Friday, February 5, 2016

Edward Scissorhands Review

note; my keyboard os a plug in and im still getting used 2 it. theres typoes
Edward scissorhands
this ias my review on Edward scisorhands
I saw some of this movie as a 90s kid
I remember the ending friom it
later I had it on tape vbut it had a different audio thing recorded so its ust some buttmo's talking
later my teacher in high school I found avoided seeing it for 12 years thinking it was a slasher
I lent her a different vhs I taped of it and she loved it
alin arkin is in this
I never knoew that
after credits with images people wseen the film b4 will get, this gramma starts telling her grandgirl about where snow comes from
she sez the haunted mansion on the mountain made a man(jinzou-ningen in Japanese(artificial human))
he keeled over b4 finishing him(I assume the scissor hads are prototypes for human ones he never got to replace)
then its the 90s and this avon lady is going door to door around a colorful hood trying to sell make-up
one chick is smoking and trying to seduce a plumber
if this film was made now they'd censor the smokes and have a scene of her b0ning the repairman
later the avon lady notices a horror movie like castle in her hood and goes there thinking the owner would need make-up
the area has a lot of hedge sculpres and the inside is like a weird 20s-60s movie
in it she finds newspaper clippings on the wall and a weird guy who looks like the crow with blade hands
this is kinda freaky
I know hes a nice guy
but hes pretty disturbibg looking
I had a joke about living in a house made by tim burton and pg it neon florescent colors
seeing this think that would be cool
and nightmarish
this is in fullscreen
no black bars
as I always enjoyed Edward sciosswersanhs
\so the avontakers this hand bladed leather dude to live with her
jionny depp plays Edward really well
he seems kind innocent and likable
as she drives home the housewives gossip
avon shows ed her fam photos and he falls in love witbwynona rider(kym)
ed really stands out from the colorful 90somes with his dark and 1920s style look
he interacts with a waterbad and a mirror(really nice scene w/o words)
he looks like the guy in the cabinet of dr caligari
somehow he gets dressed partly and avon helps him w/ da rest
i haven't heard of avon or waterbeds in years
I forgot they were in da 90z
later ed struggles wh eating carrotz and peas with his badefingwerz
the son kevin wants to bring him to show and tell
I mean hes an artificial human and thus an item
but they think hes a real boy
we' like 30mins+commercials in and nothings really happened but I l;ove what I see
the next day or so, ed make a dinosaur out of a hedge
later the housewivbes come over and the plumber seducer tricks avon into having a bbq for them to meet ed
later ed sees a can opener and it gives him viet nam flashbacks to vncint price using a weird peewees playhouse like machine to make cookies
but he wants to make a machinewith a heart(shown, not told with words)(this would be a good silent film btw)
then its the bbq and the chix gossip about him
also a war vet talks about his parts being dead after taking a wound in the war
he also shish ka bobs veggies in his blades
that night ed dreams of vincint pribe teaching him ettiquite and jokes and poems
then kym and her buff bf(played by Anthony Michael hall; the nerd in those 80s filns) arrive and hes malcontenrt over his parents being strict
maybe if they beat his punk-a55 more he'd have some respect\
she comes in and freaks out by seeing ed in her bed
the dad gives him "lemonaide" (which I think is HARD) and he has a malfunction
note how things go south after she comes in
kevin sghows him to his class and he makes paper into a chain of people by cutting
later the buff nerd(anhotny mochael hall) and the fam have dinner and its shown his dads loaded but wants buff nerd to earn things himself so he learns value
to quote beyblade
its like buying a trophy instead of winning one
if everythings handed to him he wont learn anything
hes just a malcontent
later ed is out gardening other peoples hedges and gives a dog a haircut
imagie if there was a Korean or fillipino remake and he chops the dog into Chinese chicken wings
then he does the hair of the plumber seducer and starts doing humans
pretty good cam,era trix are used for him cutting hair/plants
in the make up while avon is on da phone with some guys, ed looks kinda like me
I just remembered a bobbys world ep where he learned to tell time and when thinking of clock hands(when clocks used hands) imagined himself as Edwardwith clock arms
later he opens a lock with his blade and buff nerd takes notice
then hes on a talk show and reveals he wants real hands
also in here he looks like my italiamno/frenchcanadian/native indioan friend alex
later plumber seducer takes Edward to a salon to him where they can have ed doing haircuts
then she takes him tio the back room and begins undressing
this is getting x rated
she tries seducing him
get out ed!
shes gonna give u the aids!!
he leaves and shes still partly dressed so im pretty sure they didn't b0ne
does Edward even have parts?
I think the suit is his body
later they go to the bank to get a lone for the salon but hes turned down for not have any credit/history/jobs/collateral
later buff nerd gets ed to break into his home to jack some items to sell so he can buy a van
ed is told the stuff was stolen from buff nerd so he need to get it out
after ed goes in, the alarm trips and locks him in
buffnerd and friends bail and the cops get ed
as buffnard and kym and friend flee, buffnerd sez that his dad would have him charged despite them being related
u break the law, you go to the slammmer!
if this were made today I bet theyd have drug use and more swear words and b0ning
in a very toungue and cherek ref to tim burton, the shrink sez; hes imaginitive yet isn't aware of reality
the housewives gossip and see ed as bad
when kym confronts ed, ahe reveals he knew it was buffnerds home and he only did it cuz she axed him 2
she goes to tell off buffnerd and ed snaps and slices up the bathroom
buffnerds dad thinks eds mentally challenged(and he kinda is) so hes not pressing charfges
as xmas nears, the fam is gonn party
but the plumber seducer sez ed tried to b0nes her with his blades (cuz she don't wanna be seen as being into a guy with a record) so everyone don't go to it
then ed it slicing a huge ice block into an angel and kym dances in the falling flakes to beautiful music
this was back when tim burton had magic
now its all greenscreens and overused cgi
too bad he didn't do that superman film with Nicholas cage
I hear he wanted to make s m more "alien" and out of place
just like ed in here
but buffnerd startles ed and he jumps and sliced kyms hand
he tirades ed and drives him off
kym tells buffnerd to get aids(not her exact words. but rather my slang) and she don't like him anymore
ed goes on a disgruntled rampage cutting things
later avon sez she didn't think things through about bringing ed here and its best if he goes back(cuz its safe)
oh and ed sliced off his clothes leaving only his leather body
ed comes home but everyone but kym is out looking 4 him
he hugs her and flashbacks to vimcvint price giving him real hands but he dies and ed accidentally damages em
also his hair was neater in the flashbacks
now it looks like sweeny todd or tim burton
meanwhile buffnerd and his homie are drinking and he makes his homie drive
and kevin is walking home in the night
I notice a lot of dinosaurs of hedges
like the ones in peewees big adventure
the drunk homie nearly runs over kevin but ed pushes him out of the way
then tries calming him down and slices him up
in the chaos ed slices another guy and buffnerd tries beating ed but his arm is slashed in the fight
ed runs and the crown chases him to his castle
just like franken weenie
kym gets to ed in his 1st home attic where avon found him and buffnerd arrives and pulls a gun on him,
kym interviens and the shot hits the room and downs ed
buff nerd beats ed with a metal rob but kyn stops him
he backhands her and ed shanks him in the gut with his blades
buffnerd falls out a window and is dead
kym tells ed she loves him and leaves with prototype blades she found in the cobwebs
she sez they killed eachother and shows the extra blades
they take her word and theres no police investigation
then its revealed the gramma is kym(having married and b0ned another guy)
she hasn't seen him since but knows hes alive as its cuz of him it snows
and it shows hiom making snow for the whole city by cutting ice sculptures and the flakes cover the area
wheres he get the ice in the 1st place??
maybe his makes made a snow machine?
for Edward Scossorhands 2 I'd like it to be set in the later 90s and be about kevin gradually going mental over ed slicing him up and hearing of Edwards alleged end.and the buff nerd's gutting. gradually he develops another him based on both the buff nerd and Edward and begins doing roids and making blade gloves. he gets buffnerds homie who nearly ran him over to be hi slave after cutting off pieces off him one at a time each time he displeases him. later its revealed that the buffnerd part of him is really the remnants of him and the Edward part of him is added by Edward mixing blood with them in the last night he was with em on his blades. to fix it, he needs to replace all the blood in his body and he starts slicing open and draining people for a full oil change like that rock star did when he poisoned his blood with too many drugs. also it has kym falling for either a huge buff guy played by hulk Hogan or he could be played by weird al as himself.

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