Friday, February 5, 2016

Great Expectations Review

note; im one handing thing I mean this and using backspace little so thres typoas
great exectations
this is my review of great expectations(the 40s version)
I read the book back in high school
also I saw the reobert deniro version (which was the 1st time I heard him swear) and the south park version
ooh, jean simmons uis in this
not the kiss guy
and alik guinnes
it starts with a guy explaining why he s called pip
then shows his as some candy a55 kid in a cemetery In a horror movie like setting
then some angry brit grabs him and asks his sime questions
pip lives with his sister and her husband the black smith
after threatening to kill and eat the kids organ\s, he tells him to bring some item to some place later
I think in the real version he b0ned pip
later pip cmes home and his sister whips his a55 for being out too late
I assume in the real version  she was b0ning him
turns out theres a convict out
his sister seems like a nasty hag
I hope joe(who seems mentally unwell) slugs her out and eats some of her
that night pip has viet nam flash backs about the convict telling him hes gonnas rip him open asnd eat him
so he gets some food and an item and goes out at night
on the way there he hears voices and cows talking
he meets a guy with a face scar but the guy runsd away and pips finds the cannibal from b4
he gives him the food and the cannibasl gets freaked out about hearing of the other scar man
thwe cannibal saws off his foot shackles
later pips having dinner with sume upper crust britz and this army guy red coat comes in asking about the convicts
later the redcoats go on a hunt for em
and so doers pip and joe
they catch both convicts
the cannibal sez he took food from the blac smith and the b s sez its ok
later the pip is given a job or w/e with his old hag ms avisham
she lives in a decroded mansion and has a little girl who she rases
the girl is awful and mean
hope in the end pip has a hulk Hogan style wwf death match with her
I keep thinking of the south park ep of this
she sez she never saw the sun b4 burth and she has sick fancys
this is turning into howard hughes
he went mental and spends a long time in a theatre room in the nude, watching a dirty movie over and over, talking to himself, whizzing in milk bottles and lining them up against a wall. hes like me but way worse. i on the other hand wear undies and watch youtube vids and play sega and flush my whiz
the girl hates pip and thinks of him as inferior
but the old hag sez she an um so she plays with him
she mocks him calling the playing cards "jacks" and is a real p o s
if this were made today she'd be one of those hippie stoner commie peta nazies who look down on people  t  and flush after whizzing and dont believe in global wearming
she keeps calling pip "boy"
which seems a bit racist
ms havisham summons her surviving relatives on her b day cuz shes got a weird ocd thing
then pip has a street fight with this cockney kid and whips his a55
after that the girl lets pip hiss her cheek
then pips sister keeled over and some new chick comes in
I think jow had enough of her cr-p and used his black smith tools on her
also pip wants to become a gentleman to impress the girl
then they have a timeskip and montage
pip turns 14 and is gonna start work as a black smith
and the girl is going to france
I think pip is a masochist as he likes this chick who treats him cr=ppy
then theres another timeskip and pipes 20
this lawyer comes in  and sez pips got... GR8 EXPWEXATIONSZ! and this benefactor is paying for pip to become a gentleman
Rhett butler didn't need 2 b a gentkle man
pip thinkas the benefactor is ms havisham
then pip goes to some city
he gets a room in some place and a room mate
his room mate is the guy he fought years ago
theyre homies now
like in sonic how after he beat knuckles they became friends
the room mate sez ms havisham is a femminazi who hates all men and wants revenge on them cuz some guy ditched her at her wedding or something
if this were made tioday, she'd be depicted as the good guy
now she's sealed hersef in her rotting mansion and adopted the girl to make her a tool for revenge on all men
after a training montage like in rocky or youngblood or team america, they find they wernt using money well
now pips 21
he sees the lawyer and gets 500 pounds
that's like a really fat chick!!
latyer jow comes over and pip is grossed out by his normality
pip became a buttmo
looks like jows gonna use his blaxcjk smith tools in pip too
joe don't fit in this elitist britworld
joe sez for pip to see ms havisham
and that he knows he don't fit in the brit world
pip returns and to his town and\ avoids going to see jow
ms havisham reminds me of baby jane
pip and the girl remeet and they talk
she reveals she has nop love and pip don't \agree cuz he thinks shes hot
shes not really that attractive though
even for a brit
later pip and her are out in town and she sez shes got a plan made for herr by ms havishajm to meet people
I assume she wants to use the girl to turn men into hermaphrodites and use them for breeding only women or hermaphrodites
after a time skip of pip and her going aroundplaces or w/e, they dance
pip is malcntenrt that shes letting this guy she don't care for think hes got a chance
later the cannibal from years ago comes by in an eyepatch and reveals hes pips benefactor cuz pip was nice to him
hes becme a rich sjheep farmer in Australia
the room mate comes in and is sworn to secrecy by the cannibal
the lawyer is a lot like the fatty from beetle juice
the lawyer talks with pip and sez the cannibal has enemies
later pip sees ms havisham and he confronts her over her being awful or something
he also comes out about his love for the girl
and whines about how shes going out wuth that guy I mentioned b4
she sez shes marrying him
 havisham realizes the error of her ways
pip tells her off and she catches fire as she leaves
pip goes back and savwes her but busts up her rotted mess of a home
later this guy who works for pip or w/e shows him his dad
and that this foe of the cannibal is after the cannibal and watching pips place
so pip and the cannibal are gona leave engind
then anothe4 training montage of pip and room mate practicing boating
threy get a weird complex plan set up and do it
while boating with the cannibal he reveals he had a little girtl and he loves pip now as a replacement
later they try to get on a passing boat
but another boat comes up
then a low speed chase]
tey connect and the boat they tried to get on runs em over
and the scar guy is leading the chase boat but gets chopped up in a boat thing
after hes pulled out of the water, hes arrested and sent to be executed
the gov takes the cannibals cash but if he had a blood relative it would go to them
then its revealed the girtl is the cannibals kid and the lawyer saved her from thame of being related to a convict and winding up becoming a druggie or crook
so the cannibal isn't lasting as he was wounded in the boating and hasn't had human flesh in a while
so david copperfiend I mean pip tells him of the girl; still being alive and well
hen he dies
pip walks home and i think hes on drugs cuz hes seeing weird things
he recoveres from his overdose and jow is looking after him
joe and the new chick from earlier are married
later pip sees the havisham home and its for sale]
while walking he has viet nam flashbacks to his earlier times there
the girl seems to be becoming the new ms haviahsm
so pip tears opeh the clthe walls and opens the windows to show the girl this place is a dump
then they run outside to freedom
the end
for great expectations 2 I'd like for the convict and ms havisham to be in h-ll and being b0ned by daemons. but an angel on vacation to h-ll (like americans and canadians vacationing in mexico) sees how the convict regrets ms havisham ruining his kid and making her a horrid person. so it gets him out of there and the daemons b0ning him went to b0ne havisham with the ones already b0ning her. then he goes on a quest to find the pieces of a holy item that can undo the damage done to her by havisham. but havisham absorbs the daemons and becomes a grand abomination and busts outta h-ll and the girl, pip and the convict use armor by joe the black smith and take her on in an epic battle like in transformers or Robotech or w/e.

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