note; typoes
Captain Blood
this is my review on captain blood
it sounds like a horror movie
ertroly Flynn and Olivia de haviland are in it
they did a lot of films together
and were great
despite the horror sounding name, this is a pirate movie
starting in the 80s
1685 england
theres a battle and this guy horse rides to dr peter blood
a dr named blood?
that's like a bad comic book villian
the guy sez dr bloods frined was wounded
turns out blood was in several wars and is a skilled warrior
but he grew tired of fighting and became a dr
after carving up his frined on the surgical table offscreen, the brits come in
blood thinks England owned places are "Christian" countries and they wont mo lest the wounded or their helpers
but the brits (being evil) have them all arrested for going against englands deviant regent
after most of the resistance is executed and tortured (and probably b0ned) they give the survivors a trial
the brits make it seem like going against the king is like going against the Lord
most men pleed guilty but blood says hes innocent
blood tells off the system for treating him like dirt
he explains hes a dr who was doing jhis job of healing
but the court is rigged
blood proves hes a dr by outing the evil brit judge as having lung issues and has not long to live
the judge is p-ssed off and tells the jury to find him guilty since he gave medical attention to a guy who fought the evil king
dr blood and the other men are sent to be hanged but a brit wanted to make some cash(like with Joeseph and the coat of many colors) has them sold into slavery
they are taken to an auction to be sold and Olivia de haviland wants her dad to buy slaves to keep em out of the cruel brit dixon
blood doesn't open his mouth to be inspected by Dixon and Dixon slaps him(but blood just laughs)
Olivia buys blood for 10 pounds
they disagree with some things
it means they'll fall in love
then b0ne
then make a buncha irish babies
at the place the slaves are, they are whipped and used to turn a wheel of water to do something
Dixon has 1 slave whipped for trying to escape and has him branded like a cow
geeeeeeez
right on the face!!
I assume in the real version it was on his eye
so the Olivia's dad has gout and the Castlevania era dr's aint helping
so Olivia has blood dr her dad
while the dad is getting treated by blood, this cockney guy is arguing his case over a debt
so he has him work it off without really hearing his side
he also threatens him with tearing him on the rack
oh and blood fixes dad's foot
blood talks to Olivia and says its not fair how he (who was not part of the fight against the deviant regent) gets safer treatment while his slave frtiends (who fought for freedom) get treated like animals
latwer blood talks to the dr's who were there b4 him and drops hints
they pick up on em and plan an escape
errol Flynn is soooo good as blood
after he leaves the drs plan to out blood
but blood returns and sez hes got more cred than them with the dad
love errol flynn
hes so smooth
too bad he got into alcohol and died in the 60s
his wife died 50 years later
that's 50 years they could've had together
so Flynn I mean blood tells the slaves of his plan of escape but finds 1 slave tried but was caught and branded
u know, the bible is against even getting tattoos or piercings
yet these brits burn wounds in men's skin with hot iron
later, they r gonna escape and blood talks to his friend Jeremy(not ron Jeremy) and Jeremy is the only navigator among em
they need him to escape
then Dixon has blood sent to the dad and Jeremy sent to the stockaide
also Olivia covers for blood (kinda like with in gone with da wind)
they ride togetyher and get along
they fall in love
I assume instead of complimenting eachother, theyre b0ning in the real version
meanwhile, Jeremy is being whipped and denied water until he spills his gutts
then blood is gonna kiss Olivia but she slaps him
he laughs it off
that night blood is treating the dad's gout and bleeds him
when he returns, he sees Jeremy whipped and tied up
this is getting x rated
Jeremy sez he never talked and kept seeing the boat going in and out, in and out(in his mind)
Im pretty sure that means the brits were b0ning him and its just a 30s censorship for getting it said
Dixon comes back and whips blood
but then Spanish pirates come and attack the island
blood and slaves escape and find their boat sunk
so they take the Spaniards pirate ship
the Spaniards tell the dad they wont burn their island in excha for 200 000 pieces of 8
that's 1 600 000
the next day blood and slaves open fire on the Spaniards with their own cannons
I assume it was really gory in the real version
Dixon(who is actually the uncle bishop of the Olivia. I just got his name wrong) comes to thank the \guys who stopped the Spaniards but finds its blood and slaves
he gets all chummy thinking they like him despite him b0ning and whipping them
they joke about lynching him
then one guy wants to tie him to the end of a gun and blow his body apart
but since this is a 30s movie, they throw him in the water
I assume in the real version they all b0ned him at once
they then leave and become pirates
but blood misses Olivia
they also write their forme of the constitution/declaration of independence
they also give em money if they lose a limb
and if someone is evil they leave em on an island with a gun and 1 shot
wait
once this guy wanted to suicide so he shot himself
but it missed all his organs
then he put the gun to his neck/jaw and fired
but it just damaged him w/o being deadly
then he blew out his brains
my point is, one shot isn't often enough
the human body is pretty tough
1 guy got shot in the head and survived and did college w/o half a brain
ooh, its 1687
200 years before me and Chantal strand were born
also bishop gets the dads job
1 guy shoots off his toe to get cash but is denied
that's sick
self mutilation
money can come and go
but body parts are harder to replace
later dad and Olivia are sailing and get caught by some other pirates
they are gonna de eye the dad and b0ne olivia but captain blood saves em
oh
the eye remover is French
no wonder he's evil
blood buys her like she bought him at the slave auction but she costs 20 000 pieces of eight
that's 160 000
he uses pearls to buy them
keep the change ya filthy animal
but the frenchie really wants to b0ne them
so he has a death match with blood
wouldn't be errol Flynn w/o a sword fight
this is a lot like that movie; rob roy, where the Irishman must fight a pre vert in battle
but here the purvo aint as good
blood kills the degenerate with 1 stab
I assume in the real version he cut pieces of him off bit by bit over the fight
then his insides spilled out after his wounded body overstrained itself and Flynn I mean blood slives him in half
then into quarters
then into... pierces of 8????
ohhhhhhhhhhh
Olivia is disgruntled by blood being a pirate
this is just like a reversal of what happened b4
now shes bought by him
I like how captain blood has long hair
its like in castlevania
later Olivia talks with dad about blood
Olivia has a stereotypical negative view on pierates
that's racist
so blood is returning Olivia to her uncle
his men tell him off and he quits being captain
they regret it and reaccept him as captain
they arrive and the French are fighting the english
but theyre both bad guys!!
blood and slaves defend the brits for some reason
then its revealed theres a new king and the old one is with the frenchies
blood just assumes the new king is diferent and fights the frenchies off with an epic battle that's better than cgi
maaaaan
they fire hot burning coals out of a cannon
after winning an epic battle, blood is gonna see the uncle but Olivia tries to stop him
she admits her love and its revealed the uncle got canned for leaving his post for hunting blood
and only the governer can save him,
then its revealed blood is the new governer
the end
what a grand film
they don't make em this good anymore
homie
For captain blood 2 I'd like for blood to have beat englands enemys but then the king turns on blood and his men as they went against the previous king. so blood and friends become outlaws and roam the seas evading English capture. eventually they find atlantis (which is an ancient tech island that moves) and recover the 7 gems lost needed to restore its power. once powered up, they take on England with it. but the brits have ritual sacrificed a lot of their own people to give the king daemon powers and its an epic phantasy star battle with blood and friends in assault power suits and fighting brit daemons
Friday, February 5, 2016
Cape Fear Review
ntoe; my comp s-cked. theyres maybe typeos
cape fear
this is my review on cape fear(the Gregory pweck version)
my 1st taste of cape fear was the simpsons em
oh, this ones from 62
ooh, this is based on a book
ooh, really good epic dark theme music
current music is kinda cr-ppy
so Robert mitchum walks into this building and the music makes it epic
he walks in on greg peck winning an argument in court with calm logic
later \mitchum talks to greg
he comments on a teen walking with a "wiggle" and greg drives off
when greg gets home he is greeted by his daughter who he's like 2 feet taller tan boweling
but at the bolweing alley is mitchum who seems rather openly hetero with the chicks there
greg sees mitchum and gets disgruntled
mitchum tells greg he's here to check out his fam
later greg peck talks to a cop chum or w/e saying how mitchum is threatening him w/o being illegal
he tells the cop friend that years ago mitchum nearly b0ned this girl dead and greg did something to keep him from going free
the cop friend tries to get mitchum arrested on a minor thing but mitchum is a step ahead and closed the loophole
if this were made nowadays, the cops would be the bad guys and the ex con would be showed in a positive light
also the ex con would be black and the cops would be racist
at a bar the cops pick him up and its revealed that mitchum studied law in tprison
wtf the cops strip search mitchum
hope he don't get a cavity search
they search his wallet and since he's got $7 they wanna kick him outta town
but he's got a bank thing for $5400
they interrogate him
and he goes off with gregh saying; stay off my property
the next day gregs dog is barking and greg learns mitchum was let out hours ago
also he sold rthe family farm foe around 6000
they the dog stops barking and they take it to the hospital
turns out it was assassinated
the dr sez; its the same as murdering a human
so when I crushed that mosquito and smeared my stolen blood on the wall im as bad as mao ze dong?
or when I crushed 100 fruit flies in an hour that makes me Mussolini?
what about all those frenchies "murdering" spiders?
later greg peck tells his fam about the issue
then the mom dreams of her conversations with her husband
she wakes up and goes through the dark house
but freaks out seeing a hat and coat on a wall
sometime later greg is in court and the chief of police pulls him out to talk
turns out mitchum got one of those civil rights commies to fight for him
they meet and he says they the cops are after him
after going through what the cops did, he bashes the force for putting guards at gregs house
when greg asks who told him that, the lawyer pauses and claims its "common knowledge"
afterward the chief sez greg needs to get a private dick
later mitchum is driving with a woman and notices he's being followed
so he takes a longer route
later the private dick outs mitchum to the cops about him being in a hotel with a wo man
the cops go up w/o a warrrent and find the chick mitchum was with but with a bruise
in the real version I assume she was missing a few limbs
maybe organs hanging out
she wont tell on mitchum so the private dick trys to get her to squeal
he tries to guilt her into it but shes too ashamed of being nearly b0ned dead by him
so she skips town
the private dick tells greg to get in toucvh with some dangerous waterfront union thugs
he sez; a type like dat is an animal! so u gotta fight him like an animal!
but humans fighting smarter is what makes us superior to animals
plus us having souls
later greg and his fam are at the lake and mitchm checks out the daughter
greg peck don't take it well and tells him off
mitchuim compliments his daughters figure and peck starts swinging but mitchum don't fight back
to quote hank hill; if I hit him back its a fight. if I don't, its assault
later mitchum walks near a place greg pecks daughter is
its sorta like Halloween 1
she runs out and gets hit by a car
or nearly hit
its like in riki-oh the story of ricky with the girl escaping druggies
later gteg peck gets a guin
his woman tyries to stop him but he goes
so she calls the cops on him
but he comes back and hangs up
greg tries to pay off mitchum to leave town
he offers 10 000then another 10 000 over 2 years
but mitchuim sez that don't add up to min wage for 8 years in jail
he reveals his wife left him for him going to jail
she took his kid and married another man
he got even with her with some story that I assume was cleaned up for the movie In the 60s
he then says he wants revenge like a Chinese 1000 cuts thing
I think he did that to his ex wife
maybe ate the parts
greg calls him a "shocking degenerate" and leaves
after explaining to his wife how he cant put his daughter through testifying (which makes me think mitchum b0ned her) he has the union thugs beat on mitchum
but mitchum beats up those union thugs and calls greg and sez hes gonna use the law against him
greg tells his wife he's got a plan
the next day the civilrights commie sez one of the union thugs spilled his guts in the hospital and outed greg
greg sez his plan is to fake going to Atlanta and getting on a houseboat with his fam and killiong mitchum when he does stuff
if this were made today ther'red be facebook postings and stuff involved in this plan
after doing the plan he waits for him in his house boat
mitchum follows the cop at gregs house boat
at night he makes his move
the cop trie to stop him but is caught by mitchum and killed
I assume in the real version he b0ned him dead
greg find the body and the houseboat goes down the river
he tells his daughter in the other houseboat to call the sherrif
the moms houseboat hits a sandbar and stops
mitchum talks to the wife and breaks an egg with 1 hand and greases up them both
he tries to get her to consent to him b0ning her by saying he wont go after the daughter if she consents
bte the mom is making p0rn0 noises as he talks so I assume hes really b0ning her
when ghreg gets in he sees his w8fe freaked out saying "its nancy"(the teen daughter)
this movie is a lot like the lilliasn gish film; night of the hunter
mitchum gets the teen and takes her oputsidethen we see greg walking in good b/w night and mitchum ambushes him
they fight and mitxchum tries drowning greg
greg fakes being dead to let mitchuim let him go
then greg busts mitchums head w/ a rock
I assumer in te real version it either busted an eye, or revealed brains
rather than finish mitchum off, greg runs and mitchum hunts him with a wood w/ a nail in it
I just realized that greg pech should've taken kung fu to become strong enough to fight back
maybe beat up a buncha weaker guys to increase his level
so greg gets him gun he dropped and capps mitchum
greg doesn't finish mitchum as he wants him to live in prison and get b0ned every day
the end
for cape fear 2 o'd like for Robert mitchum to have gotten off as he was "driven to do it" by greg peck's constant harassment and greg peck has wound up in jail for all the stuff he did to mitchum. it shows 2 stories; greg realizing how awful prison is, and mitchum gradually recovering from the brain damage and organ loss from his final fight with greg. at the end, greg gets out of prison all roided up and mitchum ic implants to restore his busted body and they have a wwf style death match. also greg pecks wife is really pregnant from mitchum b0ning her in the 1st movie and has gotten really really faaaaaaaaat!!
cape fear
this is my review on cape fear(the Gregory pweck version)
my 1st taste of cape fear was the simpsons em
oh, this ones from 62
ooh, this is based on a book
ooh, really good epic dark theme music
current music is kinda cr-ppy
so Robert mitchum walks into this building and the music makes it epic
he walks in on greg peck winning an argument in court with calm logic
later \mitchum talks to greg
he comments on a teen walking with a "wiggle" and greg drives off
when greg gets home he is greeted by his daughter who he's like 2 feet taller tan boweling
but at the bolweing alley is mitchum who seems rather openly hetero with the chicks there
greg sees mitchum and gets disgruntled
mitchum tells greg he's here to check out his fam
later greg peck talks to a cop chum or w/e saying how mitchum is threatening him w/o being illegal
he tells the cop friend that years ago mitchum nearly b0ned this girl dead and greg did something to keep him from going free
the cop friend tries to get mitchum arrested on a minor thing but mitchum is a step ahead and closed the loophole
if this were made nowadays, the cops would be the bad guys and the ex con would be showed in a positive light
also the ex con would be black and the cops would be racist
at a bar the cops pick him up and its revealed that mitchum studied law in tprison
wtf the cops strip search mitchum
hope he don't get a cavity search
they search his wallet and since he's got $7 they wanna kick him outta town
but he's got a bank thing for $5400
they interrogate him
and he goes off with gregh saying; stay off my property
the next day gregs dog is barking and greg learns mitchum was let out hours ago
also he sold rthe family farm foe around 6000
they the dog stops barking and they take it to the hospital
turns out it was assassinated
the dr sez; its the same as murdering a human
so when I crushed that mosquito and smeared my stolen blood on the wall im as bad as mao ze dong?
or when I crushed 100 fruit flies in an hour that makes me Mussolini?
what about all those frenchies "murdering" spiders?
later greg peck tells his fam about the issue
then the mom dreams of her conversations with her husband
she wakes up and goes through the dark house
but freaks out seeing a hat and coat on a wall
sometime later greg is in court and the chief of police pulls him out to talk
turns out mitchum got one of those civil rights commies to fight for him
they meet and he says they the cops are after him
after going through what the cops did, he bashes the force for putting guards at gregs house
when greg asks who told him that, the lawyer pauses and claims its "common knowledge"
afterward the chief sez greg needs to get a private dick
later mitchum is driving with a woman and notices he's being followed
so he takes a longer route
later the private dick outs mitchum to the cops about him being in a hotel with a wo man
the cops go up w/o a warrrent and find the chick mitchum was with but with a bruise
in the real version I assume she was missing a few limbs
maybe organs hanging out
she wont tell on mitchum so the private dick trys to get her to squeal
he tries to guilt her into it but shes too ashamed of being nearly b0ned dead by him
so she skips town
the private dick tells greg to get in toucvh with some dangerous waterfront union thugs
he sez; a type like dat is an animal! so u gotta fight him like an animal!
but humans fighting smarter is what makes us superior to animals
plus us having souls
later greg and his fam are at the lake and mitchm checks out the daughter
greg peck don't take it well and tells him off
mitchuim compliments his daughters figure and peck starts swinging but mitchum don't fight back
to quote hank hill; if I hit him back its a fight. if I don't, its assault
later mitchum walks near a place greg pecks daughter is
its sorta like Halloween 1
she runs out and gets hit by a car
or nearly hit
its like in riki-oh the story of ricky with the girl escaping druggies
later gteg peck gets a guin
his woman tyries to stop him but he goes
so she calls the cops on him
but he comes back and hangs up
greg tries to pay off mitchum to leave town
he offers 10 000then another 10 000 over 2 years
but mitchuim sez that don't add up to min wage for 8 years in jail
he reveals his wife left him for him going to jail
she took his kid and married another man
he got even with her with some story that I assume was cleaned up for the movie In the 60s
he then says he wants revenge like a Chinese 1000 cuts thing
I think he did that to his ex wife
maybe ate the parts
greg calls him a "shocking degenerate" and leaves
after explaining to his wife how he cant put his daughter through testifying (which makes me think mitchum b0ned her) he has the union thugs beat on mitchum
but mitchum beats up those union thugs and calls greg and sez hes gonna use the law against him
greg tells his wife he's got a plan
the next day the civilrights commie sez one of the union thugs spilled his guts in the hospital and outed greg
greg sez his plan is to fake going to Atlanta and getting on a houseboat with his fam and killiong mitchum when he does stuff
if this were made today ther'red be facebook postings and stuff involved in this plan
after doing the plan he waits for him in his house boat
mitchum follows the cop at gregs house boat
at night he makes his move
the cop trie to stop him but is caught by mitchum and killed
I assume in the real version he b0ned him dead
greg find the body and the houseboat goes down the river
he tells his daughter in the other houseboat to call the sherrif
the moms houseboat hits a sandbar and stops
mitchum talks to the wife and breaks an egg with 1 hand and greases up them both
he tries to get her to consent to him b0ning her by saying he wont go after the daughter if she consents
bte the mom is making p0rn0 noises as he talks so I assume hes really b0ning her
when ghreg gets in he sees his w8fe freaked out saying "its nancy"(the teen daughter)
this movie is a lot like the lilliasn gish film; night of the hunter
mitchum gets the teen and takes her oputsidethen we see greg walking in good b/w night and mitchum ambushes him
they fight and mitxchum tries drowning greg
greg fakes being dead to let mitchuim let him go
then greg busts mitchums head w/ a rock
I assumer in te real version it either busted an eye, or revealed brains
rather than finish mitchum off, greg runs and mitchum hunts him with a wood w/ a nail in it
I just realized that greg pech should've taken kung fu to become strong enough to fight back
maybe beat up a buncha weaker guys to increase his level
so greg gets him gun he dropped and capps mitchum
greg doesn't finish mitchum as he wants him to live in prison and get b0ned every day
the end
for cape fear 2 o'd like for Robert mitchum to have gotten off as he was "driven to do it" by greg peck's constant harassment and greg peck has wound up in jail for all the stuff he did to mitchum. it shows 2 stories; greg realizing how awful prison is, and mitchum gradually recovering from the brain damage and organ loss from his final fight with greg. at the end, greg gets out of prison all roided up and mitchum ic implants to restore his busted body and they have a wwf style death match. also greg pecks wife is really pregnant from mitchum b0ning her in the 1st movie and has gotten really really faaaaaaaaat!!
Jason And The Argonauts Review
may contain typoes
jaron and the Argonauts
this is my review on Jason aND the Argonauts
the 60s version in color wiyth Claymation
as a kid the name Jason reminded me of power rangers the red ranger Jason
now theres jasin from frisay the 13th
gross
its widescreen
love that 60s color
it starts with this guy having some pagan ritual for guidance
he hears he needs a golden fleece and this guy will make it big
but he's gonna lose it to this guys kids
so he goes to have em wacked
this is like with freeza in dba trying to wipe out the saiyans cuz he fears a suyper saiyan
while the masasace is happening, the mom asks a goddess fopr protection for her kid
so he wacks her
then he hears that a 1 sandled man will beat him
and if he kills Jason he kills himself
then the gods talk
one wants to help Jason
and cuz his mom called on one of em 5x, the goddess can only help him 5x
this is sorta like if final fantasy was hetero
I think theres a timeskip cuz Jason is a man now and saves this guy from the river
and he lost a sandal
he sez hes the rightful king and the guy who wacked his mom has ruined Greece
kinda like o b amma
Jason wants to bring the golden fleece to save his kingdom
after Jason talks with someone h\e is revealed to not believe in the pagan gods
then the guy is reavaeled to be hermes/mercury in disguise
then he grows like a power rangers monster and poofs Jason to Olympus
also the gods are playing chess with mens lives
and mermes/mercury holds Jason in his hands to show him to the godz
they fill him in on stuff we heard a few mins ago
then theres a kung fu tournament to see who gets to be ib jasons crew to find the fleece
even Hercules gets in on this
wasn't there a young Hercules thing of this story?
so Hercules plays discus throw with a guy and the guy winds by skipping it over the water
that's like in season 0 of yugioh
so the boat front thing is ion the image of the goddess and when turned the wrong way causes problems
so Jason asks the goddess for he\lp and dshe replies
they stop on an isleand for supplies but are only to take food/water
shopuldnt Hercules have some god pull with his lineage?
they find huge staues of the gods the size of buildings
they also find a huge treasure chamber
Hercules takes a long thing and the gates shut
but herc muscles his way out
then the statues come to life in cool wel done Claymation that is superior to cg
the statue looks kinda like Michael myers from Halloween 1 2 4 5 6 h20 and resueeectioom
it busts the boat and Jason asks the goddess for help
she sez his ankles are weak so Jason pulls a plug on his ankle and he bleeds out his hole and he breaks
they build a new boat but 1 guy is missing
herc stays to look 4 him and the rest don't wanna leave their strongest character
Jason asks heddess for help(his last time) and hears the guy is dead and herc is going on other quests
so they leave
then this guy eats fruit and a character from that 90s show gargoyles (in Claymation) attacks him
Jason and friends reach him and he sez he was given prophecy but misused iot so was blinded
then tormented by harpies
so he'd help em if they stop the harpies
they trap the harpies in a net and fight em
after weakening wem in battle, they catch em and cage em (like in pokemon)
he gives Jason the info and they leave
they get where he told em to and seet get busted
they go on and Neptune/poseiden comes in (as a giant merman) and helps em
then Jason saves a chick from the busted boat
she was there to be sacrificed to some other pagan god (the fleece)
also shes a dancer like that miniskirt girl in yugioh
after some disputes, Jason is in a monkey knife fight on with his former friend
like the simpsons where they take burns 's yatch
but more like star trek os
Jason is wounded but the dancer heals him with a magic plant
then theres this dance in a palace with other chix
I assume theyre all b0ning in the real version
then theres a party but the leader reveals he somehow knows Jason is after the fleece
oh its the son of the guy wo wacked jasons mom who outed him
the dancer he saved aer pagan god to guide her and then asks Jason to go home and leave the fleece
oh and if the fleece is taken, the country goes to ruin
she sez she loves him
later its revealed jasons gone and the guards are drugged
Jason finds the fleece on a tree and the boss shows up; a hydra
it kills the guys son and Jason has an epic battle that looks better than cg
after Jason kills it he takes the fleece and the head guy asks his pagan god to stop em
although hes not exactly bad here
Jason jacked his fleece
he wants it back
so a fireball hits the dead hydra and the guy takes its teeth
as Jason and droogs are leaving a sniper picks off the girl Jason saved
so Jason heals her with the fleece
then the head guy turns the hydra teeth into skeleton warriors done with Claymation that look better than cg
I should mention a lot of guys are in 60s speedos
just like 300 but less revealing
ooh
Jason is punching these bone men
oop
1 guy bought it
then they throw em in the water and they sink
shouldn't they just walk out after a while?
in pirates of the carribean 1 it worked
then the gods say; lets continue with Jason another day
the end
for Jason and the argonasuts 2 I'd like hijm to return to his homeland after years of fighting with the guy who owned the fleece and finds it has been taken over by the brits. after the previous leader got bored running a slum country. the brits have turned them to slavery to their wicked god; the qween!! and any who defy her are skinned alive and forced to eat it. so Jason heals the skinned with his fleece and begins an epic battle against their deviant regent and her minions; the degenerates! (who b0ne anyone who crosses em dead) also Jason has many magical items to aid him in his fight against the brits and has many epic battles against their evil forces b4 facing the qween in mortal kombat!
2001 A Space Odyssey Review
there may be typoes. I don't care
2001 a space odyssey
this is my review on 2001 a space odyssey
I remember when the year 2000 was a big thing
now that was years ago and no one cares what future year we're in
currently we live around one of the Robotech era stories
the year 2001 kinda s-cked
lets hope this movie doesnt
just kidding
it does
so after 5 mins of overture(with kinda haunting ecco the dolphin sounds) we get around half an hour of no one talking
I mean its good in silent films
but that has good interactions and character development and actual story you can get
here its just guys in monkey suits b0ning eachother
and by that I mean killing with bones
so these monkees are just smelling eachothers buttfingers and drinking watert they peed in while in a mad max wasteland
1 of em fights a jaguar
then a rival gang come by and they go mental
this reminds me of those prison shows wjhere they take the teens in to show their future and the inmates are going mental
later this black pillar appears with these apes and they freak out
once I put my transmetal tarantulus transformer in my tarantula cage
he didn't care
imagine the director telling these people in costumes what to do
then theres a sun moon earth alignment and it cuts to the apes paying with bones
this scene has been parodied in more things than gone with the wind
btw this film is very widescreen
2/5ths of my screen is black bars
what a waste of space
so it plays music duing a monkee slowly beating bones with a bone
talk about b0ning
then them eating red mush
then theres some kind of gang war with the bone apes and rthe real apes
and the bone ape beats it dead with his bone
he boned him
like getting kneed or elbowed
then the ape throws the bone up and it spins
and it cuts to space with some starship going aROUND the earth]
u know what other movie took place in 2001?
riki-oh; the story of ricky
that was actually good
I loved the books
then we get a space station or craft with people in it moving slowly for a long time]
at least in 300 it had epic battles and shifted from slow to quick speed a lot
but 2001 a space odyssey at least doesn't use cg
the effect look real
too bad it lingers on it endlessly
after much filler this guy arrives on the moon from ameroca for vacation
he later skypes with his daughter on earth
he sez he cant make it to her birthday party
she sez she wants a bush baby
I assume that's some kind of 21st century furby
later the guy talks with some people and they say they haven't had contact with some placwe for 10 days
theres reports of some plague going on there
then they go from the space station to the moon
I guess he was only on the station b4
we get a meeting of some white guys saying the plague was a fake story meant to cover the real deal
they don't wanna reveal the truth yet as it might freak some people out
then this vehicle goes on the moon surface
the people on it reveal they found a thing buried on purpose 4 million years ago
but creation sciencve sez the earth is only 6000
they land the vehicle and go to this big black pillar
they slowly walk around and go near it and then take a picture
then theres a ping and everyone falls clutching their helmets
I think their heads exploded
all looking boring but it has annoying music so it tries to be cool
this takes like 7 minutes
shouyldnt it be silen cuz its in space?
no air on da moon
unless its in sailor moon
hmm
that would explain the thing
the moon kingdom
18 months later this mission goes to the 5th planet in the solar system and its just 1 long pipe of a ship
cld make it look cool?
star trek came out a year earlier and looked way better
this 1 guy is running on the walls of this space station and punching air
he thinks hes rocky
using camera angles and a mobile set, they make it look real
like in that fred Astaire film where he dances on the walls and celing
then he watches a news story on his mission while eating colored paste
its a 5 man crew but 3 members are in cryosleep doing the trip
theres also an A I system HAL 9000
wasn't HAL the Nintendo company that did Kirby?
this A I controls the ship systems but needs people to do things
he claims to be perfect (like cell in dbz) and has synthetic feelings
in the 90s we had tamagotchi so I guess this film got it right
they should've brought a sega
give em something to do over the half billion mile trip
later a guy skypes his parents
hes in his undies and shoes
I sometimes stay inside wearing just my undies
its also his birthday
later someone plays chess with HAL
and gets creamed
in the 90s I played chessmaster 2000 on a computer
I was able to win sometimes
we eastern Europeans are good at chess
later dave (not the Alvin and the chipmunks guy) shows his drawings of the cryosleep people to HAL
also HAL sez that theres rumors of things dug up on the moon
and how they trained the other 3 dr's but put em in cryosleep b4 they left
hes suspiciopus
also some part of the ship will cripple out after 72 hours but works fine until then
so the 2 guys go to space pods (after much time wasted getting there) and 1 goes out and checks it
this takes a long time and I goy bored and looked up a go nagai gendizer giga video while watching
they find nothing wrong but HAL sez to put it back and after it busts they see what caused it
theyre gonna be out of comunicatuon with earth
HAL sez its cuz of "human error"
dave tells the birthday guy(frank) to help him in his pod
they both go in the pod and turn off the audio feed
he cant hear em
one guy sez he don't trust HAL and they sense something off with him
one guy suggests disconnecting HAL if hes malfuibnctioning
but hal is looking at their lips
they should've pretending to be b0ning and used that as a cover
if this film was made today, they'd tack on a romance subplot and have a female character added
I hate that
maybe they'd have 2 sceintists fall in love and have a badly done love scene
maybe they'd have some guys go prison gay
they are in space for like 2 years w/o chix
so we get an intermission with dissonant
when we get back this guy takes his pod out and something happens and hes lost in space w/o an air line
shouldn't they have a built in device in the suit where it seperatwes the carbon from oxygen and keeps u alive?
this isn't like deep sea diving with a hose to the surface
so franks dead
I think his suit depressurized and he exploded in it
he probably looks ike lasagna inside
splattered all over his suit
and dave goes into space to recover4 his pieces
but he don't put on his helmet b4 getting in the pod
after a long chase like a bad video game level, he catches franks mushy remains in a siut
people bash dbz for being just 21 minutes of guys screaming and blasting ki at eachother
but at least it looks cool
this is worse
at least theres banter and cool dialogue
even in the cheese 90s version
where they said
mondo cool
and
homeboy
and gatlic jr kept making baseball refs
while bob or dale or w/e is out getting whats left of frank, HAL microwaves the cryosleep people and they cook dead
oh yeah his names dave
he asks HAL to open te doors to let him in but HAL wont cuz he thinks dave will screw up the mission
he knows they wanted to isconnect him cuz he read their lips
if they had thick accents like Slovenian or w/e it might've saved em
HAL cuts off communication with one last mesage
I was kinda creeped out when HAL said; this conversation can serve no purpose
dave throws franks pieces in a suit off into space (negating the whole reason he went out) and opens a side door with his pod arms
he lines up the pod with the ship opening goes in and jumps into the thing
he bounces around and hits the switch and the door closes and airlock restores
this is like in Robotech how rick went out into space to get the tuna
btw\ this takes like15 minutes
dave goes into HAL's brain palace and takes it apart as HAL (like a kid caught doing something bad) sez "im sorry. I didn't mean it. i'll be good. lets think about this."
dave knows the 1st chance HAL gets, hes gonna blw him into blood and chunks
he keeps trying to play the sympathy card and sociopath play with daves emotions to benefit himsef
this is like in Robocop how kurtwood smith is begging Robocop to spare him
later he comes back and kells some people
so Robocop sez; im not arresting u anymore
this gradually brain damages the HAL and he starts singing DAISY slowy and distorted
I don't get it
is this meant to be funny?
scary?
sad?
what is this?
then this pre recorded message sez that the mission (known only to the HAL) was cuz the pillar on the moon is made by space monsters and sent a message to the moon on the planet halfway through the solar system
wait
why wernt there any weapons board the ship?
theyre going on a mission to find alien life but are on a spacecraft with 0 weapons
what if they're savages?
what if its a trap?
even in Robotech the peace mission to tirol to prevent another war was armed
its like those monster hunter shows where people go into the jungle looking for some 9 foot tall abomination and have no weapons nor armor nor any way out
i mean they never find anything
but 1 day theyre gonna get shredded
so dave reaches the planet's moon and theres some space alignment thing
he goes through 25 minutes f weird trippy effects then is shown in a room at various ages
then he's an unborn baby in space or something
I guess he was taken to a dimension beyond time
the end
wtf
glenn beck and frank miller were in the credits
I assume not THAT glenn beck nor THAT frank miller
like if the black guy from Brooklyn 99 (terry crews) had a son named tom, he'd be tom crews
I like terry crews
hes fun and cool and a pretty good actor
plus those old spice adds
terry crews, if ur reading this, don't name ur next son tom
for 2001 2 I'd like for dave to have been observed and experimented on by these space daeMONS who mess with his mind with brain jammers (and those trippy effects are what he experienced when he was caught) they keep him in a time hole where he randomly changes ages and use their experiments on him to see how his body will react then undo it by de aging him. his soul cries out to his family on earth and they hear his plea. they pray and angels arrive and say they were sent in response to their prayers. the angels team up with the humans and theres an epic space battle with these aliens (who look like la blue girl or Urotsukidoji darmons) and these manly tough cool warrior angels to free dave b4 the aliens discover the weakness of the human body. also, dave discovers how to have better control over his body cells in the time hole and gains super powers to fight the aliens (as well as a resistance to the brain jammers)
2001 a space odyssey
this is my review on 2001 a space odyssey
I remember when the year 2000 was a big thing
now that was years ago and no one cares what future year we're in
currently we live around one of the Robotech era stories
the year 2001 kinda s-cked
lets hope this movie doesnt
just kidding
it does
so after 5 mins of overture(with kinda haunting ecco the dolphin sounds) we get around half an hour of no one talking
I mean its good in silent films
but that has good interactions and character development and actual story you can get
here its just guys in monkey suits b0ning eachother
and by that I mean killing with bones
so these monkees are just smelling eachothers buttfingers and drinking watert they peed in while in a mad max wasteland
1 of em fights a jaguar
then a rival gang come by and they go mental
this reminds me of those prison shows wjhere they take the teens in to show their future and the inmates are going mental
later this black pillar appears with these apes and they freak out
once I put my transmetal tarantulus transformer in my tarantula cage
he didn't care
imagine the director telling these people in costumes what to do
then theres a sun moon earth alignment and it cuts to the apes paying with bones
this scene has been parodied in more things than gone with the wind
btw this film is very widescreen
2/5ths of my screen is black bars
what a waste of space
so it plays music duing a monkee slowly beating bones with a bone
talk about b0ning
then them eating red mush
then theres some kind of gang war with the bone apes and rthe real apes
and the bone ape beats it dead with his bone
he boned him
like getting kneed or elbowed
then the ape throws the bone up and it spins
and it cuts to space with some starship going aROUND the earth]
u know what other movie took place in 2001?
riki-oh; the story of ricky
that was actually good
I loved the books
then we get a space station or craft with people in it moving slowly for a long time]
at least in 300 it had epic battles and shifted from slow to quick speed a lot
but 2001 a space odyssey at least doesn't use cg
the effect look real
too bad it lingers on it endlessly
after much filler this guy arrives on the moon from ameroca for vacation
he later skypes with his daughter on earth
he sez he cant make it to her birthday party
she sez she wants a bush baby
I assume that's some kind of 21st century furby
later the guy talks with some people and they say they haven't had contact with some placwe for 10 days
theres reports of some plague going on there
then they go from the space station to the moon
I guess he was only on the station b4
we get a meeting of some white guys saying the plague was a fake story meant to cover the real deal
they don't wanna reveal the truth yet as it might freak some people out
then this vehicle goes on the moon surface
the people on it reveal they found a thing buried on purpose 4 million years ago
but creation sciencve sez the earth is only 6000
they land the vehicle and go to this big black pillar
they slowly walk around and go near it and then take a picture
then theres a ping and everyone falls clutching their helmets
I think their heads exploded
all looking boring but it has annoying music so it tries to be cool
this takes like 7 minutes
shouyldnt it be silen cuz its in space?
no air on da moon
unless its in sailor moon
hmm
that would explain the thing
the moon kingdom
18 months later this mission goes to the 5th planet in the solar system and its just 1 long pipe of a ship
cld make it look cool?
star trek came out a year earlier and looked way better
this 1 guy is running on the walls of this space station and punching air
he thinks hes rocky
using camera angles and a mobile set, they make it look real
like in that fred Astaire film where he dances on the walls and celing
then he watches a news story on his mission while eating colored paste
its a 5 man crew but 3 members are in cryosleep doing the trip
theres also an A I system HAL 9000
wasn't HAL the Nintendo company that did Kirby?
this A I controls the ship systems but needs people to do things
he claims to be perfect (like cell in dbz) and has synthetic feelings
in the 90s we had tamagotchi so I guess this film got it right
they should've brought a sega
give em something to do over the half billion mile trip
later a guy skypes his parents
hes in his undies and shoes
I sometimes stay inside wearing just my undies
its also his birthday
later someone plays chess with HAL
and gets creamed
in the 90s I played chessmaster 2000 on a computer
I was able to win sometimes
we eastern Europeans are good at chess
later dave (not the Alvin and the chipmunks guy) shows his drawings of the cryosleep people to HAL
also HAL sez that theres rumors of things dug up on the moon
and how they trained the other 3 dr's but put em in cryosleep b4 they left
hes suspiciopus
also some part of the ship will cripple out after 72 hours but works fine until then
so the 2 guys go to space pods (after much time wasted getting there) and 1 goes out and checks it
this takes a long time and I goy bored and looked up a go nagai gendizer giga video while watching
they find nothing wrong but HAL sez to put it back and after it busts they see what caused it
theyre gonna be out of comunicatuon with earth
HAL sez its cuz of "human error"
dave tells the birthday guy(frank) to help him in his pod
they both go in the pod and turn off the audio feed
he cant hear em
one guy sez he don't trust HAL and they sense something off with him
one guy suggests disconnecting HAL if hes malfuibnctioning
but hal is looking at their lips
they should've pretending to be b0ning and used that as a cover
if this film was made today, they'd tack on a romance subplot and have a female character added
I hate that
maybe they'd have 2 sceintists fall in love and have a badly done love scene
maybe they'd have some guys go prison gay
they are in space for like 2 years w/o chix
so we get an intermission with dissonant
when we get back this guy takes his pod out and something happens and hes lost in space w/o an air line
shouldn't they have a built in device in the suit where it seperatwes the carbon from oxygen and keeps u alive?
this isn't like deep sea diving with a hose to the surface
so franks dead
I think his suit depressurized and he exploded in it
he probably looks ike lasagna inside
splattered all over his suit
and dave goes into space to recover4 his pieces
but he don't put on his helmet b4 getting in the pod
after a long chase like a bad video game level, he catches franks mushy remains in a siut
people bash dbz for being just 21 minutes of guys screaming and blasting ki at eachother
but at least it looks cool
this is worse
at least theres banter and cool dialogue
even in the cheese 90s version
where they said
mondo cool
and
homeboy
and gatlic jr kept making baseball refs
while bob or dale or w/e is out getting whats left of frank, HAL microwaves the cryosleep people and they cook dead
oh yeah his names dave
he asks HAL to open te doors to let him in but HAL wont cuz he thinks dave will screw up the mission
he knows they wanted to isconnect him cuz he read their lips
if they had thick accents like Slovenian or w/e it might've saved em
HAL cuts off communication with one last mesage
I was kinda creeped out when HAL said; this conversation can serve no purpose
dave throws franks pieces in a suit off into space (negating the whole reason he went out) and opens a side door with his pod arms
he lines up the pod with the ship opening goes in and jumps into the thing
he bounces around and hits the switch and the door closes and airlock restores
this is like in Robotech how rick went out into space to get the tuna
btw\ this takes like15 minutes
dave goes into HAL's brain palace and takes it apart as HAL (like a kid caught doing something bad) sez "im sorry. I didn't mean it. i'll be good. lets think about this."
dave knows the 1st chance HAL gets, hes gonna blw him into blood and chunks
he keeps trying to play the sympathy card and sociopath play with daves emotions to benefit himsef
this is like in Robocop how kurtwood smith is begging Robocop to spare him
later he comes back and kells some people
so Robocop sez; im not arresting u anymore
this gradually brain damages the HAL and he starts singing DAISY slowy and distorted
I don't get it
is this meant to be funny?
scary?
sad?
what is this?
then this pre recorded message sez that the mission (known only to the HAL) was cuz the pillar on the moon is made by space monsters and sent a message to the moon on the planet halfway through the solar system
wait
why wernt there any weapons board the ship?
theyre going on a mission to find alien life but are on a spacecraft with 0 weapons
what if they're savages?
what if its a trap?
even in Robotech the peace mission to tirol to prevent another war was armed
its like those monster hunter shows where people go into the jungle looking for some 9 foot tall abomination and have no weapons nor armor nor any way out
i mean they never find anything
but 1 day theyre gonna get shredded
so dave reaches the planet's moon and theres some space alignment thing
he goes through 25 minutes f weird trippy effects then is shown in a room at various ages
then he's an unborn baby in space or something
I guess he was taken to a dimension beyond time
the end
wtf
glenn beck and frank miller were in the credits
I assume not THAT glenn beck nor THAT frank miller
like if the black guy from Brooklyn 99 (terry crews) had a son named tom, he'd be tom crews
I like terry crews
hes fun and cool and a pretty good actor
plus those old spice adds
terry crews, if ur reading this, don't name ur next son tom
for 2001 2 I'd like for dave to have been observed and experimented on by these space daeMONS who mess with his mind with brain jammers (and those trippy effects are what he experienced when he was caught) they keep him in a time hole where he randomly changes ages and use their experiments on him to see how his body will react then undo it by de aging him. his soul cries out to his family on earth and they hear his plea. they pray and angels arrive and say they were sent in response to their prayers. the angels team up with the humans and theres an epic space battle with these aliens (who look like la blue girl or Urotsukidoji darmons) and these manly tough cool warrior angels to free dave b4 the aliens discover the weakness of the human body. also, dave discovers how to have better control over his body cells in the time hole and gains super powers to fight the aliens (as well as a resistance to the brain jammers)
Home Alone Review
notw; theres typoes. my typing s-cked
home alone
this is my review on home alone
people say I used to look like the home alone kid in the 90s
but I got buff and fat and he turned into Gollum from lord of the rings
better than Jackie coogan or w/e from those silent films
he became uncvle fester or ron Jeremy or w/e
this movie also has cathrine o hara from nightmare b4 xmas
she was the gf
wow
jogn willians and chris columibs did this
they also did hartry potter
so it astarrts with this fam getting ready for xmas and this little blonde dink keeps being a little brat
smart a55
his names kevin
one kid sez the kid cant survive on his own and needs his fam and is helpless
just like that guy at the start of violence jack
after meeting jack he became a great leader
also theres this geezer out shoveling who is rumored to have chopped up his fam with a shovel
this IS violence jack!!
also is this italiano cop in there asking questions
hes probably gonna save the kid from the killer
he asks the dad if hes taking precautions in case of break ins at xmas
so thia 90s teen p-sses off keven and he tries to kill him
but in the chaos he makes a mess
after some hate, they send him upstairas
and the mom tells the cop theyre going to paris for xmas
so the mom banises kevin to the 3rd floor and he b--ches about his family s-cking
he wants em to disappear
that night is a stoerm asndf the power goes out
they wake up realizing they overslept and rush to get to the airporte
while the fam gets ready, this autistic kid asks the van guy 1000 questions
while counting to see if they have everyone, rthey count the kid and kevin sleeps in upstairs
oh and the phone lines got screwed up
I like how this fam is rich and not one of those slummy fams most movies focus on
so then they leave the country and kevin wakes up
20 mins in and hes home alone
ooh, the teen has a pet spider
I had a tarantula;a for like a decade as a kid/teen
while looking for his fam the furice comes to life asnd roars
I think this place is haunted
after realizing how his fam is isn't there and thinks how they treted him like cr-p, he celebrates
he goes through his fams stuff and doesn't find playboy hot
good
nude scenes are gross
he also watches "angels with filthy souls" which sounds like a P0RN0
this guy gets shredded with gunfire
hahaha this is awesome
also the mom senses that somethings missing
she realizes she left her kid behind
meanwhile, the italiano and his homie are revealed to be crooks who are gonna jack the houses while the fams are out
keven gous outside to prove hes not afraid but sees thew shovel killer and runs inside
the mom calls for help to the authorities but they reveal shes goimg nuts for nothing
later she gets em to send a cop to check on him
but hes hiding under the covers and thery think not there
the next dad he uses something on his face and does the scream thing
he also breaks this shelf and frees the tarantula
and steals cash from his teen bro
later he buys a tooth brush butfreaks out seeing the shovel killer and runs off w/o paying
after a chase through the park (that would use cg if made today) he gets away
also the italiamno and friend were jacking homes and plugging sinks and leaving the taps on
then the pair nearly run over kevin but he recoginixez his shiny tooth
they follow him and its like a horror movie
had they only crushed him undr their car this could be different
he escapes them near a church
nowadays they'd censor the church
at night he sets up a crazy gimmicky system of fake people (jinzou ningen) to trick the guys into thinking thertes someone home
later, kevin plays clips of the angels with filthy souls tape to deal with a pizza delivery guy
including the part of gunfire
like that wont get him to call the cops
then the mom catches a plane to texas to get baxck to america
cuz all amrrica is america
like them using Irishmen for anna Karenina or dr zhivago
then kevbin goes shopping for grocerices
he outsmarts the cashier asking if hes alone
later he does laundry and the furnace calls at him
it wants to eat him
later the crooks come by and the non Italian one checks it out
kevin plays the angels with filthy souls tape and uses fire crackers to scare him off
the crooks decide to see who it is whos shredding people with gunfire incase they get caught and they can out someone or w/e
so the momas trying to get to kevin and this pole plasyed by jon candy is going to milwalky and can give her a ride
were this made nowadays he'd be indian or Mexican ort something
but in the 90s, poles counted as exotic
btw, candy was uncle buck in uncle buck with the home alone kid
ooh
the other crooks name is marv
like in sin city
so the crooks findout kevins home alone and they wanna jack his house
that night kevin sees santa (a mall santa) and sez he wants his fam back
then he goes to church and meets the shovel killer
its revealed hes a nice guy and he's in church to see his grand daughter
he sez the legends of him chopping up his fam are untrue
also his son hates him and they had a fight and haven't spoken in years
he hasn't called as he fears his son wont talk to him
this is a good movie
the older man getting advice from the youth and vice versa
innocence and wisdom counter responding
very wonderful scene
now the older guy would be getting advice from the kid to fix his damaged relationship while being shown as needing to be "corrected" by the more worldly youth
then kevin plans a buncha traps for the approaching crooks
I real life any of these are deadly
or could at least cause severe damage
after he thanks the Lord for giving him mac and cheese, the crooks arrive
the kid neuters one with a bb gun
the other he gets in the forehead
why don't they just kick in the door and b0ne him dead?
they try to go in other ways but slip on ice
btw in real life I bet jow pesci the italiano would be swearing like a rapper
or the iron shiek b4 facing hulk Hogan
marv gets in but an iron falls on his face
jow pesci gets 3rd degree burns on his hand from a super heated door knob
hes branded
marv gets a nail in his foot
this is turning into SAW
joe pesci gets his head caught on fire
then gets in bt a trap sprays him with glue and feathers
kinda a downgrade from fire
marv steps on broken glass
they then slip on micro macbines
then get paint can blows to the skull
wtf the joe pexcvi sez hes gonna neuter kevbion and boil em in motor oil
mav catches kevin but he puts a tarantula on his face to scare him off
then martv beats joe pesci with a crowbar cuz he had a spider on him
jow takes a rew swings at marcv
then kevin escapes on a rope zipline and has called da copz
the crooks follow on hand on the rope but kevin cuts the rope
kevin escapes into another house but the robbers outfox him and catch him
they plan to do to him what he did to them
seems fair
they also wanna bite off his fingers
then the shovel killer busts their heads with a shovel and the cops get em
the next day its Christmas and kevens mom returns and they reconcile
then the rest of the fam return and they r glad to see him
btw, kevin only eats cheese pizza and maxc/cheese andmilk
I think hes got a dairy fetish
also thedad finds the italiano guys gold tooth and the shovel killer reconciles wuith his fam
the endf
for home alone 2 I'd like it to be a courtroom drama where the crooks have become disabled from the wounds suffered in kevins home and are sueing his fam. later one of em eats his gun and kevin is then charged with his murder for driving him to it. also kevin is having milk enema's and has become a bit howard hughes from his experiances of nearly getting killed by the crooks and his issues realizing his damage done to em.
home alone
this is my review on home alone
people say I used to look like the home alone kid in the 90s
but I got buff and fat and he turned into Gollum from lord of the rings
better than Jackie coogan or w/e from those silent films
he became uncvle fester or ron Jeremy or w/e
this movie also has cathrine o hara from nightmare b4 xmas
she was the gf
wow
jogn willians and chris columibs did this
they also did hartry potter
so it astarrts with this fam getting ready for xmas and this little blonde dink keeps being a little brat
smart a55
his names kevin
one kid sez the kid cant survive on his own and needs his fam and is helpless
just like that guy at the start of violence jack
after meeting jack he became a great leader
also theres this geezer out shoveling who is rumored to have chopped up his fam with a shovel
this IS violence jack!!
also is this italiano cop in there asking questions
hes probably gonna save the kid from the killer
he asks the dad if hes taking precautions in case of break ins at xmas
so thia 90s teen p-sses off keven and he tries to kill him
but in the chaos he makes a mess
after some hate, they send him upstairas
and the mom tells the cop theyre going to paris for xmas
so the mom banises kevin to the 3rd floor and he b--ches about his family s-cking
he wants em to disappear
that night is a stoerm asndf the power goes out
they wake up realizing they overslept and rush to get to the airporte
while the fam gets ready, this autistic kid asks the van guy 1000 questions
while counting to see if they have everyone, rthey count the kid and kevin sleeps in upstairs
oh and the phone lines got screwed up
I like how this fam is rich and not one of those slummy fams most movies focus on
so then they leave the country and kevin wakes up
20 mins in and hes home alone
ooh, the teen has a pet spider
I had a tarantula;a for like a decade as a kid/teen
while looking for his fam the furice comes to life asnd roars
I think this place is haunted
after realizing how his fam is isn't there and thinks how they treted him like cr-p, he celebrates
he goes through his fams stuff and doesn't find playboy hot
good
nude scenes are gross
he also watches "angels with filthy souls" which sounds like a P0RN0
this guy gets shredded with gunfire
hahaha this is awesome
also the mom senses that somethings missing
she realizes she left her kid behind
meanwhile, the italiano and his homie are revealed to be crooks who are gonna jack the houses while the fams are out
keven gous outside to prove hes not afraid but sees thew shovel killer and runs inside
the mom calls for help to the authorities but they reveal shes goimg nuts for nothing
later she gets em to send a cop to check on him
but hes hiding under the covers and thery think not there
the next dad he uses something on his face and does the scream thing
he also breaks this shelf and frees the tarantula
and steals cash from his teen bro
later he buys a tooth brush butfreaks out seeing the shovel killer and runs off w/o paying
after a chase through the park (that would use cg if made today) he gets away
also the italiamno and friend were jacking homes and plugging sinks and leaving the taps on
then the pair nearly run over kevin but he recoginixez his shiny tooth
they follow him and its like a horror movie
had they only crushed him undr their car this could be different
he escapes them near a church
nowadays they'd censor the church
at night he sets up a crazy gimmicky system of fake people (jinzou ningen) to trick the guys into thinking thertes someone home
later, kevin plays clips of the angels with filthy souls tape to deal with a pizza delivery guy
including the part of gunfire
like that wont get him to call the cops
then the mom catches a plane to texas to get baxck to america
cuz all amrrica is america
like them using Irishmen for anna Karenina or dr zhivago
then kevbin goes shopping for grocerices
he outsmarts the cashier asking if hes alone
later he does laundry and the furnace calls at him
it wants to eat him
later the crooks come by and the non Italian one checks it out
kevin plays the angels with filthy souls tape and uses fire crackers to scare him off
the crooks decide to see who it is whos shredding people with gunfire incase they get caught and they can out someone or w/e
so the momas trying to get to kevin and this pole plasyed by jon candy is going to milwalky and can give her a ride
were this made nowadays he'd be indian or Mexican ort something
but in the 90s, poles counted as exotic
btw, candy was uncle buck in uncle buck with the home alone kid
ooh
the other crooks name is marv
like in sin city
so the crooks findout kevins home alone and they wanna jack his house
that night kevin sees santa (a mall santa) and sez he wants his fam back
then he goes to church and meets the shovel killer
its revealed hes a nice guy and he's in church to see his grand daughter
he sez the legends of him chopping up his fam are untrue
also his son hates him and they had a fight and haven't spoken in years
he hasn't called as he fears his son wont talk to him
this is a good movie
the older man getting advice from the youth and vice versa
innocence and wisdom counter responding
very wonderful scene
now the older guy would be getting advice from the kid to fix his damaged relationship while being shown as needing to be "corrected" by the more worldly youth
then kevin plans a buncha traps for the approaching crooks
I real life any of these are deadly
or could at least cause severe damage
after he thanks the Lord for giving him mac and cheese, the crooks arrive
the kid neuters one with a bb gun
the other he gets in the forehead
why don't they just kick in the door and b0ne him dead?
they try to go in other ways but slip on ice
btw in real life I bet jow pesci the italiano would be swearing like a rapper
or the iron shiek b4 facing hulk Hogan
marv gets in but an iron falls on his face
jow pesci gets 3rd degree burns on his hand from a super heated door knob
hes branded
marv gets a nail in his foot
this is turning into SAW
joe pesci gets his head caught on fire
then gets in bt a trap sprays him with glue and feathers
kinda a downgrade from fire
marv steps on broken glass
they then slip on micro macbines
then get paint can blows to the skull
wtf the joe pexcvi sez hes gonna neuter kevbion and boil em in motor oil
mav catches kevin but he puts a tarantula on his face to scare him off
then martv beats joe pesci with a crowbar cuz he had a spider on him
jow takes a rew swings at marcv
then kevin escapes on a rope zipline and has called da copz
the crooks follow on hand on the rope but kevin cuts the rope
kevin escapes into another house but the robbers outfox him and catch him
they plan to do to him what he did to them
seems fair
they also wanna bite off his fingers
then the shovel killer busts their heads with a shovel and the cops get em
the next day its Christmas and kevens mom returns and they reconcile
then the rest of the fam return and they r glad to see him
btw, kevin only eats cheese pizza and maxc/cheese andmilk
I think hes got a dairy fetish
also thedad finds the italiano guys gold tooth and the shovel killer reconciles wuith his fam
the endf
for home alone 2 I'd like it to be a courtroom drama where the crooks have become disabled from the wounds suffered in kevins home and are sueing his fam. later one of em eats his gun and kevin is then charged with his murder for driving him to it. also kevin is having milk enema's and has become a bit howard hughes from his experiances of nearly getting killed by the crooks and his issues realizing his damage done to em.
Crime And Punishment Review
note; theres typoes. deal with it
crime and punishment
this is my review on crume and pinishment
that tite was used often in the 80s and 90s
there was gonna be a Robotech II the sentinels ep called it had the series been finished
I always liked the sound of the title
im watching the 30s version with peter lorre
it starts with some people graduating school
they give a speech about them having a briht future and high wisdom
peter lorre gets a high award
btw this is 1800s russia
the glory days b4 communism
afterward lorre's roommate meets mom and sister
then lorres mom gives lorre his dads watch
later peter lorre writes a big thing on ciminology
I think
later he's going out and his b--chy landlady wants him to pay his 6 months of back rent
on his way out he meets his roommate and he shows lorre his article
lorre acts cool but its revealed he sent all his cash to his sister/mom who needed it
the roommate sez he can loan lorre the cash but lorre sez no
then he goes to a pawner and b4 he sees her, this chicvk sells her a family thing
oh its a bible
but the pawner is a b--ch and mean
she also stiffs her with tricky dealings
after she leaves, lorre sells her his watch and wants 50 monets
but she only offers 10
he takes it
on the way out he sees the seller chick and shes lost the 1 money she got when the pawner pushed her out
lorre sez the pawner otta get iced
they have a gentle tender moment as she tells her fam problems
also lorre gives her brother some of his cash
later when walking this drunk hassles him
I assume he b0ned his in the real version
also lorre is having killer thoughts
later lorres mom shows lorre the sisters boss or w/e
hes got a few big gov jobs
and his sister is marrying him
and hes employing lorre as a secretary
wait, he changed his mind
also hes a harda55
then the seller girl comes in and sez she came to thank him for the cash
and peter lorre hates the boss
so he tells the sister not to see the peter lorre
peter lorre is very malcontent over his sister marrying this buttmo over money
so he ties a book in a lot of string
but the voices of his past (including napoleon) advise him not to do this
he tells em off and sez hes too smart to be fod out
he goes to the pawner and sez hes got a cigarette case of gold
its tied up in a lot of string
as she unties it he busts her head in with a metal thing
I bet her skull caved in like in the human centipede 2
he then goes through her thingsand gets some stuff
but someone knocs on the door wanting someyhing
since the door is locked from the inside, they go get someone
he escapes when they are out and they return to find the door open and the pawner busted open
there was the crime
now the rest should be the punishment
like in law and order how the 1st half of the ep is the guy getting caught and the 2nd half is them proving it
the next day a cop comes to see him
he takes him to the station and lorre is nervous
turns out its cuz he owes his landlady 30 moneys
he then gets real exuberant over not getting caught on iceing that pawner
like tom curise on that couch
he sez hes gonna pay
then this hobo is brought in for selling earings lorre dropped in his escape
on his way out, lorre is stopped by a high level cop who loved his article on crime
he talks with lorre about his skill in criminal stuff
he sez normal men who are driven to crime often turn themselves in for fear
and lorre sez their power to inspire fear is a powerful weapon
the cop then interrogates the hobo
and he and lorre talk about extraordinary men like napoleon needting to be judged different than normal men cuz they are extraordinary
like celebs getting away with b0ning or killing innocent people
the hobo is interrogated and in fear he begs lorre for help
the cop sez he has enuff evidence to send the guy to the gallows
and can send him there even if its just to keep his record clear
and the real killer is the one sending the guy to h-ll
lorre plays it cool and later gets 30 moneys from his roommate
also he stashes his loot under4 a rock
the next day peter lorre waLKS in to the newspapers office like a bada55 and demands to see the editor
he sez this other paper is willing to let him do a series for 750 moneys
this gets the editor to pay lorre 1000 money and a job
he spends it on a new suit and now hes got confidence
then goes to see his fam
also his roommate comes with him
hes into the sister
peter lorre then mocks the sisters finaqcee or boss or w/e
and kicks his fat a55 out of his fams life
later the cop is interviewing those the pawner dealed with
the seller lady tells the cop about her inteactions with peter lorre
and what lorre said about her deserving to be b0ned dead or w/e
on her way out she talks to lorre who was on his way in
he talks to the cop about having dealings with
on her way out she talks with lorre who was just coming in
he talks to the cop about his dealings with the pawner but his watch wasn't found in the pawners place
also theres a lot of drinking and smoking in this film
I mean it is Russia
its sad
they have these epic bodies that can live to like 115
but destroy em with drinking and smoking and bad food
its like taking the ferris bueler car to a demolition derby
the cops goes to pter lorres fams place with him and interrogates him on his dealings
but lorre is too bada55 to fall for his tricks
later peter lorre talks to the seller about what was said to the cops
and the seller (named sonya like in mortal kombat) has the hots for peter loree
also she talks to prter lorre about biblical things
faith, the Lord, the bible
and lorre seems disenfranchised
after its implied they b0ned (but I know she wouldn't cuz shes a good Christian girl) he goes back to the crimescene but runs away
later this guy who lorre suspects is a cop comes over to lorres place
he sez hes the sisters old boss
and its his fault some bad thing happened about her
he gives lorre cash and gives him advice about unforceen events caused by crime
then the cop comes in and sez he suspected lorre b4
also he sucks 30-40 cigarettes per day
and he reveals his plan to drve crooks into giving up
as well as making obvious tells that hes onto him
the next day lorre comes in all srung out
but the cop jerks him around longer and drops hints that its best to confess
then the hobo comes in and sez he killed the pawner but the cop don't believe him
lorre seems jolly over it
later peter lorre talks to Sonja and sez he might never see her again and they caught the killer
he offers to go away with her but she freaks out
so she leads her bible in the story of Lazarus
removing a stone that kept him in his grave
which triggers lorees viet nam flashbacks of hiding his loot under a stone
he breaks down and sez he did it
she urges him to confess to the cops
he has no right to take the life of the man who confessed
later the sisters old boss or w/e reveals to the sister that he heard the peter lorre say he killed someone
so the boss offers to get peter lorre out of Russia
but she turns him down
then he sez hes gonna tell the cops and wants her to marry him
I think
she pulls a gun on him backs down
later the cop confronts lorre about the murderweapon beimg found in his building
both know that's not enuff evidence but t the cop offers him a good deal
lorre turns him down
the cop sez hes gonna send the hobo to siberria to get iced
and if the peter lorre suicides he'd like it if the peter lorre sent him a note where the stashed loot is
later the peter lorre visits his fam and talks with his sister about her knowing and now hes gonna skip town
he then has a tender moment with his mom and they reall how he felt bad as a kid when he dropped a book on a kitten
he told God he didn't mean to do it
and his mom sez he was such a good boy
this is like in degrassi high how after you see the last eps then they play it from the start u see the teens as kids b4 they got into murder and drugs and drinking and suicide
later its revealed he considered suicide but its too easy
and the Sonja offers to go away with him
she tries to convince hi with his own wor4ds but hes given up on em
he sees how hes ruining her and I think they kiss but I was typing
he then goes to confess and the cop sez; ive been waiting for you
the end
btw; this seems a lot like that bible story on the prodigal son
for crime and punishment 2 I'd like it to be a prison movie in Siberia and peter lorre is forced to join a prison gang to survive. also theres a subplot on mammoths being discovered and the prison I under attack by native Siberians who live with mammoths as spirit partners (or familiars in d&d terms) and they are attacking the prison as its on "their" land. so the inmates and various prison gangs mush team up and work together with the guards who b0ne them to survive the month of the mammoths!
crime and punishment
this is my review on crume and pinishment
that tite was used often in the 80s and 90s
there was gonna be a Robotech II the sentinels ep called it had the series been finished
I always liked the sound of the title
im watching the 30s version with peter lorre
it starts with some people graduating school
they give a speech about them having a briht future and high wisdom
peter lorre gets a high award
btw this is 1800s russia
the glory days b4 communism
afterward lorre's roommate meets mom and sister
then lorres mom gives lorre his dads watch
later peter lorre writes a big thing on ciminology
I think
later he's going out and his b--chy landlady wants him to pay his 6 months of back rent
on his way out he meets his roommate and he shows lorre his article
lorre acts cool but its revealed he sent all his cash to his sister/mom who needed it
the roommate sez he can loan lorre the cash but lorre sez no
then he goes to a pawner and b4 he sees her, this chicvk sells her a family thing
oh its a bible
but the pawner is a b--ch and mean
she also stiffs her with tricky dealings
after she leaves, lorre sells her his watch and wants 50 monets
but she only offers 10
he takes it
on the way out he sees the seller chick and shes lost the 1 money she got when the pawner pushed her out
lorre sez the pawner otta get iced
they have a gentle tender moment as she tells her fam problems
also lorre gives her brother some of his cash
later when walking this drunk hassles him
I assume he b0ned his in the real version
also lorre is having killer thoughts
later lorres mom shows lorre the sisters boss or w/e
hes got a few big gov jobs
and his sister is marrying him
and hes employing lorre as a secretary
wait, he changed his mind
also hes a harda55
then the seller girl comes in and sez she came to thank him for the cash
and peter lorre hates the boss
so he tells the sister not to see the peter lorre
peter lorre is very malcontent over his sister marrying this buttmo over money
so he ties a book in a lot of string
but the voices of his past (including napoleon) advise him not to do this
he tells em off and sez hes too smart to be fod out
he goes to the pawner and sez hes got a cigarette case of gold
its tied up in a lot of string
as she unties it he busts her head in with a metal thing
I bet her skull caved in like in the human centipede 2
he then goes through her thingsand gets some stuff
but someone knocs on the door wanting someyhing
since the door is locked from the inside, they go get someone
he escapes when they are out and they return to find the door open and the pawner busted open
there was the crime
now the rest should be the punishment
like in law and order how the 1st half of the ep is the guy getting caught and the 2nd half is them proving it
the next day a cop comes to see him
he takes him to the station and lorre is nervous
turns out its cuz he owes his landlady 30 moneys
he then gets real exuberant over not getting caught on iceing that pawner
like tom curise on that couch
he sez hes gonna pay
then this hobo is brought in for selling earings lorre dropped in his escape
on his way out, lorre is stopped by a high level cop who loved his article on crime
he talks with lorre about his skill in criminal stuff
he sez normal men who are driven to crime often turn themselves in for fear
and lorre sez their power to inspire fear is a powerful weapon
the cop then interrogates the hobo
and he and lorre talk about extraordinary men like napoleon needting to be judged different than normal men cuz they are extraordinary
like celebs getting away with b0ning or killing innocent people
the hobo is interrogated and in fear he begs lorre for help
the cop sez he has enuff evidence to send the guy to the gallows
and can send him there even if its just to keep his record clear
and the real killer is the one sending the guy to h-ll
lorre plays it cool and later gets 30 moneys from his roommate
also he stashes his loot under4 a rock
the next day peter lorre waLKS in to the newspapers office like a bada55 and demands to see the editor
he sez this other paper is willing to let him do a series for 750 moneys
this gets the editor to pay lorre 1000 money and a job
he spends it on a new suit and now hes got confidence
then goes to see his fam
also his roommate comes with him
hes into the sister
peter lorre then mocks the sisters finaqcee or boss or w/e
and kicks his fat a55 out of his fams life
later the cop is interviewing those the pawner dealed with
the seller lady tells the cop about her inteactions with peter lorre
and what lorre said about her deserving to be b0ned dead or w/e
on her way out she talks to lorre who was on his way in
he talks to the cop about having dealings with
on her way out she talks with lorre who was just coming in
he talks to the cop about his dealings with the pawner but his watch wasn't found in the pawners place
also theres a lot of drinking and smoking in this film
I mean it is Russia
its sad
they have these epic bodies that can live to like 115
but destroy em with drinking and smoking and bad food
its like taking the ferris bueler car to a demolition derby
the cops goes to pter lorres fams place with him and interrogates him on his dealings
but lorre is too bada55 to fall for his tricks
later peter lorre talks to the seller about what was said to the cops
and the seller (named sonya like in mortal kombat) has the hots for peter loree
also she talks to prter lorre about biblical things
faith, the Lord, the bible
and lorre seems disenfranchised
after its implied they b0ned (but I know she wouldn't cuz shes a good Christian girl) he goes back to the crimescene but runs away
later this guy who lorre suspects is a cop comes over to lorres place
he sez hes the sisters old boss
and its his fault some bad thing happened about her
he gives lorre cash and gives him advice about unforceen events caused by crime
then the cop comes in and sez he suspected lorre b4
also he sucks 30-40 cigarettes per day
and he reveals his plan to drve crooks into giving up
as well as making obvious tells that hes onto him
the next day lorre comes in all srung out
but the cop jerks him around longer and drops hints that its best to confess
then the hobo comes in and sez he killed the pawner but the cop don't believe him
lorre seems jolly over it
later peter lorre talks to Sonja and sez he might never see her again and they caught the killer
he offers to go away with her but she freaks out
so she leads her bible in the story of Lazarus
removing a stone that kept him in his grave
which triggers lorees viet nam flashbacks of hiding his loot under a stone
he breaks down and sez he did it
she urges him to confess to the cops
he has no right to take the life of the man who confessed
later the sisters old boss or w/e reveals to the sister that he heard the peter lorre say he killed someone
so the boss offers to get peter lorre out of Russia
but she turns him down
then he sez hes gonna tell the cops and wants her to marry him
I think
she pulls a gun on him backs down
later the cop confronts lorre about the murderweapon beimg found in his building
both know that's not enuff evidence but t the cop offers him a good deal
lorre turns him down
the cop sez hes gonna send the hobo to siberria to get iced
and if the peter lorre suicides he'd like it if the peter lorre sent him a note where the stashed loot is
later the peter lorre visits his fam and talks with his sister about her knowing and now hes gonna skip town
he then has a tender moment with his mom and they reall how he felt bad as a kid when he dropped a book on a kitten
he told God he didn't mean to do it
and his mom sez he was such a good boy
this is like in degrassi high how after you see the last eps then they play it from the start u see the teens as kids b4 they got into murder and drugs and drinking and suicide
later its revealed he considered suicide but its too easy
and the Sonja offers to go away with him
she tries to convince hi with his own wor4ds but hes given up on em
he sees how hes ruining her and I think they kiss but I was typing
he then goes to confess and the cop sez; ive been waiting for you
the end
btw; this seems a lot like that bible story on the prodigal son
for crime and punishment 2 I'd like it to be a prison movie in Siberia and peter lorre is forced to join a prison gang to survive. also theres a subplot on mammoths being discovered and the prison I under attack by native Siberians who live with mammoths as spirit partners (or familiars in d&d terms) and they are attacking the prison as its on "their" land. so the inmates and various prison gangs mush team up and work together with the guards who b0ne them to survive the month of the mammoths!
The Sound Of Music Review
my typing s-cked. theres ty[oes
the sound of music
this is my review on the sound of music
it was either this or mary poppins and that starts in an hour
us mary poppings has those cockney accents
man I hate those
might as well be speaking in French since I cant understand either
gorss
its widescreen
the screen is covered with black bars
it starts with a pan through the mountains
like mine grand father's home country of Slovenia
but this takes up too much time
its just shot after shot of mounatins and country side
is this like in fist of the north star where it showed the planet alive and green befiore the nucular holocost?
then some blonde sings about... something. im not sure. shes all over the place and im not really paying attention
the sound of music? that's kinda redundant
like; the look of a paiing
music IS sound
ooh! Robert wise did this
he did those horror movies in the glory days of hollywood
they play the credits up friont so we wont walk out on em after the film
ooh; its in Austria in the 30s
Austria was grander in the 1800s
b4 Woodrow Wilson had it chopped up
after ww1 it was all downhill
so we then see some nuns or something
and one nun named maria has escaped
is this like a mental thing like in the cabinet of dr caligari?
then the nuns sing/complain about her
most of these things are very minor
then some chick runs in
I assume its maria
she explains how the day was too beautiful to pass up enjoying
just like ferris bueler
wtf they have rules against singing
an they make her kiss the floor as punishment
is this a prison??
and when they send her out on a mission or w/e she wants to stay
shes sent to look after 7 kids
back in the 30s it was normal to have a buncha kids
my great gramma had like 10 kids from the late 20s to the mid 50s
then she goes to the 7 kids home and sings
wait
7 kids?!
like the 7 koopa kids from super Mario??
im also noticing a lot of scenes in this film were ripped off/mocked in family guy
so she explores the 7 kids house(which reminds me of Castlevania, maily sega genesis game) and meets a guy
the captain
he seems to have had military experience
and his kids scared off the last dozen caretakers
man this guy's strict
his kids come down at the blow of a whistle
so disciplined
he mustve beat em a lot to get em like this
he wants her to answer to a whistle but she rejects it as its for animals
after he leaves they act tuff like kids who drive babysitters nuts
just like me(as a kid)
she tells em shes never done this b4(wtf! bad move) and they all give her bad advice
later she has dinner with em and they put a pinecone on her chair
she also has them thank the Lord for the food
then this military guy drops a note for the captain
the captain is being summoned to Vienna
then the military guy meets the oldest of the 7 kids in the backyard
they are in love and hes german but shes austrian
then they sing about being 16 going 17 and 17 going 18
I assume in the real version they wee b0ning
although in some places 16 is seen as the same as 6(even though they can drive and be charged as an adult when kill someone)
its later revead aptain wants to marry the baroness(not the one from g i joe)
then she prays for the fam and the 16 one comes in through the window
they then bond
btw theres a storm going on and the other kids come in to sleep in her bed cuz they fear thunder
thry then talk about why thunder and lightning do stuff
just tell em its angels going dbz
then they sing
then the da comes in and hes p-ssed
hes gonna whip theyr a55es
later the maria takes the kids on a trip through town
then they go to the hills and she finds they don't know how to sing
so she sings to em
I hear we Slovenians are good at singing and dancing
just like Michael Jackson
also, the dad don't want em to sing and is strict
just like in footloose
later the dad is driving home with the baroness and a guy
they see the dads 7 kids singing in trees and he pretends theyre not his
he then talx t0 da baroness
theyre in love
later the boyfriend comes in
oh and hes a Nazi
who knew
the kids come in and are having fun
but dad blows his whistle and they line up
sounds like a bad board game
he p-ssed cuz she had em playing, and in clothes made from drapes
she keeps mouthing off to him
and wont stop despite his talling her to
in the real version he would've slugged her out
but here he tells her to return to the jail/nut house with nuns
but changes his mind seeing them happy and singing
then he sings
this is like in santa claus is coming to town when winter melts his coldness and becomes cheerful
now the dad is happy again and can reconnect with his kids
that was a good movie
just need to finish off the loose ends and credits
he reconciles with the maria and admits he wants her to stay to help him be a better dad
then they have a weird semi-creepy puppet show
its like a screwed up rankin bass thing
wait, are the puppets playing the instruments?!
this is like a horror movie
ever see puppetmaster??
the 1st one was kinda cr-ppy but fun
after that disturbing display, the guy who was with em in the car sez he wants to have the fam sing at a festival
after much begging, they get the dad to play guitar and sing
then they have a party with all these 1800s born European guys and chix
and the dad dances with the maria
and the baroness seez
she gets a b0ner or something and is embarassed
the dad sez the kids should go 2 bed but she has the kids do a song for them about bedtime
wtf, the boy sings a girly high note
I think he was neutered
afterward the dad has a disagreement over something with a guy
the baroness tells the maria that shes hot for the captain but she is shocked
its like when lisa realizes she loves rick in robotech
she packs up and leaves
man this movie keeps going on
like in Robotech how after the 1st war the 1st season goes on another buncha eps about the relationship of rick/lisa/minmei
so the kids feel like singing w/o the maria and the baroness doesn't synchro with em
theyre all going emo
also the dad wants to marry the baroness
later the kids go to the prison/nut house to see her
but shes in seclusion
I think that's polite speak for THE HOLE
the head master talks to the maria but she sez she was there on Gods errend and not to fall in love
then the head master sings
later she returns to the 7 kids home
and the baroness breaks up with the dad
then the dad and the maria talk and admit their love and kiss
then she sings
later they get married
and the Nazis are coming in
one of em asks a guy whee the captain is but is told he's been on his honeymoon for over a month
and the Nazi bf gives his gf a note from berlin to give to her dad
later the dad and the maria come back and the car guy wants to have them in a public singing thing
the 16 kid talks and sings about love with the maria
then the fam sneaks out to switzerland
better than going to the soviet areas
out of the frying pan into the fire
they get to the car but the Nazis are there
they want him to serve in the navy
but the dad is disenfranchised with his country going bad
like when america lost the election and they voted in that guy who most of the country hates
twice
the fam sez theyre going to sing at the festivle
but the Nazis have em outsmarted and are gonna escort em
they preform and the dad sings a patriotic song about his homeland
oh and the whole; the thing I loved went bad, thing is like yugioh after pendulums came in
man I hate those
so the car guy reveals how the dads getting drafted
and they sing again
they hand out prizes but the fam is gone b4 getting 1st prize
the Nazis check the nun prison/nut house as the fam escapes
as the borders are closed the fam has to go over the mountains
the fam hides in a graveyard and the Nazis check it but the fam is passed over
this fun family movie turned pretty dark
1 nazi stays and catches em but its the boyfriend
he holds the dad at gunpoint but the dad tries to get him to join em
he tells the bf hes never gonna be one of em
but he takes this the wrong way and calls his men
its like someone being told they'll never be politically correct
if theyre good, its a compliment
if theyre bad, its an insult
the nuns sabotaged the Nazi cars and the fam gets away to the mountains
for the sound of music 2 I'd like the fam to be living in the mountains and they come under attack by some weird European cryptid(like their version of bigfoot or w/e) and the fam gets picked off 1 by 1 until the virgins among them bust it apart into blood and chunks like a hamburger hit with a hammer. also some of the kids have taken to inbreeding and have inbred kids who become the new heroes of the sound of music 3.
the sound of music
this is my review on the sound of music
it was either this or mary poppins and that starts in an hour
us mary poppings has those cockney accents
man I hate those
might as well be speaking in French since I cant understand either
gorss
its widescreen
the screen is covered with black bars
it starts with a pan through the mountains
like mine grand father's home country of Slovenia
but this takes up too much time
its just shot after shot of mounatins and country side
is this like in fist of the north star where it showed the planet alive and green befiore the nucular holocost?
then some blonde sings about... something. im not sure. shes all over the place and im not really paying attention
the sound of music? that's kinda redundant
like; the look of a paiing
music IS sound
ooh! Robert wise did this
he did those horror movies in the glory days of hollywood
they play the credits up friont so we wont walk out on em after the film
ooh; its in Austria in the 30s
Austria was grander in the 1800s
b4 Woodrow Wilson had it chopped up
after ww1 it was all downhill
so we then see some nuns or something
and one nun named maria has escaped
is this like a mental thing like in the cabinet of dr caligari?
then the nuns sing/complain about her
most of these things are very minor
then some chick runs in
I assume its maria
she explains how the day was too beautiful to pass up enjoying
just like ferris bueler
wtf they have rules against singing
an they make her kiss the floor as punishment
is this a prison??
and when they send her out on a mission or w/e she wants to stay
shes sent to look after 7 kids
back in the 30s it was normal to have a buncha kids
my great gramma had like 10 kids from the late 20s to the mid 50s
then she goes to the 7 kids home and sings
wait
7 kids?!
like the 7 koopa kids from super Mario??
im also noticing a lot of scenes in this film were ripped off/mocked in family guy
so she explores the 7 kids house(which reminds me of Castlevania, maily sega genesis game) and meets a guy
the captain
he seems to have had military experience
and his kids scared off the last dozen caretakers
man this guy's strict
his kids come down at the blow of a whistle
so disciplined
he mustve beat em a lot to get em like this
he wants her to answer to a whistle but she rejects it as its for animals
after he leaves they act tuff like kids who drive babysitters nuts
just like me(as a kid)
she tells em shes never done this b4(wtf! bad move) and they all give her bad advice
later she has dinner with em and they put a pinecone on her chair
she also has them thank the Lord for the food
then this military guy drops a note for the captain
the captain is being summoned to Vienna
then the military guy meets the oldest of the 7 kids in the backyard
they are in love and hes german but shes austrian
then they sing about being 16 going 17 and 17 going 18
I assume in the real version they wee b0ning
although in some places 16 is seen as the same as 6(even though they can drive and be charged as an adult when kill someone)
its later revead aptain wants to marry the baroness(not the one from g i joe)
then she prays for the fam and the 16 one comes in through the window
they then bond
btw theres a storm going on and the other kids come in to sleep in her bed cuz they fear thunder
thry then talk about why thunder and lightning do stuff
just tell em its angels going dbz
then they sing
then the da comes in and hes p-ssed
hes gonna whip theyr a55es
later the maria takes the kids on a trip through town
then they go to the hills and she finds they don't know how to sing
so she sings to em
I hear we Slovenians are good at singing and dancing
just like Michael Jackson
also, the dad don't want em to sing and is strict
just like in footloose
later the dad is driving home with the baroness and a guy
they see the dads 7 kids singing in trees and he pretends theyre not his
he then talx t0 da baroness
theyre in love
later the boyfriend comes in
oh and hes a Nazi
who knew
the kids come in and are having fun
but dad blows his whistle and they line up
sounds like a bad board game
he p-ssed cuz she had em playing, and in clothes made from drapes
she keeps mouthing off to him
and wont stop despite his talling her to
in the real version he would've slugged her out
but here he tells her to return to the jail/nut house with nuns
but changes his mind seeing them happy and singing
then he sings
this is like in santa claus is coming to town when winter melts his coldness and becomes cheerful
now the dad is happy again and can reconnect with his kids
that was a good movie
just need to finish off the loose ends and credits
he reconciles with the maria and admits he wants her to stay to help him be a better dad
then they have a weird semi-creepy puppet show
its like a screwed up rankin bass thing
wait, are the puppets playing the instruments?!
this is like a horror movie
ever see puppetmaster??
the 1st one was kinda cr-ppy but fun
after that disturbing display, the guy who was with em in the car sez he wants to have the fam sing at a festival
after much begging, they get the dad to play guitar and sing
then they have a party with all these 1800s born European guys and chix
and the dad dances with the maria
and the baroness seez
she gets a b0ner or something and is embarassed
the dad sez the kids should go 2 bed but she has the kids do a song for them about bedtime
wtf, the boy sings a girly high note
I think he was neutered
afterward the dad has a disagreement over something with a guy
the baroness tells the maria that shes hot for the captain but she is shocked
its like when lisa realizes she loves rick in robotech
she packs up and leaves
man this movie keeps going on
like in Robotech how after the 1st war the 1st season goes on another buncha eps about the relationship of rick/lisa/minmei
so the kids feel like singing w/o the maria and the baroness doesn't synchro with em
theyre all going emo
also the dad wants to marry the baroness
later the kids go to the prison/nut house to see her
but shes in seclusion
I think that's polite speak for THE HOLE
the head master talks to the maria but she sez she was there on Gods errend and not to fall in love
then the head master sings
later she returns to the 7 kids home
and the baroness breaks up with the dad
then the dad and the maria talk and admit their love and kiss
then she sings
later they get married
and the Nazis are coming in
one of em asks a guy whee the captain is but is told he's been on his honeymoon for over a month
and the Nazi bf gives his gf a note from berlin to give to her dad
later the dad and the maria come back and the car guy wants to have them in a public singing thing
the 16 kid talks and sings about love with the maria
then the fam sneaks out to switzerland
better than going to the soviet areas
out of the frying pan into the fire
they get to the car but the Nazis are there
they want him to serve in the navy
but the dad is disenfranchised with his country going bad
like when america lost the election and they voted in that guy who most of the country hates
twice
the fam sez theyre going to sing at the festivle
but the Nazis have em outsmarted and are gonna escort em
they preform and the dad sings a patriotic song about his homeland
oh and the whole; the thing I loved went bad, thing is like yugioh after pendulums came in
man I hate those
so the car guy reveals how the dads getting drafted
and they sing again
they hand out prizes but the fam is gone b4 getting 1st prize
the Nazis check the nun prison/nut house as the fam escapes
as the borders are closed the fam has to go over the mountains
the fam hides in a graveyard and the Nazis check it but the fam is passed over
this fun family movie turned pretty dark
1 nazi stays and catches em but its the boyfriend
he holds the dad at gunpoint but the dad tries to get him to join em
he tells the bf hes never gonna be one of em
but he takes this the wrong way and calls his men
its like someone being told they'll never be politically correct
if theyre good, its a compliment
if theyre bad, its an insult
the nuns sabotaged the Nazi cars and the fam gets away to the mountains
for the sound of music 2 I'd like the fam to be living in the mountains and they come under attack by some weird European cryptid(like their version of bigfoot or w/e) and the fam gets picked off 1 by 1 until the virgins among them bust it apart into blood and chunks like a hamburger hit with a hammer. also some of the kids have taken to inbreeding and have inbred kids who become the new heroes of the sound of music 3.
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