Wednesday, January 11, 2017

The Green Slime Review

note; I don't wanna spell right! nyaaaaaaaaa!
the green slime
diss iz ma review on da green slyme
I never saw this b4 so this will be a new experience
wtf, its in color?!
didn't expect that
ew, its widescreen
it starts with a space station
they're doing some probing around venus
that sounds 18+
then something happens up there
they find an asteroid
and its heading for earth
then the title and credits
with a cool funky song
wtf toei did this
they did dbz and sailor moon and saint seiya and fist of the north star
they wanna blast it outta the sky
wtf, general rankin?!
like, rankin bass?!
they also worked with japan to make those Christmas things
theres only 1 man who can do the mission to bust the meteor
he accepts
they have 10 hours to save the world
I love the old school style of the sets and effects
so classic
u can tell its miniatures
and it looks better than modern cgi
the main guy rides a long rocket to the asteroid
it looks like a phallllus
he goes to the space station (not the steroid yet, I jumped the gun)
on the space station this future chick talks to a blonde guy named vince about how the main guy (jack rankin)is gonna assume command
they were friends b4
and he was the future chick's ex bf
oh and the chick has a bit of an accent and is named lisa
lisa, jack, vince?
is this Robotech II the sentinels??
the rocket goes in the space station and it looks like thunderbirds
jack chats with the vince and his men
they are ordered to accompany him on his next trip
they eventually launch for the meteor
this a different phallllic rocket

they reach the meteor and go out in spacesuits
they ride around on a vehicle and drill into the meteor
man, Armageddon ripped this off
only way worse
get aids ben Affleck
u s-ck a55
on the asteroid they find a green slime that glowz
glow friends!
its not really a slime, more of an organ
and theres lotsa em
1 slime gets on a control and a guy takes it off
I just remembered theres green slimes in shining in the darkness on sega genesis
the slime takes the vehicle and they ditch it
after all its hard work and loyalty
the spacemen get a message saying the asteroid is speeding up and they gotta blow it as 3 o clock
but its 2 40 and they cant escape the blast
they're gonna leave a guy behind but he comes up carrying the slime
someone sez he cant bring it and they bust the jar on the floor
they take off
jack has em go max speed(which they were already going 10 G's) BUT THE ACCELLERATION FORCES HIM ACK AND HE BUSTS HIS ARM
f caps lock
they use the force field and the meteor blows
1 guy has a drop of slime on his suit
they survive
what a good movie
mission com plete
they return to the space station as heroes
lisa comes in but they hasn't been through decontamination
jack ants to run em through x
they vince don't wanna but ack has command
he tell him to bone up on regulations
they get microwaved and jack gets his busted arm treated by lisa
shes rough with him and hes butthurt over her ditching him for his best homie
they then celebrate good times with champaine(sham pane)
lisa always shows off her arms and armpits with sleeveless low cut tops
jack wishes lisa happiness in her upcoming marriage
in the stored space suits from the mission, the green slime speck grows
like with cell in dbz
jack sez vince is too soft to command
and he nearly sacrificed 10 men to save 1
and lisa don't live vince, she pitys him
just b0ne already!
a guy hears a sound, opens a door and screams
he aint gonna be in the green slime 2
when people arrive hes burned and electrocuted
they find traces of the slime
in the inside areas of the ship a guy looks around and a monster wastes him
hes also not gonna be in the green slime 2
vince and friends arrive and find his electrocuted bod
they find this weird monster on the floor and nearly kill it
but a science guy sez save it or science
vince sez save it
this should end well
they use gas guns and net guns
net guns?
like techno cop on sega genesis by razorsoft?
the things tentacles burn through the net with sparks
it breaks loose and wastes people
then gets into the vents
jack takes over
1 guy collects green blood samples
vince b--ches about how everyone thinks hes a screw up
what a b--ch
lisa sez this is the 1st encounter with space life
but jack cares more for human life and familys of people wasted by that monster
this movie is smart
showing how manly toughness is better than candy a55 softness
like comparing trump to trudeau
or john wayne to jon stewart
the green blood has a high growing rate
the science guy shows how electricity makes it grow
at this rate we may need the megazord!
its an electricity elemental
the decontamination chamber made it grow
sounds like they should send the space station into the sun
jack sez men shouldn't use their weapons
in sick bay lisa opens a thing and the thing gets in
they try to get the wounded out
the guards come in and open fire but the science guy sez don't
each blood it drops can be a new thing
maybe they could use Ki attacks?
they hold it off and seal he area
in the room the thing heals itself
like carnage in spider man venom maximum carnage
also the slime blood spilled is spreading and growing
man, gremlins ripped this off
vince has he sick bay power cut off
the station ends a message to earth to say to quarantine em
lisa worries about the patients up there that need earth treatment
but jack sez if 1 drop gets to earth its all over
vince sez they gonna get the thing into c block and evacuate the people
they gon turn out the power and lure it to the area with power only there
they off the power
the many things follow the generator but some bust into the new sickbay
thy lure it out with lights on a generator
1 guy(either jack or vince) risks it to lure the things away from lisa and th wounded with a flashlight
oh its jack
I figured
vince is too candya55
jack looks done but vince saves his a55
they use a generator on wheels to lure them then switch on a generator w/ lights in a closet
they off the wheels one and the things go in the closet
rankin sez hes gonna evacuate c block and blow the airlock
the scientist goes back to get his research
must, risk, life, for, info!
the things bust in and they bolt
they seal the area but the science guy is caught in c block
they cant get in so vince sez to open the airlock to save him
vince goes to open it and when jack aims at him, lisa sides with him
they open the door and the science guy is fried
and the things get in
they run and something f's up and the space station blows into fire
its burning in space
man vince f'd it all up
the monitors show a few t it
but the sun heals the others
jack tells earth he wants to nuke the space station
and to evacuate and quarantine
vince b--ches about how he wont take orders from jack and jack orders him to be sent away
the things are on the escape hatch and they cant open it
vince goes to go out to deal with the things
lisa tell him not to go
vince acts the a55 nd goes out anyway
the vince and men go into space for a laser battle with the things
like alien soldier on sega genesis
maybe forgotten worlds on sega genesis
jack uses the solar generator to distract the things
vince chucks his blaster into a thing and opens fire with a busted guy\s blaster
they find that power Is too low and they need to operate the ship manually
and do it from where the things are
I just realized that blasting the things in space is more harm than good as no gravity and sun in space would make the things spread worse
jack goes off to save the day
vince returns and lisa tells him jack went in
so vince goes to help jack
this whole thing is vinces fault anyway
jack fights the things and chucks his blaster at em when outta juice
vince helps him and they set the station on its thing
then vince gets iced
as the station goes, 2 spacemen escape
the station goes up in flames
ts burning in space
btw, the things are weak to fire and spread
john  carpenter's the thing ripped this off
the station goes into the atmosphere and blows
jack is back and ok and I think vince bit it
they return to earth
the end
the credits play the cool song
I liked that
its good classic cheesy sci fi
and its views on one guy being candy a55 and the other being bad a55 showing what happens when u go candy a55
for the green slime 2 i'd like for vince to have been dead for 20 years and jack/lisa have a son named rick who I coming up in the military. vince's body reanimates from his tomb after its hit by lightening and its revealed that the thing that iced him had a piece of it break off and stay in him and the lightening revived him. being half man half slime he goes from town to town spreading his man slime and turning people into man slimes. rick find out about this and tries to bring down the world in revenge for both his end and the slimes defeat. but rick has an anti slime suit and fights his way past the man slimes to get to the vince slime. its also a video game on sega genesis and snes where you can play as either vince(and take over the world) or rick(and save it after vince took it over)

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