Friday, February 5, 2016

Jason And The Argonauts Review

may contain typoes
jaron and the Argonauts
this is my review on Jason aND the Argonauts
the 60s version in color wiyth Claymation
as a kid the name Jason reminded me of power rangers the red ranger Jason
now theres jasin from frisay the 13th
its widescreen
love that 60s color
it starts with this guy having some pagan ritual for guidance
he hears he needs a golden fleece and this guy will make it big
but he's gonna lose it to this guys kids
so he goes to have em wacked
this is like with freeza in dba trying to wipe out the saiyans cuz he fears a suyper saiyan
while the masasace is happening, the mom asks a goddess fopr protection for her kid
so he wacks her
then he hears that a 1 sandled man will beat him
and if he kills Jason he kills himself
then the gods talk
one wants to help Jason
and cuz his mom called on one of em 5x, the goddess can only help him 5x
this is sorta like if final fantasy was hetero
I think theres a timeskip cuz Jason is a man now and saves this guy from the river
and he lost a sandal
he sez hes the rightful king and the guy who wacked his mom has ruined Greece
kinda like o b amma
Jason wants to bring the golden fleece to save his kingdom
after Jason talks with someone h\e is revealed to not believe in the pagan gods
then the guy is reavaeled to be hermes/mercury in disguise
then he grows like a power rangers monster and poofs Jason to Olympus
also the gods are playing chess with mens lives
and mermes/mercury holds Jason in his hands to show him to the godz
they fill him in on stuff we heard a few mins ago
then theres a kung fu tournament to see who gets to be ib jasons crew to find the fleece
even Hercules gets in on this
wasn't there a young Hercules thing of this story?
so Hercules plays discus throw with a guy and the guy winds by skipping it over the water
that's like in season 0 of yugioh
so the boat front thing is ion the image of the goddess and when turned the wrong way causes problems
so Jason asks the goddess for he\lp and dshe replies
they stop on an isleand for supplies but are only to take food/water
shopuldnt Hercules have some god pull with his lineage?
they find huge staues of the gods the size of buildings
they also find a huge treasure chamber
Hercules takes a long thing and the gates shut
but herc muscles his way out
then the statues come to life in cool wel done Claymation that is superior to cg
the statue looks kinda like Michael myers from Halloween 1 2 4 5 6 h20 and resueeectioom
it busts the boat and Jason asks the goddess for help
she sez his ankles are weak so Jason pulls a plug on his ankle and he bleeds out his hole and he breaks
they build a new boat but 1 guy is missing
herc stays to look 4 him and the rest don't wanna leave their strongest character
Jason asks heddess for help(his last time) and hears the guy is dead and herc is going on other quests
so they leave
then this guy eats fruit and a character from that 90s show gargoyles (in Claymation) attacks him
Jason and friends reach him and he sez he was given prophecy but misused iot so was blinded
then tormented by harpies
so he'd help em if they stop the harpies
they trap the harpies in a net and fight em
after weakening wem in battle, they catch em and cage em (like in pokemon)
he gives Jason the info and they leave
they get where he told em to and seet get busted
they go on and Neptune/poseiden comes in (as a giant merman) and helps em
then Jason saves a chick from the busted boat
she was there to be sacrificed to some other pagan god (the fleece)
also shes a dancer like that miniskirt girl in yugioh
after some disputes, Jason is in a monkey knife fight on with his former friend
like the simpsons where they take burns 's yatch
but more like star trek os
Jason is wounded but the dancer heals him with a magic plant
then theres this dance in a palace with other chix
I assume theyre all b0ning in the real version
then theres a party but the leader reveals he somehow knows Jason is after the fleece
oh its the son of the guy wo wacked jasons mom who outed him
the dancer he saved aer pagan god to guide her and then asks Jason to go home and leave the fleece
oh and if the fleece is taken, the country goes to ruin
she sez she loves him
later its revealed jasons gone and the guards are drugged
Jason finds the fleece on  a tree and the boss shows up; a hydra
it kills the guys son and Jason has an epic battle that looks better than cg
after Jason kills it he takes the fleece and the head guy asks his pagan god to stop em
although hes not exactly bad here
Jason jacked his fleece
he wants it back
so a fireball hits the dead hydra and the guy takes its teeth
as Jason and droogs are leaving a sniper picks off the girl Jason saved
so Jason heals her with the fleece
then the head guy turns the hydra teeth into skeleton warriors done with Claymation that look better than cg
I should mention a lot of guys are in 60s speedos
just like 300 but less revealing
Jason is punching these bone men
1 guy bought it
then they throw em in the water and they sink
shouldn't they just walk out after a while?
in pirates of the carribean 1 it worked
then the gods say; lets continue with Jason another day
the end
for Jason and the argonasuts 2 I'd like hijm to return to his homeland after years of fighting with the guy who owned the fleece and finds it has been taken over by the brits. after the previous leader got bored running a slum country. the brits have turned them to slavery to their wicked god; the qween!! and any who defy her are skinned alive and forced to eat it. so Jason heals the skinned with his fleece and begins an epic battle against their deviant regent and her minions; the degenerates! (who b0ne anyone who crosses em dead) also Jason has many magical items to aid him in his fight against the brits and has many epic battles against their evil forces b4 facing the qween in mortal kombat!

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