Thursday, February 4, 2016

King Kong Review

noite; my keybords no so hot so there styples
King Kong
this is my review on the 1930s version of King Kong
I saw the peter Jackson version years ago and loved it
its a better love story than romeo and juliete
some emo wiener teens are gay for eachother and keep suiciding
is like degrassi but less malcontent teens
lets see how this one holds up
the overture seems mysterious and sort of otherworldly
a bit Japanese feeling for some reason
sorta shogunate
and that classic 30s power
I like max steiner
gone with the wind has grand music aswell
david o Selznick did this
more gone with the wind
it starts with some proverb about a beast killed by beauty
then we get some boat where a movie company is sending a guy to film on a lost island
this Hollywood producer wants to get to te island b4 the monsoon and is bringing enough weapons to take out a small force
better than monsterquest or destination truth
they go into the wild, thousands of miles from civilization
looking for some dinosaur or daemon
no guns
no armor
not even a pocket knife
I mean they never really find anything
but odds are eventually theyre gonna find some abomination someday
and its gonna skin them alive
so the producer is looking for a woman to be in his film
he meets this thin blonde when she is looking at apples and the foreigner owning the shop grabs her arm and thinks shes stealing
he pays the shopkeep off and convinces her to go on his adventure
this is a lot like in Aladdin where jasmine nearly gets her arm lopped off
the next day the ship sets sail for the grand line to find one piece
the crew doest like having women on ships
I assume they all turned prison gay from years of being on a sealed area with only men to b0ne
the director talks about his movie idea about a beast who was tough but went soft when he found beauty
sorta like how vegeta went candya66 after getting bulma pregnant in dbz
the island the director wants to go to is very hard to reach and has natives on it who maintain a wall to keep something safe
this sounds like a 16 bit game plot
h doesn't know what kong is but is out making a film about it?
does he even have a script?
is he ust gonna shoot stuff and cobble the pieces together into a half coked plot when hes done?
that's crazier than robotech
later they come through the mists and reach the island
in the villag of the island is a huge thing of gates like Jurassic park
the natives dance dressed as gorillas to tribal music
the director films them w/o consent
the natives see em and stop their dance
they tell the whites to get out and that their ceremony is ruined cuz whites saw it(that's racist)
the natives want the blonde to be kong's new bride
after some talking, its night and they open the game and tie her to posts
they bang a gong and out comes kong
these are really great special effects
way better than cg
kong takes the blonde and the crew of the ship come to save her
they follow his trail through the jungle and fight dinosaurs
this is turning into the 90s
a plant eating dino just ate some people
just like in the simpsons where the elephant eats skinners men
I notice these dinosaurs sizes are inconsistent
eventually they catch up to kong
but he sends them down a crevasse and they all die
1 guy hides in a undercliff and holds off kong with a hunting knife
then kong fights a dinosaur
its an epic fight
like Robotech or something
giants clashing
he bites the dino's ear like mike tyson
then cracks its skull
kong has the girl
but, hes fallen in love with her
interspecies love!!
just like in Robotech with the humans and aliens falling in love
not that theres anything wrong with that
later, kong goes home to his cave and fights a giant snake
after he wins that one he starts undressing the blonde
hes going to b0ne her!!
while kong is distracted by a noise, a pterandon tries to take the blonde but kong kills it
as kong fights it, this guy takes the blonde down a vine on the cliff theyre on
but kong brings it up
but they fall dozens of feet and are ok
people were tougher in the 1800s
they escape through the Jungle level and back through the gate
but the director wants to capture kong like a pokemon
kong tries to berak through the gate but the people mass together to hold the doors closed
this guy kills dinosaurs and you ants think he can be held back?! ahahahahha!
he breaks through and busts up the natives village
they throw spears at him but its useless
he eats some guys
the whites use gas bomns to knock him out
somehow they get him to new York and have a stage show
the stage show and this whole movie are in full screen
I would look awful if cropped for 16;9
kong is chained up on a sort of cross and the blonde is gonna be married to the guy from the ship who said he didn't like women
I guess she turned him straight
she IS fay wray
the paparazzi take flash photos
kong isn't happy about it since he didn't consent to his photo takes by the press so he goes on a rampage and busts up the place
just like celebs
he picks a woman out of an apartment thinking its the blonde and drops her a few dozen feet when he realizes its not
like celebs b0ning women they meet and leaving them
kong then gets the blonde and carrys her up a building
I notice the romance between kong and the blonde isn't here in the 30s version
the peter Jackson shows their interspecies love
kong busts a monorail tracks and the train gets busted by him
soon after, kong climbs the empire state building
so they launch planes
not the Disney thing
im surprised the buildings kong climbs can support him
after a deathmatch with the planes, kong is fatally wounded and holds the woman he loved one last time
then gets shot moe and falls off the building
the end
for king kong 2 I'd like for nikola tesla to have gained access to kongs body and have reanimated it with his A/C current based 1800s Tech.and upgraded it with death rays and anti gravity powers. then he uses it to fight off space daemons who planned on taking over the world with communism.

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