Friday, February 5, 2016

The Sound Of Music Review

my typing s-cked. theres ty[oes
the sound of music
this is my review on the sound of music
it was either this or mary poppins and that starts in an hour
us mary poppings has those cockney accents
man I hate those
might as well be speaking in French since I cant understand either
its widescreen
the screen is covered with black bars
it starts with a pan through the mountains
like mine grand father's home country of Slovenia
but this takes up too much time
its just shot after shot of mounatins and country side
is this like in fist of the north star where it showed the planet alive and green befiore the nucular holocost?
then some blonde sings about... something. im not sure. shes all over the place and im not really paying attention
the sound of music? that's kinda redundant
like; the look of a paiing
music IS sound
ooh! Robert wise did this
he did those horror movies in the glory days of hollywood
they play the credits up friont so we wont walk out on em after the film
ooh; its in Austria in the 30s
Austria was grander in the 1800s
b4 Woodrow Wilson had it chopped up
after ww1 it was all downhill
so we then see some nuns or something
and one nun named maria has escaped
is this like a mental thing like in the cabinet of dr caligari?
then the nuns sing/complain about her
most of these things are very minor
then some chick runs in
I assume its maria
she explains how the day was too beautiful to pass up enjoying
just like ferris bueler
wtf they have rules against singing
an they make her kiss the floor as punishment
is this a prison??
and when they send her out on a mission or w/e she wants to stay
shes sent to look after 7 kids
back in the 30s it was normal to have a buncha kids
my great gramma had like 10 kids from the late 20s to the mid 50s
then she goes to the 7 kids home and sings
7 kids?!
like the 7 koopa kids from super Mario??
im also noticing a lot of scenes in this film were ripped off/mocked in family guy
so she explores the 7 kids house(which reminds me of Castlevania, maily  sega genesis game) and meets a guy
the captain
he seems to have had military experience
and his kids scared off the last dozen caretakers
man this guy's strict
his kids come down at the blow of a whistle
so disciplined
he mustve beat em a lot to get em like this
he wants her to answer to a whistle but she rejects it as its for animals
after he leaves they act tuff like kids who drive babysitters nuts
just like me(as a kid)
she tells em shes never done this b4(wtf! bad move) and they all give her bad advice
later she has dinner with em and they put a pinecone on her chair
she also has them thank the Lord for the food
then this military guy drops a note for the captain
the captain is being summoned to Vienna
then the military guy meets the oldest of the 7 kids in the backyard
they are in love and hes german but shes austrian
then they sing about being 16 going 17 and 17 going 18
I assume in the real version they wee b0ning
although in some places 16 is seen as the same as 6(even though they can drive and be charged as an adult when kill someone)
its later revead aptain wants to marry the baroness(not the one from g i joe)
then she prays for the fam and the 16 one comes in through the window
they then bond
btw theres a storm going on and the other kids come in to sleep in her bed cuz they fear thunder
thry then talk about why thunder and lightning do stuff
just tell em its angels going dbz
then they sing
then the da comes in and hes p-ssed
hes gonna whip theyr a55es
later the maria takes the kids on a trip through town
then they go to the hills and she finds they don't know how to sing
so she sings to em
I hear we Slovenians are good at singing and dancing
just like Michael Jackson
also, the dad don't want em to sing and is strict
just like in footloose
later the dad is driving home with the baroness and a guy
they see the dads 7 kids singing in trees and he pretends theyre not his
he then talx t0 da baroness
theyre in love
later the boyfriend comes in
oh and hes a Nazi
who knew
the kids come in and are having fun
but dad blows his whistle and they line up
sounds like a bad board game
he  p-ssed cuz she had em playing, and in clothes made from drapes
she keeps mouthing off to him
and wont stop despite his talling her to
in the real version he would've slugged her out
but here he tells her to return to the jail/nut house with nuns
but changes his mind seeing them happy and singing
then he sings
this is like in santa claus is coming to town when winter melts his coldness and becomes cheerful
now the dad is happy again and can reconnect with his kids
that was a good movie
just need to finish off the loose ends and credits
he reconciles with the maria and admits he wants her to stay to help him be a better dad
then they have a weird semi-creepy puppet show
its like a screwed up rankin bass thing
wait, are the puppets playing the instruments?!
this is like a horror movie
ever see puppetmaster??
the 1st one was kinda cr-ppy but fun
after that disturbing display, the guy who was with em in the car sez he wants to have the fam sing at a festival
after much begging, they get the dad to play guitar and sing
then they have a party with all these 1800s born European guys and chix
and the dad dances with the maria
and the baroness seez
she gets a b0ner or something and is embarassed
the dad sez the kids should go 2 bed but she has the kids do a song for them about bedtime
wtf, the boy sings a girly high note
I think he was neutered
afterward the dad has a disagreement over something with a guy
the baroness tells the maria that shes hot for the captain but she is shocked
its like when lisa realizes she loves rick in robotech
she packs up and leaves
man this movie keeps going on
like in Robotech how after the 1st war the 1st season goes on another buncha eps about the relationship of rick/lisa/minmei
so the kids feel like singing w/o the maria and the baroness doesn't synchro with em
theyre all going emo
also the dad wants to marry the baroness
later the kids go to the prison/nut house to see her
but shes in seclusion
I think that's polite speak for THE HOLE
the head master talks to the maria but she sez she was there on Gods errend and not to fall in love
then the head master sings
later she returns to the 7 kids home
and the baroness breaks up with the dad
then the dad and the maria talk and admit their love and kiss
then she sings
later they get married
and the Nazis are coming in
one of em asks a guy whee the captain is but is told he's been on his honeymoon for over a month
and the Nazi bf gives his gf a note from berlin to give to her dad
later the dad and the maria come back and the car guy wants to have them in a public singing thing
the 16 kid talks and sings about love with the maria
then the fam sneaks out to switzerland
better than going to the soviet areas
out of the frying pan into the fire
they get to the car but the Nazis are there
they want him to serve in the navy
but the dad is disenfranchised with his country going bad
like when america lost the election and they voted in that guy who most of the country hates
the fam sez theyre going to sing at the festivle
but the Nazis have em outsmarted and are gonna escort em
they preform and the dad sings a patriotic song about his homeland
oh and the whole; the thing I loved went bad, thing is like yugioh after pendulums came in
man I hate those
so the car guy reveals how the dads getting drafted
and they sing again
they hand out prizes but the fam is gone b4 getting 1st prize
the Nazis check the nun prison/nut house as the fam escapes
as the borders are closed the fam has to go over the mountains
the fam hides in a graveyard and the Nazis check it but the fam is passed over
this fun family movie turned pretty dark
1 nazi stays and catches em but its the boyfriend
he holds the dad at gunpoint but the dad tries to get him to join em
he tells the bf hes never gonna be one of em
but he takes this the wrong way and calls his men
its like someone being told they'll never be politically correct
if theyre good, its a compliment
if theyre bad, its an insult
the nuns sabotaged the Nazi cars and the fam gets away to the mountains
for the sound of music 2 I'd like the fam to be living in the mountains and they come under attack by some weird European cryptid(like their version of bigfoot or w/e) and the fam gets picked off 1 by 1 until the virgins among them bust it apart into blood and chunks like a hamburger hit with a hammer. also some of the kids have taken to inbreeding and have inbred kids who become the new heroes of the sound of music 3.

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