Friday, February 5, 2016

Batman Review

note; my keyboards cr=ppy and im left handing. so theres tyypoes
This is my review for Batman(1989 version)
I have the game on sega genesis and Gameboy plus ive seen it a lot
love that tim burton
before he sunk to green screening everything
it starts with the epic danny elfman music
being from the 90s this is the batman I grew up loving
it lead to the perfect animated series
but then we got teen titans and I hated how much less great it was
just bad comedy and cheesy anime knock offs
the film realy starts with this tourist family in gotham looking for a cab
the city is epic
like mtropilis by fritz lang
they go down a dark alley and get mugged
the mggers talk aBOUT this bat who's been killing people
then batman comes in and beats em up
he gives one o them a message(im batmaaaaaaan!)
then he jumps off a building and disappears
then the mayor has harvy dent talk about cleaning up gothams crime by taking on big boss carl grissom
also jack Nicholson is b0ning grissoms bimbo gf
I like how with such little dialogue and action it says so much about the characters
their attitudes, relationships and personalities are easy to identify
this movie is just really digestible and has layers you wont notice the 1st few times
back at the crimescene, a officer Eckhart deals with reporter knox and treats him with disdair
then Eckhart meets with jack Nicholson and its revealed he works for grissom
later the mayor reveals that the city is in debt and its 200th anniversary is needed to bring businesees back
that indo is gonna be important later
then knox meets reporter Vicky vale who wants to do his batman story and they plan to go to bruce waynes party
later grissom reveals that the company he has something to do with (axis chemicals) is at risk of being exposed as his
so he sends jack Nicholson to break in and swipe the records
after jack leaves, grissom tells Eckhart about th break in
if you were watching this the 1st time you might miss it
then at bruce waynes mansion, is a fundraiser for the 200th anniversaRY
its a casino nght like in a sonic game
knox bugs the big wigs and everyone treats him with disdain
knox and Vicky wander around the mansion and mock wayne in his own home
then he shows up behind em and is cheerful
hes probably a serial killer
putting on a smile to hide his malcontent feelings
then Alfred hints to wayne about commissioner Gordon leaving as a sign about something going down
knox says the rich are weird cuz they can afford to be
its true
joan crawlford had al the pipes in her home ripped out and replaced cuz a plumber dumped in her toilet
at the factory jack Nicholson finds an empty safe and the cops come in trying to kill him(as per eckharts ordrs)
then Gordon comes in and tells em to take prisoners
hen batman comes in and catches some guys
and Gordon sees him for the 1st time
batman catches ack Nicholson but lets him go when his 2nd in command holds Gordon at gunpoint
he says; let him go or I DO Gordon
that could be taken wrong
batman escapes and jack Nicholson guns down eckhart
then he reappars and deflects jaks gunfire so it shreads his face and he falls into ooze
tis is how the ninja turtles and toxic avenger started
later Vicky has dinner with brice wayne and Alfred ts them storys of waynes youth
then jack Nicholson gets his mutilated face fixed in a slummy drs place
he goes mental when he sees his face and it doesn't show what he looks like (even though we ALL saw him in the trailer and commercials)
later grissom is confronted by ac Nicholson and its revealed hes now the joker and he kills grissom for killing him over a woman
meanwile back at wayne mansion, bruce wayn and Vicky vale b0ne
also in a weird a55 scene, bruce sleeps hanging from his feet and holds his arms like a bat
I think hes got a fetish
maybe hes a...FURRY!!!
hes a FURRY!!
his batsuit is his FURSUIT!!
batman is his FURSONA!!
this just went off the chain
then joker takes grissoms place saying he left him in charge and he wants to run the city into the ground
just like america from 2008-2016
one guy refuses him and jack cooks him with a joy buzzer until hes a charred corpse
he makes several puns and lols the whole time
then he sends his 2nd in command to get Vicky for info on the bat and talks to the corpse for a bit
at this rate hes probably gonna take a bite outta him
this guys nuts
later Vicky vale follos bruce wayne to an alley and he placesflowers
the whole scene is wordless and would work in a silent film
later 1 guy from the meeting where joker fried that guy says grissom gave him the rights to all his businesss
but some mimes come up and joker kills the guy with a feather pen to the throat
then te mimes shoot up the place and bruce wayne walks up to joker in a trance and looks at him
also is a good scene where joker is in a car and bruce wayne looks at him with his reflection overlaying jokers face
good metaphor for the being 2 sides of the same coin
also joker was milky white and wayne had color in his face
showing his humanity against jokers cold face
latr joker is cutting up paper and sees vickys picture
he wants to b0ne her and later in a scene I don't remember, is at axis chemicals talking about shipping things
then on the news they report people dying from reactions and an anchor lols and dies with a joker grin
then joker has an add he made about joker products and how the city bouht them alrady
wayne rads up on joker and finds hes good at chemistry science and art
later vivky calls wayne over her informing him shes gonn b late to meting him at the museum
but hes not meeting her at the musem!!
at the musem she gets a mask and put it on in time to avoid getting gassed(but everyone else dies)
then joker ad frirnds come in playing prince on a ghetto blaster and desecrating the art
but hes having a fun time with it
shouldn't the residual gas kill them?
he meetsvicky and looks through her photo book
he likes the murder images
then goes on about his desires and prevresions
its like in svu where that guy goes on for a2  minute monologue about his amputee fetish
he wants to wok with her making "art" (killing people)
also the woman who cheeted on grissom with him got aids or something and her face rotted
he tries to spray her face with liquid aids but batman saves her and they escape in the best batmobile(the 80s/90s one)
after a cool chase, they get out and batman beats up the guys
before the fight he rises her up a building on a hookshot after asking her weight
shes 108
my gf is like 2x that
so shes 2 as good
after the fight he tells her shes over 108
nowadays they would make a big deal about him asking a chick her weght
then he drives her through the woods from nightmare b4 xmas and takes her to the batcave with awesome music
he tells her the products are only deadly when mixed (like hairspray and perfume and lipstick)
they talk about being normal and batman being dangerous and he b0nes her or something and takes the film from her bra with the pictures she took of him
the next day she gives knox the info on the joker items and the news spreads the info
later wayne goes to vivkys place and she starts nagging him
he tells her to be quiet and let him speak
nowadays he'd be seen as the bad guy for telling her that
h tries to come out of the closet about his secret life but cant get the words out
thn joker comes in and reveals the woman he and grissom were b0nong suicided
wayne talks to him and joker capps him then leaves
but he survived cuz he hid a metal thing in his shirt
didn't this happen in one of the superman movies?
later Vicky finds waynes rents were capped in that alley
then the mAYOR calls off the 200th
but joker takes over the broadcast and says hes coming to the 200th and gonna fight batman
wane has viet nam flashbacks to his rents getting capped and its by joker
also according to my research, his mom is played by Sharon holm, the voice of angel in angel cop
then Vicky comes into the batcave and talks with wayne about their relationship
thrn batman drives the batmobile to axis chemicals and blows it up
in the games there was a batmobile level where you fight cars
then joker come into town with floats and balloons for the city's 200th and throwng cash to the people to a prince song
then batman takes his batjet to the skys and has a level in the games fighting choppers and balloons
then the joker uses the balloon gaS to gas the parade watchers
knox fights off the jokers men with a bat so the balloons will fly away(which shows hes more than just a oke character) and batman taes the balloons out with his batjet
joker doesn't take this well and capps his 2nd in command for no reason
batman opens fire on joker but misses all shots and joker 1 hit kills the batjet with a comic looking long barrel handgun he keeps in his pants
then oker brings Vicky up the church to get away in a chopper (who'll be there in 10 mins)at the top
batan does the church level and fights jokers men(there were more in the video gaMES)
BUT 1ST JOKER gets to the top and sprays the bell in the church wih his liquid aids with makes it fall and crush the spiral stairs)
batman knocks a boss off the tower and down the pit in the center of the level
hope he has an extra guy
while batan fought him, joker danced with Vicky
Vicky then tries seducing joker to buy batman time and batman beats him up
he was wayyy harder to kill in the Gameboy game
I spent over an hour redoing that level over and over befor I got him
he nocks joker off the tower but he rverses and pulls them over
then the chopper takes him up and batmN locks jokers leg to a gargoyle
it breaks off and pulls the joker down to earth and he splaters on the street like a bag of chef boy ar dee
well, not really but that would be cool
the next day(I assume) the mayor announces they caught all the jokers men and they'll call batman on the bat signal if they need him
btw, I love the use of miniatures
way better tthan cgi
the fiolm ends with the bat signal being used cuz some crime is just happening the cops cant deal with already
that didn't take long
the end
for batman 2 I'd like it to be a batman beyond film set in the future and batman has a kid with Vicky and is training him to be the next batman while dealing with the city being a cyber city with a slum full of malcontents attacking the civilized areas and selling drugs to grade school kids and turning them into degenerates wit weird fetishes. also batman struggles with his furry issues and is in rehab to recover from being a furry while its becoming cool to be a furry and the media keeps spamming storys of clebs turning furry.

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