The Long Goodbye Review

 Note; i spell long bad

The Long Goodbye

This  is my review on The Long Goodbye from the distant future year to mary the elephant of 1973 (50 years beforeRobotech II The Sentnels)

its directed by Robert Altman who did M*A*S*H/Popeye

It starz Elliott Gould from M*A*S*H/Naked Gun 33+1⁄3: The Final Insult/American History X/the gat a55 2001 Ocean's Eleven/Ocean's 8/The Magic School Bus/Touched by an Angel/the  cr-ppy 1997The Shining/The Simpsons/American Dad!/WordGirl/Drop Dead Diva/Law & Order/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/A Bridge Too Far, Sterling Hayden from Naked Alibi/Dr. Strangelove/The Godfather, Henry Gibson frtopm Chitty Chitty Bang Bang/thr 73 Charlotte's Web/The Blues Brothers/Gremlins 2: The New Batch/Bio-Dome/The Beverly Hillbillies/Halloween is Grinch Night/The Smurfs/Eerie Indiana/Rugrats/Duckman/Aaahh!!! Real Monsters/Sabrina the Teenage Witch/The Wild Thornberrys/Hey Arnold!/The Amanda Show/Malcolm in the Middle/The Batman/Boston Legal/King of the Hill/All Grown Up!, David Arkin wh suidoced from Valley of the Dolls/M*A*S*H/Popeye, Warren Berlinger from Happy Days, Pancho Cóodova from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Enrique Lucero from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Rutanya Alda from The Deer Hunter/Rocky II//Amityville II: The Possession/The Dark Half/Law & Order/Judging Amy/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Cold Case, holy cr-p its got Jack Riley from Rugrats and High Anxiety/History of the World: Part I/Spaceballs/1997 Boogie Nights/The Partridge Family/M*A*S*H/The Rockford Files/Charles in Charge/Garfield and Friends/Harry and the Hendersons/\Seinfeld/The Secret World of Alex Mack/Touched by an Angel/All Grown Up!/That '70s Show, Ken Sansom from The Chipmunk Adventure/The Transformers/Murder, She Wrote/rabit in most Winnie the Pooh/TaleSpin, David Carradine from from Kill Bill: Volume 1\Kill Bill: Volume 2\Kung Fu: The Legend Continues\Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman\Lizzie McGuire\Jackie Chan Adventures\King of the Hill\Danny Phantom/Young Billy Young/Celebrity Ghost Stories/Taggart, Arnold Schwarzenegger from Conan the Barbarian/Conan the Destroyer/The Terminator/Commando/Predator 01/The Running Man/Twins/Total Recall/Kindergarten Cop/spurminator 2 J-zz man gay with Edward footlong as john bonner I mean Terminator 2: Judgment Day/Last Action Hero/Junior/Eraser/Jingle All the Way/Batman & Robin/End of Days/The 6th DayCollateral Damage/Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines/The Expendables/Escape Plan/Terminator Genisys/Liberty's Kids

i never saw this but its based on a novel by Raymond Chandler's i never saw and also did The Big Sleep/Double Indemnity/Strangers on a Train

after a logo and horary for hollywoo playing, we see eli in ben when his cat wakes him up, he has a smlke and feeds it cr-p but it knowcks it over

he looks out his apartment and sees chicks in the net building and he talks with em and 1 wants him t get brownie mex like i Kenny vs spenny where he make a log of it and ate it by the toilet when pretending to be spenny

he goes around loking for the right brand of cat food cuz that cat is a b--ch and not like minas cat in sailor moon who crawls up her a55 at night and 

he gets the chicks brownie mix and comes home and puts the fake cat food in the box of  the past one like that can trick it liek parents mixing ketchup from Heinz and cr-pp brands and thinking its all the aame

of course this dont work as even an animal can tell the difference between brands and a guy with cuts on his face comes by and they talk about money ro somethibg and he needs to get to sovie Mexico as people are after him

the next day hes looing for his c-ck sucking cat, which would hurt as their tongues re like sand paper, and cops come by and grill him over where he was last night

he sez hes a private dick like shaft and not black nor a secks machine to all the chicks and he sez he was looking for catfood for his devolved cat that scatched him

they arrest him as they think he's full of sh-t like an Indian street and grll him at the station where they ask if he's a faeg and he chocolate up his face with ink like al jolston

he finds out the chick of te guy who came by got iced i think and  in a cell David carrideine sez how they are arresting people for drugs, whichnis good cuz junkirs ota be sent to the ovens and cooked to feed real people

so he finds the guy who was by his place ate his gun after a confessin in soviet Mexico but eli thinks it dont add up and they dont say wher the body went

\what is he? hit ler? theres no body and the commies say he bit i, but you believe the commies right? also despite the soviets finding him allegedly, the stalin still looked for him in south America

he gets a ca;ll for a guy missing and he drives there in the alleged dead guys car and the chick has a big black dog that probably b0nes her

she wants him to find her husband or w/e andhe goes around for 50$ a day plus expences

he gos to this green plants zoe to delver a nook to a guy who wiote this book and i think its a nut house and he was told theres no guy by rhat name here

so he sneaks in later t night and sees a beardo talking to a dr to sighn something  and eli tells him not to and eli is ere to bring him home and beardo is the author hes looking for

eli brings beardo back to thog chick and writer is kinfa mental and later ei goes oyt and a pack of thoygh guys beat him andae jyuush and bring him in this huse as this blonde is in the car and listens to music

its his aparrment and he sees the chicks across te yard and the guys in the gang are varuois races ad bust up his place looking for something

head gy wants his money from eli and thinks hes invoved in something with the 1st guy whos said to be dead andhad mnwy from him and was gonna bring it o soviet Mexico but it didn't arrive

a chick comes in, i think the blonde from the car, and the head jyuuish guy busts a bottle on her face and has her sent out and tells eli to get his money

so they go and he goes out and follows blonde and its the crazy guys wife the author and later its day and a guy thinks the chicks there are queer as they pose nde but he sez they do yoga, which is daemonuic

so writer talks with blonde whos face is ok unless its a different chick, and she sez if he keeps drinking shes dumping him and he sza writer who casnt write is like a man who's parts dont work(like when they get chipped uup to fake being a girl crptch?)

they argue a bit ovrwtoter saying she wants eli and later eli comes by ands he invites eli to drink

k i loked it up and the jyuuish guy busted his own gfs face for getting in the way

so eli goes to Mexico or some other slum like in violence jack and he looks into where the alleged suicide guy wasand chex the cop station

outside mexicoes bring a box and a swrm of em have a parade with music for a dead guy

latewer eli goes y this place and another big black dog bars at him and he's at a beach with auror and wife and the dr comes by with sithor calling him the albino t-rd like hes made of spurm, and author dumps on him but not literally

dr t burd minus the b wants 4000$ but when he mouthes off to dr t and the urds, t with urd slsps him and he spazzes out andthe party gets f'd

he signs the chceck like a good indentured mind wiped servant and  dr sez he wont have author as a patient

author is all f'd and eli talks with wife who sez she cant leave athor for a night or hed bust up the place agai9n, but really it was the knob gob lins in the book

he asks if her husband was b0ning a chick as authot husband walks into the sea to die like a star is born

wife and eli go out to save hi and the dog jumps around barking like an idot, which is why the maruta in korea eat those yhings

we see the white waves and the jet black sea that goes on with the je black sky forever in an endless abyss of void

they call the coast guard or w/e andthe cops and a crowd gathers but they canmt find the body and he probably faked it like in The Odyssey that 90s show of the tween n a coma and the phantasy wortld

the cops ask why he ended it as he didn't have gender issues and eli sends em off and asks f her husband iced the wife of te chick i mean dude said to suicide in mexic, the 1st guy

eli tells cops to look into it and thwy say they know but he hd an alibi as they know when he left and got there to her place

eli wiggs out and sez he used the nut house as an alibi and paid the guy fr his coberation and goes on a long rambling possibly drunk tiade, also mentioning Ronald Reagan

later he tells jyiiush guy he dont git the money andthey show ardold w/o credit or lines but he stands around looking impressive like Ursula andress in clash of the titans or paris Hilton in the cat in the hat

face broke chic has bandages and got fixed up and sez he went to the hospital and got nude to show he had nothing to hide

 hhe wants ei to get nude and all the guys undress with anold sjowing off his 80s hero like enshiro muscles

they get undressed and 1 guy had a 5000$ bill and jyuuis guys wants this guy to deb0ner eli with a knife cuz hs dad was a moyle

then this guy comes in wo left cuz he dont wanna show hs scars even though scars are cool and has the guys leave as someone delivered the missing money

later its day andwait its night and eli chases the chick or wife of author by running on foot after her in a car as women can't drive

so he gets hit by a car and inds up in the hospital and sees a man wapped up like a mummy

he looks down and his arms and lgs are removed and he's got stumps and his boy has been vviseted with his organs exposs and hanging out

jk really he sez the guy in the wrapping is him and escapes by telling it to a nurse wo was out for a few days from the flu

if you die of the flu you keep youe soul, but if you die of autism you wind up on big ang theory

so he goes to te authors house and  the people ae packing up and wifes not there and he goes to the neighbor chicks and sez hes leav ing fir a bit and if his cat shows up to look after it

so eli goes to Mexico and i think fids the 1st guy isn't dead and he finds 1st guy wjo sez he slugged his woman when she wigged out over him confronting her over cheeting and she bit it

he faked his deayh and devolverecthe money and pinned it on eli and now has it made but eli caps him and leaves him to rot in Mexico scum wate and wife of author drives by as eli plays the harmonica and the credits roll to hooray for Hollywood

the end

that was pretty good

kinda 50s style private dick movie but in the 70s

its well acted and has good twists and ideas and the music is good

its like how imma 90s guy and play sonic an Shenmue in the 2020s

it was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress and i can kinda see why

it goes by at a good paxe and has nice atmosphere and flow

im not a 70s guy who im not sure about how outta date this was compared to the 50s books but if i didn't look it up i wouldn't have noticed

gross, its in soviet califoenia! nuke it!

but i liked it and eli did a good job in this, even though in the book he let the friend live and the chick wife of the author killed the 1st guys wife and the author then suicieded

they changed it butthis was pretty good as it was

For The Long Goodbye 2 I want him to be called in on a case of a stolen artifact but it goes onto a deep look into an ancient past of high tech that the elites are trying to keep hidden. also the elites are working for aemons and Eliot's chatarter gets holy armor from before noahs flood that fires ki blasts of holy ki andhe goes through underground cities in claifornia from ancient peoples around noahs flood and after and fights daemon mechs with ki blasts and unlocking mor abilities. Also its an 8 bit game like Blaster Master on sega master system and game gear, nes and game boy, tg16, Atari lynx and 7800 where you play the main guy in the 1st movir and find hidden areas in the under city in California to beat the secret giant daemon rulers who control things.