Thursday, February 4, 2016

E T The Extra Terrestrial Review

note; my keyboards crpllieu so theres typoes
this is my review on  E  T
I hear its the reason the thing didn't do well at the box office
im not too fond of some of speilburgs other works too
although Jurassic park was good
the movie stats with a weird space ship in the woods
its sorta the one from close encounters
whats speiclbrugs obscession with aliens?
theyre space daemons!
look at contra/aliens/the thing/mtroid/space invaders/galaga/galacxxian/shadow the hedgehog/ Hanappe bazooka
so these space daemons are on earth maybe taking a space dump
and one of em goes off in the woods and finds the suburbs
then some 80s cars come in and some rednecks come out
I assume theyre gonna b0ne a pig
they notice E T  and he runs
hes got a glowing spot in his torso
I assome that's his weak point
if you don't got the spread shot you gotta aim for it to beat him
so then his space ship leaves him behind
and the red necks try to find him
they never show the rednecks faces
its like citezin kame
then some 80s teens are playing D&D
and their candya66 bro wants to join
I heard speilbrugs based E T on his emo life gorwning up after his dad left them
in most of his movies he makes the dad look bad
probably still unhappy about being curvimsized
and E T was based on his imagninagry friend
so the candya66 bro goes to the backyard for some reason and finds E T and freaks out
he tells his bros but they know hes full of it
this kids annoying
I hope someone kicks his candy a66
the guys find nothing but footprints
later the kid goes out at night alone(HES GONNA GET MO LEST ED) and finds more foot prints
then he finds E T and freaks out again
E T freaks out and runs away
the next day he gos for a bike ride alont
I miss the 80s/90s
also this town looks like the one from poultergrist
he tells his fam but they don't believe him
also the kids dad went to mexico
I assume to avoid  getting arrested
he probably b0ned eliot(the kid) and is on the run
also theres an annoying blonde girl
hope the aliens eat her
eliot don't get along with his fam
he seems malcontent
later he meets E T and the alien gives him candy(maybe to get him in the back of his van!!)
E T's fingers look tentacle like(if you know what I mean!)
eliot lures E T into his room and E T mimics him
eliot is getting tired
don't fall asleep!
hes gonna b0ne u!
then the rednecks are searching the site of the ship
then it turns out eliot is sick and stays in bed
but he's really pulling a ferris bueler
I thought he got AIDS from getting b0ned by E T
his mom tells him; no tv
whats he gonna do for the next several hours?
eliot spends the day with E T communicating with him
its like with calvor and the grand lunar in 1st men in the moon
I liked dat book
I read the classics illistruated book of it
and saw the 60s film
then the dog comes in and the alien freaks out
the dogs gonna bite off his phaliic fingers1
his neck extends
its like in that video game boss
then he talks to his mom on the phonebut to get away he pours coke on it
that's a waste of coke and it ruins the phone
later eliot tells his video game star bro about the alien
I like the big bro
hes cool
hes silent when E T comes in but when the little blonde girl comes in she freaks out and causes a disturbance
the bro takes the blonde into the closet while the mom is in then she takes a shower
somehow he knows E T  is a boy
sounds like he did more than just communicate during his day with him
the big bro and annoying girl agree to keep it a secret
later they try to find where E T  is from
they try to make it seem scary that hes from another planet
the audience already knows this
he then uses his black magic powers to make balls spin around in the air
also eliot has a psychic connection to E T
also around e t flowers come back to life
hes some kind of daemon
they better kill it before it takes over
later at school the kids mock him for his belief in space daemons
sorta like creationists being mocked for their views
if only the mockers knew
later the mom comes in and E T is hiding as a doll
in school they are gonna dissect a frog
when I was in grade school I played a dissection game
its a computer program that lets you dissect animals like frogs or fish
we otta chop up some monkeys
those things are evil
esp chimps
I hear of them eating peoples faces and genetals
meanwhile, E T goes through the fridge and eliot burbs when E T chugs pop
wait, its beer
E T then gets drunk
as does eliot
so if E T watches  a P0RN0 does eliot get aroused?
E T watches tv and is freaked out
e t's mental corruption of eliot causes him to free the frogs ready to be chopped up
why not free cows from a burger place?
e t watching a movie where a guy kisses a blonde causes eliot to kiss a girl
good thing he wasn't watching la blue girl
later the mom just barley misses seeing a drunk e t
and the school calls to out him for being drunk
also around now e t starts to talk
also e t is planning on making a space thing out of earth items
sort like in the thing with the thing trying to build a spacecraft to escape the base in the artic
he wants to phone home
he sounds kinda daemonic
also the guv is listening in on their converstuons somehow(like o ba mma) and e t is dying
but eliot says "we" sorta like with venom in spiderman
we... are VENOM!!!
carnage was cool too
I loved the game maximum carnage
it was so cool
later eliot is getting things for making e t's space thing and slices his finger on a saw
but e t heals him
this is kid of a bible rip off
no wonder they show it on good Friday
later its Halloween and they disguise e t as a ghost(or maybe a klansman?)
wtf, they gotta be back B4 sundown?!
is that when the cannibals come out?
I mean this is L A so thers druggies and gangs and purverts
I mean we all saw the crow; city of angels
so then eliot rides his bike with e t
they get to a stop but e t uses his black magic to move the bike
the scene where they fly is pure 80s nostalgia with at music
also its a full moon on Halloween
e t and liot set up a phone home thing
but theye out after dark and the gov(rednex) come after the home as the mom leaves
also the kids out after dark aRE on a rampage
its like mad max
then the guv comes in and scans the kids home
also eliot is dying and wants to keep e t as his butt buddy
we get a creepy moment of e t feeling eliots face with his phaliic fingers
te next day he returns home and is sick
e t gave him H I V
eliot wants his bro to find e t
he is followed by a blue car
I like thatcolor of blue
oh f
e t is rotting
he looks llike one of those washed up on shore sea daemons
the bro shows the mom e t
eliot should have waited til marriage. now him and e t got something awful
then a guy in a space suit comes in and it tries to make it scary
the guv covers their place in plastic(what if e t is radioactive? that wont stop it)
this is cool. sorta star trek
the fam tells the guv about e t and eliot
maybe if they kill e t then eliot will be freed from his curse?
1 dr wants to know what the machine e t made is doing
the guy says he was wishing for this since he was 10
was he e t's 1st butt buddy?
then e t desynchros with eliots brain waves
then e t dies and im pretty sure space deamons don't go to heaven
looks like killing e t saved the kid
why would CPR work?! whats its organ system like?
they otta dissect that space daemon to learn its weak point in case of a following attack
maybe they could eat it to gain his daemon powers?
eliot admits his love for e t and he revives with no real explination
I guess he had an extra life
later eliot breaks out e t by getting his bro to drive the car with e t
then the other children from L A get together to aid eliot
e t in a white robe and a glowing heart comes in and looks very biblical
the biker kids(kids on bikes(wow how mad max )) take e t to the forrest after a chase scene
then the guv heads them off but eliot uses his connection to e t to make e t phychic black magic float them to the woods where the spacecraft is
they have a sappy good bye thing and e t leaves in his space thing back to his daemon planet
he also takes some flowers (to b0ne I assume)
I don't hate this film
part of me has fondness for it
but in my head I know the thing is better
yet my heart is confused by its nostalgia and sappy emotion
later I think i'll see the thing as the better film
better sci fi and better horror and characters
more memorable quotes
THE end
for E T 2 I'd like for eliot to have become a druggie after being b0ned by his moms new boy friend and hes living in the woods eating people who wander in. desperate for some love, he sends a psychic message to e t who has become a high rank member in the space thing of his planet. feeling eliots malcontent emotions toward the earth which has let him down, he decides to destroy it as that's what eliot now wants as he's given up on life. the rest of the movie is about 2 hard core marines with perfect trained bodies and hyper guns taking on the alien attakers in 8 levels of run and gun action. eliot has fused with E T to become the game boss and can attack with psy-blasts and AIDS beams.

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