Friday, February 5, 2016

Gone With The Wind Review

note; my keyboards cr-ppy and im writing this in one long marathon a 4 hour movie + commercials on candy a55 yahoo riogers email. theres gonna be typoes
gone with the wind
this is my lomg a55 review of gonr with the wind
the opening credits take up 3 mins as they have all the actors and cr-p that people walk out of the theatre or change the channel for if they're after the movie
it starts with a quote from the book about the pre war america being grand
then some guys talk with scarlertt and she is tired of hearing about the comming war
I can relate
the news never stops j-rkin off whenever a plane goes down
she learns a guy shes got a thing for is marrying his cousin
back then they didn't know about inbreeding
scarlett talks to her dad after he goes riding his hosed jumping things
if this was made today, he'd be on a motorcycle
this in in proper fullscreen
no black bars
how grand
her dad is p-ssed at her chacing the guy she likes(Ashley(like ash in te evil dead))
he tells her; land is the only thing worth fighting for as its the ony thig that lasts
didn't lex luthor say that in super man 1 and 5?
that night this sleazy guy finds his illegitimate kid was born but died
they keep calling him and his baby momma "white trash"
that's racist right?
I recall them saying it in the outsiders
it made ponyboy get in a deathmatch and johnny shanked a dude
the next day scarlett is getting dressed by some fat black chick and scarlett wants to show her b00bs
but the f don't want her to
she also wants scarlett to eat but scarlett wants to gorge at ashleys bbq as she hears he likes chix who can eat
I think he likes fat chicks
wasn't fatness seen as hot back then?
cuz it shows a girl can afford to eat?
but she was just getting a corset tied onto her to crush her waist
at the bbq she flirts with a buncha dudes but is interested in this tall dark man, rhett butler!
he was kicked outta west point and didn't marry some girl he b0ned in the back seat of a car-riage
also his rents wont speak to him
later slarlett flirts with more guys but is focused on ash
then the girls have nap time and get undressed down to w/e they wore as undies in the 1800s(but its still more than most female singers today)
scarlett wakes up early and spies on the men talking of how they're gonna kick the Yankees candy a55
ash wants to be freed from the union in peace as he knows war is awful
Rhett tells em they don't have as much military weaponry or tech
Melanie(ash's cousin)'s brother Charles calls out rhett but he calmly turns him down
ash tells char that rhetts one of the best shot's in the country
then asjh and scalrt talk of love but scarlett is fully absorbed in her fantasy of him being meant for her
ash tries to explain to her that hes in love with mel but she goes mental and yells at him
she slaps him and goes on a tirade and sez she hates him
after he leaves she smashes a vase but the shrapnel causes Rhett to get off the couch and reveal he was there the whole time
he tells her shes not a "lady" and he likes it
she gets mad at him and sez hes not fit to wipe his boots(1800s version of saying; wipe his a55)
he points out her just saying she hated him and she leaves
then lincon declares war on the south for wanting to leave
didn't america start by the colonies wanting to leave england?
but now lincons doing the same thing as the brits in 1776
scarlt marries Charlie on the rebound and he sez the war will be over in a few weeks
that's what they thought about ww1
the next scene has scarlett gwetting a letter saying he died of measles
but she doesn't care
shes more disgruntled about her minor problems
shes kind of an awful character
like sakura in naruto
so she moves in with mel and her fam for some reason
later theres a gathering to raise funds for the war effort
then Rhett is there as hes been helping them
Rhett trollishly reveals he met scarlett by saying; it was in the library, she broke something
then mel gives up her wedding ring to help the cause
after Rhett compliments her, scarlett gives up her ring
Rhett trollishly sez; I know just how much that ring meant to you(he knows it meant nothing and he knows she knows he knows it)
Rhett telrlett hes a blockade runner only for the cash and doesn't believe in anything but himself
soon after he pays a lot to the cause to dance with scarlett(even though shes not supposed to as Charlie just bit it)
Rhett sez he hopes to one day hear her say she loves him
that's important dialogue as its gonna come back later
later Rhett got back the chicks rings and reveals he wants scarlett but not to marry
hes also giving her gifts from france but wants something in return
he mentions a battle at gettysberg but she instantly wants to know if ash is in it
then we find the south lost the fight and many good souls
but ash survived
but the guys talking with scarlett in the start bought it
imagine being those actors playing them
the movie is 25% done, they had like 6 scenes and theyre dead
then its Christmas and they have ash over for dinner
later hes gonna return to the war but hes bummed cuz his side is gonna lose
scarlett and him talk and she tells him she loves him
he leaVES
mel and scarlett start woking at the hospital to care for the wounded
at night after work a H00KER comes by and sez that she wants to donate to the war effort but no one will take her \cash
so mel takes it and its 50$ in a Rhett buttler hankercheif
also shes in rhetts carriage
then the Yankees attack a town aND the wounded are piling up
in the hospital scarlet meets frank and hes got a thing for scarlets sister sue ellen(mischke?)
she freaks out when she sees a guy getting his destroyed leg being sawed off and runs
she meets her moms slaves (including a big buff guy named "big sam")who are digging a thing for the soldiers and say her moms ill
she gets a ride from Rhett and gets mad at her
also mel is preggo
scarlet wants to leave but the dr sez they and mel need her
prissy (this really annoying girl played by a chick in her 20s) sez she knows about birthing baBIES
scar sez she hates mel and her baby and is only staying cuz she promiced ash she'd look after em
later the yankeex have made it through the defence forces and are gonna destroy the city and maybe kill or b0ne dead all in it
everyones leaving but mel is having a baby
she didn't wanna get the dr as the many wounded soldiers need him more
scar sends prissy to get the dr but when she eventually returns she don't got him
scar goes to get him but theres a vas number of wounded soldiers and he wants her to help him
scar doesn't get how the men need the dr more than mel and she retuerns home
she tells prissy to help her deliver mels kid
but prissy reveals she lied about knowing how to get babies
what a p o s
if that baby dies its her fault
so scarlet slugs her (GOOD!!) and scarlet has to help mel poop it out
later prissy gets Rhett at a WH-REH0USE to bring them out of the city
scar wants to go to her moms place but Rhett tells her its surrounded by Yankees and fighting
she goes mental and goes on a whiny tirade and Rhett gives in
he should've slugged her
worked for prissy
scar is just so self centered and uncaring and awful
the opposite of the pure hearted Melanie or the honorable ashley
as they leave scar wants to lock the front door
after some fighting and chase scenes,rhett and friends escape the burning city before it blows up
the soldiers set fire to the ammo to keep the Yankees from getting it
Rhett wants to join the army and scar is called out for her selfishness
he tells her he loves her and they are similar
then they make out
but she slaps him
later the gang w/o Rhett is traveling to scars rents home and prissy is whining about being hungry
but theres a lot of dead soldiers on the ground
she could eat those
they all could
so after some offscreen cannibalism they arrive at the place they had the bbq
and the yankees burned it
that house was no threat to em
they just torched it for fun
how evil
later scar and friends get to the rets home and its revealed that scars mom was looking after the sleazy guy's baby momma but got ill and bought it
also the Yankees squatted in the home, burned things, and shoplifted all the items
they really were the bad guys eh
all the fam has left is a damaged home and confederate bonds
oh and scar's sisters have typhoid and are still recovering
and the surviving servents don't know how to do outside stuff
scar declares that shes gonna do whatever she has to do to keep from going hungry
then the apparently evil gen sherman destroys the south as a way of breaking its spirit for daring what the 1st americans did
scar has become a slave driver and works her sisters (who are still recovering from typhoid) too hard
while inside, a yankee sneaks in to steal and tries to mo lest scar
she blows his face off with a pistol and mel comes in dragging a sword in a vain attempt to defend her friend
if she didn't have that firearm, he would've b0ned her dead
mel is still recovering from pooping out a baby
they find he's got cash on him but when they drag his corpse, blood streaks the floor
so mel gets nude and her nightgown is used to wrap the busted open head
were this made today we'd see mel's nude body
just like a rapper music video(note; rap is NOT music)
later the war is lost and the conquers treat the soldiers who fought but lost as dirt
one of em is the sleezy guy who has joined the yankees
also ash is taken prisoner by the evil yankees
I assume theyre b0ning him
also, frank stops by and sez he wants to marry sue ellen
scar don't care as he don't have much cash
then ash comes home and joyfully reunites with mel
the sleezy guy has ascended in yankee protoculture and raised taxes to 300$
scar asks ash for cash but hes dead inside after the war and being b0ned by yankees
scar wants to run off to mexico with him and ditch all those who depend on them
he explains he cant go and she goes mental
he sez he has honor and she crys so he kisses her
he sez he loves her toughness but not her and she keeps trying to twist him
he refuses and shows her she still has the land
the sleezy guy and his baby momma come buy pretending to be nice but its a trick
scarlet yells at em and her dad chases him off but jumps a fence and gets killed falling off
it would be cool if he exploded into a burst of chef boy ar dee splatter after falling off
later scar goes to see Rhett who's in jail and has been b0ning his "sisters" who come to see him
the Yankees got him on some technicalirty to get his money
she plays nice and concerned and pretends to have become a good person
she also sez things are going fine
but Rhett sees her hards are worked so she tells the truth
she begs for the cash and Rhett sez he cant give it as the Yankees would find his wealth
she goes on a whiney tirade and runs out
outside the Yankees bribe people with 40 achers and a mule to vote for them
she meets frank and he's become a success ands wants to marry sue ellen
scar lies and sez sue ellen has given up on him, then comes on to him
if this were sailor moon, sailor venus(the one about love or w/e) would burn her away with magic for destroying love
the next scene has sue ellen really upset over scar stealing her man and marrying him
also ash wants to go to new York but scar manipulates him with fake tears
she also twists mel into siding with her
so ash stays in the south and works with scarlets lumber business
the business was bought with cash scar leached out of people who owed her new husband and uses convicts who are abused by a cruel foreman(maybe mo les ted too)
ash protests but scar don't care
she makes a lot of cash by working with the deviant Yankees who caused her people so much pain
later Rhett is out of jail after paying his way out
if monopoly was right, the price is 50$
scar goes through this shanty town which I assume is some kind of slum
these 2 guys try to mug and mo lest her but big sam kills 1 with a punch and throws the other into water
after big sam gets her home, frank sends him to scarlets rents place
later Rhett comes by and sez that the Yankees have set a trap
mel tells him where to go to help and its revealed the men gathered to clean out that shanty town and used a "political meeting" as a cover
later the Yankees come by wanting to find ash but mel covers for him
they wait outside and the chix read david copperfuield
afrter a while, the men return home pretending to be drunk with ash
Rhett sez they were with h00kers as a cover and gives"his word as a gentleman" that hes honest
hes such a troll
the Yankees buy it and leave
but ash is shot and frank bought it
turns out Rhett found ash wounded after the raid but did go to the H00KER's to treat his wound
and frank got his brains blown out
later the h00ker who gave mel money meets mel and sez mel is the only woman nice to her
she blames scar for frank getting his head blown off cuz scar went there and started the thing
but mel defends sar
mel is shown to sort of a Jesus like figure
being nice to wh-res and helping heal people and being pure of heart
the other 3 are kinda awful people
Rhett is a scoundrel
scarlet is a selfish awful human being
and I think in the books Ashley was in the klan
mel is the only decent human among them
later scar is drinking and Rhett comes to see her
shes afraid of going to h-ll (which seems about right)
Rhett sez shes like a theif who's sorry for going to jail but not stealing
Rhett wants to marry her for some alien reason
she rejects him but they make out
women are weird
no wonder so many guys turn queer
she agrees to marry him
then threy have a honeymoon and spend a lot of money
also shes having recurring nightmares
scar has a new house built and sue ellen is upset that scar had 3 husbands and one of em should've been hers
later Rhett is drinking with the fat chick from b4 and has her show him the red silk petticoat he got her
I don't know what a petticoat is but from her reaction I assume its like red silk undies in la blue girl
then scarlet poops out a baby they name bonnie blue
later scarlet is having a corset tied tight and is disgruntled at having a 20 inch waist instead of 18.5
my gf's waist is like 40 inches and shes never had kids
she has no problems being herself
scar sez she don't want other kids and Rhett sez he don't care if she has 1 kid or 20
20 kids?!
she'd get really fat if she had that many
I hear a woman gains 25% of her body weight during a pregnancy
having 20 kids would probably mean machinegun pregnancies
no time to recover from the last gain
maybe Rhett likes fat chix 2
scar is still into ash and Rhett is disgruntled with it
later at the h00ker's place, Rhett talks to the h00ker and she tells him to stay with scar cuz of the child needing her
over the years Rhett is a good father to bonnie bloo
btw; blue was the name of the hermaphrodite in violence jack
later ash talks to scar about the nice past pre war days and how things have happened
ash hugs scar and some chix see
later mel is having a pary and scar don't wanna go
so Rhett forces her to go and dress kinda sl-tty
well, for the 1800s anyway
when they get there, Rhett leaves and scar goes in
but mel treats her nice and has the guests do the same
later scar deals with a drunk Rhett and hetells her that mel saved her honor about her being seen hugging ash
hes standing up to her and not falling for her tricks
he also stimulated him crushing her head with his hands
too bad he didnt
she mouths off to him and he tells her off
then they b0ne
the next day theyre happy
well scar is
Rhett sez he thinks they otta break up
she sez no but he reveals hes going on a European vacation and tajking bonnie bloo
he sez shes a cr-ppy mom and she bashes his h00ker friend
Rhett sez if she were a man, he'd break her neck for that
don't let that stop u rhett
its for the greater good
so on thevacation bonnie bloo has night terrors as shes afraid of the dark
the brit nurse looking after her did nothing and aid comforting a scared child would maker her weak
he has her fired for that
he should've beat her dead for being such a horrid monster
aybe he will have her arms and legs sawed off and use her as a butt slave
like in violence jac
after they get back from England, bonnie bloo sez londomn is a terrible place
Rhett sez hes gonna leave right away but scar sez shes preggo
she hates her unborn kid for it being his and takes a swing at rhett
but falls down the stairs and her unborn kid dies
that's sad
even if Rhett and scarlet were awful, that kid was innocent
mel comfoerts Rhett while scarlets recovering and Rhett regrets his actions
a really beatufil scene
later rhet sez he loves scaret and tries to patch things up with her
then bonnie bloo goes riding and does a jump but gets killed
just like scars dad
it skips a generation
then the fat chick tells mel of the disturbances between Rhett and scar
Rhett shot the pobny that killed her
imagine if he crammed the shotgun up the horses a55, and gave it a high caliber suppository
then mel keels over
she tells scar to look after ash and her son she pooped out during the war
and to be kind to Rhett cuz Rhett loves her
ash reveals to scar that he only loved mel and she finally realized it
then scar chases Rhett but he's leaving her as he's finally given up on her
she argues shes finally realized she never will get ash and he doesn't buy it
he's had enough of her cr-p and walks out
she asks him whats she gonna do w/o him and he says his famous line that everyone's hear quoted or referenced at one time or another, then walks off into the mist
she gets bummed but hears her dads voice from the start of the movie(around 4 hours ago) telling her about land being the only thing of worth and repeating its name
he also says its where she gets her strength
she decides to go back home and to try to win Rhett back
cuz... tomorrow, is another day!
the end
what a grand movie
a true classic
and the starting point is 100% different than where it ends
For Gone with the wind 2 I'd like for Melanie to have pulled through at the last second and recovered. Scarlett has returned to her home and has began nature magic rituals to gain strength from the earth so she can become stronger physically and not just with cash. She also has sent spies after Rhett and keeps tabs on his every move. Rhett has bribed the spies to be double agents and report to him. Once he finds that she's been absorbing ki from the earth, he knows she is coming after him to force him to be hers forever. So he uses steam powered Nikola Tesla tech to create a suit that gives him the power to fight Scarlett. Also, Scarlett has been trying to transfer the ki she absorbs from the earth to Bonnie but her body rejects it as its dead. Scarlett tries ritual sacrificing her men and convicts in black rituals to bring Bonnie back. It works but she's a twisted abomination that keeps trying to kill itself. So Scarlett has its arms and legs removed so it can't and keeps it chained up in a cage where she can always see it. Eventually Rhett learns of Scarlett's black rituals and uses his power suit to launch an attack on Tara to free Bonnie from being an abomination. It leads to an epic battle of science vs magic and Rhett finds he has to kill Scarlett multiple times from all the ki she absorbed. Oh and there's a sideplot of Melanie and Ashley using their wealth to influence the laws to undo all the bad things brought about by the Yankees and eventually renaming America into the confederacy.

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