Sunday, January 15, 2017

Deliverance Review

note; yeah I spell bad. but I beat over 100 sega genesis games! so I win!
this is my review on deliverance
it starts with some guys camping complaining about progress overcoming nature being bad
hope someone butt b0nes em dead
we get a lot of landscape shots
and a few construction ones
holy f
Wallace Worsley was on this
I assume its his son
the campers ask if theres any hillbillies out there
is this gonna be like wrong turn 1-6?
I liked the 1st one
and wanna see the other 5
they meet a guy at a wood building and he asks em if they are from the power company
these campers (in Atlanta(a confederate state))view themselfes as superior to the jolly simple folk living in the area
I think 1 guy is inbred
they play "dueling banjo's" with the inbred guy
I actually like this
its simple and complex
1 guy wants drivers for something and this guy sez to get the grinder bros
super grinder bros 64
sounds like a p0rn0
dueling banjo' picks up and gets epic
some guys dance to it
this place reminds me of my grampa's farm in Canada
with the used license plates and earthy tones and wood everywhere
after the song, they go an 2 guys talk about insurance
they see an old lady who probably remembers the slavery days
they meet a redneck and ask him to drive their cars t where they are gonna canoe to
the redneck sez they shouldn't
he offers 30$ to drive the cars but the redneck wants 50$
he sez; 50 my a55 and they agree to do it for 40$
these city slickers think they are better than the kindly rednecks
the main guys drive around but cant find the river
the main guys are burt reynolds and jon Voight
bimmy and jimmy
burt looks like stevan segall
they find the river
burt sez; u gotta lose urself to find anything
brt sez in a few months the river will be done
as they set up the canoe one guy worries the cars might not be there when they're done
how honest people were in the 70s
if this were new York or California; the cars would be stolen and b0ned
they canoe
along the way they see the inbred banjo player on a bridge above em
they go through some rough water
after that they chat about life
burt asks jon why he goes on trips with him
burt catches a fish with a bow and arrow
elf style
at night they think they hear something but aint sure
its bigfoot!
its gonna b0ne em!
the next day jon sees a deer and nearly arrowed it
but f's up
he returns to camp and they chat about how some people cant kill animals
they canoe out
jon and the fatty meet some hicks and they say the river they on is going the wrong direction
the city boys assume the hicks have a still and are making moonshine
the hicks take offense
things escalate and the hicks take em a few feet away
they tie up 1 guy and hold the fatty at gunpoint
if the city guys had a firearm they could defend themselves
the hicks get fatty to undress and cut jon with a knife
the hick then b0nes fatty while having some animal rolepay
wants him to "squeal like a pig"
does this mean he likes b0ning pigs?
they both make pig sounds during the b0ning
man this is f'd up
we never see the parts though
jon notices the other 2 guys going by in the canoe
the hicks untie jon and say he's got a pretty mouth
at gunpoint they get ready to b0ne his mouth butt burt ices the hick with a bow/arrow
the bad teeth hick books it but the arrowed one bites it
burt sez the hicks would've iced em
1 guy wants to come clean to the cops
burt sez if they do so, the jury trial might have his inbred relatives in it
the guy sez hiding a body sets him up for a murder charge and this aint a game
burt wants to get rid of the body
this is like I know what you did last summer
he sez the hick wont go to the cops as he'd have to mention his b0ning
its said the hick might return with more guys
as in a few months the whole area will be a lake, it makes sense to bury him
they decide to vote
democracy doesn't always mean whats right
the fatty sez he don't want word getting out about him being b0ned
and jon chooses to bury him
they carry his body over a river and through the woods
they dig a shallow grave with their bare hands
you know, they could cook and eat him
that'll dispose of the evidence
I wonder what happened to that hicks family?
he may have sodamized a guy but i'm sure he had people who cared for him
they go through the river but the guy who wanted to come clean don't wear a life jacket
he falls in and the canoe he was in busts on the rocks
they go into the river
its just jon
he goes through the rocks and water
all of em went in the water
the gang reunites except the gut who went in 1st
they say he was shot
j fk time!
burt Reynolds busts his legs and jon Voight tries in vein to save the guy
fatty sez the guy from b4 with bad teeth iced the guy who went in
and he's up there waiting for em
fatty wants to send jon out but he cant make it on his own
they're trapped and only jon can take out the hick
he knows where they are
so they know where he's gonna be
jon goes up at night with a bow/arrow
he wakes up the next day and sees someone with a gun
he struggles with aiming and flails around
the guy shoots at him and he falls and gets skewered with an arrow
the guy comes for him but bites it as he had an arrow in his neck
jon Voight notices the guy has teeth so its not the guy from b4
but then notices they are fake
he lowers the body down on a rope and goes down on the rope
but the rope breaks and they go into the water
fatty helps him out and asks if its the guy from b4
neither know
they dump the body and leave with burt in the surviving canoe
as they go on they find the twisted bod of the guy who went in from being shot
it has a wound that might be from the bullet or a rock
as people can tell which it is, they ditch his body in the river
aw f
he had a fam
jon sez; he was the best of us
imagine if they said; see you in h-ll!
they go through rough water
they reach the end
jon sez to agree that right around there the guy broke his leg and the guy bit it
so the cops don't look up river
they travel further
they get to a place with people and go to the hospital
after getting patched up they has dinner with some hicks and jon has issues
some lady talks about a foot long cucumber
later fatty sez they cops don't believe em
fatty and jon fight a bit over what he told em and about finding the canoe upstream
one hick sez the guys are lying
his relative is missing from hunting upstream days ago
later this hick drives em through the empty part of town and sez its gonna be covered in water
some buildings are being moved
they visit burt Reynolds and he might lose the busted leg
he tells jon Voight he don't recall anything from the last set of rapids
theres a cop behind em btw
fatty offers to drive back the iced guys car but jon does it
a cop talks to em about why they have 4 life jackets
jon sez the guy wasn't wearing his
the cop tells em to never return
later jon is in the woods by the river and sees em moving coffins
later he is seen with his fam and he later sees a hand emerging from the water
he wakes up
its just like Friday the 13th
the film ends with the water
that was pretty good
low speed and good pacing
good build up
no loud hard moments
no sad moment or tacked on love story
its automatically better than most films today
for deliverance 2 i'd like for the hick they iced's body to float up to the surface and its found by a southern witch. she uses a spell to bring it back ad she can sense it bit it in a state of anger. she brings it back as a rotting mess who goes around b0ning people dead. it can sense the guys who were there and buried him and hunts em down one at a time and b0nes em dead. burt Reynolds character committed seppuku as he couldn't handle being an amputee and jo Voight's character was b0ned so hard he ruptured and splattered. when he gets to fatty, fatty uses holy items and is able to send the rotting b0ning monster back to h-ll after an epic battle as he is now a big buff hulk Hogan guy who trained after being b0ned so he wouldn't get b0ned again.

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