A place where I post silly reviews of various movies from an "everyman" or "contrary" P O V. Done in the style of a newspaper article and a grade school book report. Don't take these seriously. Its all in good fun. Also, each review ends with a crazy sequel idea.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Its A Wonderful Life Review
note; my eyboard isn't that good so don't mind the typos
its a wonderful life
this is my reviw of its a wonderful life
ive seen the story retold on tiny toons and other 90s shows
but for the real film I ofen caught it halfway in(the part he almost jumps) amd thought its how it starts(as it kinda does in tiny toons)
years later I cauht the start and was like; waoh! theres another hour to this movie!
sorta like watching total recal uncut after seeing it on the badly censored tv version
back TO the film
it starts with people praying for jimmy stewart as hes really screwed up
like most people around xmas; he might suicide
the angels in heaven tell the angel whos gonna save him his life story
him and his homies are sliding down the ice onto a lake on their shovels
sounds like a good way to get neutered
his kid brother nearly dies by falling through the ice
bt jimmy savs him
but it cost him an ear
later he plans on exploring the world and meets a gurl
bt he admits he wantas a bunch of wives and haREMS
this is turning into an adult, family movie
theres also a mean old cripple; mr potter
I assume his decendent is named harry and practices the black arts
he tells off mr potter for badmouthing his dad
also he gets beat on by his boss(master? owner? this is around the slavery days right?) for not delivering pills
but the pills were accidentally poison as the master was bummed about something and wasn't thinking straight
wait
you don't just mistake poison for medicine
even if ur bummed
I think he was taking a step toward revenge on society
one human at a time
also
WHY IS THERE POISON IN A DRUG STORE?!
is it for assassinations?
I bet potter's got some shinobi going on hits
howd you think he made his fortune?
the slave trade?
I think he had a few guys wacked
after a dbz like time skip, hes grown up and planning a honeymoon or wedding or w/e
some 20s babe passes by and bert and ernie turn hetero for her
later the fam is having dinner and jimmy is upstairs b0ning or w/e
ohhhh
hes graduating
the familys slave or w/e wants all children to be girls
this sounds like how adult films start
some kind of amazon society
ohhhh
jimmys going to college
and he wants to be an architect
just like seinfe;d
jimmy doesn't wanna be the loaning bank guy
but his dad wants him to
he really wants to get out of this quiet whitebread inbred rednck mountaintown
like sputh park
they go to a party at te school and jimmy re meets the girl who's gay for him
ohhhh
the charlston!
dat 20z
that leg and hand thing
a teen in his 30s opens the floor to reveal a pool udner it
they dance but don't realize it and all in
then everone falls in
I keep thinking its winter as its an xmas movie
afterward he has a g rated romantic time where they break windows and the girl loses her clothes
then jimmys dad dies and he stands up to potter trying to take over the city's only nonpotter bisiness
the board vote to side against potter only if jimmy heads it
so jimmy ends his bro he saved to college instead
asfter a 4 year timeskip, his bro returns with a woman and her dad gives him a job
he meets the 20s babe again but his weird fetishes of travel and feet on the grass creep her out
he goes to the girl who likes him's place and aftr some stuff, this guy calls and jimmy and him get into buying a place to make beans into plastic
its the best job he can ever have
jimmy goes on a tirade against the girl but they make out
then theyre married and are gonna be on their honeymoon but the bank is screwed up and people want all their money back
the banks outta money
potter bought the head bank and is trying to overtake the jimmy company
like Disney and marvel/starwars
this is really against monoploys
like the guv taking over things
jimmy uses his honeymoon fund to pay the people and hold em off until they get more money
jimmy moves in to the place he threw rocks at as his new home
its all busted up and broken down
if he was in a slumtown like Detroit or LA it would be a crackhouse
we all saw the crow
and the crow; city of angels
then jimmy and his woman breed
while everyone is nearby and singing/watching
later, this ITALIANO guy moves into his own house with his large family
if this were made today he'd be EL MEXICANO
good thing we didn't have those back then
the film shows how people that potter held in his slums is now prosperous and how much has changed
the guy who offered him the big deal b4 comes by and they have made up
potter trys to seduce jimmy to his side with promices of power and freedom and money of this inbred hick town
but jimmy turns it down
jimmy regrets ditching his dreams
but when he finds out his woman is preggo hes happy
they breed more and he has a buncha kids
then ww2
his bro saves a buncha soldiers in da wor
jim cant war as his dead ear means hes a cripple
but hes raising protoculture for the war effort
and his fam and town are very successfule and fdrs friends
jimmys mentally challenged uncle talks with pottr but they switch papers and potter gets the 8-000 $$
the 20s babe ditches the town and goes off to new york
jimmy finds out and they look in vain for it
jimmy goes berserk
jimmys goin mental!!!
jimmys gonna go on a murder rampage!!
jimmy goes home and cant deal wirh his little butt-pope kids so he takes it out on them
his kid caught a cold from not closing her coat
jimmy goes all grumpy and whiney and gay like I was at one point around xmas
jimmy goes on a tirade against her teacher for not making her close her coat
parents go mental over their kids
kids are suck dinks
esp teens
I h8 teens
they don't appreciate the past
good thing for Michael myers, freddy kruegar, Jason Voorhees and leatherface
after yelling over the phone at the teavher and her husband he busts things and regrets
his kids start praying for him, as per the opening
he goes to potter and he exaggerates jimmys issues to drive him down
its revealed his life insurance is quite a bit
this is very symbolic of satan giving us dark thoughts for us to go down the dark road
I typed this after reading about the infernoids in yugioh
daemonic beings who are masters of corrupt forces
yugioh is cool
better than candy a55 pokemon
most of the new ones s-ck
esp after generation 3
and after 4kids sold pokemon, the show really dropped in quality
it got better
but its bland now
I miss 90s pokemon with the innuendo and 50s references
it used o be watchable
also the 1st movie was aweosem
so jimmy prays and gets in a barfight with the guy who's wife he told off
then he drunk drives into a tree
its 1 thing after another
what next? the guys from the crow come in and sodomize?
he gets to a bridge and is tempted to jump
but a guy falls in and jimmy saves him
hes an angel and jumped in to distract him from killing himself
jimmy doesnt believe him as an angel
theguy in there runs out at hearing hes am angel
whys he scared?
angels are the good guys
is he into the black arts?
is he a deviant with weird fetishes?
this guy interests me
hes got a dark secret
jimmy wishes he wasn't born
so the angel uses his power to show jimmy a World he wasnt in
also his dead ear revives
he is foreign to this dimension
he sees his town all coprrupt and twisted
its like in sonic cd where you can have a good or bad future depending on if you meet the objective
that was a good game
I got good future in every level
the legit way
finding and killing the machine in the past
no time stone bonus levels
this pottersville is all slummy and scuzzy
its like how the 80s saw the future
or the slum levels in 16 bit beat em ups
his master from b4 was in prison for poisoning the kid cuzjimmy wasn't there to stop him
jimmy doesn't get it that he isn't a part of this world
its like in angel on my shoulder where paul muni doesn't get claude rains hints
jimmys freekin out!
this is getting a horror vibe
this place is like vegas
the 20s babe is a h00ker
erines woman left him and took the kid
everyones living like it detriot
jimmy goes home but its empty cuz he never there to make it
his moms an angry hag
shes distrusting of everyone from living in this ghetto
his menally challenged uncle is in the nuthouse with the caligari guys
baily park is a cemetery cuz he wasn't there to build the houses
also his bro and all those he saved died cuz jimmy never saved him
wait
if he wasn't born then how did all these events happen exactly the same as they would with him?
butterfly effect!
snowballing!
cience sez this is unlikely an highly improbable
if he wasn't there then someone else might've done it
maybe better
he finally gets it when he sees his woman freaked out at being a wife and has the angel bring him back
then he goes home and evrrything goes good cuz the people who he helped outta potters slums had enough money to chip in a bit and fund the thing
kinda like with Robotech going on kickstarter to raise finds for their stuff
aww
this is really wonderful
he truly is loved
for as the saying goes
to the world, you are one person. but, to one person, you are the world
I almost cried
i cried
oh and the 20s babe changed her mind about skipping town
oh and his friend from the job before gave him money
and the angel got his wings
that was wonderful
i loved it
for its a wonderful life 2, i want it to be set in the 90s where potter is a cyborg kept alive by cybertech and is almost ready to take over the world as hes gotten into big guv but jimmy's decendent returns to face him in several levels of syber action and beating up 80s goons and chix.
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