Thursday, February 4, 2016

X The Unknown Review

not; my nkeybofd bad and im left handing so theres typoes
x the unknon
this is my review on x the unknown
I love these old 50s films about sci fi
plus its in proper fullscreen
so it starts with some army guys around an empty area and finds a radioacuive thing
aw gross
everyones brittish
now I gotta PAy extra attention to get their creepy clockwork orNGE  talk
it doesnt help that im eating chips
turns out they were practicing with "harmless" radioactive material
they get ready to go but 1 guy gets a reading on his tricorder
and some water is bubling
but b4 the superiors can get there, the ground opens up and it drains
then theres an earthquake(not the pokemon move) and the ground opens up and fire erupts
I knew England and heck were connected!
later, in a radioactive lab some dudes are experimenting with other radioactive things
then a guy ith a pee wees big adventure breakfast machine like thing moves this radioactive container around on a arcade claw machine like system
an aRMY guy comes in and brings him to this other guy and the other guy wants him to investgate the place the movie started at
he gors there and finds the radioactivity is gone but people are burned
I was watching a yugioh 5ds vid for like a minute but I don't think I missed much
turns out the huge cracks in the ground are so deep they cant measure it
like in the early eps of dbz where nappa attacked without trying much and the rend in the earth was so deep piccolo couldn't see the bottom
then some school boys sneak into the sealed off area and 1 sees something disturbing
he runs away and I assume the thing b0ned him cuz hes in the hospital and had radiation burns
his parents come in wanting to know whaTS UP
this is why you otta let ur rents know where ur going
if something b0nes you then tey can find out what happened
later at church they talk to the other kid who was smart enough to not go there
the pee wee machine guy asks him here they were but he wont tell
he "swore an oath"
I guess his word is worth more than a friends life
the pee wee machine guy gets it out of him without a beating and he later finds this cabin and a hobo
the hobo is making moonshine and offers the pee wee machine guy it
also the hobo has a radioactive thing stolen from the pee wee machine
he talks with some guy but I wasn't pAYING attention as I was looking  up yugioh 5s eps
a reporter or sometgung asks him about the burned boy but he dosnt know
then the kid dies
the dad blames the pee wee machine guy for it
later a nurse ad a dr start making out and get ready to b0ne
but a machine activaes and he goes in to investigate
and he sees somhing scary and starts cooking
then his face melts off his skull
now this movie just got cool
oh and the nurse dies offscreen
wait, she survived but shes mindwiped
I think
im watching this, reviewing it nd my wiscinsion friend keeps chatting abot transformer toys hes malcontent about
hes like 35
he otta get into robotech
turns out the thing came in through a steel grate
like its a slime
then some scottsmen on guard see something and one gets killed offscreen
lol his name is haggis
its like naming a Japanese guy sushi
tis movie is racist
then the other scottsmN GETs killed
judging by his scream it b0ned him dead
then the pee wee machine guy starts going on about sci fi techno babble about how as humans have advanced so much in thousands of years amd the forces inside the earth lefyover from creation rise to the surface to eat energy or something
but he uses the unproven theory of evolution lol
but the others don't believe him
later they send some guys under ground on a rope thing
he finds a human skeleton
and it starts getting radioactive
they pull him up with a hand crank
he barley gets out in time
they shouldve used a machine crank
the army blows up the crack and seals it with concrete
but the pee wee machine guy doesn't think it worked
yet hes ben working on a way to kill radiaion
ten all this fecal matter erupts from the sealed area
I was talking to that transformers nerd over ww1 base robots and swastikas and may have missed stuff
but I bet its not important
one guy wants a telephone but its miles away
nowadays he'd have some cr=ppy iphone
they use math or science or maps or w/e to plot the fecal matter moster's coure
they plan on getting the radioactive stuff that will make it invincible out of range of its sensing abilitis
but they have no ay of knoing its range or how it senses it
then it killes someone
the calls are coming from inside the house!
the maniac's in the mailbox!
then the fecal monstercomes over the wall and is there
the pee wee machine guy decides to let it go back to its home and kill it there
after some helicopter guys follow and evade the fecal moster, the monster almost
eats a toddler
the pee wee machine guy tests his radiation killer but it makes the radioactiove thing explode
tmes almost up so he has to use it on the fecal monster now
a guy drives a flatfront truck(like 80s optimus prime) to carry bait(radiation) to lure the fecal thing into a trap
eventually some gu goes near the crack in the baitmobule t lure it out
but the car  wheel is spinning in gravel and only goes at the last second
then they use the radiation killer and it blows up
for x the unknown 2 I'd like a bigger worse monster than this movies one to arise and they need to revive the dead fecal monster. so they go to heck and have a big dantes inferno adventure to bring it back like in splatterhouse 2.

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