Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Yearling Review

note; my keyboard is cr=ppy so theres gonna be come syomes
the yearling
this is my eview on the yearling
I love this bold bright color and it being full screen
its like power rangers
after a dedication to the pioneers, it has a voice over about a guy who fought in the war with the Yankees
I assume he was confederate
either that or Canadian and fighting in 1812 or 1776
the guy got married and b0ned her and they had a kid years ago
now he owns a farm
his son is a little albino boy and is amused by a wheel turning in the river
then some candy a55 deer show up and other wild animals
this is turning into the jungle book
the kid gets along with his fam and respects them
if this were made today he'd be a malcontent teen with gender issues or w/e
this movie makes me think of my dads childhood growing up on a farm in the 1800s or w/e
the boy wants to have a wild raccoon as a pet for his home
once in the 90s, my grampa saw a coon on his turn, got his gun... the next day we came over... 1 bullethole in the window... 1 dead coon
I still remember seeing it there on the lawn
yars later I was in the barn and saw a coon in the corner
I stayed away from it cuz those things are violent and spread animal aids(rabies)
so this kid is buging his rents to let him have the wild raccoon as a pet
his mom seems kind of like a harda55
the dad is more lenient
I was thinking about later in the film where whats his face gets capped
I got it confused with old lyeller
apparently this character named ezra jr died b4 this story began
if they make a prequel they can tell the origin story of how they came over and everyone introduced in the moicve died
just like texas chainsaw massacre the beginning
I liked that one over the movie it prequels as its got more gore
the next day their farm was attacked in the night by a bear
I assume its really a Wildman or sasquatch going around b0ning dead who or whatever it comes across
so the dad and boy go after it
this is turning into predator
if this movie were made today the bear would be the sympathetic character and the humans would be the bad guys mo lest ing his ancestors homeland
they hunt the bear down with their dogs
the dogs get bwned but when the dad tries to open fire it doesn't work
the next shot bacfries
so the bear gets away
and one of the dogs is crippled in the fight
atnight the dad sleeps in the same bed as the son
now a days that would be suspect or twisted
but this film has no deviancy inferred
the next day the dad wants to get a new gun
he plans on trading a worthless dog for it
if this were made today this would be shown in a negative light
maybe show the dogs p o v and act like it can comprehend human thought
they go to a place full of rough guys who would be great in a wasteland warrior biker gang
at there the boy finds this crippled boy who talks about some meaningful stuff
the crippled boy has a pet coon
he tells the albino boy about his supernatural visions he experiences at night
were this film made today, the crippled boy and the albino boy would be in love
inside the dad tells the rough guys his hunting story
one guy refutiates the dads story
then the rough guys start drinking and have a meal
the dad of the rough guys is a geezer and struggles to pray b4 the meal
so the boys dad helps
the refutiator then trades a gun for the dad's dog and a chance to hunt the bear
later its revealed that the crippled boy was crippled from trying to fly or something
too bad this isn't dbz
the crippled kid has had some near death experiences and seems to have connections to the next world
later the dad/boy go to town and the roguh guys are malcontent over the trade
at the store the dad gets ammo and the kid gets a harmonica
also they see this awful girll making faces at him so he nails her with a potatoe
then they meet up with oliver(a homi who was out at sea until now)
he was fighting a buncha inbred hicks so the dad joins in
then some rough guys join in
then the boy joins in and jumps on some dude
they come home and the dad explains how he made good deals to help them save up enough to get a well dug so she don't gotta go to the stream
later something ate something from their farm so they hunt it
o the way there he gets snakebit
he shoots the dog then cuts his hand open then has hi kid cut out the dogs heart and lliver and uses it on his bite
wait, it was a deer
the kid goes to the rough guys and gets help
later the dad survives the venom aND needs to recover
this is why you gotta teach ur kids how to handle things
you may need them to save ur life one day
using the logic that the deer he shot saved his life, the kid gets the dad to let him raise the deers kid
the he runs with the deer for a wile I a weird symbolic thing of him bonding with it
he goes to see someone but they died
I missed who they said it was
I thinks the crippled boy
oh, it was
this is sorta like in evangelion when shinj\ji killed kaworu
the crippled boy wanted to call the deer "flag" cuz its tail was like a little white fag
so he does so
at the funeral the dad gives a deep meaningful prayer out of respect
were this made today I'd assume the kid would be mad at God for the crippled boy dying and maybe become a malcontent tee and start cutting himself and get into drugs and start b0ning chicks on the rebound and get them all pregnant
man, I gotta stop watching degrassi
later theres a storm and they stay inside and so does the deer
later they start planting their crop
one thing hey grow is tobacco
is this were modern times, they would daemonize it and make then look like monsters for growng that plant
although they would d the opposite for chronic
later the dad is wearing a dress for the mom to make around him for her
thankfully the dad isn't enjoying this
like in Robotech how lancer disguises himself as a woman since hes a wanted man
and unlike in final fantasy 7 where the blonde guy wears womens clothing to get into this place run by a really really straight guy and he gets b0ned by a bunch of muscley spandex wearing muscle men in a hot tub
the reason the mom was making a dress was cuz oliver was getting maried
then they go into town and see oliver for like 20 secs and on the way home the boy compares people moving away to them dying
he seems traumatized and may grow up to be unbalanced and go around skinning people and wearing them
when they get back the crop is half ruined from the deer eating the sprouts
the kid talks to the deer like it can understand human speech
then again I yell at my sega when it screws me up
they decide to clear out some stumps to plant cotton but the dad s crippled from pulling somthing
the kid works hard but the deer eats the crop
the mom wants the deer out
they can deer burgers!
the kid defends the deer and claims he isn't gonna be bad
he dad gives him 1 more continue
he plants it and builds a high fence
but the deer super Mario jump over it
they should just saw off its legs if they don't want it getting in

maybe chain it down so it cant move
the dad tells his kid to cap the deer
its about time butt-mo!
he tries to save his deer homie but the deer is too dumb to handle it
the kid has a big Oscar winning emotional scene of telling the deer to go
but the deer just stands there unaware of anything
very good way of showing the difference between humans and beasts
might as well be a centipede
atleast centipedes are useful
they come out at night at take out the bad guys
like batman
so the mom shoots the deer but shes a cr=ppy shot
so the kid has to... FINISH HIM!
the kid turns on his loving parents who raised him ovr a dumba55 deer who doesn't care anything for him
very accurate portrayal on what its like to put up with animal supremacists
if this were set in modern times, he'd compare them to the Nazis
also the kid and deer would be seen as the victims and the adults would be shown as intolerant and evil
the kid then shoots the horse or w/e and goes off into the woods to be emo
he finds a boad and sleeps in it as it drifts him down river
its almost runover by a steamboat but they take him on board
after some long offscreen huck finn adventure, he returns home and his dad is glad to see him after he was such a little p o s and he apologizes for it
they have a father/son talk that would be really angry and loud if filmed today
then he goes to sleep and dreams of his deer
for the yearling 2 I'd like the bear to come back and mutilate the kid. inbetween life and death he sees the spirit of the crippled boy who uses this as a chance to return. after hitching a ride on his soul he gets into the boys body and the boy has blackouts were he cant remember where or what he was doing. one time he wakes up and finds hes eating a newly killed man. this happens several times and he begins gaining a lot of weight from the rampant cannibalism. after hes become a fata55 and more than doubled his weight, the crippled bioys spirit takes over and defuses with the body and turns all the gained weight into a new body. but as his soul isn't meant for this world anymore, he rotts and needs to consume human organs in order to sustain himself.

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