Once Upon A Time In The West Review

 note: i spell lomgly bad but this movie is long as my poop

Once Upon A Time In The West

This is my review on Once Upon A Time In The West from the diatant future year to The Right Honorable John Wilkes Booth of 1968 (50 years before Robotech's Malcntent uprisings)

Its directed by Sergio Leone who did A Fistful of Dollars/For a Few Dollars More/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

It stars Henry Fonda from Jezebel/the 1939 Jesse James/1940 The Grapes of Wrath/The Ox-Bow Incident//12 Angry Men/the 50s Warlock/How the West Was Won/Firecreek/The Swarm, Jason Robards from Philadelphia/Enemy of the State/the 1988 Inherit the Wind, openly Slavic Charles Bronson from Apache/Master of the World/The Great Escape/Guns of Diablo/The Dirty Dozen 1/Red Sun/Chino/Death Hunt/Death Wish 1-V/Family of Cops 1-III, Gabriele Ferzetti from The Bible: In the Beginning.../the 95 Othello, Keenan Wynn from The Cockeyed Miracle/the 40s The Three Musketeers/Royal Wedding/the 50s Angels in the Outfield/Touch of Evil/Dr. Strangelove/The Americanization of Emily/The Night of the Grizzly/60s Stagecoach/Mackenna's Gold/Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town/The Last Unicorn/The Goonies/the 60s The Twilight Zone/Highway to Heaven, openly suicidal Frank Wolff fron The Wasp Woman/the 60s Twilight Zone, openly commie film actors guild founder soviet Lionel Stander from Mr. Deeds Goes to Town/the 30s A Star Is Born/The Transformers: The Movie, Woody Strode from Sundown/Demetrius and the Gladiators/the 50s The Ten Commandments/Spartacus/The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance/the 65 Genghis Khan/the 90s The Quick and the Dead, Jack Elam from Ride Clear of Diablo\The Night of the Grizzly\Once Upon a Time in the West\The Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County\Hannie Caulder/Firecreek, Al Mulock from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly who suicided on this movie. Benito Stefanelli from A Fistful of Dollars/For a Few Dollars More/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Aldo Sambrell from the 60s King of Kings/A Fistful of Dollars/Doctor Zhivago/The Texican/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly/Hannie Caulder/Shaft in Africa/The Wind and the Lion, and a number of guys i never saw in anything or aint on back door, candy a55, beta male, aids bag, banana crammer, Sodom bottom, frooty booty, soy boy, gender offender, hippe vegan  stoner peta tree kung fu based on plante wikiepedia who dont have an article on max bielas but fdoes for mariah carrey saung "i dont know her" about some mexicommie or w/e

this film is 4 hours with adds on Grit and wasn't loved when it came out but later people said its one of the best films made

Afer a logo these cowboys in trenchcoats come in a train station and put the ticket guy in a closet

then cedits of a few guys waiting for a train for like 10 mins

eventually a train comes and bronsoncomes by and eventually they fire on each other and both Bronson and the guys he fired at got hit

buronson ties is left arm in a sling and goes off then we see a guy with a big moustache shooting birds and his son gets it to him

sn pretends to shoot birds with finger guns cuz he's a kid and kids do that but in the 90s people spazzed out over it thining the kids might do it for real like the devolved into by the 2010s

moustache and son come home and theres a girl there making food and its the guys daughter and mouschahe dad is disgruntled over some cr0-p

he sez they are gonna get rich and theres a teen who's disgruntled over his mom biting it 6 years ago and dad sez hes gonna meet his mom at the trai station and dad sez shes wearing a black dress and straw hat

i guess its a new wife and laer the dad sister and teen get gunned down by a bunxha guys in trenchcoats

they come up and start b0ning the kid as he screams and vomits

jk really they ask what to do about him but calls the main ba guy frank andas kid knows 1 of his names, main ba guy caps the kid offscreen

the new wife arrives and walks around to emotional music and is goin to sweetwater  and hears thats with a re headed irtishman is there and laughed at by the cart driver

She goes to a saloon and want water but they dont serve it since the flood(like the mud flood that buried the past workld and cities?) and has a bath that 3 guys used maybe together which means they might've been b0ning together and fulled the tub with spurm and poop

then a beardo comes in and people get silent and wait its Bronson and the music gets epic like smething outta violene jac  and wait bardo slides a gun at him as Bronson plays a harmonica

h thns Bronson dont know how to gun and tries to gunfight this well dressed guy but the guy happens to shoot the hand cuff chain on beardoes arm

beardo confronts Bronson over the 3 men iced by teh train station and Bronson plays his harmonica and makes bad notes as beardo walks off

new wife comes by the irish mousta che farm and finds the fam iced and reveals they were married a month ago in secret and they put em in the earth

the townsfolk say its cheyannes work and will find and lynch hum and 1 guy sez to go back to flagstone or w/e and she wants to sty here as its her home

later its night and broncon beats up a guy by a room of women and interrogates him about cheyeanne and a meeting and the guy swears he dont know as Bronson beats and choaks him

wife is bummed and not like with Polanski and hears something outsid an i think fires o it b ut i was reading of Al Mulock when looking this up

beardo eventually comes by an wants her ti make him coffee and talks of how he evads guys in the desert

she s-cked at starting a fire and beardo is cheyeyye who starts a fire for her and goes over how he was framed for the wacking of the wife's fam but she dont buy it and he asks of Bronson

this cripple with a ne ck brace like tourettes guy and crutches rags on main bad guy for icing the Irishmen fam of moustache dad and wanted them off the land for the railroad

cripple is terberculosis of the bones or w/e and has bars on the ceiling to swing from cu his legs are f'd and main bad guy played by henry fonda the dad or brother of the evil jane fonda wants to be his partner in his scemes

cripple sez to main bad guy by hendy fonds the da of the evil jane fonda who's characters name is the frank, that he has a better weapon, money and frank cant win being like him but frank sez his guns can take care of problems like the wife

wie talks of how she might go back to civilization and beardo xheyeeene sez she reminds him of his mon, the biggets wh=re until the 2010s withnikki minaj, kim Kardashian, Lizzo, taylor swift, cardi b, lady gaga an other kanaks that devolved out protoculture, but unlike them she had a bi heart and his dad was happy to have b0ned her

beardo leaves an later whrn wife tries to leave, the Bronson stops her and pns her to the ground and checks her arms by pilling the sleeves

instead of going soviet on her, he tells her to get water from the well as he likes it fresh anda they go there are some guys out in the distance watching

the guys drive towards em on horses and Bronson wastes both of 2 shots as beardo watching from the distance notices he can shoot

wife goes to the shop with the women cleaning like they should and tells the interrogated guy to tell frank she knows and wants totalk with him

frank and cripple are in this train and Bronson is on top of it as it goes on like some kinda action hero on a death hunt from a family of cops with a dirty dozen death wishes but when he coes down, frank Hendry fonda gets him at gunpoint and brings him in an has thim tied up but not for SM like with blonde germans

frank meets the interrogated guy and sez someone followed him an i tink it was Bronson and he shoves interrogated guy on his a66 and back out th traina dn it movies onbut interrogated guy sees cheyeeeyen under the train

he tries to tell frank but drank shoots him in the armpits and belt as he dont lie belts and sundepneres and leaves him to die like a dog in bile and p-ss

Bronson sez he's Jenkins or something and dave the slave butn frank sez hes dead and beats on Bronson for saying frank killed em but cripple sends frank off to ice the wife

we are 2 hours otta 4 in, that didn't feel like it

so Cheyenne gets on the train and caps the guys who stand on guard for thee as thats not Canadian to guard as we can't close our boarders or even have oarders and any gaijin that infect us are eaual to the shin ningen who made it work

in the cripplews room a guard sees a boot bu the window bt its realy chereyyne holding it with a gun in it and blows out the gut and comes in to confront cripple

he shoots him in the legs and then blows off his arms so he' got 4 stumps an puts the gun in his mouth saying "you ever suck a musket?"

jk really it cuts to wife going over the buildingmaterals her openy irish husband ordered an she sez to put the word station on this sign like in Bill And Ted 2.

she goes home and looks for a miniatute that sez station and its held by frank who's there

inthis hole in a rock walls a55 the Charles Bronson has cripple captive and cripple wants land and to deal but Bronson knocks him off his crippled feet

Bronson is there and i think its beardo who wait both are at the station andbronson sez irsh was making a station and owned the area but wold lose it  if the station wasn't build by the time the railroad reached the area

the frank is on wife in bed and snoohes her om the b00bs and face and sez he'd feel sorry wasting her and how she likes feelong man hands on her even if they are the hands that iced her husband

he sez she'd do anything to save herself and she goes with it andtakes off her top but we dont see her long uncut shoelace nips and lays on her belly

he sez she was a h00ker and he ans tomarry her and get her land and ses on him and smooches his crotchless mouth

later she has an acution and 1 guy bids 200$ for the thing which the winter warlock thinks is low

cripple in a train car looks at a picture of waves with an epression like he's having a viet nam flashback and playsa poker ganme or w/ewith some devolved guys

the auction goes for 500$ until Bronson goes for 5000$ and sez its on its way

Bronson is gonna turn in cheyeene for 5000$ and heyene sez Judas was ok with 4970 less but Bronson sez they didn't use ollars in those days(mght as well say 3000 yen)

so they send him to the train station to go to a big time jail and this openly black guy and another rfrom the start of the fim come by

wife talks with Bronson and frank comes in and she goes to have a bath like Kagome in InuYasha

Frank sez Bronson took the bounty he wanted an they go on about cr-p i dont get as Bronson sees guys with guns going around town

frank offers 1 dollar or wants it, i dont know and Bronson puts it in a cup for the drink he bought and frank takes the 5000$ on the table

he goes out and the people he had with guns are gone and Bronson goes in the room with wife in the bath like its an anime like project a ko or fatal fury with mai shiranui in a hot steamy bath with her G cups under water

Bronson looks out the window andcaps a guy on the other side of a sign and ank caps a few guys on the ground

Bronson hints that frank otta check the time andhe sees a guy by a painted on clock and caps him b4 the guy can harambe him like that iriosh monkey who iced marilin monfroe

wife whines of Bronson saving fran from his own men and Bronson sez he didn't let the men ice him implying he wants to do him like with vegeta on goku

frank goes back to cripple and the train has a lot of bodies by it and in it

outside is cripple crawling like the worm he is and seemingly bting it at tis stream of chocolat colored water

Bronson real name buchinsky watches th railroad being made by non maruta and cheryene is outta jail omehow and wife makes him coffee after probably being b0ned by the guy who iced her Irishman husband

sshe wonders what Bronson not buronson frm hokuto no ken is up to and the frank comes by wearing black like openly they/them according to the wiki luke skywalked and not the manly luke skinlicker from flesh Gordon who b0ned space bimbos

frank sez he's not like cripple and wants to know what Bronson is after but Bronson sez only when he's on the point of dyng

Bronson reveals he's the ghosts of the people frank killed who melded together and want revenge and are doing 1 last good in this world before dante;s inferno

jk really the cheryee wants to sahve but 1st wants totell off some guys and how some guys find wife hot

thr Bronson and the frank walk by a big wood building and seem to be ready for a duel but not with yugio cards

btw this is widescreen but has color thats earthy like many 60s weesterns and i hear some versions have a yellow tint

as they are gonna face off, we see a young frankwho weve seen out of focus in many shots here walk up and give a harmonica to i think the Bronson and wait it was to broncon as a kid withhis dad i think standing on his shoulders from an arch by a noose and kid Bronsonfalls

then we hear bullets and bearo Cheyenne cuz his face shaving and fran got shot though the heart, and he's to blame, he gave spurm, a bad name!

after staggering a bit frank fonds ford freedman falls and asks who are you and Bronson puts the harmonica in his mouth as he realizes who it finally is

and then, he died... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

beardo Cheyenne sez it would be nice to see this town grow and that Bronson is like death following him like Violence Jack and openly Slavic Bronson comes in to get his things and sez he's going

the wife who i thin is played by a blonde italiano looks at her i mean him and he looks at the town, sez its gonna be good and she sez she hopes he'd come back some day and Bronson sez someday and leaves

beardo cheryen sez he has to go too and she dont care and watches Bronson ride out

cuchinsky sees beardo following himand is outta breath and i think has a tummy ache from too many tape wors in his a55

he has to stay here and probably b0ne an itanlano woman but Bronson sees a wound in the guy's lower east side, or west, the one by where the large intenstine leades o the anus and colon

he sez he dont want Bronson to see him due i mean die and could go to a dr and get his butt pipel sewn up, but then he dies and Bronson turns back to see him laying there to rot

later the train comes to the station ECELLENT!!!! air guritatr and  land before time music plays

Bronson returns with beardo's body on a horse to eat later and sees the wife givng water to the slaves and the title show on the screen spinning like a movie maker effect and going over the area

the end

that was quite good

its a slow burn but holds your attention and you ain't thinkin "how much longer?" like titanic

good acting and it goes by with nice flow and no drag

the bad guys aint as bad as you'd think and the good guys got edge

its bada55, cool, and entertaining and has good music and acting

its mot trying to be political or force a moral but gives good action and a nice build up/release like the 00s x men 1

speilburgh and taentino liked it and it inspired em as did George lucas and it drew inspiratuion from john ford and other classic westwrns

a well made film and a good watch

For Once Upon A Time In The West 2 I want Bronson to return and find the town has been taken over by a tribe of sasquatch that have enslaved the people and use them for breeding hybrid monsters, and he has to save them and blow out their devolved kids, as well as lead an uprising against the demon apes. Also its a 16 bit Run N Gun on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as Charles Bronson and fight devolved sasquatch hybrids and the bosses are in demon mech armor like a death metal album.