Sunday, January 22, 2017

The Terminal Man Review

note; my new comp's keyboard is queering out. more typoes than usual in here
the terminal man
this is my review on the terminal man(70s version)
its based on a sci fi novel by some nerd
oh f
Michael Crichton did this?!
he was cool in a lot of his cr-p
I thought it was by Arthur c clark or issac azimov
this film is directed by the guy who did the 1980 flash Gordon
it starts with a helicopter gradually taking off
then a guy looking at photos
they mention there was a car accident
some guy got brain damaged and beat up his woman
2-4 million Americanos have these seizures
1 chick with these seizures went out and b0ned like a dozen guys
beating up chicks?
b0ning a dozen guys?
did tommy wiseau see this film?
I knew a girl. she had a dozen guys. 1 of em found out. beat her up so bad she wound up in a hospital in goo rare oh street
ahahahaha; what a story mark!
so theres a surgery that can help these people but its never been dome on humans
so they bring a guy in cuffs in a wheel chair in and uncuff him
along the way in the guy talks about a computer
in his room he sez the bed will have to go
is he gonna j-zz in it?
a nurse sez the guy has black outs and don't recall what happened
he tried to ice several people
the nurse sez a guy sed machines were competing with humans and were gonna take over the world
its the same guy
his brain damage gives him seizures that make him go berserk
one treatment is to use a drug that kills his male hormones
they're gonna turn him into a hermaphrodite!
its cool devices all over again!
oh and b4 he has blackouts he smells something
they interview him in a room of drs or students
this guard is briefed that tomorrow the guy is getting brain surgery
they're gonna lobotomize him!
like how j fk's dad had his slow daughter lobotomized!
that c-ck s-cker!
actually they're gonna install a computer in him to shock his brain when he has a seizure
a dr sez this surgery Is a bad idea as the guy is afraid of machines
he sez lobotomies were seen as good in the past as dr's want easier to control patients
and only stopped when they got better drugs
human beings are valuable and irreplaceable
to f with them for cr-p like this is wrong
I mean yeah medical science has elongated our life spans
but theres a limit
the sound the razor makes while having his head
barf a rama
blades of aids
gag me with a spoon
and other 80s/90s phrases
imagine if they were shaving his parts!!
so they get him on the table and put his head in a vice
he has a local anesthetic as the brain has no pain nerves and they can cut into it w/o him feeling anything
like in Hannibal where he fed that guy his brains
we don't directly see the operation but we har things of them cutting his head
ooh, they use a power drill
like that guy in the daren arronovsky film Pi
they implant electrodes in his brains
something f's up and an alarm goes off
the electrode nearly hit a blood vessel
so they fix it
imagine if the dr was stressed and couldn't take it and just starts shanking the guys brain!
or worse yet
b0ning it!!
or he gets p-ssed off and just goes
f it
and busts the guys head with a sledge hammer
back in high school a guy was hit by a car and broke a leg.
i had an idea where we recreate the surgery
where we play the dr's with masks on and use kfc for the leg
and do things like sneezing on the open leg
and getting mad at it and stabbing it up
and spitting in the surgery room
and ending with us eating a bit of the leg.
then we show the tape to him and say; this is your surgery!
over the film we keep getting glimpses of some dr eye looking in a hole and saying cr-p
after the surgery we see some drs looking in a room with some chick
they bring in the guy and talk to him as they gradually turn on electrodes in his brain
the 1st electrode makes him feel like hes eating a ham sandwitch
but its not kosher!
the 2nd one makes him fee like he has to whiz
we skip a few and on 7 he becomes 5 years old and wants his mommy to make him milk and cookies
this is f'd up
another electrode makes him feel awful and unhappy
we skip to 31 and it makes him feel good
hes kinda lusty
they go to 32 and he lols
1 dr sez its amusing
they decide to cause a seizure
1st they needle his neck muscle
he smells it
an alarm goes off but the computer stops it
at a social gathering a dr trying to seduce a girl sez he could put a wire In her brain and make her wanna b0ne him
a dr sez the guy's brain likes being shocked by electrodes and is causing more seizures to get more shocks
they f'd up now
they made him the hulk
this is just like how comic book heroes (and villains ) start
they check on him and he's gone
that's the thing
just cuz it works on animal don't mean it works on humans
human are different
I mean yeah some animals have higher intelligence than others
like octopi are smarter than apes
and pigs are smarter than dogs
but they pale in comparison to a fully formed human
he gets in a car with a chick wearing a blonde wig
turns out; he wasn't taking his tranquilizers
and the computer simulates at 3;02 am hes gonna go off
turns out; he had a strpper as a gf bringing him stuff and she picked him up
did this just turn into a p0rn0?
we et a scene in a strp club and a guy undressing a black chick in a nurse outfit
for some reason; all the guys in the club are in suits
how classy the sleaze was in the 70s
the strpper gf comes up to this room with a tape recording about scientology
I think its someone else
the gf finds out he has bandages on his head
in this class or something these people watch taps ofv the guy giving an interview about his insanity
a cop whines that they didn't put out an APB on him and they could've had him in by now
after probably b0ning offscreen, the gf is in the room and the tv comes on
in an interview the gy sez he as catholic but don't like the rituals
thats racist
at 3 02 the guy activates and starts going weird
it looks like his heads gonna explode
he smells it
the tagline for this movie should be; he smells trouble!
he then slugs out his strpper gf and stabs her in the uterus
so stabs the bed
its a waterbed
tis is done to piano and slow mo
is this clockwork orange?
we get slow mo blood and water filling the cracks in the tile floor
like psycho
the next episode is at 6 something am
now these an APB out on him
they find the strpper gf and he kept stabbing like a machine
is this a reverse Robocop?
instead of a metal man with a human BRAIN protecting the law
we have a human with a metal brain wasting em
in a computer place he beats machines and screams; let is stop!
in a church a priest give mass
hes catholic
I recognize the mass style
and the guy is there
btw, if the guy as jewish or mus lim there would be a lot of accusations of "racism" as "you cant have a bad guy of those groups"
but catholics are ok
the guy begs the priest to help him
but he has an episode and goes mental
the chick (I think the nurse from b4) takes a shower b4 going over
cuz if theres a maniac killer out there, you wanna smell good
we dont see her t-ts or anything but after the shower the guy arrives
she makes A call but the phone there is off the hook
a computer guy sez the attack ae happening more often and the nxt attack is in a few mins
the chick talks with the guy
she otta just ice him
he's gonna kill again
if some animal is trying to ice u, you gotta fight back
the guy knows where all the dr's lived as he learned b4 the operation
hes paranoid
its like something dale from king of the hill would do
he sez is memory tapes were erased and theres just static
se sez hes not a machine
a kettle goes of and she gets a knife
she shanks him but he has an episode and she locks herself in  the shower
in his berserk fury he freekin breaks through the door with his arm!
good f!
he collapses and she goes to check on him
he sez he feels awful
he leaves
a guy I don't recognize sez that violent people have brain problems and he can treat em
one reporter asks if that's "mind control"
he sez; what about compulsory education
a man sees the guy walking through a graveyand
hes lolling
he goes into an open grave and starts freakin out
some mexicans arrive to bury someone and find him
the chick arrives and tries to help him
a chopper* flies overhead and a cop inside caps his a55
the should've busted his head open
splatter like a watermelon
a dr eye looks into a hole and sez; they want you next
then the chopper that took off at the start of the film lands
the end
that was pretty good
I would've added more gore and cr-p but this was ok
I sorta like 70s films
good message about not f ing with peoples minds
btw the whole "asking his mommy at age 5" and "computer brain" thing was used in that batman beyond episode where that guy's brainwaves were stored on a computer and got into the batsuit
for the terminal man 2 i'd like for the guy from the 1st film to hav been kept alive as a pile of organs I a machine as they f with his brain to find way's to control him better. its done as a way to make themselves look better after the failure of his 1y st run. eventually his soul builds up enough KI to overpower the machines to gain control over the computers and rebuild his body as a giant mechanical golem wit his soul and organs safely hidden inside. he then gets revenge and goes around bustin the city and people that turned him into this... ABOMINATION!

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