Tom Thumb Review

note; not as many typoes as usual(I hope)

tom thumb

this is my review on tom thimb (1958 ver)

its got allen young from the time machine, mr ed, and ducktales

its based on the brothers grimm story

hope this don't have as much cannibalism as the rest of their tales

ooh, is by MGM

I like their cr-p

wtf peter sellers is in this

this is a brittish movie?!

but the bros grimm were german!

its like a soviet movie made in America!

wait... the other way around

I think

btw love that color

bright and vivid

I miss when tv and movies had color

btw the director of this "George pal" was the guy who did the time machine and the 7 faces of dr lao

aw gross

its widescreen

the credits are done in a story book way

then a narrator sez in da past In a hidden village was a forrest

a guy cutting down a tree hears voices

then a chick appears on the tree

this is how horror movies start

she sez not to cut it down as shes queen of the forrest

the tree is the oldest/fairest in the woods and has animals living in it

he agrees not to chop the wood

so she gives him 3 wishes and vanishes

that's a lesson kids

kill trees and a spiritual queen can grant you wishes

she comes back and sez the wishes are also his wifes

then vanishes again

so he runs home and tells his wife

but shes making dinner

and don't believe him

he has cabbage for dinner and wishes he had sausage

then a long sausage appears

he talks about how hot the queen was and his wife wishes the sausage was on his nose as punishment

what a b--ch

he uses his 3rd wish to fix his nose

she b--ches at him but stops and sez sorry

they make up

that's nice

they have a room full of toys for a kid they never had

sounds kinda disturbing

they wish for a son to love even if he was no bigger than her thumb

that night something comes to their place

this is how horror movies start

well

it IS the brothers grimm

the guy checks a door knocking and its a really small guy

he sez hes the guys son

he meets the woman and she sez his name is tom

then they make him a birthday cake

they make him a donut

this whole "new son having talking and full brain development and powers" thing was used by go nagai in shutendoji

the mom sings a song about finally having a kid

shes not such a b--ch after all

when tom wakes up his toys are alive and stop motion

the Chinese toy is named con fu sion

he sez tom brought them to life

isn't this how puppet master started?

tom dances to his own song

he also does acrobatics with regular items

this is pretty fun

and hes pretty good

like the flying graysons

he also draws a doodle and it comes to life and dances with him

tom then dances with Claymation things

I had an idea for a movie

a prision movie about a race war between 2 gangs

midgets!

and big toys!(like fortress maximus)

and they could be part live action(midget scenes) and part stop motion(toy scenes)

in one scene this midget sneak attacks a toy and beats him up.

then the midgets arms and legs snap and more toys come out from the shadows

they put the midget in the microwave and he screams "i'll get you for thiss! you\ll all pay! my wrath will continue!! ahhghhh! (blows up in the microwave)

when the door starts opening the toys return to sleep mode

the next day tom reveals he can communicate with animals

his dad tells him not to go to da black swamp

in the background 2 bad guys notice him and want him to be part of their bank robbing scheme

they plan to play a game with marked cards against the dad

they try to get the dad to let them use tom

he sez no and they leave

meanwhile this green jeans guy talks to forest queen

they r in love and she can turn human to let them be together

she tries to drop hints how to do that but hes a male bimbo

if he kisses her she turns human

wtf his name is woody!

he goes on about kissing other girls in da past but now he's improved

I think in the real version they were b0ning

she vanishes and he talks to dad/tom

he gets dad to let tom go to da fair where hes a high rank flutist

a guy at da fair has dancing shoes hat dance on their own

the simpsons ripped his off

woody leaves his musict to check the dancing shows but they're sold out

but he has a pair in toms size

he dances sorta break dancey

the size effects are pretty good too

now they'd just use computers

the band starts up again and woody's missing

so he gets fired

tom goes onto the floor and the shoemaker sez they shoes dance as long as the music plays

the bandmaster thinks they're saying "faster" so they speed up

tom dancing on the floor with people around em is really well edited

tom kicks off the shoes and rides a red balloon

meanwhile, the bad guys are on a roof trying to break in to a place

they try using a wood to pry open the grate

how'd wood get up there?

they see tom and cap the balloon with a slingshot

they catch him as he falls and get him to go in the grate to get the gold

they say the mayor has money that belongs to the poors and need him to help em

sounds like a liberal wanting to tax da rich

and just like those liberals, they want it for themselves

tm questions em but they say "u have my word of honor" and they buy it

like liberals accepting anything the main news tells em

he goes i the grate on a rope and ties the rope to a bag of gold and he goes up

then the guards change

1 guy sez they otta wack tom

so the oher guy brings tom and they go to THE BLACK SWAMP and say "don't tell anyone"

that's what fruits who touch kids tell their victims

they give him a coin and say bye

this tom on the ground with normal things being huge to him reminds me of the legend of Zelda he minish caphe meets the forest queen and woody comes in

he looked for tom all dAY

THEY ARGUE and reveals he knew she wantshim to kiss her

he sez he's gonna kiss her whe he wants to marry her

she leaves

i guess it really is B0NING

when tom gets home dad is b--ching about woody

when tom gets in he drops the coin by mistake in the pie moms making

they send his tiny a55 to bed

in bed the Chinese toy come in and they talk

tom cant sleep so con fu sion brings in the yawning man

we get weird Claymation of a mr magoo looking guy yawning

this makes me wanna yawn

yawns are like aids; very contagious!

btw

i had a weird idea

imagine if when we yawned It came out our a55?

oh wow

the actor of tom thumb was i west side story

and 7 brides for 7 brothers

and the haunting

the next day the cops come in looking for the jacked treasure

she gives em bread but in t is the coin

they arrest them w/o a warrant or more evidence than 1 coin

what is this? england?!

top uses toys to get outta his room

but the guys are gone

hes gotta clean the family name

he comes in to find woody singing and woody knows where to go

this is a good place to start a video game

they go to a castle and find the bad guys counting their loot

woody tries to just grab it but gets KO'ed

THEY RETURN to counting it BUT tim messes with the coins to make 1 think the other is cheating him

the "cheated" crook tries counting himself but cant count

after counting issues he busts the other crook in the head

tom wakes up woody with a candle on his foot and woody has a boss fight with the crook

but the crook wins

then the other crook wakes up and bashes his fat a55 with a metal shield

they fight

its really comical and fun and has many a55 shots

the cheeted crook keeps beating the other crooks head on the color but sees tom

he runs and they try crushing him

they catch him

imagine if they sat on him and he crzwled up their a55 and busted their guts

meanwhile toms rents are gonna get the whip for their accused crimes

no trial?

what is this?

soviet Canada?

tom bites the hand of the guy holding him and gets away

he goes up the stairs and falls into a horse water thing

the crooks leave and woody wakes up and tails em

the horse goes down the road to the village

tom is in the horses ear giving it orders

meanwhile the whipper is about to whip tom dad

but tom gets in at the last second like birth of a nation or orphans of the storm

tom outs the crooks and they get caught

1 with bad teeth gets 2 teeth broken out

they always have teeth being broken out but if you remove a bone its too much

woody kisses the queen and they go invisible

then he kisses her better and they come back

at the wedding, to kisses a toy bride on the wedding cake and it comes to life

the end

what a fun film

clean bright colorful and lovable

for tom thumb 2 i'd like for the forest queen being humanized to have a power gap in the woods and some animals go to war with other animals. the bad animals like coons and dogs ad cats and wasps are on one side and the good ones like worms and spiders and centipedes and dragonflies are on the other(oh and geese are the bad guys). tom and his toy wife are ambassadors and shes really really pregnant with toms half toy son and the bad animals wanna wack tom and blame it to the good animals to get humans on their side. they invite tom to a peace meeting but its a trap and op has to fight his way through several levels to get home and get word the bad animals must be wiped out(oh and bears are bad ones too) and tom has several magic powers and cool gadgets to get through it.

Pearl Harbor Review

note; my typing s-cked. that's ok. I hear so does this film

pearl harboir

this is my review on pearl harbor

I saw it b4 but didn't really pay attemtion

but team America had a song about it

its got that c-ck sucker ben Affleck

u s-ck ben afflectk!

its by Michael bay

his films s-ck too

it starts with 2 kids playing ww1 in a fake plane

1 of their dads flys a red plane (like the ww1 hero the red baron)

the kids play in his plane and turn it on

they kinda take off

it stops after a bit

lucky for them they don't bite it

later its ww2 and france is getting its a55 kicked

but America isn't joining n

at a air base the kids are teens or something and nearly crash into eachother in planes

is this top gun?

ben gets his a55 busted by commie a55 alec Baldwin

he sez ben is getting sent to candy a55 England to fight in the air force

but America might go in soon

the other kid now teen josh hardnett is malcontent over it

meanwhile, some girls chat about being nurses

at a medical test ben Affleck fails an eye test as he cant really read

is he inbred?

that would explain a lot

he gives a speech about how reading isn't needed to be a pilot

what if he cant read his orders and blows the wrong place?

she passes him

the nurse then gives him a needle in his a55

he asks her to dinner

she stabs his a55 again

he gets woozy as he already had that shot and falls, busting his head on a desk

good thing its empty

later he gets her champain and the cork busts his nose

she puts his head back WHICH YOU SHOULDNT DO AS THE BLOOD GOES DOWN UR THROAT

then they kiss

flash dance back to her telling her homies on a train its been a few weeks and she remeets with ben

he has an origami bird

ironic if u know the story

then they go to a dance

the navy is sending em to pearl harbor

bens gf wants to b0ne him

so they go out in a boat to another boat and make out

after b0ning they go back and he reveals hes going to war

shes unhappy a guy in the military has to go to war for some reason

he tell her to not see him off as saying bye to her 1x is hard enuff

HARD ENUFF?!

PURVURT!

they part with forced sad music

at the train station hes on the train but she shows up

but don't see him

aw f

her name is evelyn

that's my cool 90s aunts name

in gaye olde endlande ben gets a plane from a guy just bit it

in a meeting that cripple commie f dr wants to reduce Americas forces to help the brits and soviets

irving thalburg said they were the bigger threat

a dictator dies, so does the dictatorship

but communism is harder to uproot

not that I support then nazzies

but the commies were worse

-20 is warmer than -50

meanwhile japan wants to go at America as they cut off the oil they were sending to japan

that's bad logic

we want their help so we attack them?

its like protesters trying to damage the cities and economy to make the people they elected pay attention to em

at pearl harbor someone talks about painting b00bs on planes

make em bigger sez 1 guy

are you trying to distract the foe?

good logic

the kunoichi (female ninja) wear skimpy outfits to distract their targets and foes (not a joke)

so mai Shiranui and miko mido were accurate

the admiral gets orders to send more forces away

also they bunch their plans together to make em easier to protect

that don't sound right

meanwhile, japan plans to attack pearl harbor

meanwhile, ben Affleck goes to war and gets shot down

meanwhile, cuba gooding jr boxing fights a guy

as usual, the blacker guy wins

later cuba gets his boxing wounds fixed by evelyn

hes a cook but wanted to go to war and be a man

josh hardnett talks to evelyn about ben affleck going back to h-ll

we're only 45 mins in a 3 hour movie and we get a sad moment

in America; they read Japanese communications but don't believe they are coming

at a movie(the great dictator by Charlie chaplin) they see a news reel and it has planes bustin

josh and evie freak out and leave

he tells her a story of ben Affleck trying to fly on fake wings on his arms

maybe that's how he broke his brain

then again, its not smart to try

kin of a chicken/egg thing

creationism says the chicken came st

at night josh  hardness sees evie to return a hankie

at the base the next day evie comes by and josh hardnett is malcontent over taking ben afflecks woman

he takes her on a plane ride at sun set

at night they return and b0ne

why is there a room full of white sheets in a navy base?

this gov guy sez pearl harbor is gonna get f;d but don't have good enuff evience

his superior sez no as they cant afford it

esp since f dr's new deal failed

just like that other prez's plan to fix the economy

the one after bush

meanwhile (I think) ben Affleck is saved by the frenchies from the water and returns to evie

she goes mental and has issues with this

then josh hardnett comes in and ben rolls a 20 as he somehow figures out they were b0ning

at a bar ben Affleck is ind of an a55

josh sez that ben left them to fight someone elses war and they eventually fight

kick bens candy a55!

imagine if instead of a fight it was a b0ning match and they were b0ning eachother

wait, that's MMA

the cops come and they get away and talk

the next day the Japanese attack and the gov guy gets word

they left out the part of f dr getting word of it but not doing anything as he wanted to go to war and wants America to choose to fight

theres a lot of Michael bay explosions

and the film is only half over

at least it wasn't as drawn out as titanic with over 2 hours of filler b4 getting to the ice burg

btw theres too much cgi

and its pretty cr-ppy

imagine if Michael bay did Hokuto no ken/.fist of the north star?

people exploding into blood and chunks

cuba's captian bites it and he has a quick sad moment

the Japanese planes attack the us planes and bust em

its like that level as eggman in sonic adventure 2 battle

cuba uses a big gun on em

reminds me of advance wars 2 black hole rising on gba

josh hardnett sez; I think ww2 just started

wtf

its been going on in Europe and Asian since the 30s

imagine if in outbreak with dustin Hoffman they had someone say; I think aids just started

then a boat slowly goes down

man this rips off a lot from titanic

but I like this more

a buncha guys are trapped in a sinking ship

in the real story they survived and got out after days in dark

the alleged Japanese planes attack people in da water

meanwhile f dr gets word of the attack and is surprized

way to rewrite history a55 hole

next you'll say Truman wasn't in da klan

evie nurses a guy with an open neck

ben Affleck leads a braveheart like charge with guns but most bite it

they get a few planes in the air and the Japanese planes go after em

I should mention that these japan planes were made by the guy wo the miyazaki movie "the wind rises" was about

I think

they have an air fight like in Robotech

but not as cool

the Japanese say they won and theres no need for a 3rd wave and they withdraw

the base people regroup and take toll of the shredded

then they get word that japan is gonna attack pearl harbor

in japan the guy who attacked directly says he fears this awoke America as a sleeping giant

what did ja think was gonna happen?

they get attacked and do nothing?

this is the 1940s not 2010s!

f dr gives his speech

at least hes willing to say what the attackers are

not calling it workplace violence

f dr wants to attack but they have no safe way to get them there

f dr gives a speech to his men and when hey say it cant be done get tries walking on his dead legs to show it can be done

did that really happen?

also

did f dr's parts work?

evie talks with ben I think about something

I'm not sure

she talks to josh hardnett and sez she loves him

good

dump ben Affleck

hes a candy a55

later its march and alec Baldwin gives a speech

hes gonna train em to do something

we get a montage of them learning to use the new planes

oh they're lightening the planes

alec Baldwin succeedes in doing some plane thing

later they go to attack japan

but as the return boat is going home they gotta go to china

evie uses a soldier she saved to get access to some thing for the attack

also alec badwin is going on the japan attack

is this why he was president of the film actors guild in team America?

then the Japanese are nearing so they attack em to stop em from giving aay their position

even if the planes don't have enuff fuel they choose to launch the planes

they make it off the boat an in da air

F dr gives another speech and the americans attack japan

but japan fights back

i'm acutally watching a review on angel blade as I watch this movie

bens plane runs low on fuel but they make it to land

but its japan territory

after a crash land the Japanese soldiers attack

but josh hardnett saves him and crashes

he eventually bites it in ben afflecks arms like in wings (1927) but not as good

i'd love it I his last words were; see you in h-ll ben Affleck!v ahhhhhhhhhh!(burns)

why didn't ben Affleck get an award for this?

they always give awars to actors playing mentally disabled people

ben returns with jos hardnetts body

we get an epilogue about what happened to the cast after

well, just cuba

also it has an underwater shot of the boat that went down

just like titanic

after the war ben and evie have a kid (probably josh hardnets son) and they fly

the end

wtf on Voight as in this

if he was f dr then the rednecks could b0ne his dead a55

I kinda enjoyed this

yeah ben Affleck s-cked

but its entertaining

for pearl harbor 2 'd like for japan to have taken over Russia and America and ben affleck's son is a disgruntled teen who works for the japan to stop his alleged father from stopping them. also its revealed that hes josh hardnetts son and the son blames ben for his real dad biting it as he bit it saving ben. oh and the son got surgery to turn Japanese and enhance his strength and speed with cybernetics and had built in katana blades in his body. but ben Affleck has eaten josh hardnetts body and gained the total power of 2 men and goes around fighting Japanese supporters with his combined hulking body

Titanic Review

note; this movi is like 6 hours so theres gonna be typoes(oh and the review kinda goes on forever(like the movie))

titaic

this s my review on titanic

I only really saw it 1x b4 and dat was in da 90z

I didn't care for it

also, its like 2 vhs tapes for 1 4 hour movie

I can hold 6 hours of power rangers eps on 1 vhs in slp/ep

theres no need for it to have 2 vhs tapes

f quality

I don't care if its 240p

high def is pointless

H D STANDS FOR HARD D-CKS

At least on vhs its fullscreen

no awful black bars

i'm watching this on amc btw

they cut the swear words and nude scenes

btw the geezer in here was the blonde chick in the old dark house and invisible man and GROSS!

she was a commie!

I checked her wiki page

the film starts with footage trying to look like da 1910s of da titanic

then some underwater spaceship going at the sea for and finding the titanic

whats with james camerons obsession with this disaster

on myth busters he said; heres a game I like to play, if I'm captain, how many people can I save?

that's some serial killer cr-p

in an alternate reality; james cameron is an aquaman villain who sinks boats due to his obsession with the titanic

its not some romantic event

1500+ people bit it

horribly

this is like those chicks who fall in love with serial killers

the water team probes the titanic

these people are sick

they wanna look under a bed

this is how naecrophilia starts

they graverob a metal box and bring it up

inside is soggy cr-p

they wanted a diamond

btw this is widescreen

one soggy cr-p they got from it is a drawing of a blonde

meanwhile, this geezer watches tv and sees the drawing

she calls em and tells em shes the drawn woman

they bring her over and say she was 17 on the titanic

turns out the diamond was stolen from (as jerry Seinfeld would say) some gay French king(lewy) and cut into a heart shape later

the geezer was wearing it the day the totanic sank

they show her the cr-p they got from her room

thy show her cgi of how the totanic sak

that might f her up

wanna show some 80s films to a viet nam vet too?

she looks at underwater footage of the ttanic and has flashbacks and freaks out

she keeps saying its been 84 years

but that was only true in 96

and this came out in 97

then she tells her story and we get a flash back to b4 ww1

warn Austria!

we can save franz Ferdinand!

nuke the serbs!

young geezer and her mom arrive to board

so many innocent people

spoiler; most of em wont survive the week

geezer narrates how she didn't wanna go on it as its taking her back to America where she don't wanna be

she calls it a "slave ship"

but shes from the 1800s

she may have known slaves

then Leonardo decaprio plays cards and wins tickets to the titanic

the poles or w/e hes playing are p-ssed

like the malcontents when trump won

noo! we don't get what we think is good!

you c-ck suckers dodged a bullet!

its like bratty teens who got a sega genesis instead of an Atari jaguar and are whining saying "but the genesis isn't 64 bit!!"

they leave on titanic

btw theres a lot of kids on here

you sick c-ck sucker james Cameron!

real people died

and you make a romance about it

like Michael bay

making a romance movie about pearl harbor

what next? a nine 11 romance?

maybe something about gacy?

to be fair, the new birth of a nation is about a mass murderer as the good guy

and don bluth did Anastasia

f it!

stop making happy movies about horrible things!

and ed gein the musical was more of a comedy

the next day I think, the captain sez to go full speed

we get a long thing of how the speed up works

leo sees dolphins outrunning the titanis

run those butt holes over!

also; I dreamed about watching dolphons from above just b4 watching this

leo sez hes "king of da world"

he thinks hes hot sh-t

a hot steam load

at dinner the young geezer smokes

when talking with the namer of titanic she sez to read dr freud and his views on men and size

she sed he has small parts!

at least he has parts!

women dont!

leo notices young geezer and gets a b0ner

later geezer narrates how he sees her life as endless richness and its bad to her

at night the young geezer runs to the end of the boat and might jump

but we know she don't

shes alive now telling the story

also if she did suicide it would mean she killed her future kids and grand kids

why's she so mental?

did someone just b0ne her?

leo talks with her saying hes gonna jump in after her if she jumps

also the water is cold

he sez in his home country is Wisconsin they have cold winters

he goes on about falling through ice and how awful cold water is

as she climbs up she slips and he saves her a55

when the crew arrives they see her on the ground and him on top of her

but they both are clothed

if he was b0ning her theyd be nude

her fiancée is gonna b0ne leo dead for it

but she sez she slipped looking at the propellers and he saved her

her fiancée sounds like a black guy

well

we're 1 hour in

6 to go

they invite leo to dinner

the fiancee gives her the diamond

leo tells his backstory to young geezer

lol his name is dawson

like dawsons creek

I never saw dat show

but I knew of it

she tells leo her 1st world problems and how she dislikes her fiancée

she refuses to answer if she loves her fiancée

they have a fruity minor fight

she sees his drawings and likes em

some are kinda pedo

some are nude

he sez this 1 girl had great hands

but was a 1 legged h00ker

he has a hand fetish

after hours of talking, she wants leo to teach her to be like a man

he shows her how to spit

she s-cked at it

then her mom comes by

this is like in Seinfeld where the George was eating out of the trash or wiping off a guys windshield with newspaper

this redneck lady gives leo a suit

I assume they b0ned b4 getting into it

they have dinner

she tells the leo who everyone is

the rich are d-cks to him but he makes nice

this is racist against the rich

but they grow to like him

wait til they find out he thinks global warming is real

they men go to smoke and leo gives her a note b4 leaving

she meets him afterward and go to a party with the poors

turns out she can dance

she drinks root beer a lot and someone spills it on her

she stands on her tippy toes

that's like kung fu

I went to get my spaghetti and as I was getting it I saw the fiancée getting p-ssed at someone

the mom sez the young geezer cant see the leo anymore

turns out the geezer fam is outta cash and needs to marry into some

my grampa came to soviet Canada after the war with nothing

he worked hard and brought his wife and son over from Slovenia, bought a farm, had a buncha kids, and his kids went on to be successful

but this a55 hole cant go back to being normal

later leo tries to get into the rich area but is turned away

the next day, leo jacks a hat and jacket

the young geezer notices theres not enough life boats for everyone

leo sees her and she claims she loves the fiancée

leo sez its not a good thing for her to do

she goes back

at lunch she sees a little girl taught manners

then she goes to see leo

he has her close her eyes, stand on the front of a boat and spread her arms like a cross

she thinks she's flying

them in the front of the boat and the wind reminds me of that greta garbo film I reviewed

then they make out

back in the 90s the geezer sez that's the last time titanic saw the sun

good

we're 2 hours in!

this takes forever to get through

the crew whines about how the captain was going too fast and ignored the ice warning

back in the 10s young geezer and leo go to a room to have him draw her nude

she wears the diamond

she gets nude and leo gets a b0ner

he draws her on the couch after posing her

on the tv version we never see her t-ts

I bet they aint that big

if leo was most guy's he'd draw her b00bs extra large

we see a drawn nipple

that's too much for youtube

btw, shes 17

legally the same as a 9 year old

leos a child mo les ter

after he draws a nude 17 year old(which is against the law in Canada and some parts of America) she sez she didn't b0ne him

also the fiancée is looking for her

he finds em but they escape down an elevator

he follows but they escape in the boiler room

they escape to a car In the boiler room and b0ne all sweaty and greasy

the fiancée finds a note from the geezer young and a drawing of her nude

leo and her go up and say when the ship lands, shes going with him

also 2 guys watch them from above

they then notice the iceburg

they try turning and try making look like somethings gonna happen

but we KNOW what happens

thee was a cgi thing of it 3 hours ago

they hit it and it opens a hole in da boat

water gets in and they try sealing the areas and workers try to escape b4 it seals

fiancée catches her and searches leo

his jacket isn't even his and they think he jacked the diamond

the captain and crew realize they're going down

they expect it'll take 1-2 hours

that's like 1/rd as long as this film!

here is where the film should've started

the rest was filler

in batman returns on sega genesis; the game starts with the penguin icing the ice queen

meanwhile the fiancée is slappng the young geezer and a minion comes in saying; captain sez put on ur life vests

theres 2200 people on board

over 1500 bite it

I otta make a film about ted bundy and start with the 1st 75% of the film being about his neighbors being romantic and in love, then the last act is them getting eaten and b0ned by him

leo is handcuffed to a pipe in the basement

captain hears the next help arrives in 4 hours

they put the women and kids in boats 1st

but they need men to make money for da fam!

otherwise the kids and moms might have to be prostitutues

some rich guy slugs leo in the gut for his fiancée boss

eat that u candy a55!

imagine if he was b0ning him in the real version

at the life boats the mom goes on but the young geezer books it and goes back for leo

he forces a guy to take her down an elevator but he freaks out when theres water there

she goes to save him and sez she knew he didn't take it

she runs out to get help but theres no one left

she gets an axe and upon returning, the water is higher

she gets to him and he hs her practice on a desk

she chopps the handcuffs open and they leave

why not chop through the pipe?

the fiancée sez they aint letting men on and goes off

the crew are only putting 20 people into a 60 man life boat

fiancée gets cash and his rich guy homie who slugged leo has a gun

the crew is holding the men inside the boat to sink so leo gets a bench and rams the door

this seems to be what feminists want

also his homie from the poker game is back after j-rkin off in the closet the whole movie

fiancée and rich guy are gonna leave but they hear the young geezer and leo are at another boat

she gets on 1 boat and fiancé sez he and leo are going on another boat

after she leaves he sez to leo he has a way off but leo wont get it

she jumps off the boat and runs back to leo

dumba55

they make out

in slo mo, fiancée pulls his rich guys gun and goes after leo and her

he wants to send em to h-ll himself

but he wastes his bullets

they get away and he realizes he put the diamond in the coat

and the coat on her

in the ship they find a wiener kid whining

they grab him and run

they find his dad and he runs

then a wall busts and water wets em

WATER SLIDE!!

WELL that kid bit it

they get trapped behind a grate

but a guy helps em

but he drops the keys and books it

candya55

ahh! all these flashing lights

its like a seizure machine

they get out

fiancée gets his cash he bribed the guy with thrown back at him

your money cant save u anymore than it can save me

the poker buddy gets capped and someone else too

fiancée grab a kid and sez hes all she say so he gets on a lifeboat

the band stops playing and says bye

see you in h-ll wally

one guy plays and the others return

as they lay we see people in the boat waiting to sink

this is f'd up

the ship FINALLY starts going under

its about effing time!

I mean yeah the 10 commandments was a bit longer

but that took place over 120 years

wait

I thought the captian blew his brains out

he didn't in here

the a55 end of the boat goes straight up and the young geezer realizes this is where they 1st met

the end of the circle

the boat breaks in 2 and falls

I remember getting a 3d puzzle of the titanic in da 90s

it came with a 2d puzzle of the ocean

no landmarks or animals

just waves

my bro finished it

wtf

the boat goes straight up again for some reason and starts going under

leo sez its gonna suck em under so take and deep breath

under water she loses him and floats up

I held my breath the hole time they were under water

finally!

its down!

end this sucker!

its kinda f'd how erich von stroheims epic masterpiece GREED was cut from 10 hours to 4 hours to 2 hours and lost its goodness

but this cr-p goes on forever

le and her find a wood piece and she gets on but it cant old both

so he stays in da water and she is on his wood

the confederate lady wants them in the boat to go back but the rest don't as the people will pull em under

she whines but the brit puts her in her place

eat it b--ch!

one boat decides to put its women and kids into another boat and go back

later leo is frozen like jack Nicholson in the shining

leo tells her that she's got a future and is gonna grow up to be a geezer

hes psychic

maybe hes got other powers

we get a forced tacked on moment to make us feel for these 2 c-ck suckers while hundreds of people have bit it too

later boats comes and they find no survivors

she wakes up and leo is frozen solid

use fire punch to thaw him out

she tries to call to the boat but cant talk

she snaps leo off and sez she wont let go

then dumps his frozen a55 into da ocean

wtf he sinks

but bodies and ice float

she otta say; see you I h-ll Leonardo decapreeo

she uses a whistle and they get her

back in 96 the geezer sez out of 20 boats, 1 came back and only 6 survived the water

for hours thy had nothing to do in da boats but wait

you sure you don't wanna film em in the boats for 6 hours j-rkin off?

this movie is already 4.25 hours in

what more would -9 extra hurt?

after getting saved the fiamcee survived

but she hides from him

she sed he married and was hit by the crash of 29 and ate his gun

geezer sez she never told anyone about leo until now

theres no info on leo

she sez he exists only in her memory

that's ripped off of mad mad 2 the road warrior btw

the gy who opened the save 5 hours ago whines about never getting the diamond and wasting 3years on this

then the geezer stands on the rails and drops the diamond in the water

effing dumba55

at night she is in bed and we see 20s photos of her life

she dreams of going back to the titanic and its refreshed again

and she sees all those people who bit it 80 years ago

the end

finally!

that was an ordeal!

too long!

its well made but kina hokey and forced

but its just too long

ooh, david warner was the rich guy with da gun

ew

Kathy bates was the confederate lady

gross

gag me with a spoon

for titanic 2 i'd like for the jewel she dropped to reach the titanic and revive Leonardo. he returns all corpsey and eaten and finds the geezer and is grossed out. but they b0ne anyway. also its revealed that the fiancée didn't suicide but got into the black arts and is able to stay young by eating babies and the jewel is what ne needs for a ritual to gain full black powers.