to tell if someone is near or far as the the scenes werws shot in different areas and therte's no connection

but it did an ok job with it and its a fine 50s style atomic age horror fgilm

sorta like frankenstein or der golem or w/..e

for The Beast Of Yucca Flats II I want the area to be sealed off in an eenergy done that keeps the monster inside, but its revealed that the sceienct who left the soviets was actually a double agent and volunteered to go there to be nuked to devolve with an agent in his body to become a mutant and attack america from within,  so a reasl soviet escapee gets to america and tells em of it and how the sceintist is gonna have a mutatuon soon that will make him too strong to stop and he has the cure, the gov dont believe him and when the jojo in the 1st movuie devolves further from the element in his having a half life reached, he becomes a gelatinous mass of mone filled tendrills that makes it through the barrier and melts people into brown compost with a touch, and the only one who can save america, is the guy who left the sovciets and has the element counter implanted in him. also its an 8 bit sega master system, game gearr, nes, game boym, tg16 ateari lynx and 7800 game where you play asd the escpee and gotta get out of the jail and make your way to the mlnster and use a plasma canmnon built into youir arm by the Polish underground to take on the jojo mush, aslo its kind of a point and click thing like that game gear phantasy star thin=g..

Clifford The Big Red Dog Review

 Note: I spell like bad but not big bad, aka; the maruta

Clifford The Big Red Dog

This is my film on i mean review on Clifford The Big Red Dog from the distant futuyre year of 2021 (1 year before soylent green and Robotech II The Sintinels but 1 yewar after Transformers Super God Masterforce)

Its directed hy  Walt Becker who did Boying The Cow and nothing else I saw

It stars Darby Camp from Drop Dead Diva, Tony Hale from Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector\00s Dante's Inferno\The Tale of Despereaux\Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip\The Angry Birds Movie\Transformers: The Last Knight\Toy Story 4\The Sopranos\Law & Order\Law & Order: Special Victims Unit\Drunk History\VeggieTales in the House\Rick and Morty\\Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles\Star vs. the Forces of Evil\Amphibia\Harley Quinn\20s The Twilight Zone\the 20s Rugrats\The Ghost and Molly McGee, Sienna Guillory from the Resident Evil movies/Eragon, David Alan Grier from Blankman\Jumanji\Stuart Little\The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle\Little Man\Astro Boy\ALF\Pinky and the Brain\Buzz Lightyear of Star Command\Sesame Street\Boston Public\Crank Yankers\Samurai Jack\Law & Order: Special Victims Unit\The Cleveland Show\Black Dynamite\The Eric Andre Show, Russell Wong from New Jack City\Romeo Must Die\Touched by an Angel, openly brittish john cleese(really named john cheese but he don't wanna be known as something pople like) from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life\An American Tail: Fievel Goes West\the 90s Mary Shelley's Frankenstein\the cr-ppy a55 90s live actoion The Jungle Book\The Swan Princess\George of the Jungle\Rat Race\Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone\Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets\The Adventures of Pluto Nash\Shrek 2\the 00s Charlotte's Web\Igor\the 2000sd The Day the Earth Stood Still\The Croods\Monty Python's Flying Circus\Disney's House of Mouse, Kenan Thompson from Good Burger\The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle\The Master of Disguise\Fat Albert\the live actiopn moviie of The Smurfs\the 2010s The Grinch\All That\Sabrina, the Teenage Witch\The Amanda Show\the 00s cartoon Clifford the Big Red Dog\Saturday Night Live(gayyyyyy)\Crank Yankers\The Mighty B!(ew!!!!)\Martha Speaks\Nature Cat\Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?\Bless the Harts, Tovah Feldshuh from Law & Order(she was Danielle Melnick? She had soome good ideas, i liked what she did, defending rights)\The Good Wife\Law & Order: Criminal Intent\Blue Bloods, Openly GOOD Paul Rodriguez who did Rat Race\A Cinderella Story\Touched by an Angel\King of the Hill\the 00s The Twilight Zone\Dora the Explorer\Zatch Bell, openly devolved Russell Peters (who if he got athma he'd use a puffer annd cal it a peters puffer)  from  Fifty Shades of Black\Just for Laughs\Royal Canadian Air Farce\Corner Gas Animated, Horatio Sanz from Miracle on 34th Street\Road Trip\Wreck-It Ralph\Saturday Night Live(mad tv was better)\Gravity Falls\(the guy behind that is into darknmess)\Drunk History\Modern Family(candya55es)Duncanville, pro aids bag Rosie Perez from Do the Right Thing(spoiler; mookie don't!)\The Road to El Dorado(the only good thing she did)\Law & Order: Special Victims Unit\Dora the Explorer\The Cleveland Show\Big City Greens,Alex Moffat from Saturday Night Live\F is for Family, Openly Honorable Siobhan Fallon Hogan from Forrest Gump\Men in BI ack\the 00s Charlotte's Web\Saturday Night Live\Seinfeld\Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and the fred movies with that devolved guy no one likes, and a buncxha guys i never saw i anythng or aint on soviet wikipediia b0ning a butt

Man there's a lot of gaijin in here, what is this? a fighting game? Like POwer Instinct with ninja, an indiam, a blonde guy, and an italiano muscle babe all in 1 city?

this was based on a kids book that had shows and cr-p made after it but i didn't see the books and hardly saw the show

i never saw this, but they did make a graphic novel based on it

a book based on a movie based on a show based on a book

street fighter; the movie; the game

battle ship; the movie the game (based on a game)

so after a min of logos, we get narration of some cr-p like a faerie tale and this blood red dog was pooped out by its gold mom

you are NOT the FATHER

black guys: ohhhhhhhhhh!

so some guys come in and take the piuppies and moma dog and red was left behind as he was in a blanket

unable to take it, he behins cutting his writs with his teeth and crying tears of blood

jk really we get the title and this loser chick comes home and b--ches about how shes the new kid and no one likes her

hope she dont shoot the place up

mom wants to have her kids tormenteors mom come by with the fam and settle things like that would help

so mom is going outta town for a few days and needs sometone to look after her

elsewhere this guywhoi lives in his truck is hassled by a black female cop about putting a pbag on the parking meter and he runs off claiming hes late

didnt seem to be in a hurry b4 she came

so redog gets out and wanders the cituy and will p[robably wind up in korea town dinner

hobo comes in for an illisutrater jon but is an hour late and leaves after eating a bowl of mints peoppe, touched with their sh-0t covered hands

loser girl, whos nopwhere near as good as the real emily elizabeth from the 10s show, goes around her building to get money or w/ew and talks with blakc magician rusdsel peters not on his pudfer

in the city, redog nearly eats a wiener that fell on the floor but is shooed into tratffic

he rolls 20s and gets by untouched and b--ches at a cgi bird for food

thsi geezer finds him and takes him back to probably b0ne

so hobo coems by and is moms sister and main chick dont like him cuz shes a loser and probably will grow up to do bad p0rn0

so hobo is a f--kup and j=rkioff and mom leaves him with her virgin diahgter who hates him for minor things

he otta sell her to a big black guiy for 3 silvber times that one time i was reading the berserk manga

they go to an animal drescue thing in this park and thery got exotic animals that are probably nmot legal to own or b0ne

so geezer from monty python fakes latin to be smart and seems like one of those whinsical wikky wonka guiys

cheese shows her redog and hes a dinky cgi thing and main chick likes him

imagien clifford the big rted dog vs the maruta from turning red?

mr cheese sez his size depends on how much she loves him but uncle hobo sez no and takes it

he smashed it on the grown sand it breaks with bone spikes coming out as it screams in pain

jk really he gives it back to mr cheese and he;s probably gonna b0ne it with a jar of peanut butter

later in school, main chick brings in cr-p for a school recycling thing and the cool kids mock her for not just gibving the school money

emily from beyblande meets an asian nerd like yick yu the disorganzied from degrassi jr high but not alex yiik the okama and they egtta long

after coming home,. emnily falls in bed and goe son the web as ucnle hobo eats whipped cream from a can

in her bag its moving and this is probably how horror movies start!

its mac and me!!

nah its redog and i guess he ised instant trnaslocation to get there and she dont wanna return him as "its ok for a little wjhile" like in stepmother sin how shes like "no yosuke! this isn't right! ok! just this once!"

so she wants to name him ishmael like the throw away son from The Bible but the dog likes cliffiord and somehow knows english despite being a f--king dog and new and somehow being smarter than a human of 5x its age

clifford gets out and steals uncles turkey for his handwich i mena sandwih

uncle sees him and beta male-ly whgines but gives in cuz hes a loser and belongs in the camps

ok, one nighyt, like stelp mother sin withg dan green b0ning his step mom

so emilio is bummed and wishes that the dog was big and strong and sleeps with it in her bed and uncle sees it as cheese walks around outside like dr parnassus

is he some kind of yokai?

so the next day she wakes up and clifford is a big a55 elephant sized dog and doesn't care as hes a dog and on the same level as a highly devolved ret-rded chick

took nearly half an hour for the dog to get big

so the dog f'd up the room with tail wagging and sitd and buists the dewsk with his big red a55

she gets her uncle and he sez its ok for the dog to stay and sees the dog by walking lips 12st into its lips andf its like naruto mouth kissing sasuke

btw, animals dont get how hhumans are, like cats thinking humans can see in the dark

thats why they sent hjarmambe to h e double soviet england, one move and that kids xead or crippled

mom calls and uncle covers for it and after that he looks up the cheese on the internet  but finds nothing on his cr-ppy phne

dont trust google, its bad and censors things, use something else

so the repaid guy or w/e comes in for ficing the diswasher and the water turn off is in the bed room so hes gotta go wher clifford is

uncle goes in to turn off the water and clifforsd f--ks him aroudn with his rtail

buyilding guy smells dog and uncle sez he dont use deodorant, which is good as that has poison in it that cuases issues

clifford goes out and buiulding beardo goes to getta new part for the dish washer

emilio sez to take him to the vet in case hes sick and keeps growing and i guess they dont got school anymklre

they bring him out using the moms belt as a collar and walk him in soviet new york  as they are used to frteaks

they bring him to the uncles van/hgome and asian comes by thinking she was sick and he cut gyym to avoid being manly

also uncle had student loans for goign to college and probalyt got courses in gender theory and feminist works and now lives in a car

clifford runs off and pops a big  clear ball with a guiuy in it and cvarrys it

evretyone sees the big red dog and fiulms it on their phone and clifford p-sses a lot on a tree

so in this genetic company a guy wants to increase bgrowth to feed the world but makes a two headed goat for his rityals

his workers/slaves p-ssed away 400 million $ on nothing and only got a sheep thats meana nd spazzes out attacking the buillet proof glass

they can use that for the military as weapons to drop on gaijin lands to wipe em out

the leader sees the phgotro pofn clifford and wants to use what made him gorw to make food grow

wouldnt he have voint and blood and heart issues from being that big?

so they take him to dr fat albert from good burger AND wants uncle to put the thermomitor in cliffords a55

uncle dont and cliffords is seen to be healthy despite being serious gigantism like garlic jr beefing up before be breaks iout of the dead zone and gets pan in dbgt pregnant

dr snl gives clif bar a treat and he wants ,ore and nearly b0nes him

the secreitary sez she knows of the cheese man who gave animals that helped people and has some kinda magic

emilio sez the cheese was at her shcool so his info might be on the school conoputer

company guy wants to ue an id chip on the dog to make it nbis property like a slave and his goons find emily was in the pictures and track her on line

uncle sez someone has peanuts at a new york school and they gotta protect the evolutionarlily challenged kids from something that mmight weed their poison dna from the gene pool and the secreitay school hag spazzes out

asiano and uncle check the computer and building guy is shown a photo of  clifford and sees they had a dog , shown by a comapny guy

emilio gets hot dogs and spills ketchup on the head cool girl and she goes on a tirade and calls her an accidentand goes on about her getting in free when others gotta pay

clifford comes in and the kids like him and cool cutl, or cy girl in some dubs, sez they are freaks

loser girl sez shes jealous about cloifod styealking attention like in the skmpsonms with barts dog

emily comes hoime to kfind shes evicted even though there was no hearing and they can appeal

a black guy on the roof putting in a satellite fdish falls and clifford saves him, by jumping and catching him instead of falling into him and breaking his legs

emily is a hero cuz her dog saved a guy and shes a hero and they need to get to a comnputer tho read the files when uncle hs a celphone to plug the stick into

uncle sez mom got a scholorship to Oxford but after he and moms mom bit it, dad snapped and she had to raise him, now hes a screw up and keeps f--king things up and j=rkin off on the floor

hnnnnnnnnnng pssssssssssssss!!

nooo! not in the food!!

so asian used a neighbor cppmpiter to find where cheeseo is and company guy comres by and sez he owns the dog and it ran away froim his lab

they ahve a science expeiment lab in new york?! is this spider man AND TMNT?!

he offers em money for a reward and uncle wants to take it to bribe away the guy who kicked em

emilio sez he lied as she found him small and his goon tags him with the chip but clidfford runs and f--ks the cuity wich somehow has no cars on the roads like sesame street

the gaijion fight the company guys wearing black suits and shades like will smith in the matrix but he queered out to do wild wild west

elion drives her uncles house car and not house boat and uncle fights ann agent withg food like a tmnt 2 version of robotech the uintold story

emilio and asian get to asians building and the door closes somehow  as the cars behind em miss em

school calls mom saying elmio wasnt in school and mom calls emilio and she sez she was there and passes the buck to uncle who sez there was a peanut scare like peanutd are a danger

clifford meets aksians dog the ugly little dog like in that will smith movie with tommy lee and the guy from lawe and order

they hold the small dog to cliffords butt and clifford eats it but spits it out

dog eat dog!

company guy tells the cops that the dog is his and might spread its mutation like its gayness and make others that way

also the company is called lifre grow like the life foundation in spider man

cops offer a reward for the dog and dad of asuan comes by and offers em a chance to send him to shainghai

they'd probnnalby sell him to nam and eat him

uncle sez this is best for him and emilio ewants to keep clidforf and goes on a cr-ppy speech to sappy msuic and winms him over with finding the cheese

at night uncle sees the asian is rich and wonders if he has an older sister to b0ne

the next day they go to some place to meet the cheese as asian isn in the van and cliford poots hard ans stinks him out

emilio goes to the hopstieal to see cheeseo and finds he just bit it

we get the sa moment of the movie as we are around 3/4ths through and we gotta have a forced sad mlment

so the ppirate crew go on and dont know wehere to go and uncle wants to giube him up but emiulkkaio wants to keep him

then its night and emilio is gonna send clifford to shanghai to be used for expeirments by the ob to reverse engeniker his biggness and use it for super soldiers

the sad moment contines and she thuinks sending a dog to asia is gonna make him safe like that orca in south park on the moon

somehow clifford understands and treys being small andthis forced sad mment goes on and on

so the vlift monty bar goes on this boat to antisubtle msuic and as it drives, he spazzes out and she runs along the pier in a TOTALLY original thing

in where ever the f--k her mom is, she sees the newes shopwing emily's photo and the dog and goes back

emilio is buymmed and uncle sez mo send angry texts incliudiung a gun emoji, whioch is odd as shes from back door england and they fear Guns as they are manly and cool

then they find the cheese who bit it wasnt the cheese and asian sees real cheese is in a park and alive

the news sez they caught the dog on a slow boat sto chi na and sent it to the lab and the gainin go off to save him

mom calls and emilio hangs up on it and company guy gives a speech about scanning its dna and using it to feed the world(ZAA WARUDO!! WRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!@)

it plays dark music to a company guy making food for people but not poutting dna posin in it like back door billy microsodom

the gaijin sneak in usiung uncles bolt cutters and russel peeders uses smoke grenades to trigger the fire alarm to unlcoc the doord

sthe gaijin get in and the slavic chick uses her slavic powers from soviet union or w/e to handle it by using milk or miak on the floor

they get to the dog room and guy with a plastic hand blocks a cagttle prod and the rest beat up the guards and it loks like clifdford is dead

nah hes alive and gets up and spazzes outlike a regular dog as in a ret-rd and they ride xclifford out like a big a55 horse a55 and free the ani als that beat the goons up

in the chaos con trol the uncle jacks a mic and tells his side of the story on lve tv and clifcford has a low speed chase in soviet new york where they probably have styeramed ham,sd

mom hears that a corportation is gonna steal a puppy from a girl and tells his teaches who sed he was a cr-p that hes on tv now

gacy was on tv, its not a goodf thing

the leader and hsi cars chase clifford acorss a bridge with no other cars on that part and somehow cant keep up with a f--king dog

they make it to the cheese who is happy to zee em and was at the hospital who he gave a sick friend a bow tie

he sez her love made him big and no one can take it away and the cops come by and sez hes a danger and belongs to the company

is this the x men? i mean it is new york

she tells the cops in a cr-ppy sappy speech as  all her droogs come by to back her up, all the good things of clifford and hes only diffeent and not bad

she didnt fit in adn is different but its not ok to be teased for being different

so if i like b0ning cats, its ok cuz im "different"??

nah i;m not a furry

ater a rip off of timmy wideau saying "if we all loved each other it would be ok" and using grade school logic for saying "vjust cuz hes big and red dopnt make him bad" like a commie sympasither, the corwd sides with her like the audience at the aids ep in cpatain planet

leader sez  the dog was microchipped at birth and a cop scanms it but the ascan sez i belongs to emily form soem cr-ppy sailort moon magic thing

the cuity will send the comapny a bnill and he faces no other issues and runs off beaten

cheese sez  tech is like magic like emil lang said in robotech voltron and goes  off to go on safari and hunt soem harambe

mom comes back and shes a brit mo and is ok with her kid being brave and i hink she might be illegitimate as theres no dad

mom probably got b0ned in an svu ep cuz this is new york

all these multiethnic peoiple of both genders teaming up top save the day like power rangers

uncle gets on clifford and he seez the clear human balls and cliffod runs off

in a sotrybook style, the girl getting her home back and uncle getting his own place and a job and art like the clifford books

also; On thew 2010s Clifford The Big Red Dog: The main character is a blonde girl but her rents have dark hair, which makes me think her REAL dad was a Blonde Alpha Male like Trump or Hulk Hogan, and the husband was in the kitchen playing  Nintendo Switch!

i guy in here is named fagin, and the sians said he was like oliver twist

also 1 guy is michael fuchs

i bet he does

the end

that was actually pretty good

some of the jokes got a smile outta me

goiod action and art and acting

the msuic was nice

it tells a good story with fun characters

its like sesame street meets ET

its one of the bettyer  recent movies anf is safe for kids but has fore refs the adults will like

For Clifford The Big Red Dog 2 I want him to be sent on a mission to korea to give food to those in a famine, but its revealed when he gets there, that it was a ruse and they wanna eat him! So he has to fight his way out of korea and get to Japan and battle their bootleg mechs and power armor that break apart easy and eat the koreans to keep his strength up! Also he fights korean cryptids who were enslaved by the korea! Its also a 32/64 bit 3d game  on Sega Saturn, ps1, N64 and 3D0 where its like The Hulk and you gotta bust through the enemy and wreck their cities and villages! Also itys a 128 bit kaiju beat em up on sega dreamcast, gamecube, ps2 and xbox wher eyou play as clifford and fight the enemies but also in a free mode yo can use the other mnsters and things

The Road To Denver Review

Note: I spell like douch park I mean South Park

Thjew Roafd To Denmver

This is my review on The Road To Denver from the distant fuiture year of 1955 (50 years efore Transformersa The Movie)

Its dirtected by Joseph Kane who duid nothing I saw

it stars John Payne ffrom Miracle on 34th Street\Kansas City Confidential\Santa Fe Passage, Lee J. Cobb from Anna and the King of Siam\On the Waterfront\12 Angry Men\Exodus\the ww2 Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse\How the West Was Won\Mackenna's Gold\The Exorcist, Ray Middleton(knight?) from 1776\Charlie's Angels\M*A*S*H, Skip Homeier from The Rifleman\The Ghost and Mr. Chicken\The Incredible Hulk, Andy Clyde from Annie Oakley, Lee Van Cleef from Kansas City Confidential\The Lawless Breed\Joe Dakota\The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance\How the West Was Won\For a Few Dollars More\The Good, the Bad and the Ugly\Escape from New York\The Rifleman\The Andy Griffith Show, Karl Davis from Mighty Joe Young\Demetrius and the Gladiators, Glenn Strange from  House of Frankenstein\House of Dracula\Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein , Robert 'Buzz' Henry frtom the 30s little women, Dan White from Gone with the Wind\The Grapes of Wrath\Beyond Tomorrow\Our Town\The Yearling\Duel in the Sun\Red River\David and Bathsheba\The Red Badge of Courage\The Ten Commandments\Giant\The Rainmaker\Touch of Evil\The Proud Rebel\Attack of the Giant Leeches\To Kill a Mockingbird\Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter\the 60-s Twilight Zone\The Rifleman\The Beverly Hillbillies, Robert Burton from The Band Wagon\The Tall T\Birdman of Alcatraz\The Manchurian Candidate, Emory Parnell from The Maltese Falcon\The Outlaw\Tall in the Saddle\The Lawless Breed\The Band Wagon\The Andromeda Strain, and some other c-ck suckers in never saw sh-tting up the screen in a monkey spurm movie

i never saw this b4 but its by republic puictures who did good things

After title andf creditys we get a voice over of a guy saying on cattle traILS AND HOW HE/BRO WENT ON EM

Itys colored but not vivid and in Proper Ful;lscreen

aso the guys have a roodeo with guys ruiding horses as they get flung off

main guy i think is bet he cant riide a horse with ATTITUDE and he takers it on as to quote rastan saga II; timidness does not conquor

hes flown off as his thing got caught  abnd don't get a do over so a fight breaks out

the guy who jyuude him  banngs his herad onda fence and ois probably a vegetablre so tthe brpo or masin guy or w.e is taken in to jail

sherrif is tired of brother beating guys up and gives him a month in jail and the lAYWEWR  thinks he belonmgs there and woont help him

at night in the coainum snoow, main guy ises his horse to break open the jail wall and break his bro out

2010s king john; IIIIIII decLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAre yoUUUUUUUUUUUUU An OUTTTTTTTTTTLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW

so the brothers skip town and change their names when they only had tosit in a sh-tty hole in the walls a55 for a month

they go to bet work and claim to be partners and not broters, which nowadys peoiple might theink they were butt buddies

bro hears and goes in toi the bar to get a drink ad the boss he never saw mouths off about beating the Confederates and bro tells him off

this devolves into a fist fight then gun fight and bro caps a guy

they catch him and main guy sez "this is how we rangdle rebels" and slugs the guy holding him and they book it but the townsfolk chasew em

main gun has enought of his sh-t and kills him

jk really he tells him off andf sez "iu've had it with you" and how he didn't raise him right

bro sez "u just like telling us what to do" and pulls a gun but is slugged out and told "don't draw unless u wanna use it"

bro sez he could have iced main gun but main guy sez he couldnt

so main guy goers to another town and has a steak and a smoke when burgers are better and he can't find his money

the restaurant thnks hes fakingh and he offers to wash dishes, or pay it back with labor, like an indentured servant

hes in denver and in the kitchen this guy in a suit offers him a place to sleep as he's honorasnble and statys calm

he offers him a propasition, which is probably in the real version, b0ning

outside the suit guy offers him work on a farm and he consents for 2$ a day

he's given a place to sleep and thge guy in the barn where he'd sleep dont like snoring and boss brings main gun in and meets his daughtyer and has a dinner

he gets along with daughter but breaks dishes and thinks its ok for men to do dishes

i mean is slaves can do it, men can dtoo

also later theres a dance comming and main gun wants to dance with chick

so bro comes by and sees chick and goes in for som,e whiskey in a bar and plays a card game with a guy for money

he keeps losing and doubling his losses each time as a crowd gathers 

when its nearly 1000 $ he tells him not to finger the cards (tee hee) and when dealer does he pulls a gun on him as dealer stands up to him

casino night zone owner comes in and bro has him cut and wins and owner sez pribvatly that he can use him as he is smart in knowing owner cant afford to let him lose that hand

thats some yugioh/hokuto no ken/go nagai sh-t

at the dance main gun dances with chick and is rveealed to be a texas

at the dance its revealed the casino guy owns the biggest salloon and gamblinbg den in town and people hate him

bro meets chick and flirts with her and sez "b4 he does anything, he asks, if the worst thing happens,, is it worth it?" bro meets main guy and prtend they dont know each other in front of her

bro keeps his fake name and makes 1000$ a month and main guy dont like it but bro sez "for big money u gotta take chances" and dont wanna give it up

bro and chick go otu and smooch and when main guy comes in, she sez; its ok, hes just a kid

you kissed a kid?! creeper!

nah when women go after kids its not seen as bad

so later suit guy wants main guy toget hroses as the guy holding em isn't gonna and geezer who dont like snoring tells not to peep in places not for u, by telling a sotry of a guy egtting his thumb eat by an armadillo

they go out and geezer sez its gotta be kept secret as they dont want casino man to get em and these bad guys are following em

later the baddz try jacking the hordes and taking off but main guy and ggeezer open fire and a shot gun fight comes out

main guy sneaks around as geezer has him under cover fire and takes down the shooter and beats himn up

main guy goes out and when the bad guys back up somes, they get geezer at gunppoint and main guy comes out and disarms em at gunpoint and ties em up

i think they left em out to be eaten by animals and yokai

later casino guy coems out and confronts suit saying "i saw a lot of horses stampeding and they weren't urs cuz the only way you'd have that many is to start a coach line and u aint doing that"

suit walks inside and is gonna get his gun but main guy come sin with the horses and captured guys

suit sez he didn't want casino to find out yet but now he did and invites main gun to be his partner for 1/2 the profits to help him in making the coach line work

casino guy wants to stop suit but brop sez to let him make the coach thing and take it over

casino night zodomite sends his goons and i think bro to jack some horses a55es

suit knows main guy and bro are connected as their horses have the same brand and wonders what they did that needed to skip texas, but will let him keep his secret

main guy sez he broke out bro from jail and boss sez he knew bro was a wild one

later bro goes to buy steers from a guy but guy sez he sed he'd cap the next guy casino sent and guy shoots 1 of the goons after goon fires but bro returns fire and nails the guy

guy isn't dead and the 3 goons go off and goon had stictches in his head from the fight

casiono wants the goons to turn themselves in and spend a few hours in jail untilits settled cuz guy shot 1st(i was wrong in the above statement)

in jail bro tells head shot goon to shut his a55 from his pain and chcik sees bro in jail cuz women like bad boys

she sez shes only here cuz main guy is out of town and wants him to get out of working with casino guy

bro dont care as he makes a lot of money (like doing naecro p0rn0?) and he tries smooching her butshe dont consent and slaps him and leaves

farmer guy with the steers and not queers cuz this isn;t soviet california, admitted he shot 1st and the guys are let out

maibn guiy plans out a route and places to stay and talks with suit and finds they are gonna get a gov mail contract

main guy coimes back to the house and has a silt pink thing thats probably not unties for chick and chick sez how bro shot a man but he lived

main guy talks with bro about him capping a guy and how if you kill someone ur never the smae

bro sez main guy spendt a year in jail for that and when main guy offers bro half of his half of the companyy, bro sez hes doing it as a favor to bail his a55 out

bro sez to stay outta his life like a little b--ch and afetr main guys goes, headshot goon fights and ius beat down by him, and when bro leaves, he sees him in the mirror and caps himn

latewr suit gets a gold shipmetn to for gov and if they lose it, they f'd

surviving goon hears and tells casino candya66 and whenbro comes up whinign aboutm not being given a good price to try getting cattle from, casino offerds him a cigar

as he reaches w/o his gun, casino man grabs him and sez he knows bro and main guy are btrohers and wants main guy to come see him

bro sent main guy a note saying bro is in troubl;e and needs him to come to save his candya66 and main guy is suspect

chicm sez it might be real as bro didnt ask for help b4 and dont scarfe easy

also casino guy is named donovan like the sodomite from berserk lgbtquia2+map black guy

main guy goes to see casino guy who wants the gold and main guy sez no

casino implies hes gonna end his bro and when main gun asks what he'd do if he got the gold, casino sed he'd give em 24 hours to gtfo

donovan sez they wont tell as they'd be in it as deep and get the blame

main guy goers off on his gold rush and the town sez bye and has hope

so this guuy i think the brother gets to this stop saying main gun is expectiong gim  and later main guys comes by and as everyones in, the carts are changed out and the gold moves from 1 to the other

the new goons aseay bro is iced iof he treis anythign and main guy asks for a horse to borrow from some guy

the new gewns go off and as  suit is going to depart, main guy sez "this is as far as i go" and lets suit lead the trail and main guy riudes off

later brother comes back to donopvan to not be butt hammered and wait its main guy and he sez hes here to see donovan holds up his end

the gold comes in and bro sez "u chump1 you think they'd kill me?!" and mocks him for beign a good guy

they open the box and its ful of rocks and main guy sez "i knew i couldnt trust you megatron" and the goons attack and main guy beats theirn a55es

in the chaos guyns break through the wood casino hand rails and donocan coems around and in the salloon and fires on main guy but mnain guy juimps and puts 2 in the chest

main guy sees bro holding a gun and he shoots ut outta bros hand, which in real life would destroy his hand

main guy sez "draw the other one" and as bro comes down, he steps f--ked and main guy puills faster

main guy walks out AND BRO AIMS AT HIM BUT DONT FIRE and they both go out as gone with the wind music plays

seeing thew error of his ways, bro throes his gun in the water and sez "u were right, i couldnt" and has a smoke

so later main guy is smoochjing the chick as bro drives the cart sayign just married and they are probably b0ning in the rocking cart

the end

that was pretty good

the guy newver gave up on his brother and won him over

kinda Biblical, but not like Cain and Abel, Joseph and his bros trrrying to kill him, or Jacob nearly killed by Esau

its well made and while the acting could be better, the story was great and the musiuc was good

good twists and i thought it might be a thing of them going from town to town being kicked by the bros actics

hes's not stoopid, just impulsive

he did beat the casiino in cheeting

it doesnt drag and has good flow and don't feel like 90 mins + 30 of adds on Grit to get it to 2 hours

I liked this one and it had a positive ending

Also its not a Bob Hope movie like The Road to bali

For The Road To Denver 2 I want a shipment of women to a down that needs wives to have vanished and when the brothe goes to check it oiut, he finds they were capuured by sasquiatch who wanna use em for breeding. So he has to save trhem and get them out of the sasquatch dimension and sneak around whjile capping sasquatch with a Holy Gun. Also its a 16 bit game like Impossible Mission or Flashback but not so randomized and on Segha Genesis, Snes, GBA, TG16 and Atari Jaguar where you sneak artound the dimension and rescue the women while avoiding or wasting sasquatches andin the end, set the dimension to implode and get out in time.

Jack London Review

Note: i spell like a brit j=ckjing off

Jack London

this is by rweview onn Jack London fr0oom the distyant fguture year, to Jack London, of11943 (100 years befoprte robotech season 03)

its direectal by Alfred Santell who dod nothing i saw

it starz Susan Hayward from The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse\Tulsa\David and Bathsheba\The Snows of Kilimanjaro\I'll Cry Tomorrow\I Want to Live!\Valley of the Dolls, unionite commie Harry Davenport from Marie Antoinette\Gone with the Wind\the 30s The Hunchback of Notre Dame\The Ox-Bow Incident\the 40s A Boy and His Dog\the 40s Little Women, Virginia Mayo from The Best Years of Our Lives\the 40s A Song Is Born\White Heat\Captain Horatio Hornblower\Young Fury, Ralph Morgan froom Rasputin and the Empress, Jonathan Hale from the 30s The Raven\30s A Star Is Born\Angel on My Shoulder, Louise Beavers from Uncle Tom's Cabin\the 30s Imitation of Life\The Jackie Robinson Story, Leonard Strong from Blood on the Sun\Cult of the Cobra, Regis Toomey from Mighty Joe Young\Frenchie\Cry Danger\Warlock\The Night of the Grizzly, Paul Hurst from The Cossacks\Island of Lost Souls\Queen Christina\Mr. Deeds Goes to Town\Gone with the Wind\The Ox Bow Incident\Dakota\Angel and the Badman, Lumsden Hare frtom the 20s Sherlock Holmes\Svengali\Black Moon\the 30s The Three Musketeersthe 30s The Last of the Mohicansthe 30s A Christmas Carol\Gunga Din\the 40s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde\The Picture of Dorian Gray\Captain Kidd\David and Bathsheba\Julius Caesar, Hobart Cavanaugh from A Midsummer Night's Dream\Captain Blood\Santa Fe Trail, Robert Homans from Abraham Lincoln\Mary of Scotland\the 30s A Star Is Born\Stagecoach\The Grapes of Wrath\Beyond Tomorrow\the 400s The Maltese Falcon, Wallis Clark from the 10s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea\I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang\the300ss Mutiny on the Bounty\The Great Ziegfeld\the 30s Romeo and Juliet\Gone with the Wind\Yankee Doodle Dandy\Mildred Pierce, Pierre Watkin from He Who Gets Slapped\Mr. Deeds Goes to Town\the 30s Valley of the Giants\Mr. Smith Goes to Washington\Dakota, and a buncha guys and chicks from the 1800s i never saw in anythign or aint on back door candy a55 beta male, soy boy, forrty booty wikipedia

i never saw tyhis b4 but Its based on the 1921 book The Book of Jack London by London's second wife, Charmian London

i hear the real jack london was into racial issues and supported eugenics and sovcialism and unions

but he's from the 1800s and the science hhas changed so what he was doing was right at the time

aw f he was a athiest, no wonder he supported such evils

i did read call of the wild in grade school and liked the 90s cartoon white fang

a wonderful pumpkin can grow froma  miserable mound of dung

so it starts with a ship named after jack a55 london being laiunched and sez he was a real american(i duubt that) and about how he liked freedom(until the partyt gets in)

then tirle and credits in a book with pages tuyrning to 40s music

in 1890 oakland this chick got her hasnd f'd by a machine whgen faling asleep on the job

the boss wANTS EM TO CARRY ON BUT LONDON QUITS  AND at home whines to his slasve abnouyt how it could haVE BEEN HIM who's hand got crushed

also hes jealous of the rich and isan't happy with his cr-ppy life annd seems to get along with this africanized woman despite his racisl issues

he wants her money for going oyster hauling and get ebnough dough to last a year

she dopn't wanna as she cares f he gets in danger and i think shes the fams maid/slave

so later london jerwmy buys a boat for 250$and theres a blonde chicck sitting by it

do you come with the boat?

oh you, girtly giggle

when london jeremy is on the sea the blonde is in there and came out and knows of poyster cr-p from her brother who got capped

she sez not to go out with the moon out andsez it makes a man of him to be out on his own boat

latewr jacko goes to a salloon and sees a guy callerd scratch nelson, but scratch is a cofde hint at the devil

jack and blonde are well dressed andscratch wants to join em and jack is writing stories whe not busty or busy

ay night theyysneak in this boatyard area and wait itsd just them bringing in therir booty and not a55es

sopme guyts open fire onm other gutys and the main guystake cover as i think its a mafia or unmionthing and the cops arte fighting em

scratch gewts it andgoes in the sea but jack saves hiom

vener mind hes in h-ll not and being b0ned by abe lincon

jack had enough being an oysterizer and ditches his blonde who calls him a candya55 for quitting

after queering out theres a 10 montrh cruise to te bearing sea and by where the ningen were seen and jack signs up for a 30$ a month sea guy thing

its he ghonna be a moby dick?

pc commie; mobvy african american!

sothis blonde guy talks toughand the guys laugh at him and 1 manly guy finds lenon reading the errorful darwins origin of species

my cousin read it and noticed a lot of things that didnt add up

so the guys pl;ay keep away and 1 geezer gets manly guy in a lock and sez leave him alovbe like a less seuxally challenged leave britany alone

so the guys go manning on the sea, long and hard and full of p-ss and vinegar and hunt seals, ewhich that rotting bimbo pam andferson would spaszz ouut over

many guy slips a dead seal in jacks bunk as a joke and later, manlyt guy sez thery are going to Toklohama like in Robotecvh and having Geisha babes

jack reads his book of evil and manly guy is confused why jack isnt spazzing until he finds the seal in his bed

manly guiy gos mental amdf beats jacks a55 but jaCK GETS him in a head;lock and downs him and not wirth a flu shotr

jack is writing the sea wolf and geezer has a depreessinmg monologue on the futility anfd cyucle of the fishing

jack wants to write but wants to learn and later hoes to the universoity of soviet californisawith an integrated class of both genders, buit don't worry, all are the same race. so jack won't have to kill any of em

teacher sez he has 2 storirs chosen for a contest and 1 is lite and cheerful but the other is dark and heavy

he reads 1 anmd the class laffs at howits girly and ditzy

jacks is about blowing out a guys head open with a gun and when jack acts whats wronmg, proff sez its too imaginativce

jsack reveals its a real event he saw in then hetero singapore and wants to write the truth, even though the entrance exams tried to keep im out he didnt let THEM stop him

but hge wanted to trasin the brain but sees his kind isnt welcome and leaves thinking they dont like his style and him writing what he's seen

professor sez he has courage and tells the teens not to copy it cuz college don't like men being manly or proud or hetero

at his placehe tells his maid/slave he's going out and burns his stories like geoierghhe melies and quits school after seeing its a scam to brainwash us

hes goiung to the Yokon he thinks is in alaska as canada iis non canon and she fears he's gonna f--k out but jackula has confidencxe

in the yukon., near where the partridge creek monster is, i thgink, in dawson city, its  like a cowboy town and jack is dressed in f;lannel like a lumber jack

this chiuck i think is a H00KER COMES BY TO CHAT WITH THE JACXKER  AND THIS FAT GUY WIN A THING IN A CARD GAME AND WANTS h00jer with him

jack hassles him and he swings but is countered byy the jac-o and goes off

h00ker is a greek whivch means shes up for butt stuff and likes the jack

later jackenstein comes in her room and has a story he wrotre called the scorne of women

creatiure from the jack lagoon finishes his writing as his woman goes down to sing and wwhn jack goes dowqnm hew hears theres a gold sighting and ditchers huis h00ker greek

she wants him to stay and sez its safe here and dangerous out there and probably got sasquatch anmd daemons there

jack smooches her and ditches her, probaBLY PREGNANT WITH HIS AND EVERY OTHER GUY THERES KIDS IN 1 MIXED SPURM BABY IN HER COLON

so the mum jack is wioth his dog in a frozen h-ll and in a cabin and wonders why theres snow and where its from

he wantsa a story of a killer on the run being smnowed in a cabin for a year in solitary and reads his story of buck from gone with the wind io mean call of the wild 

his dog is called buck and sees it has a scar and wonndders what its been through and if he could share stories

you think he b0ned the dog?

so later he talks with a publisher about thew call of the wild, which was also a beast wars ep and made me do a book report on it in grade school

so punboisdher sez jack is good and might be up with this guy jack likes

publishmerman from american day i mean dad shows him this chick and she books it to stick carrots up her as55 amnd jack follows to watch

she ssez she didnt snub him and takes foprever to explain and she goes to expl;ain to her boss the publisjerman 

jack whips out his b0nar and starts jh-rkin off on her desk

jk really he smokes a faeg and reads her mail anbd she comes in and sees she wrote a note saying not to introduce her ti him to her boss cuz if hes like his wrtiotiong, shes be gay for him

later thety Are living on a farm or something and riding a horses a55es and 

sahe thinks sshe knows more of him from reading his books

what about steven king? he writes f'd up cr-p

or f--kin go nagai?? he does violent p0rn9!

the hunch jack of noter dame is afraid of being trapped by love and she comforts him and they smooch

later the ,mmaid is getting a shoe for new yeas and it was the 1qst new century, in 100 years

tthe meen talk of the advanmcement made in the 199th century anmd in 100 years it'll be the milennium

the jolf jack, or wolf man jack, warns of tyrants and the dangers of money cuz hes a pinko socvialist candya55

a paper owner wamnts him to cover the boeer war wich i have little into of but think the brits were the bad guys, like every other war they/them did

he tells his woman hes going to soviert south africa before it devolved into violence and aids

then wehen the man who jacks gets to candy a55 emngl;;and, the war is over

he sent a letter  home sayuing hes going home and its on the day the letter arrived

so woman goes to meet him ands hes outside comming in and has a  lot ofd cr-p from 

maid gives the man who jacks (0ff on the floor) a telegram and he dopnt wanna go

in a bar when drunk he talks with a guy wjho sez to breed a lot and he don;'t wanna tell his woman of it

so he comes hoome and tells his p-ssed off wife hes gotta go to japan to cover the war with rissia

he sez he took forever for so,me reason and she wants to marry but dont wanna take the back seat to his adventures and be his se\cond banana to his travel;s

he sez he wont go but shge reveals she knew and he goes to 1900s Nippon wiith other gaijin and has sake or tea in a Geisha house

the reporters think theres not gonna be a war and jacxk seas the russiuans are sending troops to back door korea

a Nippopn Jin sezsomething and guys leave and the reporters hear the Imperial Japanese Fleet faced the ruissians before the commies ruined it

this 5'0 japoanese guy sez they dont got perrmission to go to korea but at a banqwuet, they can meet guys who give permission

also they cant go and report as they might leak the japanese plans to the russians

the 5'1 guy is intgerested injack longdon andlater jack sez hes gonna go to korea and bets a guy 100 bones he an make it even though you need persmission to leave Tokyoi aND JACKS A GAIJIN

SO LASTER HES IN AN ASIANY PLAEAND I THINK ITS KOREA BUT THERES NO FRUITY BOY BANDS OR KNOCK OFFS OF SUPERIOR jAPANESE THINGS

F Off and die caps lock, ja c-ck suckin sunocva b--ch!

jack tris bribong but the Japanese are honoravble and say no he cross dresses as a korean or Ainu to get by

Well, the Ainu aRE SLAVIC OR w/e so he might pass

so these japanese are bringing slaves oort captrured gauijin and jaCK GETS PHOTOES but this ?Nippon Jin gets his camera and speaks english with him

upon hearting hes jack london and not a soy and he read his books,he has jack aS HIS GUREST

HE OFFERS the phantom of the JACKura CAVIAR and jack sez no but has items hes ghot from his conquering

also he has a game he plays and this wheel with shadows anmd how itr makes a shadow that looks like ther RisingSun Flag on a map of japan

Japan plans to conquer korea and then take china and mongolia for its irion lumber and coal and use the resources to try and take over more

japan shgould have got china, better than mahu mao and his commie cretans

japanese guy sez england haS  india and other asreas and america has canada and south america, so its not fair as jaPAN DONT HAVE THT MANY COLONIES

BUT FOR jAPAN TO WIN THEY GOTTA END ENGLAND AND aMERICA

SOUNDFS like what china was planning in the 2010s/20s

btw this was made is the 40s so during the alleged ww2 they/them hated Imperial Japan

the nipponjin sez no one  will believe him but he somehow gets word out and all papers gte the word out

the japanese are not happy and btw the real jack london didnt like asians , evemn the good ones like the Honorable Nippon Jin. i think

ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDEA, HE LIKED JAPAN, which makes sence as hes a white supremacist and they like Japan fotr their superiorty asnd high protoculture

so jack got arrested by the japansee photographing cannons and exposes captain Tanaka for helping him

Japan sends him to jail for saying things they dont like as if its backl door abe lincon (this is real, he locked people up for disobeying him)

in there all these gaijin are wanting water but  give jack some but he rebukes their kindness and attacks em

accroding to back door wikipedoea.,, he was arrected for fighting the Japanese, but i question both this movie and that gay a55 site

in the jail he sees an inmate eating anothe rone alive as he screams and spazzes out

jjk really ytheu break out of the jaoil walls with a bench or bed or w/e and run outto drink like a swarm of ants after a dead bird

the japoanese shred weem with machine gun fire and rifles, wehich is what SHOULD have happened in bridge on the rivew kwai

eat that mnaruta tachi!

omae tachi no zoku wa jigoku no kuso!

the 5'1 guy tells s reporter who lost 100$ in a bet with the jack of jack beign in jail and wortd gets to the white house

teddy rooosevelt, who was into the occult like jack and his bohemo club, sez to release jack and the japanese comply

the army guys say sorry for detaining jack and return his camera

jack writes anti Japanese things and the pubnlisher sez people want the truth but when jack sez it is, publisher sez japan is americas homie and business partner and its not good to anger ewm

like bi den and chi na?

jack thinks japan is gonna take over the world and attack them one day goers off to tell it hmself

hhe has doubts but his woman sez she believs in him and they kiss and the movie ends with hope

the end

that was pretty good

hinted at his darker soialism and malcontentary but tried to make him seem good

made Japan look bad from WW2 views but thats how the 40s were

Like if a 2020s thing on the 1920sa showed the dangers the Klan warned us about the irish and how bi den proved em true

but its a well done 40s movie and even though it ended in 190X, it told some good parts of his life and times with good lessons today

good acting and the music was good and its in B/W and Proper Full Screen

It kinda skimmed some parts and I think he killed himself later but this has to end on hope unlike russian stories

Also I'm pretty sure the Military guy telling him Japans Wortld Domination plan like something outta G I Joe or Tranbsformers diudn't happen in the real version

For Jack London 2 I want him to go to Japan after the war and sees Japan rising, fearful; of their might, he plans to bring em down by making marks in the landscape to open the gates of h-ll he learned from his occylt writer homies, but a descendant of Samurai is sent by the Emperors Psychic to prevent it.and damages the marking he made while following him in the shsadows, until he does the last mark and it  f--ks out and opens a gate to a dark rrealm near whewre the last marker is and the sSamurai fights Jack who fses with a daemon and is a big h r hgigar monstrosity. Also its an  8 bit game like Kenseiden on Game Gear, Master System, Nes, GameBoy, TG16, Atari Lynx and 7800 where you play as the SamuraI ANDS FIGHT THE STONES WHO RELEASE yOKAI TO FIGHT and holy f--k how long was caps lock on? die you candy a55 faeggit! So the Samurai  battles these Yokai and beating it breaks the tone marker he planted in the location and you travel Japan to beat these things in any order and after all are beat, you fight Jack,. who once beat, is mindwiped and sent back to America.

The Phantom Of The Opera Review

Note: I spell better than the frenchies

The Phantom Of The Opera

This sis my review on The Phantom Of The Opera from  the duistant future yeart top george armstrong custer opf 1025 (100 years before Transformers Victory)

its directed by Rupert Julian who diid nothing i saw

it styares Lon Chaney from The Unholy Three (both versions)/West of Zanzibar/Laugh, Clown, Laugh/Mockery/The Unknown/Mr. Wu/The Blackbird//The Monster/He Who Gets Slapped/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/The Shock/Oliver Twist/Flesh and Blood/The Ace of Hearts/The Penalty/The Wicked Darling/Outside The Law\ The False Faces, Mary Philbin from The Man Who Laughs, Norman Kerry from The Hunchback of Notre Dame\The Unknown, Arthur Edmund Carewe from The Ten Commandments\The Cat and the Canary\Uncle Tom's Cabin, Gibson Gowland from The Birth of a Nation\Greed\Don Juan\The Mysterious Island, John St. Polis from The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse\The Unknown, Snitz Edwards ffrom The Thief of Bag dad, Virginia Pearson from the 20s wizard of oz, Bernard Siegel from Laugh, Clown, Laugh, Ruth Clifford from The Snake Pit\Sunset Boulevard\he Quiet Man\The Searchers, George Davis from Sherlock Jr.\He Who Gets Slapped\The Circus, Cesare Gravina from The Penalty\The Hunchback of Notre Dame\Greed\The Trail of '98\The Man Who Laugh, s, William J. Humphrey from The Unholy Three, Carla Laemmle from Uncle Tom's Cabin\ the 30s Dracula, John Miljan from The Unchastened Woman\The Jazz Singer\the 30s The Unholy Three\Arsène Lupin\I Accuse My Parents\Samson and Delilah\the 50s The Ten Commandments, Rolfe Sedan from The Conquering Power\Bardelys the Magnificent\Flesh and the DevilUncle Tom's CabinA Tale of Two Cities\The Wizard of Oz\Gentlemen Prefer Blondes\Young Frankenstein, ands a buncha guys not on soviiert back door camdy a55 wikipedia

i saw this b4 and its one of the besat of Lon Chaney

It follows the book closer thanb any other versions and the book was by Gaston Leroux who based in on actual events of some dude living in an opera house or something

This isd reviewed on my 100 greatest ter rer classics dbd box set so its public domain the version

after credits and title this guycomes by holding a lanternin a darkll cavbe andthis guy in a zorro hat';s shadow comes by

its also in proper fullscrteen and b/w

lanter says something w/o audio and leacvers and the phantom shadow returns

text sez the paruis opera house is abode a midieval torture chamber cuz the french are like tyhe marquis de sade

we see the opera room and its a tall curtain like king kong that would be ruyyined if croppedfor widerscreen

the opera has chicks doing ballet for a while and in the ex4cutive office a deal is made by guys in capes to buy the opera house but are told its haunted by the phantom of the opera

whho am i? I'm spider man!

I wanna take his face... off!

fancy shooting son, whats ur name? Murphy!\

so they laugh but are told its srs, and unlike ggloball warming, real

also theres box 5 which has a cloaked guy wjho hided his face and dont talkand the cleaning slave tells em not to f with him

the owners of b0ners come in and see a guy thwere from behind and run out

they go back in and the room is empty like hes a ninja or batm,an or ninja baseball bat man

after da play this guy sees a blicketee black cat comming down da stairs anfdthe dancers in the prop placxe see the shadow of the phantom and run

they tell a frooty guy he had no nose but the guy sez the nose was huge which probablty meansd hes got sa big d0ng

a gaijin looking guy co,mes by aand they think it might ber the phanbtom and bring frooty guyto ask him

they come across this guy with a  fake head who sez the phantom has a skull like yellow face w/o a nose, like grimskull in skeklleton warriors?

m,YBE LIKE sosuke Osahiba in Violence jack

this head guy beings em to see the place he saw the phantom and it was a quick shadow he saw (which proves nothing! it could be a wind on a lamp)

frooty booty sees something and freajksas out and they all run

the mom of carlotta wjhhos the head dancer is p-ssed trhat her kid isnt gonna be the lead in sswan lake cuz she got a note from the phantomn sayiong tyo use christine

is this like with honeyy boo boo?

on play night carlotta, or carl like carl macek of robotechj,  was sick so christine sings the part

thgis obviously german dude played by norman kerry has the hots for christine and his brother sez the phantom is after her

i hes a ghost and they b0ne is it naecrophilia?

so in the play this blonde goes up with this angel and is this dantes inferno? i thought it was swan lake

so raoul or raoh in hokuot no ken dont care about the rumors of the phantom hurricane dragooon and smooches the christine, but not the car in thre soviet steven king movie

raoh wants to marry her and she sez she cant leave the opera and to forget her

he gives her the back hand and starts takjing off hsi clothes as she lies dead and head bleeding from the impact on the floor

jk relly he goes and phjanton talks from within the walls and sez he gave her the world and all of soviet paris will worship her, but she must forget her life and be his slave

so is this like being in a union? like the film actors guild saying who and what you can say and do?

later the carl mom gives a note fgrom phantom to opera head  saying to fake ilness or something bad will happen

this it tear ur is em, like the malcontents thrfeatening to torch the town if a cop isnt punished for doing his job

so the phantom sent anpther note sayhing not to put carl as the star

the carl goes on adn its faust btw that the playt is and raoh talks with some chick

he gets a note from christine saying not to see her again

so the play goes on and the lights spazz out and the main chandelier falls in a well done shot

so he didn';'t like an acrot playing a role he wanted for someone else and caused damage?

hes like those monkeys who whine when there's not enought not white and non straights and not men in things

so the people scatter like roaches when you turn on the lights, whcih makes sense as they are frenchies, and i think a few got sqwuasxhed

the gaijijn is there and raoph looks around and goes in christinas dressing room

he hides ands the christian comes in and phantom hurricane attack sez he came for her aND tells her to go into the mirror

raoh sees her enter the opening and closing mirror and didnt get in and she sees this back area with gears and cr-p

is this whole place a transformer like autobot cuty or metroplex?

this hand of this ghuy in a creepy mask meets her and shes freaked out but he sez hes her master and is he wearing a 40s detective hat?

he sez hes devoted to her and leads her down this rstaircase like in robin hood from the 30s and puts her on a big black horse and they go through the undreground area

what if thre htose cr-ps? people would smell it, and theres no sun so it would be moist and damp

they stop at this boat in this undergreound black lake like having a forrest in a flying dungron in video games

after a trip in the boppat, whats lighting this place? its undertground, so they go to his lair and shes creaped out by him but he smells her dress like the Chief Hwad Irish Man Prez and sez shes  500 cellers undertground cuz he loves her

he wants her goodness to bring out his goodness and shes freaking out after going with this stranger toi his room and will probably be b0ned dead

shes spazzing out and his face looks like handsome squyyidward and he reveals he sleeps in a coffin

she srealizes hes the phantom, and he sez hes is cuz men hating him made him and he needs her love to redeem him

his name is erik like Eric Carl, from The Very Huingary Caterpillar and there Carlotta so it fits

she blacks out and he tajkes ehr to a bedtrom and hod he get all this cr-p in here? is it like the joker and his always having money for cr-p?

the papers tell of the singer missing after the chandelier fell and thinking its the phantom and she has f';d dreams  and wakes up to find fancy shoews that women hve a fetish for but guys liking feet is wqeird

also is phancy Dresses and finds a not saying to never touch his mask and she'd be happy

Is this like the Tree of Knolwegde oif Good and Evil in The Bible? AKA The WISDOM TREE?!?!?!

so she sees him playing a piano and its don juan triumphant and erik sez he has triumphant love

like a f--kin dumba55 she pulls off his mask w/o consent or woc andholy f he;s devolved!

its a fright! he;s got an ape face and hisn shock rings out

great make up byy chaney

he gets mad at herr and popints and grabs her and laughs AND SEZ TO GET A LOT him

man hes a mutant, makes the xc men look normal, and not only the hot ones

shge ses "if u really love me, let me leabve and i';ll be ur slave" and erik sez he will let her sing opera again but if she sees raoh he'd ice em bnoth

imagine if they had kids and the kid was devolved like him?

so phantom clutheces his chest which makes sense in the real version and she swears not to see her butt buddy again

then the very next scene is a note to raoh saying "i said i wouldnt but i gotta see you agian"

then its the masked ball and peole do french halloween where they dont worry iof class and wear masks and have fun and probably b0ne each others butts

thsi scene is in 2 strip technicolor and is pretty good but in thius public doimain dvd its faded like a comic book

kinda gives it some class though

so she and raoh i think go up and this guy in a red robe with a skull maskand scepter comes in

a skull face with a skull mask? like sosuke oshiba in violence jack?

so he sez below them are tortutred tombs and the red death remembers

is this a thing on edgar wallen poe and masque of the red death?

the heroes go on teh roof like its a high school anime and theres a statue of angels thats pretty big and looks great but in widescvreen they;'d chop half of it off

they think its safe to talk but like the gov and maruta listening in on our phones and comps, the phantom is listening

she tells him of the phantom aand its b/w again and asks huim to save her from his gross a55

she wants himn to take her away after performing in Faust and he sez they;'d flee to back door soviet england like the scarlet pimpernell

he kisses her head and phantom spazzes out all abominous at her betrayal

i mean, yea, she broike her word all cuz ur gross, thats kinda mean

althoguh eh dsoes kill people

is this like hokuto no ken with shin and Yuria?

the phantom jumps down and slu=gs him off the roof as he falls and slams into the hground, then bites her neck and kills her

jk really he stands there with his cape in the wind like batman an d watches em making out kinda

does that statue have t-ts?  or is it a guy?

the gaijin sees am and tells em what way to go and trhgey do so

the phantom coems down and p-sses off a rude frenchie and when he realized it wad the phantom the frooty guy whos also rude blacks out

then we get note ssaying erik was born during the boule ard massacre and is selfd taught muscian and master of black arts and exiled to devils island for crazuy's but escaped

gaijin is reading ti and tells opera owner erik is da phantom

at night the next day a cart came by and raoh wanted  to be ready to book it

christine is bummed and phantom told her he knows their plans and has a counter thing ready

the phantom sees the cart and sneaks around and she asks raoh to save her from the monster

thats abelist and body shaming

he comforts her and as the curtain risheres a body hanging from the upper thing and frooty booty sees it and greaks otu

cuz hes frewnch he might try to b0ne it

he sez the stranglers done it again but when he gets back the body is gone

they see a guy on the ground and hes in h e double french canada and its some guys brother who knerw too much of the phantom

theres a rope there and josephs brother but not benjamin of israel vows to avenge him

the phantom replaces these 2  beer bottles in teh light control area or w/e of the opera hoiuse and christine does the faust

in this put where this nerdy guy lurks hes dragged under and phantom comes in weariing his mask and blanche or w/e christinas nam si freakes out and ruins the play

in the control room the workers are drugged and no one casn find main chick

raoh sees the mirror amnd gaijin comes by and ses he can help him if he follows his instructuions

gaijin sez hes a frenchie in the secret police and wa sfollowing the phantom for nmopnths and kopens the mirror

a rewference to the inner dark world being the reverse of our world

also used iin yugioh gx with the worlds being the front and back of a card

gaihin sez this secret area was where erik was kept in the 2nd revolution and has raoh keep 1  hand up to keep off nooses

so some guy comes in after the gaijin and raoh

the dynamic duo get to a trap door that cost joseph his life for discovering it

they go in and ther lantern guy comes by saying turn back or die and hes a messenger of shadows like a yugioh card

in his lair the phantom b-0-ches at her for betraying him after he made her a star and vpows in a  wordy monologue about his cr-ppy feeliongs

gaijin and raoph come into an area and fall in a trap door like in a video game or castlevanai dracula x or the cyber shinobi and its a torture chamber of mirrors

phantom dont wanna be f'd outta his chance to get the giorl and a level goes off and on showing the phantom he has unexpected guests

is this like the batcave in batman?

so the guy comming in after em was raohs brother and raoh goes off i weman the phantom goes off to end him by uising a long wood straw as a snorkeland walking in the water

raoh calls to chjristine and she hears him and as raohs brother not rapohcomes by in a boat, phantom goes to hius boat and pullsd it over and ends him

raoh calls to christine to open the door to them  and she f';sd wioth things and rapoh wants to know where the keys are

eirk comes back and is in his mask and hat and plays piano

somehow joes brother found the phantoms hiding place and it never says how and wants to avenge him

christine tajes the keyes and phantom catches her and takes em back

raoh gets b--chy and erik hears him and sees em in his hole in the walls a55 and f';d wioth the lights

the light make highh heat and are cooking em as i think phantom is gonna eat em, or would if this were riki-oh

she looks in and sees raoh undressing and theres a noose by em and she spooazzes out

the angry mob is comming for him and eirk laughs and asks what she'd offer for their lives

she getsa a face full of his ugly mug and recoils but gaijin finds something by digging in the sand floor

its a trap door and they sneak in as phantom watches them get to a cellar with barrels of wine or meth

wait its gunpowder and the way out is blocked by metal bars and they cant get out

thwe erik offer her a chance to be his woman or her butt buddy gets it, like with Shin and Yuria in gokuto no ken

theres 2 knobs, a scorpion that saves him and a grasshopppper that blows the opera house and she has to chosse

she reaches for the grasshopper to kill everyone cuz shes french but prays or something and turns the scorpion really ret-rded;ly

this makes the water in the lake flow in their room and they'd f--ked nbow

the angry mob is comming and she ses she'd do anythign to save em(which includes mouth stuff) and phantom shows the floor that opens to show the guys in the water and they get out from erik pulling on em like pulling on a b0ner to stretch it out

she cuddles weith the handsome norman kerry real name arnold kaiser as hes german and bada55 and not a ceviolved frenchie and phantom sees the angry mob comming for himn

in the book he dies of a broken heart here or .w/e abnd iuin the movie they filmed iut but thoguht it wasnt actionyy enough

so erik nabs her and runs off and the mob gets there as wrik see a window behind a cuirtain

the monb mistakes raoh as the phantom and beats hi  dead

jk really phantom gets awy in the cart horse thing and wwith that smnile looks like the man who laughs

somehow the mob and raoh come out and chase him and somehow catch up to a horse powered thing at high speed

wait, she jumps out and he totals it and they catch up and he runs

rapoh gets his woman and the mob catches chany laybert and he pulls somethign outta his shitt and is gonna tthrow it

he laughs and revalas hes got jack sgh-t and they beat him dead and throw his corpse in the river

i think 1 guy used a hammer

the end

that was quite good

a bit long but it doesnt feel it

its got good acting and writing and the effects are cool

its kinda one of the universal mnsters series with thsi devolved guy being the titler character and bad guy

in the book i hear he let her go with her bg and bit it but here he goes mental

lon chaney does a great job in here and the direction was well done

its one of his better roles, but i kinda liked the unknown more

he's not evil evil, he's just a malcontent who wants a girl and is mutated

it inspired many films later and has a good feeling where its not much going on but holds your attention

kinda liek alien 001

this si probably the best version of it andf it was closer to the book than the others and while no one remembers the mask, everyone remembers the face

he;s reallky a freak, makes chairface chippendale look normal

but i liked it and as usual, normak kerry got the girl

for The Phantom Of The Opera 2 i want him to have been dying in the river and his black magic kicked in and he revived as a demon monster and attacked the townsfolkwith his devolvd claws and blades in his body. also raoul and her unite their love and become a hermaphrodite of fusing into a metaslic thing and  fight the demon phantom in an epic battle across the city. Afetr beating him, he space folds top h-ll and will be back with more daemons, so  thhe defuseable and reufsable couple go aroudn to find these  holy places to pray and summon angel warriors to fight agaisnt the demon ones, then its a big battle where 1 angel faces 1 demon until the winner gfets paris. also its a 128 bit 3d fighting game like soul calibur but on sega dreamcast, gamecube, ps2 and xbox where you play as either angels or demons and fight in a rouunament.