Thursday, February 4, 2016

Trog Review

Note, my keyoards cr=ppy so thers ntypo
This is my review on Trog
its Joan Crawlfords last film
I liked her silent films
I like how 70s films had that offbeat feel to em
its widescreen
Michael gough is in this
I liked him in batman
the film starts with some people walkig outside
they find a hole in a hill like in a Zelda game
they go in and its like a Zelda dungeon level
this looks like a bad Godzilla movie in terms of production values
they find an unexplored open area inside and theres an underground stream
equip the blue tunic to breathe under water
one guy is brittish(GROSS) and strips down to his bokers and goes through the stream
I think the oher 2 guys are brittish (GROSS)
theres a lot of light in this cave for being underground
the other guys go across the srteam and find a bluer cave with really fake stlagmites(or stlagtights)
the a caveman b0nes 1 brit dead
he other brits leave
later joan crawlford shows up and is blonde
but shes known for her long dark hair
its like pam Anderson going black
the brit who found the dead brit is sedated and having nightmares
wait, why is joan crawlford brittish?? I thought she was normal
the surviving brit is freaked out by seeing the caveman
later, more brts check out the cave
then they take a picture of the saveman but somehow escape
the sci fi explainapion for the caveman is it being a missing link in apes turning into humans
but evolution is fake
maybe hes a cross between humans and daemons from bible times
later a tv crew shows up at the cave and 1 guy keeps denying the creatures exitance
he crew goes in and sees the caveman killing or b0ning a guy
he busts the equipment and comes up
1 guy wants to kill it but joan craWLFORD wants it alive for sciece
it hates the light and the crowd around it runs
1 camera man gets too close and gets crushed by a rock
joan crawlford gets a shotgun and nails it with a tranquilizer
they take it and chain it up in a cage
like a reverse panet of da aprs
they feed it fish and lizards
its like battlefiend earth
joan crawlford wants to treat it like a human despite it being very apelike
I think shes in love with it
interspieces romance
the scientist come to see it and the san people want it killed
but joan promotes the unproven theory of evolution and tries to make it seem like anyone against IT it a nazi
joan sez it was frozen in the ice age and survived thousands of yeaa cave and only now revived
1 guy takes a picture and the flash freaks it out
that's gonna be important later
later it goes mental and joan makes excuses for it
she gives it a lttle blonde doll and he acts a bit mentally challanged
note how joan is in the cage with it
it learns how to wind up a wind up doll
they teach him several more kids toys
if this were the 80s he'd have He-man and Transformers
those were cool
they play soft music for him and he likes it
if this were the 80s theyd play rockin 80s tunes homie-ula
it dosnt like more exciting music though
it makes it freak out
I thought this was a horror movie
tis is Sonic's schoolhouse
they try teaching it colors
it freaks out at red
hes racist against it
then he wears a pink scarf
if this were the 80s, it would be cool
everyone lied hot pink back then
hes racist against it
later the drs are malcontent about them wasting resources on that thing
alfread from batman is against joan cuz shes a girl
then joaN PLays catch with it
such a good use of science
totally more important than creating prptuculture
THEn  dog takes the ball and trog kills it
I h8 dogs
hope he b0nes its corpse
I instantly hate it less
later theres a hearing for the thing and tHey use animal LAWS to have it put to sleep
animals don't have human rights
just like boats don't follow traffic laws
she defends the creature as saying its a human
alfed from batman TRIES to use logic but is shown to be bad
joan promotes evolution and is depicted as a hero
another dr says that blowing all that dough on trog is  waste and joan  calls him a traitor
beter than betraying her own species
what is this? Robotech?
joan has the dr fired foir speaking against her
what a naxi
she shows only the good times with trog on film to the scientists
a woman says pro feminist stuff and is shown to be a good guy
then they vivisect trog
they implant a device in him to check his stats or w/e
later they have an operatiom to allow it to taLK
but that don't make sense
they show I dinosaurs and he recognizes em(wich kinda proves creationism)
we get a cool pee wees play house Claymation thing of dinosaurs in his memory
then it starts making word likethings
but how would it know how to speak or what words to use?
joan uses this info to get more money but Alfred from batman objects and is throws out of the meeting
later, its night and Alfred from batman sneaks to the science place and trashes the lab to blame it on trog
he also FREES trog and tells hik off(even though he don't know the words Alfred frpm baytman uses)
then trog kills alfred
joan and friends shows up but trog escapes
thw next day trog kills a guy and busts up his store
he sticks aother guy on a meathook cuz he saw animals on em
a clever look at ho treating humans and animals as equals is bad
he causes a car to blow up somehow and he g playground
he steals a little blonde girl like in Frankenstein and returns to his cave to breed with it
the scientists and army show up at the cave and the blonde girls mom blames joan
trog ays "water" when holding water
the army guy tells off joan for her science damage
joan goes into the cave and yells at trog
he listens to her as hes her slave
trog gives back the girl and the army blasts his cave open
they shine light on him and open fire
he seems immune to gunfire
wait, hes not
he falls on a stome spike and is dead
she walks away and it ends
For Trog 2 l'd like for joan crawlford to be revealed to have been b0ning Trog and is pregnant with his interspecies child she raises it to be a killer to get revenge n humans who she blames for killing Trog 1. But a bunch of Americans visiting England take it on and beat it with kung fu. Then it turns into its true form, a daemon and fuses with the Queen of England to bring down America. But the Americans transform into their superior power forms and have an epic DBZ fight with the Trog Queen.

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