America Review

Note: I sopell like I Am, An Ameruicxan!

Ameruica

This is Ore Samma No Review on America from the duistant Future Year, To Mark Twain, or 1924 (90 years before The Malciontent Uprisaings in Robotech)

Its directed by the most grand D W Griffith who did did A Corner in Wheat/The Musketeers of Pig Alley\Judith of Bethulia /The Avenging Conscience: or "Thou Shalt Not Kill"/The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/Broken Blossoms/\Way Down East\Orphans of the Storm/Abraham Lincoln/True Heart Susie

its based on Robert W. Chambers' 1905 novel The Reckoning that i neer read nor heard of

I saw some of this b4 but not most

Its also callled Love Ands Sacrifice at times

it stars Neil Hamilton from the 60-s batman, Erville Alderson fropm Santa Fe Trail/The Grapes of Wrath/sergeant york, Carol Dempster from The Birth of a Nation/Intolerance/Treue Heart Susie/Way Down East//Sherlock Holmes, Charles Bennett from citizen kane/The Adventures of Robin Hood/the 30s Treasure Island,  Lionel Barrymore from Judith of Bethulia/Ben-Hur\Sadie Thompson\West of Zanzibar/The Mysterious Island/Arsène Lupin\Rasputin and the Empress\Treasure Island\David Copperfield\Mark of the Vampire\The Devil-Doll/Captains Courageous/Dragon Seed/Duel in the Sun/It's a Wonderful Life/Key Largo, Sydney Deane from the 20s The Last of the Mohicans, Louis Wolheim from the 20s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Orphans of the Storm/Sherlock Holmes/Two Ar ab ian Knights/The Racket, and a bunch not on candya55 wikipedia or that i never heard of

so after tital and creduds we get a text saying its a stoiry of sacrifice for Freedom in Americabetween 2 Englisgh Speaking people as the gov soviet canada and australia have was denied to America by the evil king george 3

the evil brits raised taxes to pay for the expoences from the french/indian wars and the colonies were not represented in parlement

is this where Gundam goit it from? Is George Washtingion Dozzol Zeon?

then in lexington (steele??!)we see kids playing soldiers and in da buckman travern, wait, its the home of nathan holden(llike william holden?) whos a poor farmer and heading to bostom

nates ancestors fought cromwell and wait fought with criomwell and hes an express rider and homie of paul revere(and the riaders?)

in virginia he meets the innocent virgin and butt virgin nancy montague whos above him ion status but as this isnt sh-tty a55 india, i dont think her fam will have them murdered for it

he swears to love her and later its revealed that her fam is brit nobility liek blue bloods (D HERO Bloo-D) and thus are probably inbred like the others in virginia on their estates

the montegoes love wach other and are movies with geroge washington

nancuy was at a thing in london and was the belle of da ball and her dad is a dandy but a good shot and swordsman, so he's gritffith from berserk

wait itsa the son whos the grioffith and his dad wants him to grow up and nancy asks if washington will fight the brits

he sez he is against inustive and has faith in the system and the montagues say they will stand by him

also george uis not sahown like with Jesus in Ben Hur

the evil regent of soviet england; george 03, had advisors supporting his view that he must rule all with his suipremacy and felt Am,erica wanted too much freedom, which is normal for brits today whjo enjoy beuing subserviuant to the fregent

in parliment, william pitt is sick but comes to defensd Am,erica and sez theres no Americans here and America is their son, not bast=rd

they saidf bast=rd in a 20s film

frances bernard, the ancestor of scott and brian bernard from Robotech was the reason things were cr-ppty between America and candya55 england as he didnt get how many still liked england as its better than the slum countries

so bernard sez ameroica has no rught to refuse and belongs to em and if they do, they will be iced

in bostyon in da green dragion tavern, samuel adams and john chancock plan an uprising and the town looks sorta  german expressionist A BIT

bernard is closing the shjipyard and starving em abnd nate is there as a minute man and a  member of tghe Sons Of Liberty

they send nate to virginia with news and the montagues ghead for the hpouse of burgess for legeslature

nate has news of bernard locking down boston like the china does to the people it oppresses and in legislature the montagues and G W is there, hay it shiows him, andf he looks like scott bakula

nate runs in and gives the news and the people get riled up but montague dad sed he still works for the kimng and the peoiple yell at him

the son and nancy and leaving and nate talks to nancy which is unuaual as shes higher status like in a feudal system of japan

he asks of his poem abnd she liked it and veiginia voted for a daty of pennance and praye for boston and didnt wanna ditch england

1 guy is reading something and dad montaguer objects to it being tree sun iss

nsanmcy starts spazzing outut and dad comforts her

the nate is sent to bring a letter as rthey didnt get AIM yet and runs off like a jackalpope

dad montague sez bye to g w and hopes theycan stsay friends and his kids, oh charlie is the son, is  told to listen to his heartand hugs g w

mpomntasgue dad goes to candy a55 canada to get support to fight the humans wjho want freedom and get the indians involved

montagues brother ashley like gone with the wind is in soviet new york anda shoemakjer runs south to avoid the indians

in the indian confederacy, the kingsm,an of indian affraireswants them to fight Americsa for the king and the induians consent

beware the handshake

the kingsman was walter butlwer like in ggne with the wind and whuile from America, hated it, like lord sodom bottom kaiserneko of teamfourstar or back door bradlyy aka manly brad

butler wants to use this as a chance tio take over and rule as a viceroy, kjda like ty r edwasrds in robotech 2 the sentinels

then gioes to boston to tell the general gage about the indians, and ashley wishes hi well

the montagues reach the hq gneeral gage the brit commander and nate read in the paper of the montagues arriveal

he thinks of nancy as he plows huis field andf backdoor butler gets there and has long hair and a cape like that guy form that thing i dont remember now

he sez the indians 6 nastions are on the kingsd side and to crush the masachuses rebels like candya66 trudeau and the truckers but i think montague wants to use diplomacy

alsdo butler lusts for nancy like edwards wanting minmei and hits on her and she in interested as he takes her hankie

a WARRENT IS CALLD FOR THE ARRWEST OF HANCOCK and addams as enemies of the king to send em to soviet england like with chi na and hong kiong

hanckock and adfdams go to lexingtom steele and the minute men protect em and on april 18 1775 the montagues heading for canada like those dfinks say when someone they dont like mis elescted, they stop in lexington steele

montague sees rebels like the confederates and they sing the song yankee doodle abnd montague is triggered

nate finds the montagues are there and reunites with nancy allen and she sez "dont fight the king and i;'l read your love letterts"

thats black male

he vows love no matter what and the minute nmen trainwith rifles and nate returns to em as they goo

later theres a cat on da table like in birth of a nation and in another room is a guy who looks like robert de niro but not as devolved and the monatgues from romeo and jiles the gay degrassi play based on shakesperes romeo and juliette are eating

nate goes up and wait, the brits are gonna steal the americans guns and bullets and arrest hancock and addams and they call for paul revere

nate is outside  nancys window with a whuiite horse and she puts iup[ a sphere to keep out withes and sees him

is tyhis romeo and 21st century juliette?

he stands on his horsde to talk and rides off after seating, then goes back and stands and climbs ip to talk

she gives him an item that he vows to remember her for

he climbs uip and in the window as the calls arew comming from inside the house but she dont consent

he smooches her hand and someone is comming and sees his a55 outside the window and he falls out and goes off

i think its dad montague and he comes in and tells her off then comes out and meets  nate

he attacks nate and nate fights him off but then they are cool and he sez he ment no hardm and they are inside

dad thinks nate was trying to b0ne her and tells chralie and hes gonna duel him

use archfireinds, they are cool

nancy tryes to explain but dad takes her upstairts and i only now realized thhey are nate and nancy

in boston somethings readying and raul reveal goes and gievs a signal

wait, he gets the suignal 2 if by sea and rides to town and 2 brits are there to stop amerticans

he goes up, his horse spazzes arounf and he turnxz back as they chase him

this is pretgty actiony

so he runs and leaps fences and loses the brits as theiur gorses are made cr-ppier like everything in candya66 ch ina

paul revere warns em of the bruits and theres some goodf stunts of jumping things which was epic in ther 20s

the minute men get ready and as rockos modern life sez; they were called minite men as thats hwo long it takes to cook a potato

so charlie is offended that a common farmer would talk to a montague and they have a duel with pistols instead of beyblades

b4 they fire, the paul tells them the brits are coming and they duelists stop

nate goes with his droogs to protect america from the commies opr w/.e and 

hancock and addams are alearted and book it

theyres a battle abd montaghuie is disgruntled that Americans are fighting the regents forces

wait,. only 1 shot was fired andf the minute men have a roll call and prepare for the battle

i think 1812 just started

butler is glad that this major is comming and in the dawn the battle starts

unlike in nam, they line up and take turns firing

wait i dont think they fired yet

they are standing there, menacingly, and 77 Humrnas hold off 800 brits

its like with the 300 spartans holding off the lord of the rings monsters

nates friend jonas swore never to run from the brits and1 shot goes off and is heardround the world and they take turns blasting at each other in a smokey battle fiend like birth of a nation

montague dad remembers his friend g w and jonas is swarmed and shanked by bayonettes but its not graphic as the guys running in front of it cover it

nancy wants to find charlie and not deniro is hiding in the taern or we./e

nancy vows to side with her bf nate no matter whihc side hes on and they smooch and go off

nate goes off to alert his homeis at concord and butler  thinks the rebels wont fight

he misunderestimated the american spirit, the evil b-=ch

so nate tells da concords who vow not to run as i forgot to sday how the brits drove off the humans and the brits arrcve at da brighe

turns out this was the shot heard round the world and they open fire on each other

imagine if the brits had unarmed cops in the 1700s? the americans would kick their candy a55es! Well, sooner than usual!

so therwe a big smokey battle and the brits are drove off, then in the fieldthey fire on the huamsn and the human take cover behind a stone wall and shred em

the brits cuiircle around and shank the huamsn and montague wonts tro know wehewre his son is, but hes fgighjting the huamns i think

wait, hes fighting the english

sdo nate gets the minute men to go at the lexington strele brits and montague coems out and wantsa to know wehat happened with his son

1 guy has him at rifel point and he calls em traitors but the guy, i think nate, sezto go back inside

1 guy grabs nates hand andf it piulls the gun and blows out montague sr and he goes to h-ll for being brittish

chick runs upstaurs and they brign in her dads body and wait hes bnot dead

die you sub human animal! your kinfd doesnt bleong on my blue and pure world!

he sez nate capped him and nancy is f'd out

not able to take it, she granbs his bayonette and runs herself through on it

jk really nate sez he didnt and shes shocked

yuo wa shock!

so she hates him now and tells him to go get f'd and he goes

then comes back in and says "If I can't have you, no one will" and caps her!

jk really the battle goes on outside and not de ito hieds undewr the table

aFTER DA BAttle, charles is with the ameruiicans and havign a good time and goes upostairs 

butlsr hears of hsi defeat and dreams of his as the mad regent or kyo oh in urotusukidoji

charles is american now and diont tell dad as hes fighting injustice and not the king

but the king is evil, hes into daemon worship

not de nito goes north as its too exciting here and i realize hes the shoe maker

in bunker hill theres treenches being dug and a battle happeningand the brits come with camnnon balls blasting the ground

to quote the french in ww1; the cannons, like phaIIus'sm, impregnmante the earth! War is like making love!

oh those lusty devolved frenchies, if its not the marquis de sade ort robespiere, its candya55 trudeau and macron

so in the battle a guyy runs outy and gets more gunpowder to guye fawkes the p[lace and its charfles who hears wait, he gets capped and struggl;es wotj the barrfel of powder

meanwhile, nancy has letters from charlies  as a boy and dad, whos still alive, thinks charkeis fightging fotrr the regent

at da battle,m charlie is crawling on the ground like a worm ands pushing trhe barrel as the battle continues

he gets it to base and the brits are winning and theres many of em advancingand shanking americans

the humans run as the brits take em on and thos ethat dont are endedf

thery need a leader and at the philedelphia continental congress, they appoint george washington as leader

att a place where the americans are treated, charlie is there and i think nancy gets word he got f'd

she goes trhere and has a moment with him and im not sure if hes bloinde or in a powdered wig

she kisses his lips as thats how it is in thweir family and sez bye as mother is waiting for him

and then, he died, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

dont worry, hes gonna be ok, he just needs some rest, liek the crystal knight in knighhts of the zodiac canadian dub

montague dad  wants to see him but nancy thinks hesd bite it if he knows his son was an American

every candya55 canadians fear

so they bring in his body and show him and she puts on the brit flag overe it to befoul it

she shows dad and then hides the brit flag b4 the guys come in to take the body out to be fed to the pigs and slaves

then in 1776 they sign the declaration of independance and ring the liberty bell

the king send brits and indians to cut new york from america and give it to soviet canada, which kinda happened with all those commies, and to destyroy americas grain to starve america like stal;in and the ukrainians, which made then join the fuhrer

at fort esperance in the mohawk valley whjere massacres happened, many bit it so savee freedom

montague dad esacaped to his bros home and is still broken from 1 bullet and the bros place is for brity forces and indians

butler has gone like khyron in robotech and has gathered a force of ameriucan malcontents called butlers greens

like in soviet california how theyt hate freeedom and amer8ca?

butler goes to bro montague and theres a note of the frencgh canadians aand a cherryu valley massacre and thats where i think the greens got the name

butlef was destroying farms in america like the gov regulations and wastying farmers like its sherman in the civil war to the confederates

captain hare is a self hating american who uses wqR AS a reason to go savage on guys, like section b in violence jack, or rather section a, and he lusts fior nancy! again, like section a

butler faked being nice and covered his dreams tpo conquer and until the cherruy valley massacre, few knew his true face

is he who t r edwards was based on?

he comes on tomnancy and sez his real reason was tyo see her

joe brant was a mohWK  chiefg who was educaTED and now was a violent warrior

montague wants nnancy to marry butkler abnd later at valley force the amweruicans go through the sanow and deal with cold with not much clotrhes

i think wAShingtopn is praying bt im not sure to wehhich god as of his affiliatuon, and nate is still into nancy

nancy syill longs for nate and theres a good scene of them thinkingh of each other and gojng back and forth

in the birt parleiment edmund bburke protests the use of indians and the duke of richmond AND JAMES FOX(JHAMIE FOXX?!) DO too

the evil kiong is busy with other wars in cnadya66 eutope and wants to be the only ruler there

geowge washington hears of the massacres of butler ad gets p-sssed and genegal morgan (asxe hand morgan from one piece?)sez to send holden butng w cant spare any more men

holden whos nate has liberty or death on huis shirt and not de nito coems backlto minrtague

in spring morgans men went to abernathy i mean albany with steamed hams and nate stop[s by ashlewys place to see nancy

he gives her a letter saying he was proven innocent of capping her dad by a miliraty couyrt and 

he sez he salways thought of her in the hardness and she sez her dad hates his koind aND HS SUFFERTED ENOUGH AND SHE DONT WANNA CAUSE MORE

he wants to meet her dad and tells of howe butle is a savage who massacres the innocent like with the butcher of little mesa in robotech battlecry and is a traityort to the king and decency

he goes up and tells him not to styay as  butler might try something with dad but dad dont caere and uis too p-ssed  to guive a sh-t

he sez hes gonna keep on loving her and leaves and shes crys

a year later, nate is in pensulvania and butler riases ashleys area

they catch the americans and lew ten int boyd of morgans rfdiles was chopped upo for not telling the indians any of his secrets

imagine if they showed it and we cann him beuing butvchered like a pig?

then eaten, as they b0ned the parts!

butlersa malcontents of self hatingf americans went aginst brit orders amd iced many they saw as enemoes

also manybrits dressed like indians to cover their evil, like the beta male trudeau crossplaying as a non white, over and over and over

i think cptain hare b0ned out a guys eyes with his thumbs

then we see a farm where people run and are capped

montague is shook up by butlers evils and ashley is capped for complaining about their acts and nancy and dad see

so a spy sez butler is gonna attack annear area and they dont have enought energon cubes tpo power a full scale assault, so they need the exact data

major strong an dfcaptain nate go in as ninjas and ggert to this hosue that nancy is in and then the britys come in later

they sneak around and avoid da britys amd butler reveals he wants to burn the country down and slaughter everyone in his way to make his own empire

like edwards and the ref and invid

he wants the mohawks to ccome at 3 pm or am ort we/e and then goes up to chat with nancy asking if she buys all the accusayions on him

he spazzes out meaning she does and dad comes in andsez hes not welcome hehere cuz opf the cherry massaacle

so butler has dad arrested for beign a traito as this is brit rule and they dont need evidence

nancy treies to save himbut cant as shes a girl and goes to the inner halls

dad is locked up and for all he knows, they arer all b0ning her at the same time

she sez shes ok aND A MOHAWK BY her foillows her and she goes in her room

nate and his majoy are lurking around and see butler havcing nuiis meeting and saying to destory fort sacrifive including the women and children

what about thehermaphrodites?!

also butler arresting montague as butler mover further dark and whenmontague, who stayed the same, disagreed, was attacked by hium, is like how the left keeps goingh l;efter and if you saidf anything they currently dont like, they go after ytyou

like women have wombs

so the britsx eat and the americans sneak around to escape and see the mohawk and go  ut he senses em and follows

major comes cvrom behind a curtain and mohawk shanks him b4 he can draw hsi sword but nate gets the mohawk and shanks him

captain hare pulls a trudeau and fakes being indian, but not tht kind annd nate goes off to warn the americans and meets nancxy

she leads him, from the door with butlers men and they hug and butler sends 2 of his men to get her

she sez she to wait til hshe returns and goes weith the men and asks not to be kept with the bad peopel who work for him

he sez she was promised to him like an indentured servant like in mus lim countrties or india and butler men wont let her leave

majoy i forgot his name is struggling to walk and nate comes out of the room and nancy prays for help but butler sez not to

major crawls around and finds nate and sez people will die if he dont go and tell them and hhe must sacrifice his gf or his country

so byutler is doing what seem slike b0ning to chick nancy and nate begrudghiungly runs off to save the innocnet

nancy faints and and butler feels her b00b from arioiund as she is on the ground

he carrues her off to butt hammer and as he goes up da stairs, the dark area on film lights up and we see majoy there, wait its joe the indian

he sez its timeto attack and if they dont go now they wont go

butler puts down his victyim and tells his men to weatch her until he returns, and i hope they dont put their parts in her mnouth

so shoe maker is in the building andf he and dad come out after the brits left and captain hair is dressed like an indian and going aorund

showe maker and dad montague come pout and have guns and lock the brits in the cloxzet where they belong

nate tells the fort of the upcomming attack and nancy and dad and trhe rest take cover in it as its the last safe place

the evil forces of ebutler head for the fort and nate sez they are only a few miles away and to move the grain convoy back

this huge a55 wagon of grain is on the move by seveal horses and nate reunintes with wait its dad with nancy

so the captain hare is disgrintled by then montague escape and attacks some place and burns the town like with the gorillas in the mist chick andthe african villages

so the fort isd under attack and its a good long shot of a battlefield with smoke rising and guyaz scrambliung 

nate gets to the troops and they go to the fort and its like birth of a natiuon with the hroes heading the the innocents being attacked by the bad guys

all those kids who played soldier are scared its happening for real

like in the 1st pokemon moviue where team rocket sez "i was prepared for tyrouble, byut not like this"

so the americans attcks the britmoes and butler leads the troops and we get the classic smoke coverer battl;efield that griffith fdowes well and the women start to get guns only to be capped

then the raiders attack but not with paul revere and bust the brits with nates noteriety

the brits flee like cobra in g i joe the 80s carftoon and the indians are climbing the fort walls and the americans inside are hiding in the inner chamber

liuke the cabbin in birth of a nATION

THE INDIANS BUST IN AND ICE THE FEW LEFT OUT OF THE INNER SACNTIM AND f off caps lock im trying to typem osmerthing

so the indians and brits who identify as indian are hammering the cabin and the women and inncoents are in there

the natesmen come in and useing the most american took, the gun, cap the enmyuu

the baddz get iun the inner area but b4 they sodomize anyone, nate come in with his droogs and watses em

hes glkad to see the nancy chcik alive and still a butt vidgin and mouth virgin and the brits are fleeing

butler is capped by amercians and goes back to h e double soviet engliand where his kind came from

so the countries make peace and holden march taught the montagues that grezt hearts braise themselbes above birth or wealthj

which is what makes amercica great

ben carson was a nobody from the slumb who worked hard and became trhe worlds best hild brain surgeon, then almost became president

in cr-popy copuntries like india or wengland, if you are born in a lower fam, you get iced for trying to ascend

so cornwallis surrenders and washington accepts and is made prez and montague dad is ok with holden nathan being in his fam

the end

that was pretty good

not as good as birth of a nation, but i liked the romance and it was morer talk than show

many title cards instead of action

but at least he tried something new instead of sticking to the same formula

its well acted and hasa good action and draMA AND THE FILMING IS WELL DONE

its not bad but there are better

also it kinda drags a bit at the start but its not boring or bad

fot America 2 i want it to be ABOUt england launching a 2nd attack in the 1800s and america teams up with Japan to take em on. also its got the kid of Nancy and Nate as  a tough chick who is skilled with a firearm ike Lillian Gish and she is friends with a Tengu from Japan who is an ambassator for ther Yokai forces who they send to aid america, also its a 16 bit Srpg like fire Emblem or shining force on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, AraTI jAGUAR AND gba and you polay as the chick are leading a band of warrior you have different classes and face the evil king of england who has taken over  france and has used them as food for his army as there was a bad crop, also you use steampunk style tech from benjamin franklin who you can use to give extra money to and he can make new armor and items

Chuck E. Cheese In The Galaxy 5000 Review

 Note I spell el cheezarro

Chuck E. Cheese in the Galaxy 5000

This Is My Review on Chuck E. Cheese In The Galaxy 5000 from the distant future year (to julkes verne) of 1999(The year some stuff happened in Robotech)

its a direct to video adventure of the rat from that pizza place i never went to

its by the funimation guys before they went sour and got all woke and b--chy and cruel

it stars the guys from the 90s dub of dbz after Saban left and they had to hire the nobodies from Texas to immitate the REAL Voices as they couldn't afford it

Sadly, this was the best funimation could go, They kinda f'd uip GT as the Blue Water Dub actually kepot things as it should be without the p0rn0 music and cutting 1/3rd the show

they f';d up kai which was already bad for being widescreen, cutting the cool parts, the blood, the violence, and havcing the 40s sounding kapanese music after the  muscistn was caught plagerizing

They didn't do 80s Dragon Ball well as the Blue Water Dub had better voices and writing

and super is cr-p no matter what

At least they did FMA right, but that was a bout it

Oh and the cool 90s DBZ with the cjheesey lines and awesome bruce falconer musaic isn't dont anymore as they remastered it and made it s-ck

the guy who did the main mouse is Duncan Brannan who is a Minister, but as funimation hates Christians, I'm not sure if he's safe

Huh, Gen Fukunaga did work for Rick Santorum before stepping down in 019 and them going on gee haad on Vic

so it starts with a title weith cheesy 90s cg then chuck e cheeze footage of wait, its just an italiano wait, it is chuck e cheese and these suit actors come in to meet this italiano for a meeting

this kid named charlie, aka chuckie aka chuck has an issue as he needs money

also thats quite a super italiano looking italianio, is this racist or are italianoes white?

so chuckie needs 50 000 diollers in 90s music i mean money as his aunts tractor f'd out

fun connection; In the manga its said Chichi has a hick accent and her fave vehicle is a Tractor, plus that whole "Princess of Fire Mountain" and the Ox King looking sorta Country and Goku being a farmer makes it seem like she'd be  one of those southern fried girls

Someone otta draW Her as a redneck wearing daisy dukes, a flannel armless top tied around her large bust like a bikini top, a cowboy hat, bare feet, and spitting on the floor. She should have a 4 : 3 TV with a VCR and a buncha VHS tapes, a Confederate flag, and a dog on a BBQ in the background.

so they suggest getting jobs at the chicken palace and 1 of those live puppets is a chicken who hgets triggered

the dog sez he can relate and the chicken sez he cant, which he can in korea and the phillipines

but the italnaio knows of a galaxy 5000 race in spoace with weird gamecube or rollie pollie ollie graphics and the grand prize is 52 000american 90s dollers

and the italiano was into pod racing years agioand tells em where to go and sez its more dangerous now that thetres more money

so the X [pilots who l;ook like 90s dudes and they can go at Vega 2 speeds, which i dont know what thast means

the dog dont wanna go and neither does tghe rest but chuck e sez "hold on! wbats that smell?!" and its adventure

then they break into a song like in f==king mac and me at mcdongs(known as mcdonalds outside of vietnam and korea)

its kinda cheesy but nice, like barney meets don bluth with some dbz fast wit and puns

so they get the dpog to come with em and ijust noticed the chicken ius in a cheer leader outfiit

so they go to this italnaio back room and theres a telporter thats 90s chgi and worse than power rangers and chuck e got a new outfit

they spin and warm through the galaxy becasue we are we are v r

on thge planet the chicken is on the chick e and its implied they might be b0ning in the past

so they look aroud and see this big a55 green screen area and the x racers are big muscley german guys and were disqualified last year for cheeting and are doign cr-=ppy arnold voices

they hit on the chicken and is this rock a doodle? and she rejects em and insults em

they are gonna beat her a55 and chuck e stands up to em and they look like they are drressed for p0rn0

b4 they beat and b0ne him, this guy called dr zoom calls em off saying to be superior on the race track

cant have violence, this isnt dbgt with vegeta getting his arm shanked through 

so chuck e and friends meet the italanos homie whos a cowboy and her shows them itlanoipoes pod racerand its a sega cd looking cgi car

then this blonde chick i neon comes in and is friendly with em about them being in the qualifier but rtheir ship s-cked

chick e cheeze sez his racer is gonna be cool and picks up her handkercheif when she drops it but chicken interferes

chuck e sez chicvken is just a friend andblonde hits on chuck e as she likes rat d0ng

chicken storms off and blonde kisses chuck e as this is howard the duck part 02

then at nbight on a green screen of the soda shop, the chicken sings of wanting the chuck e and how he dont notice her

interspecies romance? like robotech? or dbz?

the song is actually kinda good and has nice heartfelt feels and kinda 80s

so after working all night on the car, chuck e's crew has reformatted the cr-pmobile like beast machines and chicken isnt back

they go to da race w/o testing and wtf the kid in is it?! is that safe?

so cowewboy sez not to go vega 2 until the end and watch ut for dead mans canyon

they race and it looks like a cr-ppy sdreamcast thing and chuck e's car wont start and the dog hotwires the car and hgets shocked and turns inverterd polarity like a photo negative

the blue guy has to take a foot long dump and chuck e drives by the x racer who is not raCER X FROM SPEED RACER

X RACERS RAM THEIR CAR LIKE BEN HUR WITH BAD YOUTUIBE VISUALS AND they nearly slam da ground but recover

f off caps lock, go get soviets from california to b0ne you with aids df0ngs

so the x rtacers come after em and they evade and the x racers nearly hit a rock pillar

so the blonde, cowboy and chicken watch on the sxcreen like star wars ep 001 and the x racers use zoom gas on themselves to get high andthen use vega 2 to warp agead

chuck e uses vega 2 and they go sky hgih but then back and through dead maNS CANYON

MY A55 IS A WINDY CANYON

p off caps lock, go eat aids needl;es

so chuck e cant see in the speed and drops outta vega 2 and ther x ravcers win with chuck e in last place

later at the baror soda stand or w/e blonde is doing her make up and chuck e is buyummed he cant see at vega 2

so the x racers come in with chicken and i just rtealized this is like the mcdonaldlas characters

so the x men and chicken chcik mock chuck e and blonde cares more for chuck e making her look bad

then the dog sings a country song about how it looks f'd like a snowballs chance in texas being their chances of winning

dont woerry, global warming is non canon

so chuicken is taken to dr zooms warehouse as she asked to see it and she asks how they fly so fast and their secret

they say they use zoom gas as they are dyumb muyscle

perp; you can kiss my dumb muscle1

lawyer; where you're ghoing you'll have a lot of takers

actual law and order dialogue

or was it p0rn0?

so dr zoom comes in and sez da zoom gas is real an is dressed like a pp-mp as usual

he reveals in his really 90s song about how his zoom gas makes you do better at races but devolves the brain like flu shiots  and its made of chicken

this seems like a really cr-ppy bibleman thing

so the x racers grab her and he sez hes gonna turn her into juice which i think means is gonna grind her up into liquifioied slop

the next day chuck e goes alone into dead mans canyon and trains in vega 2 but f==ks out

he wakes up in a xcave and a guy who looks like the italiano and edison i mean einstein comes in and reveales he helped him

scottish einstein italiano sez winning isnt everything and chuck e sez he needs the money, so non italaino thinks its greed but chuick expclains its to help a feirnd

after saying he didnt train for it, the non italoano sez he needs to realize his true potential

i think this is where bleach got it from with all the training arcs

so chuck e does a thing where he does cg things on a green screen like jumping on rock pillars that burst fire from ther top somehow, whuch seems impossible

also running on a hampster wheel and whack a mole

also this is a montage of him doing it to a cheerful song

at the juice bar, the b,onde gets mad that chuck e might not win and she saved all her money to come here and this is her only chance to be with a real racer

so the x men come by and she goes with them but sez sorry

then its day time and chuck e hasn't slept and mastered huis training by grinding all night agianst ther same things

also refs to tyhe karate kid with waxing and painting fences

and this mysterious stranger helping him train is like in all the 80-s movies like youngblood and ricky 1-5 000 and team america

so on dr zooms lab he hasnt liquidated her and she unlocks the prison cell with her feather somehow

offscreen she nails him on the head with a frying pan and probably cuases brain damage, which he did to those meat heartsoh and theres rwal chickens in the cell and somehow shes sentient and not them

is this like gooofy and pluto?

or in arthur how d w had that rabbit and la sdawn or w/e isa rabbit?

so the race is gonna start and chuck e comes backa dn sees blonde with the guys who probably b0ned hwer all night, 1 in the mouth, 1 in the a55

and for some reason chicken chick comes by and sez she wasnt really into em but was a double agent and tried to find out how they cheeted

she reveals the x racers use zoom gas which i guess overeclocks the brain and burns it out

the barney meets griimmace guy ordered a pizza and they go off with an inconsistant number of racers

the x races are gonna ram chuck es chariot but he goes to warp factor and the x men use the zoom gas

dr zoom is watching as is the non italiano and chicken chick tells the cops who lok right out of a keystone cops 10s video

the chuck e is caught up to by the x racers, which means they are faster than them as they caught upop to em from furrther back, and they use a smoke screen from the exhaust hole

chuck e goes into a cgi forest that looks outta sonic and it goers off da radar

chuck e goes through the trees like not star wars and they get out but are in last place

so chuck e is gonna use vega 3 and the non ittaliano calls on the radio and chuck e calls him da hermet, like the turtle hermit master roshi in dbaf

he sez "listen carefully" but his call f==ks out and chuck e like rober e from dr quinn medicine woman is not sure

but the kid whos done nothing this whole movie and is the main reason they are here, sez he nbelieves in chuck e and chuck e sings a song about believing in himself and its kinda 80s

everyone sings lines in the song and  chuck e cheese wins

now this is pod racing!

weait, chuck e is from eartth? then where are the german x team from?

so dr zoom is arrested form cheeting in a contest and they saved the farm and sing a winning song

the germans and dr are taken away by the cops to be put to sleep and blonde takes back her hankie and stomps 1 of their foots

they sing and are crushed by balloons and the credits roll

wtf daphne gere was in this?

she was Maron in DBZ and aparently chuck e somehow

ew chris sabat, the bootleg piccolo and vegeta asnd recoome who drvolved the voices from the REAL ones in the Ocean Dub

make up tiffany vollmer, she was a good bulma, better than the kai one that sounds awful and mean, i mean yeah kai bulma sounds more like the japanese voice, but we dont get a 90 year old chuick to play goku here, or as people who like that say; sahhn gohh kooo

ew, mike macfarland, he hates the Salvation Army over a minor issue and rumor

the end

that was actually pretty good

nice lite clean and fun

good msuic and nice cheesy DreamCast CG

it rips off star wars, and rocky and it works and its only like an hour'

good color and nice voices and the brain damaged guy was candya55 chris sabat who often plays ret-rded characters like how he ruined recoome

this was back before sony butt hammered funimation and they had to remname it crunchy roll as people hgated it

like facewbook and meta or pedo and map

but this was backl when they were more innocent and less evil

kinda like the sonichu guy before he went all ed gein

this was a good bright cheerful enoyablkle film and i had some good tiems with it

my gf lijes it and asked ore samma to review it, which i did for her

you like this one jiggles? heres to you butter udders!

for Chuck E. Cheese In The Galaxy 5000 2 i want for it to be about the story of the blonde chick going on a training mission as if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself, and fuinds the non italiano hermit and get him to train her, also she gets all huge and muscles from overtraining and looks like one of those Go Nagai Bodybuilder babes. also the m,ovier covbers her journey of discovering her true path and finding the way to righteousness and does the race at vega 4 to beat the x racers who have had cybernetics installed in theuir brains as dr zoom got off easy as he had a soft judge at his trial. also its a 128 bit game on Sega Dreamcast, Gamecube, xbox and ps2 where tyou play as the blonde, the x racers or make your own character and go theough 1 of 3 paths with different training modes in each one with mini games and ending with the race .

The Viking Review

Note; i speell unnordic or not

The VBiking

This is my review on The Viking from the distant future year, to Oda Nobunaga, of 1928  (100 years before the 2nd robotech war)

Its directyal my Roy William Neill who did frankenstein meets the wolfman/black moon

its got Donald Crisp from, the 40s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde/Valley of the Giants/The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse\Mary Of Scoitland\da 30z Mutiny on the Bounty/Red Dust/Svengali/broken blossoms/intolerance/The Birth Of A  Nation/The Avenging Conscience/the musketeers of pig alley, Pauline Starke from  The Birth of a Nation/intolerance/da 20s Dante's Inferno, LeRoy Ma sQn from the 30s Call of the Wild, Anders Randolf from the 20s Sherlock Holmes\Noah's Ark\The Jazz Singer/Son of the Gods, Richard Alexander from the 20s The King Of Kings\All Quiet on the Western Front\queen christina\The Great Dictator\Marie Antoinette\ da 30z A Tale of Two Cities, Harry Woods from The 10 Commandments, Albert MacQuarrie from The Msark Of Zorrio and The Hunchback of Notre Dame from da 20s, Torben Meyer from the 20s Noahs Ark/Murders in the Rue Morgue/Bride of Frankenstein/Mark of the Vampire/dA 30S A Tale of Two Cities/The Great Dictator/Judgment at Nuremberg/The Great Rupert, Claire McDowell from the 20s The Mark of Zorro/The Big Parade/Ben-Hur/The Big House, Iron Eyes Cody from Ace In The Hole/Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County, Francis McDonald from Intolerance/the 20s Monte Cristo\Joe Dakota\The Guns of Fort Petticoat\the colored The Ten Commandments/the 50s Calamity Jane/Samson and Delilah\da 40s The Three Musketeers/Duel in the Sun, Lon Poff from the 20s Prisioner Of Zenda/\Dante'ess Inferno/Greed(that oews good)/The Man Who Laughs/ther 40s Madame Bovary, Angelo Rossitto from The Mysterious Island/The Big House/A Midsummer Night's Dream/Samson and Delilah/Mad Max 3 Beyoind thunderdome/the 70s The Lord of the Rings, Dick Sutherland from the 20s Uncle Toms Cabin/Don Juan/A Sailor-Made Man/Grandma's Boy, and a few 1800s dudes i never saw in anything

its the 1st fuill length color film and has 2 strip technicolor that looks interesting

I saw this b4 asnd liked it but its been a while

its based on 1902 novel The Thrall of Leif the Lucky by Ottilie A. Liljencrantz thart, you guessed it, I never r4ad

So after the colored MGM Logio, we get title and it seems kinda 30s with that hue and music on da credits

then text saying 1000 years ago, b4 Whites came to America, da vikings sailed da north

even though the south americans had stories of White Bearded Men comming acroiss da atlantic and teahing em how to build

probably after Noags Flood

So its da vikings ands we see the boat and it comes near lord alwin of soviet englands castlre

hes got people in his castle and the color seems kinda like ivanhoe in dA 1950s

1 prays to The Lord to be prpotected from da vikings anmd outside da vikings are ear and 1 uses a bow/artrow to j f k a guy and another monk is iced and we see his bls blood spill on his boiok

so alwin gets along wiotrh his fam bu da vikings attackand its a big a55 battle

after it they go back to norwau with slaves and1 viking is a midgwet

the picrture the alwainb's mom was making is dropped and step[ped on and alwwain is bummed

outside, a blonde viking chgick is knocked over by a norseman horseman and is treated as ride of the valkyries plays

text sez shes an orphan and of noble blood and her dads homie lief ericsson protects her

her arm has a light sprain and is treated by some guyholding it for a bit then her wrapping it

she notices alwain looking bummbed and thjis viking wants a gift for his wife and chooses a slave

viking chick named helga chats with alwain and buys him for 3 silvers

the same price gut's dad sold him to the big black guy for

she wants his chains off and is told hes got a tem,per, but hews unchained

she jump tacklles him to the ground like enzo in reboot for bob and starts violently b0ning him

jk really they go home after paying

so leif is out with his crew and egil da black is having a swordfight and wuins

hes got a p0rn0 moustache

so helga comeas back and the slave buying viking's woman dont like him getting a greek slave for her b day

she probably is all hairy

slave buyer playfully shoves his fat wife around and she shoves him back

helga shows egil her alwain and he nearly shanbks aLWAIN b4 helga stops it

alwain riides a horse tro the next buty is told its not for slaves to ride and he does it right

helgha sez "wat wood leif think of ehil drawqing a sword on a slave" but egil is jealous of da slasveand is in love with her

she sez shge wants to be friends and hes boummed

later the viking cheifs meet under king Olaf whos da 1ast Christian leader and spreads the Good Word

lief is a bada55 VIKING AND IS GOING PAST GREENLAND TO FIND NEW LANDS

get f'd caps lockl, get BUTT F'D

so the vikings drink and chat and talk of lands beyond greenland but some think thasts the edge of da world

Olaf-Oh gives leiif a cross and wishes him well

elsewhere, egil thinks helgas slave alwion raN OFF And saDDLES UP HER HORSE

HE gets her to go after him and sghe fuinds him with a book

she whips him anbd he fights back as even if shes a bodfy builde, men are stronger than chicks

wehilms men catch him and hes gonna chop him in 2 by raising his weapon up and ashowing his pits, but shghe raiss her arm and uses her arm,pit tio stop him as hes stain his blade with slave blood

he wants a weapon to figt back but lief wearing artmor with big nipps drawn on it sez to honor the slaves courage

egli faces alwin AND both had 1 shgiend and 1 sword each

btw this has synchronized sound and therwes metal banging and yel;ls on here with jusic

in da fight, ALWIN BREAKS elgins sword but sez he spares him as helga loves him

mythbusters proved swords dont bvreak like dat

slave gets his book and whip and l;ief sez she lknows better than to whip a man like that

so helga gives him to lief and he rides liefs horse

lief gives her advice of controlling her temper and breings her home to greenland

so on da boat, as scuzzmo tells alwin to full a drinking horn but alwin dont and sez sez hes liefs [persobnal slsave

he has slave pride, he's proud of his status

so he cuts 1 hair on the scuzzmo and scuzzmo tries to wavk him

eglig sez to get dda beer or alwin wil be flogged and al;win mouths off to him

so egli gets him tied up and opens the tp of his shirt and then the rtest

he's whipped aNDHELGA DONT LIKE IT AND SYTOPS IT, then alwimn dunksa scuzzmo in the beer barel

the ship hits something andshakes but is bajk on track

probably a u s o

lief is toldf of his slaves acts and hes sent inside and helga follows but listens at a door

lief sez the edge of da wor;d is guardee by monstwers and shows a map opf sea dragons

like mosasaurs seen in ww1?

so liefd makes slave his right hand man anmd later chick helga is in ckloth instead of a mrtaly tank top anbd has her arm felt by lief i think

shhe looks at slave and longs for him, then trhey go to greenland which is a icy place and is stil following the nordic gods like yugioh 5Ds or Saint Seiya, and workd for eeric the red

so eric has a judgement on boat damages and 1 guy has to pay another silvwer but they fight over it and eric therottles em then has em pray to a nordic god as he didnt ice em for drawing blades in a judgement place

at the graven idol, they fight and 1 guy has a cross and eric chops him wityh an axe

we dotn see the impact but the axe has blood on it

hay its china an mus lims countries!

so elief coems by soviet greenlandfor supplies and goes to his dads place and on the trip,  the viking play dice

so we're throwing dice in da alley, and officer leroy come in, and "hay i thoguth i told u" k sun of a!

egli comes well in dice and they mock him for f ing out with helga and helga is therre in what looks like kinda sm gear straps of leather

she goes to alwin the slave and asks why hes avoiding her and he sez cuz hes a slave

she gets close to him and they almost kiss as soft 40s music plays like in a good disney movie

so they finally mnake it to candya55 green land, or i otta call it, tom green land, and eric the red wlcomes his son lief ericsson

eric asks if lief is gay for helga but he sez she has a guy

egli is bummed and we see helga showing her armpit again with a wave and a guy asks egli where his son kark is

elhi sez they hagave karks place to alwin as the christians are fgavored, then ther viking drink and cleebrate

1 guy i think scuzzmo sez lief turned christian and as eric gives a speech, scuzzoid and father of kark comes in and sez his son was passed over for a christian englind

eric comes out about beign christian and shows his cross and eric gets triggered like a reddit monkey and throws an axe aty him

it misses and lief takes it out and gives it back and sez to his men to slay his own men who ice his dads men

eric sez wehen ;ief left the pagan ghods he stopped being his soon so lief wants supplies and to be on his way

eirc sez no supplies and lief sez to alwin to bust open the graineries like moses in the 10 commandments

good shot ofg the base with the white buiolding, it looks liek an 1800s whaling pole place or a george melies movie

so the helga asks if hes leaving her here anbd lief sez shes gonna stay wirth liefs mom after beign with him for 005 years

so the epic attacks the lief and a battle of flailing swords breaks out as liefs men jacxk the grainhouse

scuuzzoid sees a alwain and the viking and is gonna shank em ninbja style, but helga raises her ARM TO shopw off dat pit and yells to him anbd he stops him

the viking get him and probably b0ne him ead with swords anmd liefs dudes escape and lock the ericmen inbside wioth scuzzpoid on the door

the redmen bust it down ands crush the scuzzula and helga sneaks out dressed as a man

the reds ands the liefs clash and liefs men carry  the loot they jacked to dfa ship[ and escape

red  eric is proud of his sons bada55ery and looks on with some honor

at night the liefs team is creeped out by the bl;ackness and fear ghgosts

probasbly of their countless victimas

i torch holding guy spaazzes out thinming he saw a witch and alwin finds its helga

they smooch and on the torch he throws his helmet and toarch bearer who looks like a cavem,an, thinks witch got him

egli comes in and sees and she goes to see leif who sez hes goinna marry her in ancient viking style aftewr the 2nd moon change

so days later, the people fear sea monsters which probably were shown in the bookmbut in 20s effects, woiuld be rough, and fear the edge of da world

egli wants to overthrow lief and alwin closes the shop doors with helga and i think they are b0ninbg

1 guy worrys as Li4efs Crucifix swings ans the people bicker

helga is stiull weaering clothes and sez sahe loves her slave and they smooch

lief comes by and a guy who looks kinda devolved grabs the Crucifix and spsazzes ouyt and throws it off da boat whuile saying to turn bacvk

the crew joins in and wantts to go baco and lief shames em for being cowards and candya55es and viking dont queer out of adventure

they go back to oaring and egli worked to f with the superstitous crew foer a while

hel;ga prays to The Christian God for aid and then they hVE A VIKING WEDDINMG WUITH ARMED GUYS RAISINGB BLADES LIKE A VALKYRIES IN ROBOTECH WITH MAX'S WEDDING

good f--k caps lock! can you die?

so helga has to dreiunk from the marriage bowl abnd as she is, egli sneak attackls lief but alwin takes it like in Spider Man 03

lief fighs opff te bad guys and shanks egil and sees helga hiolding alweins bodsy

helga sez she loved him and lief sez da slave betrayed him and is gonna cut her dowmn, but dont

egul from alex kidd sez he did it for helga outta love and bites itr

then they get to America as the 1at White men there, even though theres a skeleton found in fouth america thatsa from longer ago that dna tsts as European

they make a tpwer of stone and i tthionk alwin is alie as hes in bed and helgas lookinmg after him

he makes peace with the indians and gives em a cross and helga and alwin stay behind with some crewmen and the rest return to tom green land

then it shows the watxchtower in rhode island today, or in the 20s

the end

that was good

i love the color and its got a dullness but a likeable feel to it

its kinda ;like 40s and 50s movbies but with some 10s

it tells a good story and i didnt recall the slavery thing in it or the love triangle

or much of it besides the ending

but its pretty good and has nice action and characters

the chick is pretty cool and still feminine instead of b==chy feminists who chave half their head and dye it blue and get tattoos and piercings and aids

it doesnt drag and has good filming and the effects are good

its a solid movie that isn't over complex, just a good viking adventure

nowadays they'd make the Christian viewss look bad and the cool viking look evil, while the paganites being ther "oppressed good guys"

For the Viking 2 I want it to be about alwin and helga in America and they gotta deal with sasquatch attacks but her kid who is a muscley blonde chick and got like noen of alwins devolved brit dna, is skilled with an axe and has blessed items and fights them off, also its a 128 bit game like Legacy Of Kain on DreamCast, GamneCube, ps2 and xbox where yo play as her and fiugth various sasquatch daemons and people who were bred with sasquatches to make devolved hydrids

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Review

 note i spell dirty

duirtyy robtten scoundlers

this is my review on Dirty Rotten Scoundrels from the distant future yea rto d w gridffith of 1988(40 years before robotech dseason 2 or so)

itys directal by frank ozx who didThe Dark Crystal/The Indian in the Cupboard

it stars Steve Martin from Bringing Down the House/Home/The Simpsons and nothing else I';ve seen, Michael Caine from Zulu/Billion Dollar Brain/Miss Congeniality/Austin Powers in Goldmember/Batman Begins/Children of Men/The Dark Knight/The Dark Knight Rises/Interstellar/The Eagle Has Landed, Glenne Headly  from SVU, Ian McDiarmid from Star Wars 6 1 2 3 and 9/Sleepy Hollow, Dana Ivey from the color purple/The Addams Family/Home Alone 2: Lost in New York/Sleepless in Seattle/Addams Family Values/Addams Family Values/The Kid/Ocean's Eight/Law & Order/Fraiser, Meagen Fay from Evan Almighty/rob zombies Halloween II/La La Land/Life with Louie/Seinfeld/Malcolm in the Middle/The Big Bang Theory/The Muppets, Frances Conroy from Sleepless in Seattle/Catwoman/The Aviator/The Tale of Despereaux/All-Star Superman/Superman: Unbound, Louis Zorich from Fiddler on the Roof,andf a few i never saw in anything

I never saw this b4 but hear its fun

huh, it was gonna be with Mick Jagger and David Bowie

Hope they didnt have em b0ning

so after a title we get a chick offering a guy diamonds for her i mean his country and he eventuallly accepts

then credits then michael caine is told theres a target and he sits at a casino game with roulette and is next to a blonde

he says he might get something for the royal ring and his minion sez its royal and ur heiness

the blonde later asks minion and sez hes a prince and has a great destiny and she trys to help him and he sez hes got powerful enemies and might havew been spooted and jumps in da water

she talks to minion and he sez 5 years ago his woman bit it and she gives him a donation

then we see caine paying guys fot their help and go to zuruch

later steve martin from godzilla is on a train and sitys with a chick and sez hes hungry but will have only water and how his grandma raised him and hsi real rents didnt want him

she's been sick and theres bills and he's bad with money and works for the red cross

she sez she'd pay for his food and he orders a load of cr-p

so later he goes to 1st class and sees caine who sez he heard all dat cr=p[ he did

steve sez women have it too good and men have it worse(which is true) and he otta have them pay

steve sez he's heading for the riviara as theres lots of rich women there and caine sez its not anymore and its old guys and now the social stuff is in the italiano rivereia

steve is gonna check it out anyway and caine sez hes going to his wifes and when the train stops, thgsi european chick is on and sez shes going to portafino and steve goes with her instead and sez the grandma story

caine gets off and reveals he sernt the european chick and that he dont wanna compete with steve

later cain reads of a con artist claled da jackel and reads on a chick whos the nesxt tareget

then steve comes in on a white ferrarri mustang with the target and has a lot of cr-p from her

then on the beach is steev in a speedo with a blonde in a bikini and caine shows the target and he's arrested for taking money

he talks with minion who fakes being a cop and sez its  amisunderstanding and he struggles to remember the name but kinda gets it

caine comes in and sez they used to neuter people and gets steve to agree to 5000$ to let him out and he goes off on a plane after thanking caine

on there he meets the blonde from b4 who sez she knew the princer who was the caine and that she knows her noney is finacning his mission

he puts it together and goes with it, then comes back and reveals to caine he knows and wants in and to be taught by him as he never thought they could go this big in scamming

if not, he'd out him and caine asks his education and steve sez he did high school,and majored in metal shop

caine lets him in if he follows the rules and steve accepts even though caine looks uyounger than steve

after a montage btw caine looks like william hgolden from life with father, stsve has mastered his stkle and will work for caine

later caine is with a chick and getting her to give him bucks and that he has a brother whos another prince

he shows him steves room which has a toilet and tire swing in it and hes kinda devolved and looks like jim carry in dumb and dumber

steve braks things and when told "what do we do for guests" he gets a glove and lubes up" then hugs her and spazzes out

he sez hes gonna marry her and are gonna go to oaklahoma and later at dinner, he has a fork with a cork on the end and eats apple sause

when he asks to go to the bath room, he makes a face and p-sses or sh-ts himself and it disturbs the chick

i love this, its so fun

also i thought this would be them trying to outcion each other,m i never thought theuy;'d team up\

so theyget paid and steve gets nothing and caine sez he's spell it i eman spoend it on cr-p

so he shows stsve things steve dont get like wine he wont drink or sell and a statue of a naked chick but steve has enough and ditches him

so steve comes back and sez hes staying to work here and they can both do things despict i mean despite caine not wanting to share

he sez he can kick hsi a55 and cainer sez he can have him arrested and steve sez he can out him to the blonde from b4

so they agree to a contest and whoever gets the number of money from this chick gets to stay and the other is banished

1st oen to get 50- 000 $ from this rich chick wins

at a roulette atble caine trys to get near but steve comes in ruiding a wheel chair and fakes bewing a military guy with cr-ppy lucjk

he f's out at roulette and tells her he needs money for his grandmas operation

she offers him 2000$ and hes thankjful and hes got mental trauma leave as he won a dance thing with his woman and when he came back, his woman was b0ning danny terrio the host of dancing usa

so when he woke up, his legs didnt work from mental issdues and theres 1 dr in lichtenstein and is super expensive but can do it for 50 000 $

then he sees a couple dancing and has an autism attack and she wheels him out

she writes a letter to da dr and goes to mail it and steve jumps outta hsi chair and dances

she sees a guy with a sign for the dr and finds caine faking being da dr and trys to get him to help

caine sez he's gonna help if she stops paying st=eve and only pays him, which is really clever writing

so she codms back and shows him caine whos said to be the dr

he examines stevees legs and sez as hes numb and caine whips his legs with a rod as he tanks it like a bada55

so caine takes him on as a patient and after putting steve in the car, this chick he scammed b4 cxomes by and sez "ur heiness" and he goes with it, then tells amercian chick thatits his patient

they go to thsi mansion and he shows her upstains and tells steve to come up as itsd all in his head

they dance to a msuic box and steve comes up and sez he crawls up but sees em dancing and caine sez "the more we dance the more he egts used to irt"

then a montage of them dancing and steve left out then these sailor navy marines guys see and hsuggest gaving caine sent to honduras tonight

she reveals the had to raise the money as she is only the winner of a soap contest aND HAS NO REAL MONEY AND HER DAD HAD TO SELL THE CAR AND STUFF TO RAISE THE MONEY

f off caps lock, get b0ned dead by the sovietswith aids

shes a kind hearted woman and caine feels for her and tells martin but he still wanmts to do it by saying "1st one to b0ne her wins"\

caine dont like it and sez she'd never b0ne him, and if hes right,m then sartin leaves town

at the mainsionthe sea boys are there and blocking the gate, so when he goes in the truck to see the captain, they grab him and carry him off

steve goews to her apartment and sez he could wealk if she loved him and if his feelings are returned, he can walk

she sez to walk to her and he spaztically stands and stimps to her

he gets her to go to da bed and she sez she'd prove she loves him if he walks to ger

he ret-rdedly walks to her and is gonnas b0ne and caine is in da chain behind them

caine reveals hes in the navy and got the guys to drop him off and has the sailors gold steve mariton

later he getsn chick toi an aerope=]lane and sez he wont charge her and when he gets back, he sees the sailors with chicks and leaving and stev had his hand glued to the wall all night and he didnt sit

caine sez he won and chick left and steve chex her apartment and shes gone but then she comes back as shes gay for him

they make out with mouths and then are gonna b0ne after he closes the door and drapes

then caine in da pool gets a phoine call and minion sez she got off da plaine and are b0ning

he prepares to admit defeat and awaitys the steve martin to returtn and chick comes by all bummed out as steve ditched her after b0ning her and took her money, even the 50000

caine sez hes calling da cops and is gonna pay her missing dough and she sez she dont wnna take his dough but accepts and goes off to classic music like a good 80s film

she runs from da plaine backa dn gives him da money and sez she cant take it and has already much more from him

da cops bring in martin and he sez sher jacked him when he was taking a shower b4 b0ning and he didnt jack her sh-t

in the bag is a note and martins clothes saying "it was fun, im keeping the money, janet the jackle"

later stevve and caine are on a bench in the garden and figger that she was onto em from the start

its almost spetember and hes gonna cklose down some fo the house and they are gonna go off, but some pushy new york toruists come by and and offer a greek guy a hotel investment with the king of austrialia stuff and says its caine, and hsi partnert he cant do w/o is steve whos mute

now shes gonna team up with them as she made 3 million this year and his 50 000 was the most fun

the end

that was fun

it goes by at a good pace

not a million miles a second and good flow

its entertaining and smart and witty but with soem good off color stuff

steve martin is the fuin one like naga and caine is the strZightman whos smart liek lina in slayers

i had a good time and its mostly wholesome with some good humor

a jolly comedy that got me to laugh, mainly at how devolved steve martin was in that 1 part

For Dirty Rotten Scoundrels 2 I want them to be on a scam to find a mosasaur in the sea by where the U Boat sunk but it turns out its real and the movei is them fighting it off and trying to survive as a horror movie, also its a 16 bit game on Seag Genesis, snes,tg16, gba and atari jaguar where you ghotta sail from isalknd to island to get hiome and avoid of fight off the mosasaur with vaious weapons you can pice togetehr and make outta things in the sea like hunted animal bones or usingf chunks of people or animals as bait or lures.

The Texas Rangers Review

 Noite; I spell like a taxas

thr Texal rangers

this is my review on The Texas Rangers form the dfistant future year to The Marquis De Sade of 1951(60 ywRS BEFORE Robotech Season 01)

Its directal by Phil Karlson weho did Kansas City Confidential/Ben

It stars boy George Montgomery from Black Patch, Gale Storm from Scream Wait thats Gale Weathers or w./e, this opne was in Tom Brown's School Days, Jerome Courtland from Santa Fe, Noah Beery Jr. from The Mark of Zorro/Of Mice and Men/ Sergeant York/7 Faces of Dr. Lao/The Rockford Files, John Litel from the 50s Scaramouche/Outpost in Morocco/Key Largo/Santa Fe Trail/The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse, Douglas Kennedy from Life With Father/Adventures of Don Juan, John Dehner from Bambi/Tulsa/the 50s Scaramouche/Plymouth Adventure/Apache/the 60s The Twilight Zone/The Andy Griffith Show/The Boys from Brazil/Airplane II: The Sequel, Ian MacDonald from White Heat/Apache, John Doucette from Outpost in Morocco/tyeh RTobe/Desty/Cleopatra/7 faces of dr lao/big jake, Jock Mahoney from Santa Fe/joe dakota, and soem 1900s guys i bnever sayw in sh-t

i never saw this but its 74 mins so on grit its gonna have nearly an hour of adds to fil, it to 2 hopurs

so after logo we see its in color nd poroper fullscreen withought those candya55 black bars eating the top and bottom, then theres crerewdits

duing the 9 years the carpet baggers f'd the south afte trhe alleged civil war, things weere f';d and texas was pretyty mad max with raisders and thgis fishgman named sam bass was robbing trains and wacking fufes

also fisher and john gainer and david were basically wasting guys and straling and probably b0ning people

oh and the sundance kid was there and there was a good oby  and john and these guys shot each other and 1 bullet hits a guy standing around like a dumba55

1 guy was shot at and is caught and the daughter of the geezer who got it sez she wants him strung up

so now the texas rangers who were there b4 the alleged civil war are called back and these formar confederates kick candy a66

normally these movies would have a wall of text to read like star wars ort transformers the movie but here it shows it, and its kinda a big exposition dump iof "heres this guy, and this guy, and this guy"

in video games they often show the 4 emperors talking at the start and you face em 1 at a time

so bass and the crooks meet to work together and team up to kick human a55

we can do any thing when we do it to ge ther

so the rangers were stopping em and now they wanna form an injustice guiid to take over Texas

1 guy sez bass shouldnt be leader so bass caps him and no one esle challenged him

like with galvatron icing starscream

so da governer is p-ssed that bass is f ing them and iced 30 good men and does hit and run atttcks where he nails 1 xcounty and then anotherr days latyer

they got less than a month or the gobveronrs gonna be f'd at the pulls and sez the texas rangers can do w/e they need to stop em

this is going judge dredd

so later the lawe enforcement had 2 guys in a water pit and beat their hands to keep em from climbing up as punishment as they knew how to deal with these animals back then

ranger head meets the torturted guy and reveals he was a big time platoon leader but after the war, his fam was iced and he became a raider

he has 23 years left in his sentence and the max life anyone had was 10

so this guy gets a chance to tak on bass as he's knowing of all the trailes the outlaws use and can be a texas ranger like walker and a full pardon

oh butch cassiddy is in this

so he accepts and when watching this, my dad noticed a phone of the wall which might work as eugenist alex g bell made the phone in the mid 70s and this is around a decade after the war

also my dad struggles to understand how this is not connecterd to the paul walker butch cassidy and the sundance kid movie, so i tried to explain it as how the sdouglass fairbanks zorro is not connectedf to the antonio bandaras zorro

then agaiun, he thuinks oprimus prime from transformers and optimus primal from beast wars is the same guy

so tyhe inmnate is jonnie and was the fastest ghun in texas and goes to the rangers who dont seem to accept them

oh one is b0ner i measn bonner and they gets uni=formes

go go texas rangera

they find a body of a ranger and a note saying thy have more ammo and to keepm sending em bodies and theres a chick theres whos a publisher of a newspaper

she dont like giving convicts a chance as her dad was iced by them and she never forgavbe them

\the head sez to give em a chance butshers kinda b--chy as she dont trust em and sez if tyhey depend on outlaws, they might as well elect sam bass sherrif

after she leaves to write my immortal, the team looks over the map and plans an attack as bass has blocked the trailesa

b0ner wants to put hot meat in his mouth as trheres a cookoung outdoor  but 1st they swear an oath to texas

bonner sez he send jonny some letters and he didnt get em and thought bonner tuirned on him

bonner is his bro and took another name to get in da rangers and oh wait, bonner is there b4 and the guyn i called bonner was buck or w/e

so the newsmpaper, being the enemy of the peapele, prints things against the texas good guys and 2 kids play like bass and his droogs

so bass and the boys come to da bar and its in waco and are gonna do a bank job, as oopposed to a b-00b j0b or a n0-se j0b, where an elephant thrunks ur b0ner

chcik tells off bass and sez to beat it but wehen subdance kid comes by her, she grabns one fo their guns to murder him

he takes her downand they find jonny is a ranger and she storms out

they read her paper like with backdoor bradly aka manly brad leaking the secrets and the bad guys wanna be ready for jonny

thery polan on j fking the guys as thery come in and as buck and jonny come up, buck thinks about his oath

jonny wants to take outsundance and sundance has it in for jonny but buck sez "we swore on the Good book" but jonny dont care

we're only 40 mins in? that felt like nothing, but this has a number of adds, like how in Degrassi:joey Jerermiah sez: He's so dumb it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

sp tyhe jonny and the buck go to the bar and are suspect of barkeep

these 2 giuys hassle em and when they atteck , the rangers cap 1 and grill the other for where bass and sundance went b4 wendign him like with rtei in hokuto no ken

so sundance is at the tleepgrtah tleegtrapjh telegraph office and hears the rangers are heading north for hima dn took out the goons

as jonny ND BUCK hed on, the buck sez he fianalkly used a gun with a clear conscience andjonny sez theys followed and hide

when he gets there they come out and its a ranger who sez wait i think its bonner and sez the master sent him to tell them sam wAS in the wacko

jonny dont trust things and suspects bonner is there to keep an eye on him and buck tests his gun by shoting the dots on the i's on a sign bnut b0-ner i mean bonner does it perfect as buck is a bit higj

so as the 3 go on, su nda cetrys to j fk em and misses and they take cover by rocks

jonny goes up on hortse and jumps off thern takes cover by a dead wood tree

he trhows a rock and crawls on and sundance lost his target and jonny sneaks on him and has him at gunpoint

jonny sez he could let sundance hjave it inn the back like sundance did him andthats too easy

he lets sundancxe take off his belt and is gonna sent him to jail to be b0ned and waterboarded but sundance pullsa piece and is capped

jonny is gonna quit nd break his oath as hes a loose cannon cop who dont play by the rules

he got his reventge and dont care about dsa people and bonner arrsts him at gunpoint and buck wghos real namer iif budff but imma cla;l;l him buck sides with bonner assnd takers his firearms

they bring sundance kid in to do 30 years in solitary in dantes infers cuz he's f---kin dead

the bass boys hear and are gonna do sh-t and go by thisd trtail and eventually the good guys come by

oh and b0ner dont know the trailes but bick does

so they drink and the bad guys harambe them and bonner is capped throwinmg jonny his gun

they bad guys get away and jonny goes after em but rides back to help brother bonner

bonner took a hit for jonny and its not so bad as people were tougher in the 1800s

bonner wants to go on but jonny wants to get him help and bonner sez its getting dark on a clear day

he wants to go by carver not bonner as its jonnys name and man bonner steethn are really good for the 1800s

so eventually he bites it and nowe the fire of ambition and anger blooms in jonnys heart wlike with kenshiro and shin

so the master sez bonner was the rteasoj jonny was let out and it was bonners idea to use ex cons and headmaster knew the whole time

the texas ranger are gonna be mmoving out even though the bass isnt caught

so the bank is being refilled with money and theres armed guards only there to deliver and the bass holes are ready to pounce

jonny sees the bad guys talking and hears what room they are in

in that room they talk about how they didnt ice the good guys despite being 5 on 3 and an ambush

spounds like guardian angels

they see jonny going to the sherriuf and are gonna cap buim but dont weant the lawe on them and give awy their position

jonny tells the sherrif the bassians are in town and the law is out and the bad guys watching say "we'd giebv him aces and 8's, derad mans hand"

ewven though i think wild bill bit it after this tyakes place

so the bad guys come to da bank and open fire on it and jonny takes the money and holds the sherrif at gunp9oount, thern skips town on his horses a55 as the bassies come in

the headmaster hears jonnie stiole the dough and thinks the papers will have a field day for it and he puts out an APB; jonnie wanted dead or alive

buff meets jonnie and reveals he did it to keep the money from the bad guys and is gonna use it to get in their trust to bring em in

like backdoor brad faking being a rightie

buff sez the american gov is givbing Texas 1 million $$ in gold or w/e and is comming in

so jonny goes to the towen and chiock asks him questions on how it feels to be a p o s and traitor and he sez; udf be better w/o printers ink on da face" and she slaps him

counter pucnh! nail her!

he sees outlas and goers off to a bar and eats chicken as bass comes in

bass wants to know why he took the dough and he ses its to talk to him w/eo shooting and tells him of the million onn the train

they liusten to him and let him tell his side saying he did anything to get outta jail and buff isnt his homie now

they ewant the bank money and he gobes em 2000 $ and tells of the secret train thing, but not all of it so they dont ice him

the baDDS PLAY CARDS AND JONNY goes to this placxe to be cleaned up but after he goes, the guys tyail him

jonny tells a kid to bring his horse there anhe goers off as the badds follow him and he tells the buff of the bank job i mean train job

so later jonny gets back and sez he had a bath and the badds bring in buff

he sez he gave buff a chgance to join em but he turned em down

bass dont wanna lweave any loose ends and has buff iced after jonny asks to save him

its like in T Men how that T Man was iced after being found out he was an agent

so jonny goes to the chick and fakes a fight as cover and sez to tell the rangers about the tain job as the telegraph line is watched

he smacks her and smooches her and storms out saying he'd do it again if she wriotes his name in the paper

the kid tells chcik to trust him and she does and tells the rangers and seems to be falling for him

also her nepheew the kid whos kind of a cr-ppy actor is kjonns biggest fan

so the badds are gonna nail the train as its moving b4 getting to the spot the army is and give a signal of 2 whistle blasts

jonny volunteers to go on da train and be the 3rd man who helps unlink da train and the badds getta signal saying the towen is full of rangers

shift into turbo! lets rocket! go galactic!@ lgith speed rescue! time for time force1 wild axis!

as as da train goes by da curve slowly the riders get on and cap the driver

jonny unlicnks the cart and when he goes up trhey shot him in the arm as they knew hes against em

he catches himself in the train gap and climsb around and caps 1 guy b4 getting shot in the hand

we see the hand blow oipen and its bada55

he fights anothert gbuy and wait io think the toehr guys hand was blown open

he fights the other guy and nearly winds uip in an oven but steam blasts the guy in the facxe, which in rewal life woiuld make it cook

wait i think it was his hand the jonnies

so the bad guys chase the tain and the pinkertons fire on em and jonnie uses the distress signal

the rangers come running and the bad guys have a showdown

so after a grapple he puts the gun to the gjys lefty intestine and blows him out and the badds ahve a showdown with the rangers

backdoor bassgets on but jkonny caps him a few times and sends him to h e double soviet california

so jonny is a hero and the bass gang is in h-ll and chick now loves him and writes a good story about it

he smooches her and the kid, who is into shooting and killing, is turned away but looks at em and makes gun sounds

guess shes over him wacking her dad

the end

ythsats a pretty good gilm

i liked it

nice actoin and style

goes by at a good pace

nice stopry and acting

good writing and twsaits

its well dfone and golds up

and its got a good story of a bad a55 turning good

i like dit

Plus its pretyty clean and wholesome and likable wioth some bada55 moments

For The Texas RANGERS 2 I want the brother of bass to come forjohnny and want revenge on him for wacking bass, so its a battle between johnny who is the new leader of the Texas Rangers and bass witrh hishis group of waste land warriors who are openl;y cannibal and feed on their victims. Also its anb 8 bit Srpg like Shining Force on Sega Game Gear and Master System, Nes and Gamne Boy, TG16, Atari Jaguar and Lynx where you play as the Rangers and figfht off the enemies on a grid battle system and get exp to level up aand the cannibals devolve into wendigoes from too much cannibalism as bosses.

Game Reviews Volume 25 From 2022 Part VI

 One more group of Games I beat or played this year and my thoughts on em

Just beat Dual Heroes on N64. Its a Fighting Game by Hudson where you play in a 3D arena and have matches of best of 1 3 or I think 5 and some rounds have Ring Outs while others are walled in. A is Punch, B and R is Guard that heals if blocking the move, C Down is Kick and Holding Z lets you move in 3D and you use the A Stick for movement, even in the Menu. Its got Unlimited Continues and you can play on Normal, Hard or Expert. Overall its not that hard or complex, which can work. Not every game has to be Ghosts N Goblins. It feels like a NES Game in some ways but has nice 3D Graphics and cool music. The characters look like Power Rangers and they have a number of butt shots as the camera moves. Its simple and can be beat in under  20 mins and there's also a 2 Player Mode. Its a  decent game and you can change the controls in the options. If you need a quick game to beat or jest want a lite game to spend a few mins on, this ones not bad. Glad I did this one. Its not Super Elite, but it does things right.

Just beat Rampage 2: Universal Tour on GBC. Its kind of a environment destruction game where you play a a big monster and bust all the buildings in each city for 125 levels. Each 25 levels you go to another area like a continent and on the 25th, you gotta bust a safe with a friend inside. A is jump and B is attack and you can climb buildings with up but you gotta be standing in the right area. On top of a building you can hold down and hammer B to bust it and on the side you can punch the walls to bust it or eat people in windows for extra health. You get a few lives and on Easy Mode, some items in the buildings kill you. Some are Power ups and I think with enough Points you get extra guys. There's guys firing at you and tanks and choppers that attack from above and below and if you take em out, they resummon soon after. Often its best to climb the building, bust it from top, jump to the next and repeat until finished. There's no continues but there are passwords made of letters and numbers. When you start you choose the 1st area then do the rest and these Kaiju things try to free their friend, they go in straight lines to various cities across the map in no real pattern. Later there's aliens and you go through space somehow and bust these Zentraedi looking buildings on various planets and the aliens in them are tough to see. Also are Bonus Levels that get you points. Its kind of a mindless game where you bust cities but its good simple fun. I think on Higher difficulties you gotta bust more buildings to beat each level. I liked it and its a decent way to spend an hour or 3. Glad I did this.

Just played Rolo to the Rescue on my 200 Sega Genesis/Master Systems Games Multicart for Genesis. Its bad. Its by EA when they were "good" but this makes me think they were always bad. You play as this dinky elephant trying to save his mom from the Circus and beat 4 bosses. I made it to the 2nd boss and after Game Overing had enough. You got 4 Continues with 3 guys to start with and NO Passwords, Saves or Level Select. There's a code by holding A/B or A/C and Up/Left and Resetting, then releasing them and hitting B on the Title Screen, but if I Reset, it goes back to the Multicart Menu so that's out. You gotta use the elephant to beat the Key Man by jumping on him, them unlock ALL cages of your woodland critter friends by touching em, then get to the exit. Sometimes you gotta use the critters powers like High Jump Rabbit or Wall Jump Squirrel to get a platform over or get a power up to get the elephant there. B is Jump and C uses the power while Start opens a Menu to change animals, so you can't use Start on Turbo for Slomo. The jumping is bad. If you miss a jump, you plummet and by the time you realize you missed, you're at the bottom or dead. Also its easy to miss jumps or fall off. There's power ups like a Vacuum that lets you suck in or poop out things from your trunk or water glasses that lets you blast water, or an air tank that inflates you like a DeviantArt post. You can quit and go back to the map any time and items resummon like extra guys or points, but if you beat a level, you can redo it with all cages open. You bite it in 1 hit and the hit detection can be bad, but if you have friends, you can have them as extra hits, but they poof out when you get hit. Also is puzzle pieces you can get to unlock more of the map besides beating levels. The map system is kinda like The Pagemaster but don't recover it when you Continue. This game made me mad and stressed. Not much fun. Decent graphics and ok music but the control kills it. Also too many death pits.

Just beat Sonic Generations on 3DS. Its the 20th anniversary game of Sonic with levels from his past games, but reimagined. You play as Sonic or Past Sonic gotta beat a version of each world 2x and get a Chaos Emerald, with a few Boss things. A/B is Jump, Down and B is Slide or Spin Dash for Past Sonic, Y is Boost for Sonic, Jump in air with a Target out is Homing Attack when Unlocked for Past Sonic and Down and B in air is Stomp for Sonic. X uses Whisp Powers in like 1 level and in the Emerald Zones you hold Y to Boost but gotta collect colored spheres. The Music is nice and has good remix's and the Graphics look good and have a nice 32/64 bit feel but more advanced, maybe even 128 bit. You get unlimited Continues and if you run outta guys you start the level over instead of at a checkpoint. The Past Sonic levels are solid 2D with some 2.5 D looks and feel similar to the 16 bit Sonic Games. The Now Sonic is 2.5D with speed and boosts sorta like the DS ones and you get a Boost Bar to increase speed with a button. The bosses take 8 hits and change patterns after a bit and there's 3 races where you only need to get to the end of the level 1st as Boss rounds. It can be beat in like around an hour or 2 and saves quite often. There's Missions and other things I never looked into and as usual with Sonic, you survive hits if you have 1 ring but they all scatter if hit. The game is pretty forgiving and each level can be beat in a few mins, so its trying to be like the Genesis games. nice speed and style. The jumping could be a bit more precise in some parts but its not awful. Often there's several paths to the exit and the higher ones are quicker. I found I often got D Rank on the Past Sonic levels as I play em more casual instead of racing to the end. It was cool to see the Dreamcast Sonic Games in 2D and the Genesis ones in Semi 3D. Overall a good game that holds up well. Glad i did this one.

Just beat Lucky Luke on GBC. Its kind of an ordeal. Its a Platform game based on a comic I never read where B is jump and A is attack because in Europe they do things backwards like driving on the wrong side of the road or being commies.  You get a few lives to get through it, but you only get Continues by getting enough points, like 10 000 or something, then paying that many points to Continue. You also get extra guys with enough points, and as there's no time limit, you could grind on the resummoning enemies over and over until you get enough points. But that's kind of a waste of time. There's a 5 symbol password but its tough to make out the weird shapes, until you realize its someone's head. Usually you gotta go through a level and get past things like a locked door or a broken thing, and get an item to solve it, like a key or the missing piece. You go to the place, press down, and advance. There's a number of 1 hit kill things like red ground or bulls chasing you and often you don't know what it is until you bite it a few times. Down and B is planting Dy no mite but often I mix of A/B as this game does it wrong and accidentally use it when trying a crouch shot. Then a second later it blows and harms me. The bosses are often a simple pattern of jump and nail em when they come out. You can catch onto ledges and hang, then press Up to climb, but it usually only works when you don't wanna cling. 1 thing I hate is how there's animals you can't kill but they can kill you. Luke's a Cowboy! They ain't sissy hippy vegans who inject soy in their parts! Also there's only like 3 passwords so if you make it far, then bite it, you gotta go back and slog through the same parts you hate to get another chance at the part that iced you. The graphics are kinda bad. Its hard to tell what's what and the colors look bad all devolved together. The music is good  and it controls mostly good. I'm glad I did this but I doubt I'd play this again. Oh and it ends in a boss rush.

Just played The Lost Vikings on my 218 Genesis Games Multicart. Its a Puzzle Platform game where you use 3 dudes with different abilities to get through a buncha levels. You need to get all 3 to the exit but if 1 runs outta life, you might as well start over. You get a 4 character password  after each level and its up to 3 players with the right multitap. C activates hints at ? square, B is main ability like sword or Jump, A is 2ndary ability like Bow, X and Z cycle through characters, Mode opens the Item thing and Y uses Item, You can carry 4 items and trade with each other. You take fall damage and some items heal you. 1 guy has a shield to block enemies or stand on, 1 has a sword or bow to take guys out and 1 can jump. It you restart you gotta do it ALL from the start of the level but  with Infinite Tries and a password, it can be eventually done. Start opens a Give Up option to restart the area if you screw up. Its got nice graphics and colors and the music is cool. There's also fun dialogue and good writing. Its a well made game by what's now Blizzard Entertainment who has since kinda devolved. My problem was my Controllers didn't wok. 1 6 button pad had C do Start and Up did X or Z so when I climbed a ladder, it kept swapping characters. The other didn't have a working A Button, And you kinda need a 6 button pad for this. The pad didn't spazz out on other games, even on the same Multicart so I'm not sure what the deal is. Its a good game and had well made areas and things. I just can't play it. Glad I did the 1st 1.8 levels though.

Just beat Miracle Warriors: Seal of the Dark Lord for Master System on my 200 Sega Genesis/Master System games Multicart. Its an 8 bit Jrpg that was actually the 1st Jrpg to come to America. 1 button is Confirm and the other is Deny and you play as this guy who needs to find the 3 other warriors, find their magic armor and weapons, and get the 3 Keys to get to the final Dungeon to fight some naked green daemoness . The text is written in Ye Olde Englishe and can be tricky if you read it too much, but often its just Yes/No. After you beat the creative design enemies, you get either money and or Fangs that you need as a sign of being a hero, or can trade for money or items. The screen is weird as 1 corner is a shot of the Hero and land he's on that moves as you move to show direction, 1 is a map that shows where you are, the bottom is the Life/Exp bars, and in battle the top screen shows the monster you fight. At the start its tough as the enemies are stronger than you and if you ice good people, your Charisma drops. If it falls too far, townsfolk don't talk to you so only wack bad guys. Some bosses are non evil but you gotta ice em so keep your rep up as icing bad guys raises it. Its best to use a guide as some parts are tricky to figure out. You gotta grind a lot in here to compete but its not so awful to me. If you beat certain foes, you get an item that can be used in battle and when used: It not only prevents the enemy attack., but also gives all party members Exp. Talking to people you meet in the wild can give hints on where to go and each Party Member you unlock gives a piece of a Scroll that tells how to get to the final boss. But the guy who wrote it was 2x as fast as you so you gotta double the numbers. There's Feathers you can use to warp to town but I never needed em. You can save anywhere outside and can revive dead guys at 1 village for a high price. Different Terrain has different enemies as do different areas. Its a good one but can be tough. Oh and Armor and Weapons break down after enough use so you need to use a Blacksmith to repair em. You can pay each time, or buy a Blacksmith for continuous use, but he can die at a certain part near the end of the game so you need to buy a new one. Also you can carry up to 24 Herbs to heal but buy them in 5's and can carry up to 11 Nuts but get them in 3's. In battle, you get a bit of Exp each time a character attacks but only that character gets it. You can't use Herbs in battle but there's a Resurrection Potion you get near the end of the game that can heal a guy to Full Life in Battle. Unless a Magic Attack is used, only the guy attacking takes damage from the enemy. New party members come in at a level below the lowest guy, but that's to a point as my main guy was almost at the highest level and the 2nd guy came in much lower. The Graphics and Music are quite good but the music restarts when saving and there's enemies every few steps. I had some good stuff with this one and it holds up pretty well despite translation errors and needing much grinding. Glad I did this one.

Just beat the Master System version of Space Harrier on my 200 Sega Genesis/Master System Games Multicart. Its a Shmup where you play as this dude who can fly and has a huge cannon and blast through 18 levels of endlessly forward scrolling. There's 2 levels that are Bonus Rounds where you ride a Dragon named Uriah after the Bible guy/Angel and bust through trees and towers for points. You get 3 guys and 0 Continues AND bite it in 1 hit or if you run into anything. But, there is 2 things that can help. on the Title Screen press Right Left Down Up and you get a Sound Test, Then play the numbers 7 4 3 7 4 8 1 and you get a Menu to change the difficulty, reverse the Controls, and change the guy into a Jet, but if he bites it he falls as a man. This don't help much, but there is a code that lets you continue around 9X. On the Game Over Screen: Press Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right Down Up; Down Up and if done right you resume the game. I used a Turbo Pad to Rapid Fire but 1 time I thought I had an extra guy and was holding it and it cut to the High Score Screen. There's no Passwords or Saves or Level Select so the only way to beat it is to plow through. Its pretty tough and there's no power ups and you only can get 1 extra guy by points. When you get hit, you are invincible for a bit but it don't last. It gets pretty fast and you mostly hit the guys when they are closer. Like Super Thunder Blade, there's scrolling but its choppy. Some parts let you fly over enemies and obstacles by going high enough. It can be beat in around 20 odd minutes and has a story connected to Fantasy Zone. Its got nice colors and good floor scrolling and the music is good. Its got a scream when the guy gets it and it controls pretty well. Glad I did this one. Its a tight challenge.

Just beat The Cursed Knight on Sega Genesis. Its a Platform/Shmup where you play as this future guy who has to save this princess. A is Attack, and holding is Autofire, B is Jump and Double Jump, C is change weapons but for me it was tough to work, maybe its my pad, and X/Y/Z is switch Gravity. There's options for using Mode to swap Gravity or using Up on the 3 Button Pad. Down and B is Slide and its Up/B when on the ceiling. If you hammer B when crouching it slides longer and faster. If Shmup Mode A is fire Left and B is Fire Right, C switches weapons but if you hold it, you can charge up a super blast that does more damage and can take out some Invincible foes. It starts out simple but gets pretty challenging. You get 3 styles, Normal with infinite tries, Old School with 3 Lives and 2 Continues that makes you restart the level when using a Continue, and Insane with 1 guy and 0 Continues. It gets pretty tough and I can get nearly through Level 4 of 6 on Old School. Its got this gravity mechanic where you flip upside down and back, but you gotta land 1st so if you do it without a ceiling you bite it. The Graphics are amazing and look like the modern style of Genesis games. The music is well made and has kick. It controls pretty well and is pretty fun. Its got that Bio Horror thing with some of these bosses and areas. To get the Good Ending you gotta beat it in like under 90 mins or so and the game times you. I did it in 1 13 00 but watched longplays to know what's ahead. There's 3 Gems to get that let you Triple Jump. I had this backed on Kickstarter and its quite  good. Its got some unskippable cutscenes but its not so bad. Its worth playing and I'm glad I got this one. Oh and the Super Attack you gotta collect Power Ups to use and can hold up to 4. Also you can Power Up your weapons but if you bite it, you gotta get the Big P item again to reclaim it.

Just beat Champions World Class Soccer on Sega Genesis. Quite an ordeal. Its by Flying Edge who is kinda LJN GX, but they did a few good games like The Tick and Venom Spider Man Separation Anxiety. This is not one of em. C is good kick but is also change who you control if not holding the ball, B is small kick or Trip, and a does something but I never really used it. start pauses and has options like no sound and for Goalies the buttons and D pad does different catches. You choose a country and some get better stats and despite some being 3rd world, are better than the rich countries. You play 3 games to qualify then go to a finals and single elimination to get to the top. You can have fouls on or off and cornering or w/e too but I dont like soccer so I don't know what that is. There's a 7 character password with Letters and numbers but they dont do 0/Q/O or I/1 or S/5 ect. You can play in several languages but I only know English and some Japanese. You can change the Goalie to automatic or manual or semi where you choose how he catches or kicks or something. I don't really care. Soccer s-cked and so does this game. when you start you can choose what formation the players go and b4 the game choose a coin flip, but its naturally on Tails for some reason and its presented in a way so you don't know if you go 1st or not as you are on the right side for coin flip, but start on the left when the game starts and are shown on the left for your flag. Controlling characters is a mess. You tap the C button until you get the guy you want but it seems almost random on who it changes to. Also the controls seem delayed as I press C to good kick but by the time it registers, the other guy took my ball and shuffle around. The  B kick is useless unless you wanna go to the next player a bit ahead and B attacking often misses. Often the characters and a chaotic mess and I can't tell what's what Its ok in graphics and music and ain't hard, but the bad controls ruin it. Ruined FOREVER!

Just beat Sigma Star Saga on GBA. Its a Sci Fi RPG by Wayforward where you play as 1 guy and go around various planets to discover the mystery behind it. Instead of a Turn Based System, you have random encounters where you are called up like The Coming Rapture and face a Shmup level to beat a certain number of foes. After popping enemy's, they drop a glowing dot to collect for Experience and enough EXP has you Level Up and fully heal. You collect Gun Data in the overworlds that lets you choose what your shots do and how they do it, with after effects like dropping HP or having each iced foe count as 2, R switches between weapons, L is a Nuke, Holding B lets you speed up and A fires but some Guns work better by tapping instead of holding Fire. On the ground holding B lets you run, A does the selected action like Pistol or Wings once unlocked and Select opens the map. L/R cycles through Actions but it gets rough near the end when you have so many. Its not too hard and sometimes you gotta go back to past areas when getting new abilities. Once or twice I got stuck and looked up what order to do things in or that with the Shoes you gotta Press A when jumping off a cliff to do a stomp. Its got a good story and characters and twists. The graphics are nice and have good sprites and the music is well done. It controls well but when you go to a Shmup round you don't choose the ship and sometimes get a bad one thats big and slow.  There's a few endings that determine who lives and one you can only get by getting ALL Gun Data and starting a New Game Plus, Which doesn't seem worth doing it again right away. Its a good game and I'm glad I got it. The 1st Level isn't great but it gets quite good soon after. Also you CAN skip text with Start and only get Exp in Shmup Levels but Ground foes can drop Life/Nukes. Hitting a foe/wall costs some life and clears foes w/o counting them for the number needed to win and you Save in Save Points.

Just beat The Legend Of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass on DS. Its a sequel to The Wind Waker that plays mostly with the Touch Screen to move and attack and use items and draw on the map to remind you things. Its not too hard and if you bite it, you can Continue from a summoning point, as well as having a Save File. At 1st I didn't like the Touch Screen controls but after playing Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood, I could handle it. You go through dungeons and fight enemies but its kinda forgiving as there's plenty of Item Restocks like in Pots or Plants. 1 recurring thing is this Dungeon where you only have so much Time to get through, but you get more Time as the game goes on. Also as you get new items, you can do it faster. Besides the Land areas is a vast Ocean overworld where you use the Touch Screen to draw a course and tap to use a Cannon to fight. You can unlock other Ship Parts to mix and match to have more Life. Also is Fishing and a Salvage Arm for getting Sea Treasure. There's also Gold Frogs that if you nail with a Cannon, tell you a Symbol to draw to warp there. Its got a bit of Charm to it and seeing the Personalities of the people in this world brought me back to playing Ocarina Of Time on N64. The Graphics and Music are good and have that Wind Waker feel but its Control could be better. In the Final Boss I had to sword fight fort a bit, hit him, draw a symbol and hit him in a spot, but the Touch Screen Controls made it hard to fight as I wouldn't hit him or I'd be outta range as you move/attack with the same thing. Also the symbol I had to draw wouldn't count most of the time. Its not a bad game and I got it for 20$ used in a replacement box. There's lots of mini games and secrets and a trading sequence to get the Ultimate Spin Attack where you go full Beyblade for a bit. After getting used to it, its not a bad game and I had some good times with it. Glad I did this one.

Just beat New Super Mario Bros. 2 on 3DS. Its another 2D Platformer that plays like recent Mario Games and is pretty solid. A is Jump, Hold B to Run, or Press B to use a move like Fire Ball or spinning the Tail on your Fursuit Holding B also lets you grab Shells and Jum,ping and pressing Down and  A or B, I forget, lets you do aa butt slam. You can hold 1 extra Power Up on the Touch Screen and tap it to summon it from above. This game has a focus on Coins where its quite easy to get them. Almost like a Wario Game. You got 9 worlds byt only need to beat 6 to win. Each boss is one of the Koopa Kids and 2 levels are Branching Paths where somehow you can go Up or Down on the map, but I never found out how. Some places on the overworld where you go from zone to zone and can use Big Coins you find in levels to unlock alternate paths to do other zones. Its got nice graphics and music and has voices. Most bosses are beat in 3 hits and mini bosses are usually are 2-8 dinosaurs on rotating platforms. If you die 5x on a level, you can use a super fursuit to let you be invincible to enemy hits, but as a Real Gamer Ore Samma did not need it! You get extra guys pretty easy and I had over 80 on the last level. It gets kinda annoying on the last level and there's the usual Mario issues like moving slow, having low jump range unless holding B and mobility issues but its pretty forgiving. One of the easier Mario games. I got it for 25$ and it was worth it. Glad I did this one. Oh and the Koopa Kids all have their own gimmick and the final boss is an autoscrolling thing over lava.