Friday, February 5, 2016

Whatever Happened To Baby Jane Review

not; my keaybords badly made so theres typoes
whatever happened to baby jane
thisis my review on whatever happened to baby jane
it starts in 1917 and thislittle honey boo boo girl is a child star
she dances on stage infront of a packed house
she is babyjaNE
her sister is malcontent over b j getting all the attention
shes gonna skin b j and wear it to become her
like ed gein did to women he graverobbed to pretend to be his mom
also b j dolls are being sold
when she goes out to meet her fans b j throws a fit to get ice cream
shes a spoiled brat
she needs a beating
the good kid is told by her mom to be nicer than her dad and sis were when she gets famous
then its 35 and b j is a grown woman and making movies
too bad theyre talkies
silent films are better
the producers hate her films and shes often drunk and malcontent
like lindsy lohan or Amanda bynes or miley cyrus
the good sister is named blanch
shes doing something but im not sure what it is
later a car with a woman driver tries to run down another woman and crashes
then its "yesterday"
but this films from like the time of the alleged moon landing
some woman is watching a movie on tv and her mom comes in
its a movie about blanche
or rather starring her
blance and bj moved in near them 6 months ago but blanche was nve seen
shes been crippled and bj is looking after her
bj comes in and turns off the show blache was watching and insults her
what a commie
the neighbors mom stps by to give flowers to blanche but bj tells her blACHE cant have visiters
her name is mrs bates
bj talks to blache and shes malcontent over blamche being more loved than her
also theres a black woman named Elvira who helps take care of blanche
Elvira(which im surprised is a real name and not made for hat horror host)doesn't like bj but blanche defends her
then bj comes in and says that blanches pet bird "flew out the window"
I assume she ate it alive
also Elvira wants to have bj put in a home
later bj impersonates blache on the phone to get booze
but Elvira sees her
too bad its not that 80s horror host Elvira
that's would be a weird twist
but this is a horror movie so it kinda fits
blache tries to make a phone call but bj left the phone off the hook so she cant call
latr bj thinks about and ings a childhood song and talks to a doll of her kid self
she begins doing her act from like 60 years ago to the doll
she freaks herself out with her shriveled face
blamche starts ringing her buzzer to signal bj but bj goes mental
bj brings blamche lunch and she tells bj that thyre running low on cash
I can think of a few
ways to make money
but bj reveals she knows blanche isn't being honest as shes been spying on her
and bj takes the phone
and blanche finds her dead bird is in her lunch
imagine if as blNCHE is crippled, bj could be cutting off pieces of her legs and feeding them to her
bj leaves blanche aloe so she tries to go down the stairs on upper body power over the handrail
she should've crawled down the floor to get there
she typing a letter and throwing it through the window to the neighbors
meanwhile bj puts an add in the paper and acts like some modern guy would know who she was in ww1
BLanche throws the messae but bj gets it
later bj gives blanch lunch and blanche tries to make up with her
bj tells blache shes not selling or leaving the house
blanche tries to talk about the accident but she doesn't care
she misuses her power of being able to walk
blanche otta eat bj's legs while shes drunk
bj reveals she got blanches message
also blanches lunch has a dead rat in it

the add bj put in the paper was for working with music with her
this pianist with a brit mom needs work and sees the add and books a thing with her

bj didn't feed blache cuz she didn't eat her rat dinner
the rat's not til later
blanche is hungry cuz she missed 2 meals
once as a kid I was given lunch in a bag instead of a box and didn't wanna eat it and everyone made a big deal cuz I didn't eat 1 meal
and I had no issue
people worry too much
candy a55
later bj gives Elvira the day off so blance has no one to help her
shes comg back next week
then blanche opens her new lunch and its got a big black dead rat in it
and bj lols at it
as blanche spins around in her wheelchair
this is screwed up
then the brit mom guy comes in
hes a brit too!
if this were made today he'd be indian or something
she acts like he should know who she is
he has no idea but pretends
she wants to revive her act
she thinks she can coast by on the nostalgia of her old successes
shes like sega spamming cr=ppy sonic games
I miss the genesis days
16 bit was where it should've stopped
now we cant gets games like contra or Castlevania w/o endless unneeded features
look how good golden axe or streets or rage or ristar were
now we just get more content but most of it isn't good
ninja gaiden in the 80s got way more love than the modern ninja gaiden
that's why contra 4 was so great
classic 2d grandeur
so bj sings with the brit and they talk and he realizes that they have 0 in common
but she keeps trying to connect
also the brit don't like his mom and is possibly gay
he wants to be paid soon
she agrees to pay him 100$ per week
non union too
back then that was a lot'
they then go out to dinner or w/e
blache(who still hasn't eaten) goes into bjs room and eats her chocolates
then finds bj has learned to copy her signature and has been forging checks
blanche tries to get down the stairs again to get 2 da phone
imagine if she used it to order a pizza instead of getting help
she calls the dr but then bj comes in
shes gonna b0ne her dead a55 dead!
she then beats her crippld sister up
then calls the dr and fakes being her crippled sister to tell him shes found a new dr
later Elvira drops by and bj tells her that blanche is done with her and theyre moving away
bj leaves but Elvira don't trust her and breaks in to save blanche
bj goes to the bank to get cash and returns
Elvira stands up to bj and is let into blanches room
shes tied up and a Elvira comes to help her bj kills her
then the brit comes by but she cant let him in
later that night bj goes out in her car
later the brits mom tells the brit that bj ran don blanche and was found b0ning some guy in the AM
later the cops call asking if bj saw Elvira
she says no
she plans to run away to the beach
later the cops stop by with the brit(who's drunk)
she shows him her bj doll and later he finds blanche
he runs out and bj gets blanche to leave
the next day theyre at the beach and the coops a looking for her
blache reveals she was the one driving the car and tried to run over her but crashed and was crippledthen crawled out and was found at the front
and bj was really drunk so she never realized she wasn't the killer
she apologizes for making bj turn evil from the guilt of crippling her
bj returns to being a child mentally and gets ice cream
the cops find her but shes mentally  gone and starts dancing
the end
for whatever happened to baby jane 2 I'd like jane to be getting used to modern times as her memory has been wiped from her mental shock. blanche is practicing black magic to regain the use of her legs and has fused her body with demons to be able to walk. but the demons want to have janes soul as its become pure as the dark part has died. but they cant touch it as its innocent and they need to get blanche to mo lest her into making her dark again so they can feed off her hate and become strogr. but blanche finds out that thats the deons plan and she gets jane to purge them from her with her purity and they become demon fighters in whatever happened to baby jane 3.

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