The Outsiders Review

 Noye: i spell outside the norm,al

the outsiders

This is my revierw on The Outrsiders from 1983 (tHE year the famicom came out)

its directerd byt franccis ford copppola before he devolved with fred fuchs and diod p0rn0

it starts matt million, ralf macchio, pastricvk swayze, rob low, emilio extervceZ, tom cruise, tom waits and has camewores by nicholas cage and melanie griffith, plus some gfuyyys i don't knowe\

i reads the book in grade school by s e hinton and it was good

it starts wiotyh ponyboy writing the start of the novel, then opening title and don bluth music and credits

oh its by stevie wonder and called stay gold

so ponyboy, the karate kid and matt dillion walk by this slummy town and see somew teens having a fight that devolves into a knife fight until the cops come

matt dillon is dally and he p-sses off kids by playting 52 pickup and at night they snmak into a drive in

cherry is a teen girl whos b4 i thjink tried to b0ne her dally smokes and makes comments on cherry (like princess cherry from Rocket Knight or Cherry lime and blood berry in saber marionette j) and dally f's with her

she tells him to f off and he does and the teens do things like having other teens in the trunk to get in then drivbbe in cxheasper or flup up girls skirts to ssee theirt undies

ponyboy tells her hes ponyboy and his brother is sodapop as trhey are gwennith paltrow nameing her kid apple

he goes to cherrys school and she knows sodapop who works at the gas station as he had to drop out and work after theirt rents bit nit

dally tries to b0ne her but she fights him off and tells him to f off and macchio gets him to back dopwn

macchio plays johnny and dally likes him  but in the netflix verion they are butt buddioes as 2 guys can';ty just be friends anymore

1 guy comes by asking wherre dally is as someone slashed his tires

replayed slashed with f'd and tires with dog

so pnoyboy and cherry gert food and ponyboy sez a soc(sosh, ike social)  beat up johnny and gave him a scar

they talk about the race war between greasers and soc's like its trnasformer with autobots and decepticons

so after the movier ponyboy(which is what bronys would name their kids if they bred) talk about poinyboys biggest brother raoh i mean dallis or w/e and how he's not around with him much

cherrys bf comes by and he was dfrunk and it p-ssed her off and he and his droogs nearly mockey knife fight the grerasers gang, but cherry goes with him to save therm like yuria going with shin in hokuto no ken

cherry sez if she sees ballis aghain she'd fall in love with him, probably to p-ss off daddy by breeding outside her class

so ponybo goes back to his shack and johnnys dad and mom are fighting so they go to the woods to hang out and hope some joknies dont eat em like kjn florisa

i used to think macchio was indian like from india as a kid as i ndidn;'t lknow he wads el italiano

joihnny can't take it and breaks down and hopes theres a place without greasers and soc's where people live in peace and ponyboy sez its like that in thre country

then has a memoryu of being in there with his rents as a kid, then dsees their car getting crushed by a train

he wakes up and goes home and johnny stays in the park and at home dallis i mean darry rides his a55 over being out at night and they fight

darry shoves hima nd ponyboyu run away and goes with johnny to join the circus or w/e

they go around the slummy =city ant night and the soc's catch em and insult them, so ponybnoy insuiltys em back, but spoits and they gret ponybvoy and start drowning him in a public fountain

johnny gets a swithcblade and when ponyboy comes to; theres just him, a f'd up johnny and a body

in the real version; joihnny went berserk and kept chopping into him until his ghuts spills out and johnny laughed lkiek a maniac

johnny did it to save ponyboys life and that would hold up is court as its in defense of another of immionent danger

they go to some pool hall or bar and get dally who they tell aboiut johnnys assassination

dally (who him and darry would have issues in the japanese version where l is r) gets them money and a gun and tells em of an abandoned chhurch in another place 

huh, diane lane is cherry

so johnny and ponybouy sneak onto a train and go to the church and when ponyboy wakes up he thnks hesd at home with his bros for a sec

johnny got supplies and gonmme with the wind as in the 50s we werren't whining about trhe south

johnny got peroxide to fake being blonde to cover his identity and cut their hair with a blade

isn't that what he killed that guy with?

so ponyboy is like that korean from bts and saws off johnnys hair and ponyboy whines about havcing to change his looks

so after a few days, a coon tries toi get in(which is dangerous as they have rabies, which is like aids for animals) and they read gone with the wind

they try to catch a rabbit to b0ne and play poker with smokes as money, even though yugioh is better

johnnys smoke falls and nearly starts a fire and later they look at a sunset thjat looks like a 30s film

ponyboy sez a poem about how at 1st things are gold but it devolvs int green

btw this is in fullscreen and no black bars eathing the top/bottom

me watching with my rents; mom; who wrote that? ponyboy; robert frost wrote that! me; thatsd scary

ponyboy cant talk with his greaser friends about meanmingful things like this and wishes he could

later dallis comes by and sez they miss them there and dallios was caught by cops and he told them the boys went to texas

they go to get food in a 509s car and go to dairy queen and he has an unloaded gun, called a heeter, before ragon ball super ruined it

a kid comes by asking for money but dallis tells her to gtfo

dallis sez cherry will terstify fort the greasers and say the soc's were drunk and violent

johnny wants to go back and turn hmself in as its self defence and dallis dontthink thats good as his rents dont care about him

dallis sez jail can make you bad, which i assum,e relates to being butt hammered and turned, and on the wayt back they see the church is on fire and theres kids in it for some reason

why were kids going around a burning church?! f--king dumba55es!

so ponyboy and johnny go in and save the little c-ck suckers and a wood falls and bumps joghnnys back and dallis saves him

ponyboys face is blackened but not like in soul man and in the ambulance he tells the fata55 whio looks like justin from screenwave; we're greasers

in the hospital fata55 sez not to smoke even thoug hes smoking and ponyboy has a happy 80s moment to don bluth music with treuniting with his bros

so pony boy goos hoome and at breakfast his droogs come by sez johnny is gonna be charged with manslaughter if he lives and they might put sodapop and pony boy in a boys home as i guess their names are too f'd

tom cruise sez after they stomp the soc's they'll party and the guys watch micky mouse cartoons

darry sez if ponyboy smokes more than a pack today he's getting skinned, as 14 year olds smoking  pack a day is wenough

so 2 bit (before his grandson 8 bit who's sega master system and nes) and ponyboy walk anbd the soc';s come by and 1 devolved looking guy talks with ponyboy about how ponyboys a hero for saving those kids and he didnt think a greaser could do it

devolved guy talks wioth ponyboy about how even if they win the fight then things wont change and tells his feelings

like in robotech how the zentraedina nd humans had companionship and battles

so ponyboy and droogs see johnny and he's crippled and wants to finish gone with the wind

although after his back got him; dallis pulls him aorund and that probly did it

johnny used to wanna suicide buyt now that he';s going to h-ll, he wants to live as he only is 16 and wishes he could do more

joihnnys mom comes by and johnny dont wanna see her and spazzes out and blacks out

they see dalis and hes smoking inm the hospital and wants to get revenge on the soc'sfor johnny

they go to see chjerry and she reveals johnny iced her drunk bf who was nice at times when not drunk and had charisma

she sez she liked pony boy and he talks asbout the sunset in their home quadrants

good lighting and sihloette like gone withj the wind

later they prep for the fight andponyboy wonders about shaving and derry thinks he shouldnt fight ashe''s been through sh-t

but as its just fists and no knives or chasins; its ok

yyou know,. peopple get beat dead all the time, esp in jail

so the greasers go to the kumite anmd darry sez if theres trouble;l ponyboy should split

so the soc's comes by and its  tense with these teen punks and it starts to rain

oh and there's like bonfires and sh-t out in the open!

What is this? f---kin the warriors?!

the leader of the soc's used to be football homies with darry and they have a big brawl of fisting and kicks

gotta jump kick! works in beat em ups!

the greasers win but ponyboy gets a head damage andf is driven to the hospital by ddallis to see johnny

the cops pull him over and dallis sez ponyboy fell off his motorcycle and hes bringing him to the hosapital aand the cop helps him

dallis sez he shouldn;'';t have let johnny go and you gotta be tough to survive

tough boy! tough boy! tough boy! tough boy!

Keep you burning!

No By No Cry

they tell johnny, wqho's neck is cooked, trhey won but he dont care and sez to stay golden and bites it

my version

johnny; imma dying pony boy

ponyboy; i with, we could ahve mnaed loev,just once\

johnny; stay golden pony boy, stay golden, uweaaaaa!(dfalls apart into chunks and melts into goo)

ponyboy; (puts his fingers in the goo and lifts it up) oh johgnny, you were the only one i ever love4d, and now ur dead, i'll make sure we'll always be together!(eats him)

so dallies crys for his dead crippled friend and breaks down and snaps

he goes around aiming an unloaded gun at guys and  clicking the trigger

on twitter this malcontent said once in grade school, his friend died and he snapped

one day he was acting out and the cops had tyo be vcalled to stop his rampage and 1 cop said "dont makke be tell my fam i had to shoot a kid"

but the malcontent blamed the cop for it even though he was the one going berserk

ponyboy tells the gang johnnys dead and dallies is mental

dallis is in a store, rips up a mag, and pulls a gun on the owner b4 robbing it

then calls the greaser droogs and tells them to meet him in the park

by the time the greasers get there; he cops have shredded him wit  gunfire 

In the book dally was dead b4 he hit the ghround but here he crawls and says stuff

later ponyboys at hoime and rreads a note in johnnys gone with the wind book from johnny

johny sez hes glad he saved the kids as the kids are worth more, and the staying golden means like being a kid and evetythings nerw and cool

also to tel dallie to be more gold and look at sunsets and the world is good in it

then pony boy stsarts writing the ouytsiders and the credits roll to the stevie wonder song stay gold

ooh, c thomas howell was ponyboy and was ii red dawn and e t 1

the end

that wwas quality

one of the better 80s teen films

its got meaning and heart and can be related to by teens of all decades

good flow and it dont drag or feel too long

good acting and really nice music

most of the guys in here went on to ber big stars

itt holds up and has that 80s heart

I saw it b4 and its better each time, although i last saw it in the 00s

For The Outrsidders 2 I want Popnyboy and Cherry to be growing closer but they gotta keep it secret as the gangs they are in will have em executed if they are open about it. Also Ponybiy's brain damage triuggered his psychic powers and he can use psy waves to shread people with slices of psychokenetic energy. eventually he ascends beyond geerser and soc to be a cho jin and decides to take them both out to stop the war. its also an 8 bit nes, master system, game boy, game gear, tg156, atari lynx and 7800 game where you use ponyboy and slice through waves of greasers and soc's to save cherry from being ritrual sacrificed by each gang (1st 1 then the other) to gain power.

The Breakfast Club Review

 Notywe: I eat baD SPELLING FOR BREAKFAST

tEH bREAKFAST cLUB

This is my revierw on The Breakfast Club from the distant fiuture year of 1985 (The year Robotech came out and Lisa Hayes in it was Born)

Its directed by John Huges who did 16 cangles, weird science, ferris buelers day off and uncle buck

Ity stars emilio estevez from The Mighty Ducks, Molly Ringwald (Zaa Wallrudo!) from Pretty in Pink, Judd Nelson from Transformers The Movie, Anthony Michael Hall from Edward Scisdsorhands, Ally sheedy from Wargames, Paul Gleeson from Panic in Year Zero!, John Kapelos from Weird Science and The Shape Of Water and Ron Dean from The Fugitive (hay, i saw em all! in stiff! Stuff!)

Woerd haS IT THERES A 150 MINUTE CUT OF THE FILM THAT the director has in his private thing and f u caps lock

It did well as it was made cheap and has many good revierws and fans like my cool 90s aunt who was an 80s teen

it starts with credits and title to dont you forget about me of yellow text on a black background and a quote from bowie on how teens know what they are going through

then the screen blowsd apart and a narrator sez info on the date and school and about how the teacher dont see them except as the seer wants to see em, but they used to be like that and now grew

the teens are dropped off by their rents and each has them wanting to do something they are fit into

the teens sit in the library and judd looks like he's the kid whgo'd shoot up the school in his shades and trenchcoat

vice prtincilpe tells the teens to stay in their seats and not f--k around and to write a 1000 word essay on their sh-t

judd bender asks if barry manilow knows he raids his wardrobe and gets another detention

bender is a j-rk off and is gonna p-ss in his seat and jokes about b0ning molly ringworm pregnant and p-sses off charlie sheen jr and her by joking about if they b0ned

but this is on Laff so its censored and they cut several minutes of swearing and secks talk

emilio sez if bender vanished then no one would miss him and molly sez hes mocks stuff as he's afraid they'd turn him down

hall adds in hes into nerd sh-t and molly sez acedemic clubs aint as good as fun clubs and bender counters

the topic comes to drugs and hall whines about knowing someoine who did it

shut the f up hall! no one cares!

bender mocks emilio over being a werstler and wearing tights

as vice gets a drink, bender takes a screw out of the door and when vice comes back the teens say it came closed by itself

vice accuses bender of stealing it and the kids defernd him but vice trys to hold the door open with sh-t but it dont work

despite there being another door right next to it vice dont wanna use it somehow and bender talksd back to vice and gets a bunch of detentions and vice sezx he's got bender for 2 months

after vice leaves bender yells f u in the uncut version, but this is the tv version so they cut like half the lines

so the teens screw around and bender smokes and sheedy ties a string on her finder and draws some picture

they could tighten their muscles to work out buyt dont

so after vice takes epm to p-ss. emilio asks if molly is free to a party later and she sez her rents use her to get back at each other

bender asks emilio if he gets along with his rentsand if yes hes a liar and idiot

hall is a wiener but bender sez he's a parent WILD dream and has noi life

bender sez clair (molly) is a fat chick name and sez some fatchicks look like you can still see the chiuck they used to be b4 the enfattening

Once on My 600lb Life: This huge fat chick with milky skin and orange hair was taking a shower and herr gut went to her knees and she was soaping her fat

so i send it to my homies saying itsd miolly ringwald and 1 thought it was real

bender jokes of mlly enfattening and she flips the bird and bender mocks her about beign a virgin in sexy ways

esitves stands up for her and they fight a bit and esitvbes wrestles him to the floor

but bender sez if he wanted to get seriousm he'd kill him and get sued

the uncut version has bender pulling out a switchblade and jamming it in the chair to prove his point

janitor comes by and bender mocks him but janitor sez he knows about em as he collects data on the like ,.istening in on their conversations and reading their notes and stuff

like facebook andf the gov

so later ther teen whistle the song from bridger on the river kwai or lisa her teeth are big and green

vice sez theyuu get 30 iins for lunch but won't go to the caf but emilio and sheedy go to the teachers lounge to get soda

they talk and she sez she drinks vodka and he goes on about his coach and dad wanting him toi do stiugf

in the library bender wants to show molly a picture of a guy with elephantiutus of the n-ts

then bender asks about if hall b0ned and hall sez he b0ned a girl in canada but later comes out about being a virgin

molly is ok with guys being virgins (plus no aids) and then they have their lunches

molly with bento sushi, emilio with a big a55 buncha sandwiches and milk carotn and fruit

sheedy has pixie stix and candy on bread as she wants diabetus

bender mocks hall over his neat and tidy lunch and clean wholesome life

but when emilio asks bender how his fam is, bender shows a darker vierw of abusive p[arents who insult him and say F u in the uncut ver

emilio dont bvuy it but bender shows him a wound of his dad putting a cigar out on him for spuilling paint in the garage

then chimps out, throws books  and climbs a stair thing

vice spills his cr-ppy coffee and bender and guys go out when he goes out somewhere

bender goes to his lockwerr and gets chronic as they dont have dogs in schools yet

on the way back they see vice from behind and spazz out and run like its scooby doo but with 80s msuic

emilio wants to go through the activities hall but bendewr sez caf but they ditch him form no reason and run into a fench

so bender stuffs his chronic in halls pants and runs through the school singing loud to drawe his fire

vice catches him in the gym playing b ball out in the school

when a coupole of guys, who were up to no good, started selling chronic in by b=neighborhood

i burned em at the stake and my mee mah sed; its a good thing that you make those bad guys dead

vice takes him back to get his coat and bashes him for pulling a false alarm and sez "what if ur dope was on fire" and bender sez "itt can't be, its in halls undies"

vice sez in 5 years bender will be a joke and it offends him so he mouths off ito him

So vice takes him to the closet and threatens the punk bender in the future and that no one will believe him if he outs him

my idea; he starts b0ning his a55! but bender sez; jokes on you sir, I have... BUNS OF STEEL!! (he flexes his a55 and snaps off the guys weener.) adult; noooooooooooooooo! give it back! bender; oh i'll give it back! haaaaaaaaaaaaa! (sh-ts his weener out so hard it goes through the adult and nails him to the wall) adult; bender! when I get outta here, your a55 is mine!! bender; glad to hear it sir. as I think we just saw how well that went for you.

so vice offers bender a free punch but its a trap and he;'d get in deep if he did so he dont fall for it

vice goes to take a 30 inch dump and bender goes through the veiling and tells a joke about a naked blonde but falls through the ceiling b4 finishing

bender hides in the library and vice comes in asking what the noise was but they say there was no noise

bender looks up moll;y skirt and she catches his head in her thighs and they cough and make sounds to cover it

vice goes off and bender comers out and gets back his chroinc and molly goes with him to devolve her brains

as does hall before emil lang goes even though hes on ther wrestling team and gets tested

molly bender and hall smoke chronic and emilio rocks out to 80s msuic after doing some

ooh, a confederate flaG IN THE LIBRARY

meanwhile; voce looks through the files and sees 1 guy has a history of mentyal illness and the janitor catches him

vice has to bribe him with 50 $ or he's f'd

good thing theres no cameras here

so sheedy lists facts about hall but its cuz she stole his wallet and read his things

also one of them has a xxx image in his wallet

bender about his many gfs and hall has a fake ID so he can vote

voter fraud is real!

sheedy dumps her purse and a load of sh-t comes out and she sez she wants to run awayu and go to africa cuz her hoime life s-cked

sheedy spazzes out and emilo trues to help her but she rejects him and sez emil has a problem of doing what anyone tells him

emil sez she dumped her purse out and bought them otu and itds a serious moment, only top reveal her rents ignore her

vice tyalks with janitor who sez as a kid he wanted to be john lennon and vice sez each year the kids get worse

but janitor sez the kids didn';t change, he did and his age 16 self wouldnt liker him

vice sez in the fuiture the kids will be in charge and it f's him up

looking at how in the 2010s we had tide pods and the skull cracker challenge; i can see his point

but many people grow and digivolve

i was a c-ck sucker at 16 but grew beter

so the teens talk about what they';d do for 1 millionm $, like doing to school naked and sheedy sez she does anything lusty and is a sercks addict

also she b0ned her shrink as she paid him for it and he's married and molly thinks its gross but sheedy b00ned him a lot

sheedy asks if molly b0ned and sez if you didn't uir a prood and if u did ur a sl-t like bluma in dragon ball

they talk if molly is a teeze and they twist her words and she eventyuually admits to being a virgin and butt virgin

sheedy admits she a virgin and butt virgin but a compulsive liar and molly swears at her

emilio; we're all weird but some are better than others at hidiong it

then he admits to taping a wiener kid's buns together and when they took off ther tape; hius hair and skin came off

but he did it for his dad as he wanted his ad to think hes cool as he had a lot of fun school stories

then goes on about the shame and humiliattion of the butt taped kid and when he told his rents what happened

but that story is kinda funny despite the somber music

someone otta edit this with comedy music or a laugh track

emilio whines about his dad wanting him to be a winner and him hping his knee f--ks out so he wont have to play

yeah cuz being a cripple is easier than saying no to ur dad

hall goes on about how he's failing shop and how he couldnt make a ceramic elephiant lamp and got an F and it was his 1st F and he thoughtn it would be an easy grade as the guys who atke shop are dumbna55es

bender bashes him for being a brain cripple as he takes shop and they talk about the stuff they can do

molly puts on lipstick with her t-ts and bender is sarcastic and the teens swear at him in the uncut version

bender talks back and it devilves into bender telling off molly for having an easy liufe and getting all she wants while he got a carton of smokes for xmas

emilio wopnders if they'll become their parents and molly sez no but sheedy sez yes

hall asks if they'll be friends on monday and molly sez no, then asks emilio if hall came up to him and his frtiends, would he accept him?

bender swears at her for not being friends and molly sez he wouldn't invite hall either to do drugs

bender tells her off and molly sez she hates him and b--ches out

hall sez he wouldn't do that to em and this is sdeeming like the ps2 game Bully witrh the clans of students

molly sez she hates being subserviant to her friends wisdhes as they dont understand her pressure and hall snaps and sez he was gonna suicide as he got an F

but it was a flare gun, which can burn pretty hot andif he put it in his mouth or butt would end himself

the kids laugh at him trying to eat a flare gun and he laughs too

but sheedy reveals she didnt do anythionbg wrong and just came in for detention for fun as she had nothing better to do

then the teen rock out to 80s msuic for a while and hall is actually taller than the other 2 guys, which if you saw edward sissorhands, you'd know he's bigg

so somehow bender gets in the ceiling and crawls back to the closet

molly sez as they all feel the samew; theycasn have hall write the paper for all of them, evben though its not 1000 words and they were each asked to write 1

molly gives sheedy a make over, which isnt done anymore, and she comes out looking less mental and emilio likes her

molly goes  to see bender in the closet and kisses his nack

bender sez he';d be good at her getting back at her parents

emilio; what happened to you? sheedy; clair did it. me; she had some evoilution pills in her bag!

so the tewens leave as dont you forget about me plays and emilio makes out with sheedy

molly gives bender an earing thhat he wears and they make out a bit as her dad is right there in the car

the narrator is hall and says stuff like he said at the start as vice reads it and they are the breakfast club

then bender walks acorss the football field and raises his fist  as the credits roll

the end

what a movie

it kinda was before degrassi and saved by the bell and powert rangers

good acting and music andf themes

good feels and style

dat 80s feel

bender is sarcastic and slick and sly and crafty and takes shots at everything and always has a good comeback. he reminds me of kagefusa from manyuu hikencho

Also he inspired Bender Bending Roderiguez in Futurama and Nelson from The Simpsons

it holds up, even though I never had classism issues in high school

they all add to the story and its a good paced film that dont drag or feel long

The 80s had some of the best movies. heart and feels but humor and tude

this one was great and left an impact on our protoculture

For The Breakfast Club 2 I want it to be the monday after and they are being friends togetehr even though they are from different clans, so their 1st friends shun then and treat them like cr-p, so they gotta fight thewir way through the school and beat the teens doiwn to earn back their pride. Its also a 16 bit beat em up on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG165, Atari Jaguar and GBA and you play up to 4 players with the computer playing as players 2-5 and you beat through the teens and in the end face the vice peircilple who has had it with these teens and is gonna beat em dead as he's gven upo on life as the teens drove him to it

Pumpkinhead Review

 Note: I spell like I got pumpkins for brains

Bumpkinhead

This is my review on Pumpkinhead from the didstant future year of 1988(The year the Sega Genesis came out in some parts)

Its based on a poem by Ed Justin I never heard of and is directed by Stan Winston who did the effgects for 80s and 90s films like Batman Returns, Edward Scissorhands, Jurassic Park, Terminator, Aliens and  many other classics

It satrs Lance Henriksen from Aliens, Jeff East from Superman 01, George Buck Flower from Escape From New York, Back to the Futrure, Ilsa She Wolf of the SS, Power Rangers Time Force/In Space, Mayim Bialik from Blossom and Big Bang Theory, Tom Woodruff Jr from Aliens, Terminator, Demoltions Man, The Tremors movies, Hollow Man Jumanji, Cast Away, MNortal Kombat, Godzilla vs. Kong, JKurassic World series and a bunch of others, Dick Warlock from Dunfeons and D0ngfs, a fantasy f--king, jk really hes from the Halloween series, Spreider Man 01, Biug Trouble in Little china 1, Escape from New York, The Green Be\rets and Soylent Green (Which is in 2022) and a bynch of others i never heard of

I saw this b4 and have it on vhs but imma watch this on Comet as its on

So after Logois and credits we get this 50s fam in the country and 50s dad is scared

ooh, its in PROPER fullscreen!

no black bars eating half the picture!

so dad bars the door and this guy is ruinning through the woods in fear and comes to the village\

good smoky night and lighting and feel and msuic

he bangs on 50s homes door asking for help but they leave hi m to die and mom and kid wanna help but dads sez its too dangerous

running guy sez he didnt kill the girl but 50s dad sez he don't know anyonmg of it and running guy books it and is f'd up by this cryptkeeper like abomination as 50s kid watches from his window

then its the 80s and 50sm kid grew up to be lance hendriksen(why not lance b ean from contra or lanbcer from robotech?) and has a son who looks like the kid from jerry mcguire

they have a nince warm father/son moment and its quite loving and happy

really moves the heart

then they eat and kid feeds his dog at the table but dad has him feed it in a bowl

son makes a necklace for hios daddy and daddy is ghruff sounding but has heart

dad tells son a story about a guy whos son would grow up to be special but we dont hear it as we cut to dumba55 teens driving around

f--king teenagers!

When I was a teen I wondered why everyone hated teens

then after watching Degrassi and growing up and seeing how f'd I was: I can see why

So dad and son go to the store to get supplies and have clean fun father/son moments

the teens drive by this guy and 1 says he heard a guy killed his woman and ate her to get rid of the evidence

what is this?! Soviet California?!

1 teen and his woman are drinking and making out and they go by the store and sons dog barks at beer teen

beer teen barks at i mean mocks kids glasses and the other teens are nice to him

beer teen goes moped riding and this onfederate seemin dad with a pickup truck full of kids comes by and they never sawe a camera

the confederate kids act up and 1 older kid warns em to be good or krampus i mean poumpokin head will get em and they sing a poem

good girl teen sez to stop as they're scarting the confederaste kid and the confederate teens go off

confederATE DAD needs his feed from dads store b4 dark and dad lance goes to get it and tells kid to brting da dog inside and be careful

the teens moped around and dad lance goes for the feed but dog gets out and kid runs after him and gets run over by beer teen by mistake as he had jumped a hill and cant change direction in mid air(like road rash)

beer teen freaks out as he was drinking and drives away

so he drank, ran over a kid, and now hes panicing and drivving a car?

why not just spin a relovler?!

so thergood teens go off and i guy stays and when dad comes back he sees how these f--king teenagers have ruined his life

guy there sez it was an accident but lance gives his a death gaze and goes off

meanwhile the teens go to a cabin in the woods and good teen girl trys to call for help but the phone cord was rtipped out by beer teen as hes on probatioon now and thinks his avoiding jail is more important than a boys lifew

the teen fight for a bit and beer teen is slugged but head nails the guy who did it with an item

lance is sad his kid died and tells him the story of the guy with a son he loved but the kid says his last words and bites it

its actually well done and i almost cried

so drunbk teen seals the good teens in a closet as he dont wanna be b0ned dead in prison (which he kinda deserevs) and guy who stayyed behind says he told lance it was an accident but lance gave the death gaze

lance drives his pickup truck by this redneck looking place and drops off the feed and asks confederate dad where this witch is as he wants her to fix his dead kid

onfederate dad sez the only thing she can do is sewnd him to h-ll and wont tell him where she lives

but confederate son helps lance get her for money and is taken with him part way

he goes there and The with is creepy and is played by a chick i never hear weho doesn't seem to have any info of online

perhaps they used a real witch? She seems all decroded so she might have been from the Civil war and extended her life with naecromancy

she sez she cant raise the dead but he offers her a bag of silver dollers and says he saw the pumpkinhead thing long ago and wants vengenace

she sez theres a high price and he dont care as they killed his boy

she sez theres a place where they berry people they are ashamed of and to dig a thing out of there and bring it back

btw the kid being run over and trying to be brought back was kinda like Pet Semetary

and the grave digging adds to it

so he gores to this misty place like as mofern day 30s fiolm and 

digs in this mound thing awith pumpkins on it and finds this corpse thing he pulls out

So its nigfht and 1 teen suggests he takes the heat for beer teen killing that kid as "hed just get a slap on the wrist" but beer teen dont consent

So lance brings the corpse to the witch who says its a demon fort mans evil to get revengenace

she cuts his hand and uses his blood to make a pact with it and does it with his sons dead blood

clips from interview with a vampire where tom cruise spazzers out from eathing dead blood

lacncer is kinda f'd and the daemon comes to life and is all grotesque and corpsey

she tells him he can go now and he drives and sees his son sit up and ask "what'd you doo daddy?" but its just a vision

lance berries his son and sez to his wifes plot "they killed out boy and now they';re gonna pay"

2 teens are out and 1 holds a crsos to the other to encourage her to do whats right and the monster grabs him and brings him to the trees as lance experiences it all through the monsters eyes!

cross chick returns to ther cabin and beer teen and another go out to look for the one who got it but dont find him

they are gonna go back but it drops tree teens body by em and catches abnother teen as lanmce experiennces it carving a crosss on her head

lance drives to the witch saying this isn't what he wanted as he sees it but she sez she can't stop it and mocks him for thinking revenge would be clean aand easy

cross teens head is sqyuished on a window and shes iced and beer teen goes out yelling "i';m da 1 u want" and eventually the thing confronts him

he swings a knife At it  but it catches hhis arm and takes his gf, drags her out and drops her from a tall ttree

lance comes by the cabin with a shotgun and the teens left a while ago, then we see the teens banging on doors in a village asking for help

1 redneck pulls a shotgun on em and tellls em to gtfo  as if he helps em,, it'll come for him!

accessory after the fact!

then pumpkin head shows up but lance fiorres his shotgun at it like Devoilman OVA 01

1 teen goes by it and is grabbed, oh its beer teen, but it gets up and stans him right through with a shotgun like Michael Myers did in that 1 Halloween sequel

so now the teens are hiding by a house and the confederate teen who showed the lance the witch for 20$, goes out to help em to see it the pumpkinhead is real or not

what is this? dinks who try things they see on 1000 ways to die?!

if ur right its gonna kill you!!

he tells the teens they're marked (Like in berserk??) and they go off to a ruined church thinking it'll protect em from the daemon

confederate teen tells em about it and says its called pumpkinhead as its  from the pumpkinhead graveyard

tteens say their friend ran over a kid by mistake and conffederate teen sez kid bit it and pumpkinhead comes into da ruined churchg (whuch was a good iddea to fight evil with holy)

good light and wind and smoke effects. very 80s

lancer asks for help from confederate dad but onfedtera dad pulls a rifle on him and sends him away

teens try to get away in car or bike or w/e but poumpkinheadvgets the chgaiuin to the thing and takes out 1 teen

lancer meets confederate teen and good teen and confederate teen sez "pumpkinhead is real!" like lanncer wouldnt know!

its like telling the queen that diana was wacked!

So the last teen pumpkinhead got isnt dead yet anbd is beibg drAGGED and lancer and the teens go to lancers house

good teen tells lancer it was an accidfent and pumpkinmhead goes in this house and gets the confederate teen and it looks better thancg ever could

it carrys him outsiode and lancer's eyes f;';'d over as pumpkinhead dshares minds

lancer gets stabbed by mistam,e on a putchfork and puipkinhead takes the same damage

good teen takes a flamethrower to pumpkinhead but it does jack sh-t

its face turens like lancers and lancer gets his firearm and puts 1 in ht ehead

but hes not dead yet and good teen finishes him of and the monster catches fire like in The bible with Elijah

later thw witch brings lancers body to the pumpkin patch and bnerries him in the pumpkinhead mound as he wears his sons necklace

the end

griup; james moiriarty, like the sherlock hjholmes ghuy?

oh and theres good rock country 80s music

overall, i liked it

simple premice, told well, good effects, nice message and cool music

the Father and Son moments are actually warm and loving. It really shows how much this guy loves his kid and why he does what he does

It shows the dangers of revenge and how it only brings ruin and damage instead of justice

Also ther dangers of beer and how, to quote Cyber City Oedo 808: The drug resuylts in impaired motere neuron responces that will hinder your work

also it shows how owning a pet can be bad as if it weren't for that dog; the kid wouldn't be out and got runned over

its a nice above average 80s horror and no nude scenes or b0ning

glad i saw it

For Pumpkinhead II I want the kid in heaven to have an angel sent to free his dads soul from the pumpkinhead thing and it. The witch summonms the demons she works for and they devolve the area intyo a h-llhole! So the Angel has to fight the daemons and free the area! Also its an 8 bit side scroller on Gameboy, Nes, Master System, Game Gear, TG166, Atari Jaguar and Lynx where you fight through these La bLUE GIRL mONSTERS AND take on big 8 bit bosses likee in Castlevania

Interzone Review

 Note: I spell inter good

Interzone

This is my reviuew on Interzone from the distant futrure year of 1987(The year we got Contra)

Its directed by Deran Sarafian whoi did nopthing I saw and stars Bruce Abbott from Reanimator, Female Bopdy Builder FBB Teagan Clive from Alienator, amd Laura Gemser who did costumes fore Troll 2

I saw this years agoi and its one of those cheezy 80s waSTELAND WARRIOR MOVIES

i liked it

so after opewnbing creditys to triumphant music ovewer nature, we getr a scene in a cave of a guy dancing and music playing and a casino

main guy comes in and is in jeans and a leather jacket cuz hes totally nbot mad bmax or m d geist and swipes thius metal thing on a taBLE

AFTER MORE DANCING a guys talking mention how when it rains the p[lace is full of water and sometghiung about treasure

main guyt wants in anbd the guy who's item was stole notices its missing

they mention a tall buff blonde and leave but they see a russian roulette drink game like f--kin yugioh season 0 and a guy bites it

main guy goes in fort ity and notices the slave wench sewrving the drinks

1 treasure guy has cocainum ort snuff ort something and another guy has a gill;ette razor and 1` guy has a pocket watch

main guy offers a tooth brsh and no one knows whgat it is

they spin the drinks on a lazy susan and the black guy gets it after drinking 1

then another guy egts it from drinking 1 and its just maindguy and the treasure guy ands main guy droips somethinbg in a cup

treasure guy sees and spins the cups and drinks one and swears at main guy and tackles but is knocked away and probably gets it

guy kmain guy stole from fights him and a vrawl brerasks out

ther fighting is rerally fake and bad but loveable

main guy gets out by giiving a guard his toorth brush and latewr we saee some bikers and a car weith people running by it going by

they lock and load and go by a church and this beefy blonde in a skimpy black outfit wants tyhis treasure  in it

theres monks outside folding hands toi protect the treasuyre to toprtect the interzone ands the bikers open fire buty it does 0 damage as there's a barrier

so thre bikers leave and the head priest is low on ki and tired and appoints a new siccessor to stop beefer from stealing the treasure and killing eeveryone

he had a vision of a guy named swan to save them and a good blonde with help em, then bites it

so priest goes off and wander the land to phantasy music but is bity by a snakew and is saved by main guy who comes by and treats him in a cave and whittles a woodd thing

main guy chatrs with nhim and priest sez his people have a rule, dont speak, use ur miond, as they esp it, and he uses esp to talk to him ands read his mind

main guy is told hes thinking of ass pretty girl and he frteaks out, then thinks of his pet dog

they drive on and go to a market and see a slave auction of chicks like its gadaffis country after hilerie and bareock got through with em

main nguy sees thew blonde froim the bar and has a phantasy of running to her in a field and the slave auictioner remembers him fromthe casinop

main guy whips him and pulls him in and holds him at gunoppoint and gets trhe slave blonde and they truy to escape buyt fall and get up and run

thats theft! he stole the womaan without paying

so after this shoplifting; the guard go after him on motorttcycles and its a low speed chase like o j

aslso a white and zebra print car is deriven by slave seller anbd goes after em

the bikers fire on him so main guy stands up and uses the gun on his car like that bosss in Contra 1 as slave bblonde drives and priest does a ninja hand sign and prays

main guy uses grebnades like in Violence Jack h-lls wind which actually came out after this AND 1 lands in a guys crotch like in that jack ova too

then main guy gets a flame throwqer and cooks a guy who;'s bike spews black smoke and blows

i think main guy is outta ammo and theres 1 biker left who gets on the car and fights him but main guy kicks him off

then the zebra car comes by and rams thre car and whips at it so main guy jimps on the zebramobile and beats out the driver and jumps out as zebra movile goes off a small cliff and slave owner flies into a pond

main guy gets back in car and chats with slave blonde and they drive off and slave owner is ok in a pond and wants revenge on main guy for his car

at night priest sez his people are responsible for the interzone and its a huge area of radio active free land and if the treasure is taken; the intyerzone will collapse

and they need main guy rto save em and this buff blionde named mantis is trying to get treausre

then we see mantis with some smaller guy ina  forest with her gang and they laubgh as she sends him to this hole in the earths a55 where if he gets out he can live but sdomething in there ends him

priest sez mantis is evil and theres another bad guy who tortures people and se see a clip of him, the moustache guy whjo was with mantis at the chrtuch attackl, whee he finds a pregnant couple and katana's the woman and the man seppeukus offscreen later

at night they sl;eep and main guy and slave blonde are cuddling close but not b0ning and the next day preist is getting berries

slkave ownber comes by and has them aT GUNPOINT BUTR DONT ICE EM AS HE'S A F-0-KIN DUMBA55 AND preist comes by and uses his psychic powers to move the slave owners gun dfown  and shoot himslef in the parts so main guy can stop him and get him at ngunpoint

main guy takles his clothes and slave owner is a fat f--k and throiws em off a cliff so he wont chase him

this is f--kin hokuto no ken! i dont think he'd mind people seeing his beer gut!

main guy figuires pasrt of the treasure isnt needed for the interzone and oh they are at the church thing, and he wants it

the priests agree with him and the preist who weas snake nit goes weith them

main guy and slave chick almost b0ne and instead go off on the armored car as the car had fiured on em to save their virginbity, mouth vriucginity and butt virginity

they go to the woods and meet mantis and her crew and say he captured priest and wants to get the treasure with them

moustache is gonna chop up priest but main guy stops him with a fight and a crotch kick

b4 he can samurai sword the moustache guiys hewad off, mantis stops him and wants him to join her in her cham,bers and has priest and slave chick taken away

in her cave her musicians plsay and main guy is cleaned and lubed up

then mantis comers by in a White Robe and jumps into his bed to b0ne

then we get a silhoette of mantis posing and flexing her muscles

slaver chick steals a sleeping guards knife and unshackles herself and sneaks out but moustache is aweare of her

she tries to free priest but moustache finds themn and she fakes wanting to ice priest and that she wants to betray main guy and work with moustache

back in mantis's cave; we get a symbolic love scene of her feeding him cherries, eggs, fish, and a banana (Such innuendo, but subtle so the censors wont mind)

the next day she has him taken to the hole in da earths a55 for the test and has the thing in the cave thrown meat b4 throwing main guy in

didn't both flash gordon and dune do this?

And 1 of the star wars ones?

so in the cave which looks like a power rangers thing; he gets a guin and a torch and finds tis rotted melting soggy guy monster annd takes him out with a rifle and returnns a hero

mantis lifts him up in a muscle fetish thing and at the same time; moustache is firing arrows at priest

mantis finds priest isnt in his cell and gets to moustacvhes target range to stop him

they bicker and a battle between moustaches and mantis's forces breaks out and main guy gets slave blonde aND priest and books it

outside the forest; main guy has em go back to the church and e goes basck to take out their ammo

but priest sez the weak point in the barrier main guy made up is real

maIN GUY and chuick get guns and run in spraying bullets but theres no one there

then a net catches em anmd the bads come out and has main guy string up by his arms and slave chick put in a cage

mantis comes out and has this devolving looking hunchback a whip and hhas him turn a gear to lower main guy onto a thing that will somehow ice chick and moustache whips main guy in some kinda sm thing

if his feet hit the cage, oh wait, he falls on this pad it it electrifies the cage slave chick is in

then we get the bad guys goiung throughj this misty jungle and priest returns to the manrtis base and uses his powers to make the weather go nuts and he swapped with main guy in the shackles and wounds and bites it after a scene

So he slugs out a sleeping guard, gets back his jacket and gets guns and grenades

its got sme of that 80s fog mist dust thing going

at the church; moustache is flaMETHROWERING THE barrier and main guy drives in a weird veihcle

moustache gets a hole in the barrier and her gopons go in it as the priests flee

maNTIS GETRS to the final door they are behind and 1 guy isd gonna use a bazooka but she stops him from nuking the treasureee

main guy comes back and uses a smoke grenade to get the baddz out and they flee when they see him

the devolved hunch back comes out, grinds, and presses his torso and goes up in a fireball

main guy faces moustache and they throw down their weapons and kung fu fight like in Reboot how Natrix fouyght Metabyte and threw off his gun

so moustache get on him abnd beats on im but main guy does an ear slap and fights until he busts moustaches throat with a hit and ends him

then he faces mantis who's musacling on the door and she offers him a chance to join him and share the treasure and rule the interzone

thety fight and she throwes him around and outmuscles himbut he gets a fewhits in

remember Angela from Power Instinct? The big hulking beefed out italiano strong woman from the circus?

Imagine her vs Teagan Clive/Mantis?

So Mantis gets a gun but main guy grabs a bazooka and blows her apart

the shot blew a hole in the doors a55 and he goers in and sees statues aND paintings and books and a tv he turns on that somehopw runs w/o electricity and talks of a nucular thing that f'd humanity and the guy who made the video collected the best of human civilisation to be saved here to rebuild it

the priests come by and say he can haVE W/E HE WANTS FROM THE TREASUERE BUT HE ONLY WANTED THE SLAVE CHICK

f u caps lock

suck my 7 inch uncut slavic d0ng!

he leaves and is at a cross in thre gropund for the priest and cuddling slave chicks bod and shge comes to live and they make out

they then drive off on a new adventure liuke Goku inDragion Ball after the Piccolo Jr Arc

The End

That was good 80s fun

cheesy, silly, upbeat, cool, actiony and entertaining

teagan is great as mantis and while she is the bad guy, is cool and not hateable

sorta like Cutey Honey bad guys or MegaTRON in the 80s Transaformers

its got good effects and nice costumes and we don't got nude scenes or bad love scenes, but got somwething creative

I liked it and its one of those 80s things that don't ake sense but is cool and fun

The nucular future was kinda like Teenage Caveman and as its from the Cold War when the Soviets were still a danger, it has an effect

Glad I saw it. I 1st learned of it from the Comet Channel and thought it was interesting

For Interzone 2 I want for the manbtis troops to have reformed under a new leader and is trying to get to the interzone, but its lead by a nucuilar sasquatch who wwas mutated by the radiation and knows the priests have a holy item that can stop him. Also we get a new hero who is a female bodybuilder but is good and beeats through all the nucular sasquatch's troops and their devolved bodies made styronger through the sasquatches evil powers. Its also a 32/64 bit Beat em up on Sega SaTURN, PlayStation 1, Panasonic 3DO, N64, DS and PSP where you play as her in a 3D style and beat through guys using the priests Holy Item that can turn into any weapon.

A Christmas Story Review

 Note: I spell ostalgic

A Christm,as Story

This is my review on A Christmas Story from 1983 (The Year He Man came out)

Its based on this story by Jean Shepherd based on his childhood

Its diirected by the Talented Bob Clark who did Black Christmas, p0rky's, p0rky's 2 and both Baby Geniuses movies

He had real range and could do heart humor and horror

It stars Peter Billingsley froim Highway to Heaven, Jean Shepherd who wrote it, Melinda Dillon from Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Harry and the Hendersons, Darren McGavin from The Man with the Golden Arm and Billy Madison, R. D. Robb from Matilda and The Brady Bunch Movie, Zack Ward from Freddy Vs Jason and Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Tedde Moore from RoboCop: Prime Directives and The Kennedys, Leslie Carlson from Black Christmas, Videodrome and The Dead Zone, abnd some others i only know from this

i've seen this countless times and some chjannels air it fort 24 hours straight as itsa a xmas classic

after mgm and tityle, we get narrator telling this was a xmas that he had as a kid and at night he and his bro went to a storerwe window to see the new sh-t

hay, disne'ys snow white, thats gonna be blurred one day

he wants a bb gun fro red ryder asa its the 40s and kids could have fun without commies wworrying of it making the kids shoot up the place

he dropped hints for his rents by putting the red ryder bb gun add in his moms mag to get her the hint

at breakfast dad reads the news of a guy reading i mean eating a yoyo and does a puzzler to win a prize

main guy sez he saw grizzley brears by the store to get the gun and when they look at hi queer, he changes the subject

mom asks what he wants and he yells the bb ghun and mom sez "you'll shoot your eye e=out"

he fakes really wanting tinker toys and mom thinks bb guns are dangerous

apples are dangerous! You could lose a tooth! (if its loose and you eat wrong)

then we getta phantasy of him saving his fam from black bart(THATS RACIST!!) by shooting them in the butt(butt shots?!) and they spazz out and die

in real life; dad is p-ssed that his car f'd out and then the furnace f'd out and he goes down and b0nes it into working while sweraring like yosemite sam

imagine if they made a profanity accurate version of this with them sayiong c-ck sucker and muther fd-ker?

or better yet; editing in the obscene caller from Black Christmas audio in here?

so they go tyo school and mian kids brother falls and can't get up and main kid hel;ps him

in school the kids have fake big teeth as i guess they wanna fake being brittish asnd the teacher takes em

at recess the kids bicker over if your tongue weill frereze to a flag pole over triple dog dare and cuz he dared him; he does and it freezes to the metal\

then recess ends and the kids leave him to die but inside later a girl points outside and they call ther fire department to get him out

just whiz on it. the hot water will get him off

so he comes back in with his mouth f'd and teacher sez she knows someone put him up to it and the gukilt the feels is worse than any punishment. but narrator dont buy it

then they get an assignment(a55 ine ment) on what they weant for xmas and main kid wants top use this as a way of gettinmg his bb gun

nowadays they'd give the kid therapy for wanting a bb gun and put him on meds and devolve him

once a guy i went to yugioh tournaments with said he had counceling cuz at school he had a death note like from the anime and wrote his friendsd names in it for fun and they thought he actually wanted em deads

after school they go home and the bully farkus (like bulk and skull?) comes by with yellow eyes and laughs like a mongoloid and scarers the kids

1 guy is caught by farkus and is put in a lock and tormented

in there; ur either a bully, toadie or victim

what is this? hokuto no ken?!

at home main guy wants his little orphan annie decoder pen and writes his assignment about how mondo cool bb guns are and footballs s-ck

dasd comes home and the redneck neighbors dogs hassle hioom and dad comes in and won a prize

a house full of dogs? like those hoarders shows on A&E or TLC?\

those dogs probably sh-t all over the place and b0ne the furniture

Today, on Hoarders! We go to the slums of Gotham to meet Selena Kyle: Once an Animal Rights Model, now a 500lb mess living in a rotting building with over 200 cats! Can we save her? Find out today on TLC!!

at dinner they brother don't wanna eat and dad wants to forcefeed him but mo makes him act like a pig to eat that sh-t

this is all kinds of fetish

why not turn him into a d0ng?!

so the dads contest winning is delivered and its a womans leg shapes lamp but mom don't like it cuz its too sexy

what is she? a feminist?!

he pplugs it in and whe whole lamp leg glows and dad turns off the lights and looks at it from outside and all the guys in the neighborhood check it out as no one was queer in the 40s

and its all because mom helped him win the crossword thing

like in the unknown how she overcame her fear of arms and fell in love with the strongman cuz of lon

later its school and farkus chases the kids there and main kid hands in his assignment and has a phantasy about her dressed like its the 1800s and gibing f's on all papers before being enamored by his paper and givign it an A with many +'s asd the kids cheer and carry him around

in real world after teacher has him to sit down, he runs from the bully in fast forward

so at night thery go to getta tree and is that a vehicle from toronto in degrassi street?!

dad barters with the treeman(not the TLC mmutant) and gets a good deal and rope

on da way back a tire f--ks out and dad goers out to fix it with joy as he sees himself as a pit crew and has mom time him

mom sends main kid out aND HE holds a thing with lug nuits in it but dad jerks his hand and knocks the nuts around

kid sez of fudge but in real life said f--k and dasd hears him and as its not today; kids swearing i a big deal like saying the n word when not current;y black

dad comes back in 8 mins and tells mom in whisper and she freaks out puts soap in his mouth

mom has him tell where he heard it but he cant say he hard it from dad (i learned it from watching ytou) and says the 1st name that comes to mind; the guy who dared the flag kid

mom calls his mom and outs him and she beats the black offa him

what is this? my great grandma beating my grandpa for accusations of stealing a chicken? in the 20s?!

mom sends him to bed and tastes the soap and its gross and at night he has anothe rphantasy of being blind from soap poisoning 

he has a lot of these phanmmtasies, is this where arthur got it from?

my dad when i said that: arthur? the turtle?

his rents can't take the guilt from killing his eyers and coomit seppuku

jk but as they phantasy cry, kid smiles like a sociopathg

at school the kids give teacher gifts and main kid gives her a fruits basket(the anime?!)

at home he gets his little orphan annine decder ring and listens to the message on the dario and writes the code, then goes to the bathroom to decode it

but his brother needs to sh-t and p-ss and he holds him out

the message is; be sure to drink your oveltine and he's disgruntled

brother goes to the potty and lifts the lid and it cuts to the mom opening the cooking pot and its brown boiled cabbage so it looks like sh-t

later while dad's swearing in the basement at the furnace; mom breaks the lamp and says its an accident and dad don't but it

she was jealous! like that dogf who iced that baby as it didn't like it getting more affection

dad tries fixing ity but its too f'd and mom trys not to laugh and dad beeries it by the garage

later its chooland farkus getrs the flagpole kid and puts him in a joint lock

in class they get their tests back and flagpole kid comes back with a black eye and main kid gets a C+ with the message"you'll shoot your eye out"

kid thinks mom got tyo teacher(which could have happened) and goes home later but farkus bulkmein and his homie eugeine skullovich  nail him hin the face with a snowball and laugh at him

like vegeta going berserk at cell for icing trunks; he goers berserk and tackles farkus and wails on him

his monion gets slugged out by him and main kid starts swearing pg at him as he berserkly mashes his skull into a thick paste

mom pulls him off and takes main kid away and farkus has a huge a55 blood stain on his face

i want a modern remake where he raises his hands with a fury and splatters his head open and his brains spill out like pasta and sause

at home mom, cleans his wounds and main kid worreied dads gonna beat the blaxck offa him

he gets home and mom sez he just got in a fight but plays it low so dad dont get mad

main kid realizes if teacher and mom wont get him the gun; he has santa

they go to the xmas parade with mickey moyuse which migt be blurred in latert releases and the wizard of oz monkeys and guys

they go in da mall to see santa  and theres a long a55 line with the guy infromnt of them seeming brai damaged

the bad witch from oz comes by but main kid don't care

brain damaged creams when he sees santa and when main guy goes up his brain seizxes up and cant think or talk

he's suggested a footbnall and agrees abnd is sent down the slidfe burt his brain turns on and he crawls up and sez he wants a bb gun

santa sezur shoo ur eye ouyt and kicks him down the chute

so then dad puts up the tree and they go to bedf for xm,as and the next day its xmas aND the kids get up

they opern presents and main kid gets a clothes from his aunt of a pink bunny thing as i guess she wants him to turn queer and mom makes him wear it

dad dont like it, whicvh would be seen as "hate" today and the kid finds a hidden present from Santa of the bb gun her wanted

mIN kid had 1 as a kid and he goes out to try it but he shoots his eye out

actuaslly hisd glasses protected it and mom didnt see, and when he looks around he steps on em

why were you walking around?! feel on the floor with ur hands!

her fakes being hit with anm icicle and while mom treaTS HIM, dad truys to haVE A PIEce of turkey but mom sez no

so the dogs come in, f--k up the place, and eat da burd as dad chases em out

so they go to an asian resxtaurant where they mix up l/r and they take off a cooked ducks head infront of em

then its night and he sleeps with his bb gun as it snows and we get a shot of the house as credits roll like f--king black christmas

the end

what a claSSIC

its mostly clean with a bit of bite

shows what the past was like in a simpler time

its a good collection of stories from childhood and stuff we can relate to

its got a warm style and feel and has you enjoying the ride

it packs a lot into it and i thought more time had gone on

classic american story and is like the waltons or happy days or the wonder years as its got good nostalgia that families can relate to

for a christmas story 2 i want the bully farkus to deal with his issues of being beat up and plans a revenbge to get over his fear of the kid beating him up, but also its got a bunch of side storys about his life and some flashbacks to how he was devolved by smoking chronic as a kid and it gave him yellow eyes and his uncle beat on him and it f'd his teeth and he needed braces. also its an 8 bit game on Nes, Master System, Game Gear, Game Boy, TG16, Atari 7800 and Lynx where ypou play mini games and gain enough points to unlock the final battle with the kid and if you win; you become the king of the school yard and get a cutscene with you on a gold throne with bikini babes  like Conan

The Bravados Review

 note; i'm brave enough to spell bad

The Bravados

This is my review on The Bravadods from the distant future year of 1958 (680 years before Contra 4 oin DS before Konami retconned it to make Contra Rogue Corps)

its directed byu henry king who did Tol'able David, the 39 jesse james, David and Bathsheba, The Snows of Kilimanjaro and The Sun Also Rises

Its got Gregoru pewck, the unholy joan collins from Empire of the Ants, Stephen Boyd from the 50s Ben Hur and The Bible: In the Beginning, Albert Salmi from Empire of the Ants and Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Henry Silva from thhe 60s The Manchurian Candidate, Barry Coe from Jaws 2, George Voskovec from The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, Lee Van Cleef from The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and Escape from New York, Andrew Duggan from A Return to Salem's Lot, Gene Evans from Ace in the Hole and The Giant Behemoth, Joe DeRita from Curly Joe from the 3 stooges, Jason Wingreen from The Terminal MaN AND sTAR wARS 05

Its based on a book i never read anmd i never saw this but i hear its good

Henry King, Jet Li and Brent Butt otta open a restaurant called Li King Butt

so after logos we get a horse rider in a widescreen thing as credits go by

make up ben nye, is he related to thee schinerxzse hack bil nye?

its in deluxe color like M*A*S*H* and greg beck comes by in this canyon pass  and gets held up by this who asks where hes going

he sez to this town and is told theres no strangers allowed  until after the hanging but he wants to

the hold uyp guy takes gregs gunand brings him through town to the sherrif

sherrif sez not to let anyone in and greg sez he wants tyo see tyhe hanging and is told the law will keep his guns and the hangings the next day

a banker sez the accused shot up his bank and to hang them slow but he reveals he's not the hangman and just passing through

a towensman holds peck at gunpoint and sherrif sez to cool it and for greg to stay in the hotel

gerg sez iof ther hangman dont show up he can do it and sa chick comes by and is glad to see greg

they talk about how she hasnt found the right man and he has a ranch s they catch up and she wants a man

greg was married and later at a bar he meets the hangman and drinks with him and hangman wants to have some night fun, which i assume means b0ning

sherrif wants hangman to checkl the gallows and hangman sez he has time

greg has sherrif show him the accused and says he hunted em for 6 months and now the law is gonna end em

in jail; sherruf puts on his gun belt and goes through the locvked doors and shows em to peck as the accused crack jokes and act smarta55ish

greg eyeballs em and sez thanks to shreif for letting him see em

but the accused dont know who grteg is and after greg leaves 1q of the accuseds moms comes and he dont wanna see her

in da cell the guysd chat and the gallows are being made outside and they wonder who greg is

so the gallows is built in time as its non union labor and they dont eat time on unearned breaks and have jobs obnly 12 guy can do for 200$ a nail

1 guy wants his daughter to masrry a good ghuy and have a smart husband who is in a city liuke philedelphia and tyells daughterts bf she onlyu likes him cuz she never met anyone else

daughter comes out and walks with em and the town is gonna go to church before the public execution

hangman is gonna finish his cigar before seeing the accused and thew film was clearly shot in daytime but tinted to look night

chick comes to see gregori rasputoin to invitre him toi church but hes quit church and it bums her out

nowadays she'd be the weird one for going to church and he'd be the "enlightened" pone to resist "superstition"

he walks her to church and in the jail a stone comes in da window and the inmates ask to go to church

they cant but casn look at church from ther window and hangman is outside looking back at em from a distance and 1 inmate asks the guard to pray for them to go to heaven

he wont pray for them to go toHeaven but will ask for thewir forgiveness and the guys say someones gonna do something when the guys are at church

on the walk; peck reveals he has a daughter and his woman was iced

she goes to church and greg eventually goes in and hangman goes to see the inmates

sherrif sends guard to church and when shrfrif lights the lanp; hangman shanks him but is capped AND  the inmates grab the sherrif

they use a blanket to get the keys and meanwhile; i church; greg isnt too comfy or content

the wife of the guard gets the keys and ghoes back to thuis place andf as she turtns on a lamp; the inmates grab her and use her as a hostgage

in church the priest says the accused earned their sentence but they are people too and deserve prayers like the theifes on ther crosses

guard dwonders where his woman is and sherrif coems back all shanked into churcha nd caslls for help

the accused getta way on horseback and the guy who held up clint i mean jimmy i mean rasndolf i mwean greg is capped

turns out; the one caught wasnt the guys wife but as the daughter of the guy who wanted her to go to pedifelia

the towen wants tyo save her but greg wants to get some sleep and get them when they have a better chance

the escaped have 1 of them, the inbred looking guy, stay behind and hold off the followers and in toiwn greg looks at a locket of his woman and child

later its day and the good guuys come after em but the baddz might get away in the desert

but greg sez to take time and he's tracked em 6 months and to send the less bada55 ones back so they dont get in the way

chick wants to go but greg thinks its troo dangerous and the baddz are gonna go somewhewre to wait fgor the guy they left back

its night maybe(but shot in day and tinted) and greg and friends come on and stop and start camp

1 guy wants to go on with just greg and greg sez if they found em, a fight would break out and she'd get iced

oh its the bf ofg the girl

they find a body and its the real hangman who was wacked by the one who went to town to get the baddz out

greg sez to fire guns so the sound carries and keeps the baddz off balance at night

the badds in this canyon with the girl talk about sh-t and worry about greg and 1 guy wants to b0ne the daughter but they hear a gunshot

1 guy sez its an old trick to keep em awake and the next day we get good scenary shots and the good guys going through it

1 bad guy fires and they think the rescue crew is comming for em and they figure its greg

they ask daughter who he is but she never saw him b4 he came to town

oh and the guy they left behind caught up to em and they leave another guy behind for some reason

the goods come actoss this grassy field and greg knows theres a bad guy there as he noticed something small no one else can and hes like wolveriner inb x men

he sends guys around out of range and sneaks around so he has the bad gguy at gunpoint from hebind

greg disarms him and aksds if he knows the woman in his locket but bad guy sez he never saw her

greg sez bad guy and 3 ghuys stopped at his ranch and how his woman was iced despite begging

bad guy sez he never icedd a woman andf baby and how he has a wife and baby

greg beats on him with his gun and it goes off but the guy isnt iced

in town chick is in church and the mom i think is praying for the daughter and chick talks to priest about greg and why he changed

turns out he was out once and his woman was raeped and killed and now his daughter is out with a ranch hand

she realizes thsat kid could have =been hers (well, haldf anywqay) as he asked  her to marry him but she said no

the badds worry about the greg andf the posse and 1 stays behind to handle him and the rest go on

later greg comes by and looks up for snipers and bad guy firtes on him but misses and greg rides around dodging

he runs outta bullets and greg lassos him and drags him around like in the illiad, then strtings him up by his legs and hangsd him from a tree upsidedown

elsewhere the daughter tried to escape but they capped her horse and are gonna make her ride wiith him on his lap where he's probably got sa b0ner

the posse comes after greg and finds the guy hanging so i asume greg ended him

the badds come across a shed or home or something andf he sez the place they say they are going in the other diretion by the desert

they stop in for feedings and bad guy sez if she tries to run she'd get it like her horse

in there they hold the guys up and hear theres a ranch near and the shed guy has gold teeth in a glass of water and mines for silver

shed guy goes out and bad guy caps him nand sends the other one to see what he had on him

then bad guy trys to go werinstein or clin ton on the girl as she screams but the posse comes and they leave the daughtger behind

chick meets up with greg whos name is the same as the ranch anamethey're going after and sez he shouldnt try for revenge and to look after his kid

they go by the shed and greg sez this was his neighbor and they iced him

chick finds daughter in the shed all b0ned and the posse comes with her dad

chick tells main guy to go after the guys and send em to h e doubel soviet new york

greg goes to his ranch for a new horse and then we see this dark haired kindergatrener who greg meets and is his kid

he talks to the mexicos looking after her and has chick stay there to look after his kid tol he's back

he relaizes hes not the best dad and will do more later and makes out with chick b4 going off

so greg and the posse get to the international boarder and they cant go but greg can as hers a private citizen and crosses that rubicn on his big black horse

he asks a mexico if guys came by and talks with her in mexicoese

he goes to a toiwnb and its darker and in a bar or restraunt greg comes in and finds a bad guy

he shows him the locket and bad guy dont know the woman but greg dont buy it

they draw guns and greg wastes him and the last guy skips town on a horses a55

greg rtides after him and maybe a day latergets near him and bad guy ties his horse at a station

bnnad guy egts to his mexico home and has a mexico weoman and kid and gives them his money

he goes to get water and greg comes by and asks whre he is but sees bad guy coming back and piulls his gun

mecixo wife busts a jar on his head and  runs to bad guy

greg wakes up at gunpoint and is given food but dont want it and wonders why bad guy wont ice him

greg shows him his locket and bad guy sez the wife and baby arer pretty like his and wonders why he hunted them

greg sez 4 men who matched the gangs description iced and b0ned his woman but bad guy sez he got this money from a guy they iced and never went by his place

oh annd the silver mine shed neighbor guy was the one with the money and who said the bads did his wife in

realizeing he made a mistake he can't take the guilt and grabs a jagged rock and mASHES IT INTO HIS SKULL

jk really he goes back to church and prays for forgiveness, wait, hes just thinking

the priest comes by and sez hes glad gregs back and greg asks for help for wasting 3 guys

preriest sez the people are glad but greg sez he wasted em for revenge of something they didn't do

like al capone on tax evasion

or oj on theft

or cuomo on being hetero

priest sez because he repends and told a priest its a good sign as he's not justifying his slayings but greg sez he's wrong

gregs kid and chick come by and he carrys kid and walks out with her but the town cheers for him

the sherrif sez thanks even though nopwadays theuyu'd truy to arrest him for taking out scum and greg sez to pray for him

then he chick and kid walk out to epic music

the end

that was pretty good

bada55 gregory peck

dark theme but with holy views

nowADAYS tthe priest would be the real killer and gregs fall from the church would not be healed

good lighting and camera work and its got good twists

i honestly didn't see em coming

greg wacks guy on purpose but rep[ents of it later

him regaining his faith through seeing the error of his ways was a good touch

something we can all relate to

good direction and i thought thgey'd save the captured girls virginity

its a darker anbd edguier western but it holds up

For The Bravados II I want it tio be about the girl who was captured by those guys becoming stronger and trains in guns and becomes a bounty hunter to avenge people wronged like she was. Also its an 8 bit Nes, Game Boy, Game Gear, Master Sysatem, TG16 and Atari 7800 and Lynx game where you play as her and do bounty missions to take out crooks on the run in a Run N Gun style

Flight Of The Intruder Review

 notew; i spell nammy like nami sos

flight of tyhe intruder

this is my review on flight of the intruder from the distant futurte year of 1991 (The year the snes came out)

its directed by john milius who did Red Dawn Conan the Barbarian and The Wind and The Lion

it stars danny glover, willem dafoe, Brad Johnson from the Left Behind movies, the devolved rosanna artquette from Desperately Seeking Susan, tome sizemore, J. Kenneth Campbell from, Colatteral Damage with Arnold, Dann Florek from Law and Order, Ving Rhames from Dawn of the Dead, John Corbett from Raise Youir Voice wiith Hilary Duff, Cameos from Fred Dalton Thompson from Law and Order and David Schwimmer from The Wonder Years, and a few dudes i never saw in anything

its based on a book i never read thAT President Reagan liked

the movie didnt do well but it ghot an NES game

i nevewr saw it buit milinusd is usually great

after texct of a plane that has no defence weapons but drops sh-t on commies in nam; the interuder; we get audio of news guys rom the 60s as credits go on

then 78 years intro da war in 72 this plain goes in the sky and the pilots talk of the stars

if you see a star next to the big dipper, you have a year tyo live

so they get fired at by commies and evade and dodge a missile then drop cgi on the commies but there was nothing there

then 1 sniper j fks 1 of the pilotyds through the neck somehow and the ok pilot troubledly lands the jet on a carrier

the medics take the j fkk'd guy and the ok guy wipes the blood off his hand from hgolding  the wound

so capperd guy bit it and survivor is grilled on his actions and is found not bad but is taken off

he sez they hit the target but it wasnt woreth getting his homie wacked

dany glover sez toi write a lertter to wacked guys woman and later the green goblim in a moustache comes by and saez danny is a legend and looks up to him

man the cinematography and satyle looks like a 90s show

so theres a place in soviet hanoi that the Ameroicanos cant get to

then we see glover saying how hes black but has an italino name and his fam was in the ma fia

he offers anpther guy a igar (its like 5 cigarettes at once) then later its day and the jets flky off with a new coopilot

they talk about maos country having good food and go in to land as liberache boogie wooguie mosic plays and they f--k around in the sky doing tricks

they return to this base and main guy meetys the chick of the movie amnd findds iced pilots woman left after he got it

then its night and the solfiers go to a bar and smoke/drink/armwrestle other manly things

a guy is launched on this chair riude thing into the mud and 2 different classes of polits challenge each other to it tyo proove whos manluer

1 guy oh its main guy, succeeds in stopping before he falls in the mud and a guy at the bar loses money on it so they fight and its a bar brawl

btw this movie is anti widescreen with the pucture being taller than wide when shown on charge

the military cops come by and the soldiers scatter and at another bar, rosanna is druink and trys to seduice main guy

is she a h00ker in hwere too like in that 1 svu ep?

so instead of b0ning they dance and later he wakjes up in her place and finds she has a kid

i guess they b0ned and now he has hiv

her baby daddy is missing in nam and she thinks hes in h e double england

later main guy talks with green goblin about  taking out commies and going on missions in different areas  that green gob went

so ross from friends sez that main guy is sent as a decoy to draw fire and take out the enemy forces to clear the way for the big guys to take out the target

and green goblin is his partner

so they get missiles fired at em and wait til a 3rd is launched, then take em out but an enemy plain comes

they have no guns but have 1 missile they use to take out the radar guiding the baddz, thendrop heat things like in robvotech battlecry on gamecube to draw heat trackers

they'd plain f--ks outand threy go down but theyget it back and return to base

main guy goes to the library to ask about maps of north viet nasm and is given a geoggraphiches not meant to have

he asks goblin to go on a thing and goblin can have him court martialled for asking, but wont

main guy wants to do something that matters inatead ofg blowing apoart trees but goblin says no and he will ignore it

latyer he writes a letter to a womaan i tygink arquette that hes doing another useless mission and goblin ignored his plan

thgey drop cr-p on naM but missiles are fired at em and 1 plUIN GETS BLOWMN TO F--KS

then we get news footageww of the war not going well and goblin sez he;s gonna go on tyhe thing with main guy

but then gives his backstory that he and his partner got shot down and after wandering tyhe wildterness; his copilot got landmined and told him to go on

he went back but the viet kong got him and chopped him up or w/e but everypone thinks he left him

goblin knows theres a base with all the missiles and if they nail it; the missdiles would all go off and nail the bad guys hard

they meet a guy who tells em where but to say he never told em and they're nuts to try it

they can drop 2 on this plant and have 8 left to drop on the missile area

also they'll be 200-400 feet low

they go out and get fired on and go in and bust the plant then go on to the missile city

the enrmy firesd and they get a malfunction that f's the nav system or computer and they gotta do it manuel

a missile is fired at thema nd this reminds me of super thunder blade on genesis with em going through the city

thery go over and the weapons didn't drop as the jhet gotg f'd and they decide to try asgain as itys unexpected that they'd go back

thewy take some shells but nauil the missile city and the whole area blows like tyhat bill nye ep where he dropped a golf ball in a room of mousetraps

they get back and hear on the news that they nailed a childrens hospital and it ruined the peace talks

everyone knows it but the media takes the commies word for it

glover chews em out for going what was not an approved mission and they'll be court marshalled

they go to a gym and frewd dalton thompson sez they gotta tell the truth or will be in alaska for years waiting for resignation to process

but in 2011 ther alaska base gets busted byt the zentraedi attack with the grand cannon

they grill the duo and goblin jokes and sez they'll lose the war and main guy says they were attacking meaningless targets for years and he wantted to make a difference

he admits he f'd up and should hang but fred says they dont hang but they can dishonorable discharge him

later outside main guy sez sorry to willem but will e m sez he made his own choice and is glad he did it

they go back toi the court but wait, its just glover meeting them and telling him he dropped the charges and is gonna cover it up

turns out; American Prez Nixon is opening more attacks on nam and its wrong to punish guys for doing what they are gonna be doing now

at base glover sez main guy and willem are getting transfered out and at home in America; people are p-ssing on each other with malcontents being against the War and attacking returning soldiers

so then glover sez to the troops thattheir new mission is to take out missiles and defend the main plains to drop attacvks on em

the jets launch and je to je to je to man! lets go to bi da se! je to je to je to man! Cho jin sen tai! je to man!

the kongs attack and 1 jet is f'd and can't eject as his canopy is f'd so he goes down

willem and main guy are in tyhe base and the downed guy is found by the voet kong but fakes being dead and blwos one out with a hidden gun

the downed guy is glover and the guys wanna savber him but he orders them to return\

oh the guys whos were gonna save him was razor who he told of being italiano and is calling him straight razor as hes a weapon

the kongs are coming for him and back at the basewillem goblin and main guy are sent out as they need men

willem the green and main guy come in and take out a tanbk but get capped and eject and parachute down

they land in the jungle like jungle de ikou withouh the bikini babe and willem blacks his face so they think hes glover

main guuy makes it to glover on n64 and glpover b--ches at him for going against orders

willem comes across a kong and shankes him with a big a55 knife but nmight have been capped

the kongs are riught under hisd hill and a tanks commingbut american planes come by and fires on the commies

main guy wants to save willem but willem fires on him to make him go backl

willem sez the commies are using him for bait and he's f'd and fires a smoke thing and tells em to firte on hsi position

i just recalled that willem was in platoon and got it there too

he has 1 last smoke as hes already dead and gets blown apart by missiles

main guy and glover hoof it and the kongs are after em and open fire

maion guuy carrys glover and caps kongs and glover tells him to leave him

main guy drops a smoke thing and carry shim through the jumngle asnd straps golover in in the harness of the chopper then runs out at the enemy with guns blasting

they lopwer the harness and hes carried up and tyhey blow the pplace to burn it like sodom and gomorrah

at the carrierlater; glover is in a leg cast and main guy has a hand bandage and glover accepts him

glover is gonna become captain or maybe admiral and main guy hopes to be on his ship

the end

that was pretty good

kinda 90s looking and feeling, maybe like overdrawn at the memory bank

its well acted and has good action and effects

its manly and cool and has heart and isnt dragged down with a forced sad momenmt or tacked on love sideplot(they didn't waste time onm em here and kepty it low)

good music and filming and the storey goes in good places

it wouldsnt be made today as it makes America look not bad in Viet Nam Kong

ooh, basil poledouris did the music, he did robocop 1

its not super excellent bit its an above average movie andd holds up

glad i saw it

For Flight Of The Intruder 2 I want it to be the 80s and nam is nearing its end, but the viet kong have made a daemon pact with the sasquatch in the jungle who use their daemon tech gives em the power to fight back against the Americans. So America gets help from The Vatican rto supply them with holy armor froim bible times that allows trhem to fight on par with the viet nam sasquatches. Also its a 32/64 bit up to 4 player beart em up on Playstation 1, Sega Saturn, N64, DS and PSP where you are new commandoes who take on viet kong and their sasquatches and sometimes the sasquatches have devolved the viet kong to be more monstrous to fight stronger