Thursday, February 4, 2016

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Review

note; my keyboard is bad so expect typoes
chitty chitty bang bang
this is my review on chitty chitty bang bang
that title sounds kinda adult
whos in this?
dick van dyke?!
this IS a P0RN0!!
ROAL DHAEL did the screenplae
I did a book report on; the twits, in grade school
that book as fun
the movie starts with a black screen and the sound of cars b0ning
then it becomes a race in 1907
I like the 1800s=early 1900s
now its 1908
its widescreen
I thought this movie used to be in proper 4;3
they gotta stop chopping off the top/bottom
we get a montage of races in Europe
then its 1909
choose a year and stick with it!
thisisnt the 10 commandments which takes place over 120 years!
even then it didn't whiz through multiple places and times
then a car drives outta control and explodes
hen this junkyard owner sells the bust car which some creepy brittish kids like playing with
the guy wants to melt it for scrap
the car reacts
is this a horror movie?!
the junk dealer tells the kids he can sell it to them if they top the guys bid
they run into the road and cause a creepy brit diving a car to go into a mud pond
the lady takes the kids home
their dad is a mentally unbalanced inventor
like nikola tESla
he nearly fallsoff a cliff when his invention screws up and the kids laugh
I think they're socio-paths
the lady whines to the inventor over his psycho kids
he don't care
then this bum wiggling man in white walks out andtalksabout going to india
how random
in the inventors place is tis zany tim burtony lab
the lady whines more and he suggests chaining them up
he shows is inventions that have become common in this century
he does something that offends her (im not sure how) and he helps hr with her car
too much happens in this film
and theres too much talking
he asks his kids if hes insane
I think this is a horror movie
then he sings some Robotech like song about love
I think thissong was in family guy or simpsons
his home is like something from peewees big adventure
that Was a Great film
hes even got a breakfast machine
the man in white comes dwn w/o the white
the kids tell their dad about the car
I think its a car fetish like speed racer
the man in white is their grampa
like with Goku in dragonball gt
grampas malcontent over living in a leaky room
that's elder abuse
he didn't fight in the civil war against those dirty Yankees to wind up like this!
the next day inventor goes to a candy factory to sell his whistle candy and the lady from b4 is the headmasters daughter
this resembles willy wonka's candy place
he sings a song about his whitsle candy and it wins the headmaster over
this dance is a bit creepy
sorta clockwork oramge
this song goes on for a while
he gets the workers to ue the whistles and itsummons dogs'
we can grind em into burgers
dogs running around pooping in a food place?!
the health inspector will have them executed!!
inventor doesn't get the account with the candyman
he tells the kids he cant buy the car
they take it well
too well
theyre probably planning on skinning him and wearing it to buy the car
or better yet, killing the guy who wants to buy the car while wearing inventors skin and making it look like he did it then suicided
he puts the kids to bed and sings a song
then goes outside and its still sunlight?!
the ids go to sleep during the day?!
its lie 5pm!!
then inventor goes to a carnival and offers a machine done haircut
it looks like a mind wiping machine
the macine catches fire and the guy getting the cut gets a wasteland warrior look
he chases down the inventor for a deatmatch
he takes cover in a dance troop singing about bamboo
dick van dke is most talented
after the sho he gets change from the crowd and buys the car
the  kids want to watch him working on the car but the grampa sez; u know wat ur dads like when hes working
I assume he goes berserk and dismembers anyone who displeases him
he spends several days working on the caR
then brings it out shiny and new
they call the car chitty chitty bang bang cuz of the noises it makes
they run the lady off the road so inventor carrys her outta the same mud pond and they drive together to the sea
at the beach he wears thisbeatlejiuce like striped thing
around here my plus size gf called so I watched it on mute with captions
later theres a fantasy about a pirate thing of various europeans
no tommy wiseau though
they try to leavebut the tide came in so theyre in water
the car is
then they transform the car into a boat
after some boating they return to land and drive off
the Europeans send 2 spies after the car
they cosplay as brits and go after the car
this is real?!
I thought it was them playing pretend
the car dropps off the  lady and she sings
the spys plan to dynamite a bridge
but it blows them up(loony toons style)
they try a few other loony toons tricks to get the car
but they don't work
they wind up taking the grampa in an outhouse
the gang (now with the girl) chases after him
they fall off a cliff and then its intermission
we return and the car grows wings and it flies off
they continue after the europeans
shouldn't the brits be the bad guys and Europe be th heroes?
the Europeans are losing height in their zeppelin so they dump some people out
then its night and theyre still air driving
whats that car run on? protuculture?
the next day the Europeans land in their tommy wiseau country
grampa walks like a cripple
theres a midget!
this IS a horror movie!
they want him to upgrade his ca into a chitty chitty bang bang
the freaks assigned to work wth him on he car tell about the kings dark sentences that mutated them
then they sing
this is a long movie
then the gang arrive at the castle where the grampa isheld
the Europeans open fire on em andthey land in a under a bridge
they gp to a village w/o the car and the people don't have any kids
I assume they wereall spayed and neutered
soldiers come so a guy hides em in his basement
the baROMESS hates kids anfd banned em
I assume she ate em
a guy who looks like the penguin from batman retuns can smell kids and goes into the hiding guys store
this country seems to be a police state
I assume its communist
he goes into the basemet and finds the gang dressed aS JACk in gthe boxes
so he leaves and gets the car s he thinks theyre toys
they find its the kings b day tomorrow and the inventor goes off with the hiding guy to free grampa
the lady goes off to find the kids some food
the king gets the car and tries to make grampa make iyt fly
later, the penguin tries to lure in kids with lolipops
I think hes achild mo lster
the kids run out after him
and get in his van-I mean, cart, and takes them to the castle
te kids insult the queen
those horrible brits
no wonder she hates em
I hope she cooks them and eats them
the inventor/lady find a sewer cave where the town keeps is kids
they gave up freedopm for security
how british
and by that I mean unamerican
the inventor sings a song to the slave kids
thres so many songs in here!
at least nightmare b4 xmas was 73 mins
this is like as long as birth of a nation
then inventor starts a rebellion
but hes brittish an the Europeans are commies
theyre both bad guys
the king and queen sing a love song with sadomas refs
at the kings b day, the hiding guy is summoned to give him a toy
he brings in boxes with what I assume is the lady and inventor as dolls
they have yet ANOTHER song
and a dance
as the king dances with inventor, the kidssneak in and chain everyones legs
then they hinch up the king on a hook aND  drop a net on the people
the lady and inventor and hidng guy use a cannon to free the kids
and the people and kids have a war of independence against the king
the king/queen are caught in a cage
the car returns to save them
they leave and the whole thing turns out to be a story te inventor made up
over half the moviedidnt even happen
what is this? final destonation 4?!
they go home and find the candyman was homies with grampa
h decides to make the whistle candys into dogfood
then he gets married with the lady
and his car drives into theair like in transformers energon
that was the worst transformers ever
the end
for chitty chitty bang bang 2 I'd like the free republic of that europeany country to wage war against England to free its people from the evil royalty that oppresses them (ust as they had been freed by dick van dyke) and the inventor creates mechs to fight against the brits. but his dad is still loyal and sells the designs to the brits so both sides have em. then america joins in and they beat England and free it from its evil rulers and establish a free nation by the people and not under the oppressive regent who dominates them. AMERICA!!!

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