Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Adventures Of Don Juan Review

note; spelling bad is fun!
adventures of don juan
this is my review on adventures of don juan(the 1948 version)
was this based on a true story?
errol Flynn does a lotta historical films
most are fun
I saw the 20s version of don juan and it was pretty good
kinda dark and serious though
this movie is more jolly
I love how its in proper correct fullscreen and bold vivid color
ooh, alan hale is in this
and max steiner is the music man
so we get narration of Europe in the 1600s improving
and I London in the summer, a guy is trying to b0ne someone
its errol Flynn and he's after this long haired red head
they talk all mushy and romantic
and make out
he sez he's only her's but she sez he b0ned a lot more
then he finds she has a husband
this just turned springer
don is uneasy but she sez the husband is hunting
then he comes inwith a bird he iced
things escalate and they swordfight
don easily wins
he tells the man he's been not spending enough time with his woman
he tells the husband should be nicer to her
then books it
his chubby homie is waiting for him
they have an epic chase in the woods
what fun
they are stopped by brittish guards waiting to escort the duke of some spain thing
don and homie play it up to make em thing he's the duke
they take him and say his bride is waiting
the next day they arrive in this place with a lotta people cheering
meanwhile, the bride is malcontent over marryng a man she don't know
its an arranged marriage to ensure peace between England and spain
like with king Solomon and his women
or in nobunaga's ambition where you can marry your men to brides to ensure peace
the bride recognizes don from somewhere
they meet and she remembers b0ning him in Venice
but its really paris and she was testing him
she get's p-ssed off over him not remembering her
then locks the door and makes out with him
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
and the dad bangs on the door
he has the real duke
and they find out he's don juan
the real duke wants to waste him for being a bad Spaniard
he's arrested and is bugged by how he cant recall a chick he b0ned 4 months ago
later he's paroled to the Spanish ambassador
the ambassador whines about don screwing up peace between spain and England
but England is the bad guy!
do sez its not fair that guys are b0ning all the time
but if he bows to a chick her fam wants him lynched
holy cr-p its already 20 mins?
that felt like nothing
the ambassador was chums with dons dad and wants him back to spain
hes told to something about queen Margret
don returns to madrid and everyones bummed
they go to an inn as all the other inns are taxed out
he flirts with the ins daughter but the mom warns her as don juan is returning to spain
then the ministers men arrive and want volunteers for the draft
they start taking people aainst their will and roughing em up like brits or something
so don fights em
I love the action and skill of this swordfight
he smashes a vase on one guy like in batman and robin on sega genesis
he drives em out
the people cheer and thank him
after they find out he's don juan, they still love him
they chat and find out the king is kind of an a55
we see the king with a midget and they are painting him on a fake horse
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
the king seems jolly but not srs
the minister(who is also a duke but imma call him minister to not mix it up(hope the duke from b4 dont return)) tries to get the king to go to war
he also wants to boost taxes and recall a guy who is being paid or something
the duke wants(I'm calling him duke now cuz its easier to spell) to take over the world
the king signs the paper
the queen Margret comes in and is aware of the dukes plans
don arrives and the queen sez his rep is f'd
she whines about him ruining the planned marriage
he sez it wasn't gonna work as the people need love
the king comes in as does the duke
theres some back and forth as don is a lively foil to the dukes serious stiffness
don tells of the dukes men jacking guys for the navy
duke sez its just don trying to keep the heat off him
I love how you can tell that the duke is the bad guy
dark hair/eyes/clothes
its like that guy from star wars
king/dke leave and queen makes don a sword instructor
later the duke plans something about the guy returning
oh its the ambassador
the dukes men take the carriage the ambasaador is in and waste his men
later the duke visits the ambassador in the dungeon
he wants the ambassadors money
the ambassador sez no
duke sez he's gonna ice da queen if she gets in his way and he's gonna torture the ambassador
they're probably gonna b0ne him
they lock him up and take the ring he got from the queen
later the fat homie is shaving don and he does it himself
I think the fatty is alan hale
later don is training the Spaniards how to swordfight
reminds me of my aikido days learning how to use a wood katana
imagine a Spaniard fencer vs a samurai
sounds like samurai shodown
oh, it seems that don was helping the regular trainer train em
the trainer sez don is the best sword guy since the duke
and the duke is the best sword guy around
that means he's gonna fight him
don sez he's gonna train the midget how to sword
don talks with the queen about the ambassador
te queen sez she remembered a story of the ambassador trying to find the fountain of youth
don sez he don't wanna redo his mistakes again
I don't wanna be berried
in a pet, semartary!
the queen and the don agree to be friends
later don goes to see the duke
btw I love the sets in here
real matter and epic big rooms full of made scenery
duke offers to give don power and rank
but he wants don to do stuff for him
this sounds like the stuff that got trump to win
as in; his opponent was too crooked to be trusted
he wants him to get more men for the navy
don sez he don't consent
the duke cuts dons clothes
and he sez he's gonna cut deeper next time
later duke gives consent to torture the ambassador as he wont tell
don and the midget go to see the queen but the midget leaves with a chick for "a garden walk"
I think that's slang for b0ning
the queen knows of the dukes plans
the queen later asks if don misses the life he lead
as in now hes not out b0ning every chick he finds
don sez he had this ideal woman he always wanted to have
now he found her
they go back and forth
its obviously the queen
he sez she taught him virtue, wisdom and dignity
he says nice things but the queen gets defensive
she thinks he's just trying to b0ne her
I like how everyone has one shoulder capes
its like escaflowne
later don is training the swordsmen
he gives a demonstration with a guy using a rapier as an axe
also theres a lotta chix watching the sword lessons
they are here to see don
don is bummed over the one chick he liked turning him down
this chick flirts with don
she leaves her fan with him and wants him to return it
later don is in a garden with her
his head is n her lap and he's laying on a bench
she sez she's getting married tomorrow
he gets flustered
she sez she wanted a good memory b4 marrying the guy
she's getting hitched to a guy cuz the queen wanted to boost alliances
don leaves but runs into the count(the guy she's gonna marry)
don sez he's here to give her bro a fencing lesson
he wants to fight don
don asks if they can settLe it IN ANOTHER WAY
I didn't know don was into that
I mean sword fight
he sez the queen will hear of it
the queen b--ches about it but the midget sez don wasn't into the other chix
but the sister of the guy seduced him
the king and duke come in and say they're gonna kick don outta spain and to America
but don is gone
back at the inn he as in b4, don is wearing a rope
like rei in hokuto no ken
he's planning on escaping
the guy from the dungeon flirts with don thinking he's a chick
he tries to sell don the queen ring he got from the ambassador
oh and he's drunk
he tries again but this time don sees it
don gets him outside and interrogates him
he finds the duke has the ambasaador in the dungeon of a place
they swipe some horses and escape
he gets to the kings place and tells em
they go to ave the ambassador but the duke and guards arrive
don surrenders but the duke takes over
he has the don takes away to be executed later
why not ice him now?
the duke hostages the queen to make the king his b--ch
don wakes up I prison and the guy who had the ring taunts him
he sees the ambassador but he's busted up
don grabs the rig guy but his arm gets beat
he then hears the ambassador screaming
they're b0ning him
later these priests come in to give don last rites
but its really the sword trainer guy and his fat homie
later they come out ,bust the guard, and free don
they free the ambassador b kicking the guards into the cell and b0ning them down offscreen
they just did that to clear out the guards and get the keys
they find the ambassador being tortured on the rack with hot pokers
don and friends waste the guards and don fights and wastes the ring guy
they escape
later the queen is in a cathedral or chapel and praying
don meets with the guys he trained and plans a counter to win back freedom
the midget sez everyone knows he got out and the duke is on the edge
but theres a way in the palace in this wall
duke wants to have the king sign over his country to him
but the queen wont go with it
so duke takes her
the midget lures out a guard and the guard is iced
when the other guard comes out, he too gets it
the midget asks where the queen is and the guards say the chapel
then more men come in
good guys
do sneaks men by and when guards come, they get it
more men come out and they sword fight
I like how the good guys ice people
nowadays they'd make some candy a55 way of having the bad guys wack themselves
also the midget sticks his sword up a guy's a55
the midget tells don the queen is being taken to the dungeon place
in one scene don dumps a flaming wall carpet on the guards
do faces the mini boss(the dukes main man)
he wins easy
don the faces the duke in an epic battle
btw the music is really great
duke pulls a dagger on don but he can take it
miniboss throws a dagger at don but don gets it and uses it
don shanks the duke with a blade of his own will on purpose
no cheap way of making it the bad guy's accidental suicide
don meets with queen and they kiss
don is leaving as he cant have the queen
after some mushy lovey dovey talk, the queen sez madrid is better after he was in it
she wants to go with him but don sez no
later don is out with his homie and they might go to a university to write his memoirs
on the way there he passes a chick and goes after her
he sez theres a little don juan in every man
and as he's don juan theres more in him
he rides off after the chick
the end
that was fun
upbeat, happy, positive, no forced sad moment
plus cool sword fights and good wit
the sets and music was great
and the color was bright
I enjoyed it
this is based on actual events right?
also I notice the whole "loves one chick he cant have but goes out b0ning others" thing was used in hokuto no ken with jyuuza
for don juan 2 id like it if the queen has found out the king is secretly queer after she caught him b0ning the midget and she goes off to find the don juan. the rest of the movie is her going from place to place trying to find him and fixing issues with the village like malcontent rulers and wasteland warriors

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