Thursday, February 4, 2016

Them! Review

note; my keyboard is cr=ppy so theres typoes
this is my review for Them!
I like these 50s films
they were cool
and that gorgeous black and white
better than the washed out colors in modern films
either go full b/w, or use real colors!
don't half-a55 it
the title is in color
and GOOD color
not that candya55 dull cgi we got now
it starts with a plane flying over a wasteland
this is before the biker gangs and cartels took it over
some cops are following the plane
then they see a little girl walking alone
these horror films always start with 1 survivor from the prequel coming across the heroes or authoritys and foreshadowing the aproching doom
the girl is in shock from some horrid sight
sorta like lynn in Hokuto no ken being mute after her parents were chopped up by biker gangs after the earth was destroyed in a nucular holocost
the cops find a trailer but its devastated
no cash taken
just like in Hokuto no ken ep 1 whenthe biker gangs chop up some people and eat their food yet leave their cash
the cops look over the evidence and knock down any options it cant be
just like in all the later horror movies like this
I love it
I said; I love it!
gets frisked
I love it!
later they hear a chirping and the girl reacts
the cops head to grampa johnstones store but its  busted up
no survivors means no witnesses
they fid his body in a celler with a thing in his chest
they find sugar with ants in it and no cash taken
one cop goes back and one stays behind
then the chirping returns
the cops kills the lights and draws his gun
them gets killed offscreen
back at the station they think its a maniac but the evidence says no
later the autopsy says the store owner had enough formic acid in him to kill 20 men
but he had 4 other fatal injuries
sorta like Rasputin
he had enough poison in him to kill him 5x
was shot
tied up
and thrown in a river
he broke out of his binding and drowned
he also survived getting gutted a few years b4
he used the konami code to get 30 lives
later, a guy says the nuke tests were done in a near area 9 years ago'
but he wont tell them what it is until he knows
the nuke guy uses science to unmute the girl
she keeps yelling; THEM!!
they go to the trailer and the nuke guy keeps making vague ciomments about "it" being carnivious and over 25 meters long
I hate the metric system
its too loose
I know what 5'3 is
I don't get 1.314 meters
same with kilograms
 know 400lbs is heavy
ii don't get 200kilograms of whatever it uses
plus you got like a dozen terms to remember for metriic
I wish we used the real system in the socialist republic of canada
instead of hat candya55 metric system that is incomprehensible

then they find giant ants
gunfire is useless
except on the antenna
then the cop shreds it with a machine gun
it turned giant from radiation from the nuk tsts
the chirping was it communicatimng
I like how the 50s was all about radiation causing horror movie stuff
like today worrying about global warming
later theyre flying a plane and the nuke guy doesn't get radio etiquette
he reminds me of the guy from Jurassic park cuz hes brittish
then they find the ants eating people
later the amercann guy wants to nuke the nest but its nght so the ants wont be there
they have several ideas and plan to cook and gas them
the next day they bazooka the nest to heat it up as ants dont like heat
after gassing the nest offscreen, they go in to check to see it they are all dead
they fnd some ants but roast em with flamethrowers
this is seeming sorta like aliens
I sorta expect the queen to arise and chase em down
then they find the queen chamber and the eggs
right after I typed the aliens thing
then they find that eggs hatched and got away
so they burn the nest
later they find that the eggs that hatched were queens and had wings
also they had men to b0ne
later the nuke guy shows the gov his film about ants
show skeleton warriors!
that show was awsome
it gave me nightmares as a kid but I loved it
although I liked that game ant run
I beat my ants high scores in the 90s cuz im awesome and cool and many and hetero and buff and able to beat battle toads on sega
the nuke gguy says the ants are into slavery as they use their captives for labor
not that theres anything wrong with that
the courts said slavery was legal
plus its in the constitution
so that means its "totally" ok
cuz someone bigger than me said so
later a texan sounding guy is in the nut house under military guard for seeing "flyng sassers" shaped like ants
and they were b0ning
the guv tells the drs to keep him locked up
call jessy ventoura
it fels like this film could've ended aftet they found the queens escaped
this film keeps going
later its found that a nest hatched on a boat
wait, how'd the ants grow that big on a ship?
plus, how did they know it was a queen?
maybe it was a few loose ants who got on board
maybe the nuke guy is working with the ants and wants to help them take over
maybe hes a self hating human who wants to be converted into an ant forme
like in avatar
later a sugar train is broke into and some guy got shredded
and he had his kids with him
afer a sad moment they try to find the guys kids
they talk to several people arrested for "drinking" yet find nothing
the guys are hiding something
I assume theyre purvurts and were b0ning something they shouldn't be
then they check the hospital for the last drunk and he saw some info that helps
oh how alcohol has destroyed this once great man
they chrck thr area he saw em in and its revealed hesbeen there for months
I thought this was still in the same month
the pipes the ants go into go through oer 700miles through the city
then they set the city(which is revealed to be L A) is put under matriaL law
then they finally reveal about the ants
this is turning into escape from L A
maybe the crow city of angels
I hear L A is full of crime and drugs and purvurts and gangs and killers
maybe they should just nu ke the whole city
they cant burn out the tunnels untl they know the kids are in there
so they send in the troops
the troops find em but they are trapped by ants
after a really cool battle, they get the kids out
but the guy who saves em gets b0ned by the ants jaws
the military kills thr ant who b0ned him dead
and a buncha other giant ants
this is turning into robotech
mostly season 2 and 3
1 guy is sealed off in a cave in but is surrounded by ants
he  holds his own until the reinforemenrs arrive
then they fight the queens and roast em and the eggs
the uke guy says; when man entered the atomic age, he opened a door to a new, something I didn't get it all
its kinda like in Robotech when the sdf 1 landed on earth and man found Robotechnology and Protoculture but it lead to many issues with space demons
for Them! 2 I'd like the nuke guy to have hidden away a queen egg and has red with it to create a hybrid to make his own master race of bug people, with him as the regent and in psychic link command with all of them. Them! 2 is his bug people taking over and Them! 3 is the rebellion of the people against his dominance over the humans with the nuke guy having fused with the queen into a hermaphrodite ant which breeds with itself a the final boss

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