Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Birdman Of Alcatraz Review

note, my keyboards kinds worn so theres ypoes
the birdman of Alcatraz
this is my revir on the bird maN OF Alcatraz
I assume it has no connection to the Michael Keaton film burdman
it starts with s montage of black and white images of hands
then some guy talking about Alcatraz
so this is a prison movie
hope no one drops the soap
it talks about a guy whos sealed in there since ww1
hes never used a phone nor driven a car
then it goes to a flashback about this guy being sent to prison
the birdman is revealed to have a criminal past including murder
he seems very malcontent
I read of the real life birdman
he was antisocial and violent and cruel
in this film it makes him seem like Spartacus
I didn't even thnk Spartacus was such a good guy
so in prison a friend of the man he murdered says something he doesn't like
so birdman assaults him
he seems to have issues about his mother
is this a norman bates thing?
the warden gives him 30 days in the hole
1  guard suggests keeping hi away from the other inmates as the burdman is dAnGERUS
but the warden thinks he can rehabilitate this maniac
you cant grow a soul
after the hole, he writes a letter to his mom and reveals its been 4 years in this prison
later his mom letters him and says she tried to see him on Saturday but theres no visiters on Saturday so shes coming on Friday
not wanting to follow the rules, burdman grabs a guard
later he bugs a guard about him having to follow the rules since hes on report for grabbing a guard
he kills the guard when he guard treats him like the other prisoners
later the warden tells the burdman that the guard he murdered was the one who warned the warden about the burdman
the guard had a family but burdman don't care
after he has trials and is set to get the noose
he talks to his mom and she refuses to let them hang her deviant son
this is turning into a norman bates thing
his mom protests and worms her way into places of power and convinces the presidents wife to get the president to overturn the legal fair decision
now he gets life in prison
instead of going to h-ll after a week in solitary he spends the next several decades in there
now he just stays in his cell all day drawing naked men and j==kin off
hes become what most teens online hope to have
no job, no responsibilities, no people to talk to
nowadays he'd get free internet and tv
but this guy is too mental to enjoy it
didn't this happen in the count of monte cristo?
that guy learned science, math, religion and history in his hard time
this malcontent just does nothing
later hes outside enjoying a nice thunderstorm(a thing I also enjoy) and finds a baby burd
he brings it in and starts caring for it
it looks like a premature baby
I assume they will fall in love
I like ho theres streatches of no talking
if this were remade it would have a lot of blabbering during visusl scenes
also they would have him b0ning other guys
did they use a real bird for this?
if not then that's good effects
later ge goes around catching bugs and feeding them to his new son
after a timeskip, he releases the grown burd but it doesn't wanna go
maybe he could have a ritual to turn the bird into his own son my inserting it into his colon and giving "birth"
he begins training the burd
then he makes little vehicles for it
then the prison gets a new warden and the birdman shows the tricks he taught his bird slave
the new warden is impressed and allows the birdman to keep the bird
the previous warden is going to Washington to manage and open new prisons with order and law
the birdman hates how they follow rules
hes seen as the good guy
later, more inmates are allowed pets
1 inmate gives his birfs tp to burdman
later he gets a bottle from a guard
inmates can turn toilet paper into shanks
and you give him glass
he bugs the guard for more things but the guard gets mad at him for being a cold uncaring dink to him for over a decade
he only tries to be nice when he wants something
he then pretends to be sorry and remorseful and has a moderate applolgy
the guard buys it and give him the thing he wanted
later one inmate who seems mentally challenged ant looks like ratzo(or Rizzo?) from m*a*s*h* gives his burd to burdman to help it stop not singing
turns out its a female bird
using the glass and a box he makes a wood birdcage
he wants more boxes to make more cages since the birds are breeding
the guard doesn't know the word "procreation" yet the birdman uses it properly
I notice the birdmand actor looks like a more hetero George cloony
the bird then lays EGGs AND the challenged inmate ants some
later the eggs hatch
the scene has many cuts and edits to look like 1long complete shot
later the birdman has many birds and cages
the narrator reveals he watchs them breed
later the birds get sick
its bird aids!
a bir dr comes in but theres no info on the bird aids so he cant do much
the his 1st burd dies
hes murdred 2 people with no remorse yet gets bummed over a bird keeling over
later the challenged guy tells his life story about some woman he was b0ning and her parrot
this movie tries to humanize these muderers and child predators
the challenged guy doesn't wanna flush his dad bird down the toilet
I assume hes gonna eat it
then like an ocd guy he sterilizes his cags and cells
then he studies books and gets chemicals
after much trial and error he finds a treatment
what kind of prison  lets its inmates have drugs and chemicals?!
soon his bird treatments become popular and he wins a content and gets a bird as a prize
a woman brings it and talks to him about selling bird remedy's
shes also gay for him
b4 she goes he goes through her purse
I assume he has gender issues
later they get a new warden again
and theres a new federal prison thing, by the 1st warden
also, new rules say no pets and no inmate enterprise
it gives good reasons for it but e doesn't think the rules should apply to him
he acts like the government turned its back on him
he seems to have a complex
so he gets his mom to spread the word to all his fans that hes a con
also he marries the woman whos gay for him
but it was a trick to get word out about his bird fetish
hhe has a meeting with some guy
he gives a reasonable offer to let him continue his bird experiments and give the profits to a fund
he turns it down and later is given a bonus cell and can keep his birds
he tells his mom the news but she reveals she doesn't like his woman
this is tuning into norman bates
he turns on her
so she ditches him
hi parole comes up but his mom does nothing for him
she says shes doing it for him
he makes a comment about mother tigers eating her young
is this gonna become a cannibal film?
he then burns a letter from her without reading it
he did so much for him and he just betrayed her
even starscream wasn't that bad
he then gets drunk and lets the brids out into his cell
theyre gonna poop everywhere
then he gets a magnifying glass, I mean microscope
im not sure if hes still drunk
over the next timeskip he becomes the best expert on birds and cures bird diseases
he also made a book
THis nerd wants the birdman paroled but the warden knows better
the movie then trys to make us think he could be paroled
but the opening said he was in there since the Kaiser took on the brits
maybe if we sided with the Kaiser then there wouldn't be ww2 or the beatles or communism
later some men come to bring him somewhere but without his items or birds
he gives orders to  a bird and tells the guard who gave him the bottle; dont grieve over me, when its cut its cut
I assume he was circimscised
hes then taken to Alcatraz and its shown that this island has the familys of the workers there
no one in or out
its like manhattan in escape from new york
he later sees the challenged inmate and they get along
if this movie were made nowadays theyd be butt buddies
then he reveals hes writing a book on men in prison
hes gonna make these killers and purverts look like victims and ignore their vast amounts of crimes
one day he walks into his cell and the warden is reading the birdmans work
he confiscates it as its just commie propaganda
he tells about all the good hes done and how the birdman has ignored all his good to only focus on he minor bads
he makes a good speech about how the birdman has been contradictory to all his attempts of rehabilitation
the birdman then goes on a monologue about how the people with rules are bad and trying to help them not murder and mo lest is bad
maybe the prson system isn't bad and its the malcontents who b0ne and beat the innocent are the problem
then he gets a visit from his woman aND she gives him optons for hope
hes given up on life so he tells her to leave him
which se does while seeming kinda dazey
then theres a prison breaK Where 2 malcontents get guns and attempt a prison break
one gets a guard to open his cell at gunpoint then executes him with a gunshot to the back
these are the people this movie defends
theres then a prision riot
it fails
the troops are called in and they open fire on these killers
1 inmate is wounded and the others want the birdman to use his bird medical knowledge on him
maybe he could turn him into a bird monster
then b0ne him
he examines him and finds hes not badly wounded
he goes emo and doesn't wanna make it
candya55 punk
I hate how teens dont get the value in anything
he then dies
the othr inmates envy him but the birdman has some pro life statements
more gunfire is exchanged and more inmates are shredded
I assume they'll cannibal eachother
birdman talks on the intercom, throws the weapons out and surrenders
the warden trusts him
after a timeskip the warden dies and the birdman gets his book made
hes transferred to another prison and on his way out he gives some smart aleck remarks
he meets someguy and recognizes him without ever meeting him b4
I assume hes got psychic powers
maybe from donating bits of his soul to the birds he raised and having a connection to them like in the crow
for the birdman of Alcatraz 2 I'd like him to have gained psychic powers from giving bits of his soul to the birds he raised and it mutated em to the point they were mini avatars of him under his control. using these mutant birds, he has them learn things by observing kung fu monks and research scientists until he masters both science and kung fu. combining them he uses the trust he gained from the guards to kill them off and break holes in them and the prison walls with his bear hands. then he resummons the soul birds and fuses with them into a bird abomination and wreaks havoc on prisons to free the malcontents as a force for him to tae over the country, then the world! but the american people using their rigt to bear arms, have weapons to defend themselves from the escaped convicts and use 80s weapons to wipe them out(this film is set in the not too distant future year of 1987 and many characters talk about the upcoming sega genesis)

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