Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Thing Review

note; im using my left hand and my keay board s badly designed. theres gonna be tyopes
the thing
this is my review on the 1982 john carprnter film; the thing
I like carpenter movies
it should be noted there wasa character named "jogn carpenter" in season 2 of Robotech
the film starts in space with some craft landing on earth
cool title
suddenly, its 1982
the year macross began
also Atari was going strong
and ET was out
unlike that inbred alian without legs, this film is moe bada55
this chopper is rying to take out this dog
I h8 dogs
they chase the dog to a research station of america
kurt russel is playing chess
he loses to the computer and kills it with booze in the hard drive
what if someone else wanted to oplay?
at the US camp, the chopper lands and the norweigions accidentally blow up their chopperwith a grenae
the survivor opens fire on the dog and clips a guy's leg
in texas chaonsaW the prequel, thas h they lopped off the guys legs; thy were damaged
he hunts down the dog but sme dude picks him off with a 6 shooter
the chopper was full of kerosene(cant spell)
he americans go on an expeditionary mission to check the nord camp
manwhilr, the dog they saved is wandering around and interacts with  guy we cant see
at the nord camp they find it burned down and everyone dead
kurt russel keeps confisung swedes for norwegions
they find a mutated warped body
I think
it doesn't show it
'they also find a large ice coffin
they also find some aberration which was burned
the expedition team reurns with the mutant
they autopsy it
it has normal humsn organs
ooh gore
nice and gooey
I love 80s effects
laer sonne uys are doing chronic amd watching tv
the dog  is wandering around so they stash it with the other dogs
the new dog cares the others
so it opens up like a flower and sprays tentacles!!?
this just went Urotsukidoji!!
btw, great 80s effex
it looks real
better thn modern cg anyway
the research team finds it and flame throwers it
but 1st they gun down the tentacled dogs
they autopsy the dog thing and find it absorbs and digents oter life forms to copy them
they find the nords were planting chares to blow up this large thing
they go over to it and find a spacecraft
this is turning into Robotech
they also find a Section of  ice that matches the ice coffin
we get an Atari graphic simulation of how the creature assimilates
also that if it gets out, the whole planet cold be wiped out
1 guy suggests burning the alien corpses
another sez; its the find of the century
the corpses aint dead yet
and one guy is found being tentacled!
they find him running away and mutated
so they torch him!!
then they torch the other corpses!
the dr seemingly goes nuts and smashes up any transportation and disables the radio to keep them from leaving the base
also he killed the rest of the dogs
they beat him up and lock him away in a tool shed
they plan on doing a blood test to see which blood reacts to what blood to reveal the ting
but all the freezer blood is ruined from someone spilling it all
thy argue and don't know who to trust or who is a thing
kurt russel takes charge as hes an 80s bada55
the thing is more of an assassin who sneaks around and picks off its victims 1 by 1
they drug those suspected of being the thing and a storm happens
later they find kurt russels jacket all ripped up
they look for the guy who found the jacket (hes the only one who found it)
turnds out the guy is burned up
later they sealed the doors as they fear the thing got the other guys and they've been out 2 long
they find kurt russels ripped jacket and while out there, the guys looking for the burned guy cut him loose and left him for dead
they argue about if hes really a thing and if they should lrt him die
ehat if we're wrong?
them we're wrong!
I loved that line
it helped me through indecision at college
kurt cmes in and holds a blow torch to dynamite to keeo people from killing him
then a guy has a heart attack
they do cpr but the guys chest opens up and bites his hands off!!
then the thing comes outta him as a tentacle spider monster!
so they torch it!
but the guys head rips off and grows spiderlegs and walks away
all in gooey gorey grotesque 80s effects
it looks so real
they torch it
and realize that each piece of the thing is alive
so hey tie everyone  up and take blood samples and test the blood by jabbing it with a heated wire
if its he thing; it reacts as its trying to stay alive
good 80s blood effects
it looks like they really siced themselves
I notce they labeled the blood
they had time to label it and organize it
one of them is revaled to be da thing
after a gorey transformation and killing a few people, he gets roasted
ahhh the body burn
so then they blow him up and bacon bits of him fly out
they go to test the dr but hes gone
and under his tool shed is a tunnel to a rebuilt spacecraft
he was the thig the whole time
time for a boss battle
final level time
the thing blew the generator
in a few hours it'll be 100 below 0
it wants to freeze to return when those who know of it are dead
thy aint getting out alive
so they're gonna take it down with them
this is getting epic
they torch the camp and hunt for the thing
but are killed off 1 by 1
then the thing faces kurt russel and its a big Castlevania or contra style boss.
he blows it up and the camp with it
yet somehow survives
also the black guy from before is also alive but was missing for the final fight
its not sure if hes a hing
they rest in the burning camp and drink
the end
for a the thing 2, I'd like kurt russel to be saved by an angel so he could go off into space and fight more of the thing's (which are space daemons) and he has epic battles against them in  remodified body that can handle space and is immune to being taken by the thing.

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