Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Wizard Of Oz Review

note; my keyboard is messed up so theres typoes
the wizard of oz
this is my review on the wizard of oz
I love how its fullscreen
no black baRs
it starts with the credits since no 1 sticks around once the film is over
it starts in this mad max like wasteland with this girl and her dog running over to her aunt and uncles farm
she bugs them about someone complaining about he dog being a blight on this old lady while they're busy doing farm work
she talks to the farmhands who do some foreshadowing
I think Dorothy is mentally disabled
either that or shes supposed to be a kid and is played by a teen
like that annoying black girl in gone with the wind
Dorothy falls into the pig pen but is saved b4 they can devour her
she talks to her dog a lot as if it can understand human language
human children take several years to master understanding human speech
a dog doing so is like having a toddler outsmart a scientist
Dorothy sings about leaving her home and life to a utopian land she makes up
I think she means the garden of Eden
that's been sealed for millennia
so this 1800s lady comes over and says dorothys dog bit her
she ants it destroyed
I assume it means obliterated in a nucular burst
she has a sherrifs writ to take that awful animal
but dorothu makes a stink
once my aunts dog bit this italiano guy and my grampa had to give him free tomatoes(which he couldn't afford being a poor astern European immigrant farmer)
that dog could've given him grounds to sue my granpa for all he had and ruin his family'
grampa couldn't let it loose or give it away as it was savage
it kept trying to kill people
so he blew that dogs brains out with his shotgun
if it had a soul I bet it would be being b0ned by joseph stallin
if you know where im talkin about
so the aunt whines at the lady for her being successful and owning half the copunty
I assume its some kind of wasteland warrior thing where she governs and has a bunch of buff leather wearing guys with afro mohawks and shoulderpads protecting them from the nbiker gangs
she leaves with the dog to send it back to carl marx
if you know where im tralkin about
and the dog gets out cuz the basket wasn't locked
why wasn't it loced?
Dorothy runs away with her dog as though that dogs gonna take care of her better than her fam at a farm
shes gonna get b0ned by wasteland warriors and cannibals
she meets a guy who pretends to be magic
or is faking his ineptitude so his true power wiont be suspected
he alludes to her aunt being unwell and Dorothy runs home
but a twister happrns
were these twisters what raveged th earth and turned it into this empty wasteland?
it cant be global warming
this is the 1890s
and global warming doesn't exist
Dorothy gets home as the fam hides in the bunker
she goes inside and a window blows off and nils her in the skull
when she wakes up she sees trippy things
I think a neighboring drug farm was caught in that twister
er home is caught in the wister and drops into this land of technicolor
its weird and off beat and wonderful
I miss films with color like this
now all films use cgi and it looks dull and bland
here the colors are vivid and bright
bold and expressive
then this faery comes in asking if Dorothy or her dog is a good witch  as her house crushd another witch
she says only bad witchs are ugly
then why ask if shes bad?
shes not ugly
then some creepy midgets come out
its a swarm!
they all celebrate this woman getting crushed under a house
I assume theyre the bad guys for celebrating the death of a fellow sentient being
all cuz shes a witch
that's racist
I looked it up, judy garland was 4'11
these midgets are up to her waist
why didn't they get real midgets for lord of the rings?
they just wanted staR power
imagine if they made a movie about poles and all the characters wee played by irishmen
they also do that
dr zhivago was played by Egyptian omar sharif
where as pharoh ramses was played by Russian yuul brynner
cant there be truth in these films?
although omar and yuul did good jobs
at one point it shows the midgets waking up from big green eggs
I assume its daemon eggs
I assume the midgets celebrate the witch getting killed as she was their ruler
now theresgonna be a power struggle and a dictatorship is gon arise
its the ussr all over again
then the sister of the dead witch comes in and shes p---ed off at her sister being killed
Dorothy gets the dead witches shoes and the faery mocks the witch whos sister just got wacked
she leaves in a cloud of brimsone fire
then the faery sends Dorothy on a trip to see a wizard
after some classic lines, she goes off on her quest
then she finds a talking scarecrow
not the batman villian
he cant actually scare crows
like a fly with no wings cant fly
he thinks he has no brain and cant think
this is provn wrong on several occasions
he sings a song and does a vaudeville dance
very entertaining
better than cgi
such a great song too
scarecrow seems a bit like goku
not book smart
but clever
and skilled
who made the yellowbrick road?
and how is it maintained?
is it magik?
later Dorothy and scarecrow run afoul of some malcontent trees and scarecrow outsmarts em to getting free apples
as Dorothy pick up the appls they find a rusted over tin golem
they oil him and he seems rather gayish
oil doesn't unrust things
it lubricates it so the ruat doesn't do as much friction
I assume its some sort of black magic occult oil made from the souls of the fallen
like a philosophers stone
a jewel of unlimited power
chaos... CONTROL!!
te golem wants a heart as he longs for theability to feel emotion
that's a contridiction
Dorothy and scarecrow whisper to eachother as the golem dances
I assume they ask about his gayness
is the scene with the dead midget
in the background as tey go down the road in some versioms is a midget who hung himself
the witch attacks them with a fireball then goes away for no real reason
Dorothy seems to feel like she knew them b4
maybe this is a parallel reality and these are this universes version of the farmhands from the start
this version on teletoon is the censored version without the dead midget
while watching a doc on 20th century film musicals I saw some good trivia
they said on set of the wizard of oz; midgets fell in toilets, got drunk in bushes and hit on judy garland(age 16)
in the woods they worry abiut lions/tigers/bears
those animals live nowhere near eachother
they meet a lion who acts tough but turns out to be a candya55
he seems to have severe anxiety and phobias
he also seems rather gayish too
like snagglepuss'
his song about needing nerve has some gay refs
Dorothy wants to go back to Kansas?
but he was running away
something about a dog
then the witch uses poppys to drug the cast
I think its an opium ref
this movie is getting f'd up
they start dozing off and tinman cries and they wirry about him rusting
but if hes got water in him, wy would it damage him?
imagine if I spat on my arm and it rotted a hole in  it
the faery makes it snow(COCAINUM) and they wake up but tinman rusts
they oil him up and they go to the emerald cty
the doorman sez no ones ever seen the wizard
they tell him thr faery gae Dorothy the shoes as proof they should see him
how would he know anything that happened on the otherside of oz?
the gang gets a makeover and they go to see the wizard
but 1st the witch burns a message in the sky to surrender dorothy
they go to a guard and th lion has a really inspirational song about being brave
but 1st we get a gauish song
show the tough song to people with fears
it'll inspire em
what makes a king out of a slave? courage!
what makes the flag on the mast to wave? couage!
this has such wit and goot writing
after a sad moment that dosnt feel as tacked on or forced as modern sad moments they see the wiz
hes a big bada55 head with fire and smoke
hes got kind of a megatron vibe
he orders em to kill the witch and get the broomstick or something b4 he helps em
they need to prove themselves
this is like phantasy star
doing a quest and beating a boss to advance in the game
lion freaks out and jumps out a window
the gang gos to the witches castle and they have weapons they nevr use
ion has a hammer/butterflynet
timan has a wrenchand his axe
scarecrow has a revolver
nowadays you cant even have firearms in kids shows
th witch sends her puddies I mean gogs I mean tengas I mean flying moneys to kidnap ddoorty and beat up the gang
why didn't timnan use his axe?
I'd like to see him cleave a monkey in half
samurai shodown style
the witch wants the slippers but Dorothy cant take em off
the witch is bada55
and shes a woamn
tough chicks were uncommon in most 30s films
the dog gets away from the witch's castle
the witch starts the final countdown until the place blows up or something
a red sand hourglass that actually lasts an hour
I assume shes gonna skin Dorothy and eat it to become the new Dorothy so she can use the slippers
this is hard core
like a deathmetal band
the gang try to ave Dorothy but are b0ned by monkeys
they counter b0ne them and cosplay as them to get in
cuz a scarecrow a golem and a lion totally look like monkys if you give them the uniform
this is racist
the dog lads them to Dorothy and the tinman uses his axe for the only time to bust open the door
the gang gets out of their uniforems for no reason and in record time
the witch shows up and they have a chase from the monkeys
the witch sets the scarecrow on fire but Dorothy uses a convieniently places bucket of water to put it out
some water touches the witch and she melts for some reason
I assume her biological make up is destabilized by h2o
she may be an alien
or as they are better known
space daemons
the monkeys are glad the witch is dead for some reason
she gave them food, shelter, work and a purpose
without her I assume one ape will rise and make a dictarotship like in the ussr
the gang retruns to the wizard and he turns out to be a guy so uses a holograph to show a big head and fire
he says they had what they wanted the whole time
I guess its a thing on mental illness as people with identity disorders think they are not right but its just their mind that's not right and they need to realize it and be happy to be themselves instead of living a lie
the wiz gives the gang items from a big black bag to represent their traits they wanted but turned out to already have
he tells timnam a heart is not judged by how much u love but by how much ur loved by others
tats touching
I love this film
its perfect
the wizard is revealed to be from Kansas and got lost in a balloon and landed in oz years ago
as this is the 1800s and kasas was a slave state, I assume he doesn't know about the slaves being free
imagine him getting back and finding how things have...changed
that's like family guy writing right there
but its clever and not crude for the sake of crude
its witty and sophistocated
the wizard leaves the gang in charge (scarecrow is the leader the other 2 are I guess advisors or generals)
he gets ready to bring Dorothy to post confederate Kansas but her dog causes yet ANOTHER problem and runs out to chase a cat(like mentioned in the start of the film) and as Dorothy chases him, the balloon gets away
the faery comes in and says Dorothy had the power to retrun home the whole time and didn't tell her cuz she wouldn't believe her
that's bad logic right there
shes in a weird midget land with faerys and mages
I think being told to click ur heels and say a phrase isn't too unbelievable
she learns her lesson that travel isn't that needed and home is great
turns out she needed to learn a lesson to activate the shoes power
she says bye to the gang and its motional
modern films don't often hav this kind of emotion
she uses the spell to get home and wakes up in bed with the human verions of the oz droogs around her and they imply the who thing is a dream
why wernt there an oz from of her aunt and uncle?
were they dead?
the end
what about that rich lady wanting to have her dog microwaved?
they just seem to forget about it
she still has the right to hav that dog blown up
I hope they stick dynamite up its butt and watch it pop
that dogs trouble
for the wizard of oz 2 I'd like for a bitter edgy teen Dorothy being malcontent over the lady having her dog ground up and she goes to oz somehow to get revenge on her with reinforcements from it. oz has become a ravaged wasteland from the midgets and monkeys going to war since the new leaders took over and wanted control of all of oz also they're communists and Dorothy joins the monkeys and they face off against the midgets for an epic lord of the rings battle. then in the wizard of oz 3 she and her monkeys return to do battle in vengeance of her cooked dog against the rich lady in the wastelands of Kansas. but the rich lady has her armies of leather wearing musclemen bikers who defend her turf from the roaming biker gangs and they have a few battles over the film until its revealed that the rich lady used steampunk technology to revive the gassed dog as a cyborge and its revealed hes the main bad guy manipulating both sides to kill people. Dorothy cant take it and jumps into a giant meat grinder and the lady (who's revealed to be this universes version of the witch) is attacked by the rogue monkeys and her loyal bikers fight them off and shred the monkeys apart. the cyborge dog fuses with the dead monkeys and becomes a giant flesh daemon and the rich lady uses a giant steampunk mech to fight the cyborge flesh daemon dog in a final death battle until she disintegrated him in a massive nucular blast from her moon base.

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