Saturday, March 25, 2017

Arsene Lupin Review

note; this movie is about frenchies. ewww
arsene lupin
this is my review on arsene lupin(30s version)
its got john Barrymore AND HIS BRO LIONEL
most people know of lupin III
but being in soviet Canada in the 90s, I saw the cinar show "nighthood" about him in da 30s
it starts with a guy tied up and getting a phone to call da cops
he sez hes been robbed and the theif has a limp and is tall
the cop seez this might be arsene lupin (loo pen) (arson)
later the cop cars swarm a place
they arrest a guy tied up for being lupin but he sez hes the duke of something
they brings him to the crime scene but the guy sez the theif was taller and had a limp
the main cop sez he's got him and has a limp and cane
he brags about how dukes going to jail
duke wears big bugs bunny gloves
then a geezer comes in saying the duke is da duke(not john wayne)
duke is let free
geezer sez his jewels and bonds are at his place
duke sez they otta guard it
later at the crime lab, they check the science ad evidence and say the perp is 185lbs and limps
main cop brings in the impression and it matches his shoe
the chief busts main cops a55 over not getting him and sez to look at everyone with a limp and the same shoes
this is after ww1 I assume so many people are busted from fighting zee kaizer!!
lupin sent a note to the cops saying hes gonna be at the dukes ball
the chief sez hes gonna break the main cop if he dot get lupin but cop sez hes been on the force 25 years
at the ball duke sez he cat pay guys now but can tomorrow
da cops are at the ball and the duke walks in on a naked chick in his bed
shes from Russia
imperial Russia
that's b4 da commies took over and iced everyone
her dad was a general
if this were made nowadays they'd be b0ning(like in 8 mile)
duke guesses her job and one guess is she after lupin
ooh, her name is Sonia(Sonja) like the chick from battle arena toshinden and mortal kombat
they talk more and he checks out her skimpy dress
he wants to dress her(purvurt) but she don't consent
so hes gonna leave but she has em dress in the dark
]are they b0ning??
they go out to the dance
but she dances with another guy
oh its the geezer
he invites her to his place with the loot
later Sonja and duke talk comparing eachother to booze
later 2 frenchies eating see a guy and thimk its lupin
they hold him at gunpoint and get the duke
its the cop
duke sets em straight
but they have a newspaper with lupins stats that match cop
duke questions cop and wants ID but to get back at him for b4
he has the Frenchies hold him while he calls the station but the power goes out
a big a55 cake comes in looking like a castle
but in the dark someone jacks the peoples bling
more cops come in and they hold everyome for searches
also a cop backs up main cops story
main cop tells Sonja that shes going to the geezer place
hes working with her and sez he has to act "stupider than ever"
later after everyone was cavity searched, duke stays behind and tells the frenchies he cant pay em but they can crash at his place
he calls the main cop and fakes being sonjas cousin
main cop sez his trap is working
later at the geezer place he checks his safe but a guy holds him up
its duke joking
that a fake out
they test the safe protection of some kinda electricity thing that stuns em
later Sonja is sleepwalking and duke leads her to a room and makes out with her
shes faking btw
she dont respond so he puts his had on her b00bs to feel her heartbat
he sez hes gonna do something guaranteed to wake her up
and splashes water on her
tried to make it sound like hes gonna b0ne her
she later sez lupin is there and left a jewel thing with her
lupin sends geezer a note saying he gypped innocent people to make hi fortune and lupins taking it back
I gotta say its hard to type lupin as I wanna type lumpin
later geezer gives cop something (I didn't get wat it was) and sez to mention it to no one
later cop hides in the shadows and has a firearm
later duke comes into sonjas room faking sleep walkuing
shes gonna take a dump of water on him but h reveals hes faking
he jacked the icebox for cold booze
they talk about lupin (what he'd do) and have a sorta romance talk
I think they were b0ning in the real version
then guys come in and take a buncha cr-p
next day geezer freaks out and his cops wer drugged with wine and woke up in undies under a bridge
then main cop brings in all the guys in cuffs who jacked the cops clothes and geezer's cr-p
but lupin still got the jewels and bonds
signed his name too
and only duke knw about the electricity besides them
main cop interviews the perps and they claim innocence
he fids the weakest link, a age 19 guy, and sez prison is a rough place
he's gonna get b0ned
main cop asks if duke is lupin
after a long pause, he sez no
main cop promises a clean slate if they reveal who lupin is
duke sez lupin would reward anyone who is loyal
main cop sez to bring em to paris and make em talk
they gon get b0ned
after getting caught in the safe elctircity duke frees cop, revealing he knows how
he sez he was sleeping whe it was jacked
the Sonja sez she was with duke all night
cop reveals she was a crook and working for him
and if she don't say what he wants, she goes back to jail
and if she sez she wasn't with duke, he gets arrested for being lupin
he sez she wasn't with him and a rock w/ a note signed by lupin sez to release them or hes gonna swipe the mona lisa
in the chaos, duke and Sonja escape
this is getting tight
duke disguises himself as a hobo looking guyand goes to the louvre
he gets a kid to blow his whistle and sets up smoke makers
then switches places with the real hobo painter flower guy
in the chaos people run around
but the paintings were fake and the real mona lisa was in the vault
but lupin took it
they search everyone and the flower hobo gets frisked
his flower thing has a rolled paper in it
his French bread
I feel for this guy
they let him use the potty but after le leaves, the real flower hobo is still in it
it was lupin(duke)
cop uses flower hobo's horse to walk back to lupins base
lupin wears handcuffs and acts like Sonja caught him
he barters with cop for it and gives back the mona lisa for the feedo of his men
after giving back the painting he reveals he caught cops daughter and snt her to the boarder
implying the brits are gonna be b0ning her if hes not let go
after some sappy cr-p, cop cant let him go, even if its his kid gets bum b0ned by brits
lupin reveals the daughter is is here AND LUPI SEZ; IF HE WAS CAUGHT A WEEK AGO,(f caps lock) he'd not have met her
on the car ride cop sez once a guy in cuffs jumps out and he fired 5 shots but missed as he swam away
also lupin hid the jewels and bonds in geezers mattress and went to cops place a month ago to copy his shoes
it all makes sense now
lupin jumps out, off a bridge, and as cop opens fire, another cop sez the last one got him
head cop praises main cop for saving the mona lisa and icing lupin
he just wants a break and to be with his kid
elsewhere lupin and Sonja buy a gold ring
the end
that was classy
fun and smart
I see where nighthood got its inspiration and charm
for arsene lupin 2 I want the kid of lupin and the kid of the kid of the cop to team up to save france from an English supervillain in the 50s(or whenever 20 years after this movie took place) also they team up with a polish magic user who can use his energy to blast people apart and who wants to help Poland become the new world hero

No comments:

Post a Comment