Wednesday, March 8, 2017

The Taming Of The Shrew Review

note; shakespere s-cked
the taming of the shrewe
this is my review on the taming of the shrew
this is by William shatner I mean shakespere (60s version)
its the one with Richard burton and Elizabeth taylor
ooh, Michael York is in this
I liked him in Austin powers
I recall in degrassi the next generation they had a ep where teens did a scene fromt his
craig and Ashley did some weird feminist cr-p that made it dark and unsettling
nowadays it would have them b0ning eachother
it starts with Michael York all cheerful in this cr-ppy English town
it looks like oliver
btw this is effing widescreen
like half the screen is black bars\York gets a b0ner for this chick he sees in the window
then the credits start as people are in an outside church thing
they all start celebrating
they have a weird parade
all these guys go after a blonde in a see through veil
but when her viel comes off they gasp like they just saw her t-ts
this fat chick reveals the bliondes name is Bianca (like the chick from later degrassi next gen)
Bianca runs home and Michael York follows
at her home is a chick looking out from inside but not showing her face
this is like the people under the stairs
her dad sez the Bianca cant get married until her older sister does
who cares what order they get married in?!
when I was in grade school I didn't ant my brother to beat the legend of Zelda ocarina of time b4 me
but I was a little c-cksucker
these are grown a55 men!!
the bad sister (Elizabeth tayloer)goes on a tirade about having to b0ne guys as I guess shes a hermaphrodite
she's also kind of a b--ch
michal York b--ches about how the dad is mental for this and he chooses to be a school master for some reason
oh and he makes his servent play the part of the master and him the servent
later a prissy guy(I gotta be more specific. this IS shakerpsear) and a geezer htalk about them being rivals for Bianca and they eed a husband for her b--chy sister
the geezer sez its like being in h-ll
then Richard burton comes in on a horse like raoh from Hokuto no ken
he beats on a guy for some reason
he wants to get married
for once Richard burton plays a manly bada55 with confidence
better than equus where he had a weird fetish or something
man, he seems too manly to be brittish
like Hollywood hulk Hogan or orson welles
the next day they bring in a big pan with water and rose pedals which I assume is for an enema
b4 he blows it out his a55, the servent or pissy guy or w/.e(I cant keep track of all these c-cksuckers! they all look and dress the same) talks about getting him a chick
later a guy talks to burton about getting the bad sister Katherine(lis taylor)
liz talor attacks Bianca for her helping letting a man look at her (and it sounds like shes b0ning her)
wtf shes hitting her with a cloth
that's not gonna do anything
then she chases her with a broom
fight back Bianca!
kick her b--ch a55
man this chick is metal
shes probably got hormone or chromosome problems
I knew she was a hermaphrodite!
the dad saves the Bianca and he burton comes in
oh is Bianca who needs a school master
Michael York applies to be it
and the burton applies to get liz taylor
the dad sez burtons gonna inherit 20 000 crowns and 1/2 dads land if he marries her
and if she ourtlives burton the she gets his lands and cr-p
liz taylors musician sez liz talor is mental and s-cked at music
as she freaks out, burton talks about possible scenarios
burton tries to seduce taylor with his manliness but shes goin mental and books it
wow we're like 40 mins in
that didn't feel like it
taylor goes to a place with wool but burton follows and she freaks out
she tries to keep him out with bags of wool but he overpowers it
she sez if he smacks her hes no gentleman
yeah but she was assaulting her sister and that's ok?
burton swings over to her on a hanging thing but she knocks him off
he swings across on a rope and busts a wood thing
this is like looney toons
so she barricades herself in a room and burton sez hes gona fix her mentalness
in degrassi next gen; they tried to make burton's character fixing liz talorys character look like he's enslaving her and making her something awful as he should love her as she is
but look at this b--ch!
shes mental!
was she always this awful?!
maybe if her dad beat her more as a kid then she'd be normal!
he breaks through a door and chases her upstairs
is he gonna b0ne her?
she runs on the roof to get away from him
this is like that scene in birth of a nation where that chick jumps off a cliff to avoid getting b0ned by dat guy
he catches her on da roof but it caves in and they fall in wool
he gets on her but she hits him with sticks to no effect
are they b0ning?
she shoves him of and limps away
I think somethings stuck in her a55
he helps her up and they come downstairs
hes got her arm in a pin and makes it look like they're walking together
I just realized this is like norbitt by eddie murphy but with genders swapped
or is it?
I never saw dat movie
it did win an Oscar though
the burton sez they're marrying on sunday but she goes mental
so he locks her in a room
take dat b--ch!
the burton brags about fixing her as she sez being with men are the worst
you'd rather be with animals?
later she comes out in a white dress with bad hair
theyre getting married
someone tells a joke and she tries to kill him
what a sane normal well balanced person
then the burton comes in all fun and happy
they go into the church and he makes a a55 of himself by being a clown
theres a time and a place for dat
and it aint church
he have a cr-ppy marriage ceremony and he jokes through it
when the priest asks liz taylor if she wull take him, she starts to say 'I will not" but burton makes out with her b4 the not is fully said
then theyre married
I'm not sure dats how it worx
at the dinner burton sez hes gotta go soon
liz taylor sez she wont go after him til she "please herself"
burton brings her out by her arm giving a speech that she is his
she yells at her rents and everyone laughs that she don't have anyone smaller to beat up on
now the shoes on the other foot
they ride through the cr-ppy English weather
or is it Italy??
she has a cr-ppy time through it and they get to his castle
he has his servents make lotsa food
hes gonna turn her fat!!
dinner was burned so he throws it on the floor
what a waste
my mom likes burned food
if we were cannibals, she's always wanna go to Hiroshima
too soon??
so burtons gonna b0ne her in bed and he notices something wrong with it and he goes nuts
the next  shes mellowed out and is cleaning the place with the servents
some sez something about someone getting consent to wed
I wasn't paying attention
biancas getting married
liz acts out when she don't get her way but burton stands strong
they're bickering over a hat
later hips up a dress with his bare hands as she freaks out
hes ripping fabric with hands?
that's pretty manly
like Hollywood hulk Hogan
ater he wakes her up and sez they're going back to her dads place
but they argue over what time it is
eventually she gives in
later he calls the sun the moon and she goes with it
whatever he sez she goes with
he fixed her b--chynss
they meet her dad and shes peaceful
at night they reveal the servent playing the master is really the servent
they reveal the other guy is the master too
but Michael yorks dad saves him
have dinner and things go ok
they have a contest where the one with the better wife wins alotta cash
theres a delay with the chicks coming but when they come the liz taylor gives a speech about the places of women and men
nowadays this would be seen as a bad thing and her b--chy past self would be seen as better than her calm sane self
burton wins the bet and sez goodnight
then the credits with stills of burton and taylor from da film we just saw
the end
that was actually good
I liked how the man as manly and the b--chy chick was cured
for the taming of the shrew 2 i'd like for kate to have gotten pregnant but Richard bueton hasn't b0ned her in a while. turns out she was really a hermaphrodite and got herself pregnant and the kid she pooped out is the physical manifestation of her awfulness from b4 having had nowhere to go as she couldn't release it now and it impregnated her to become a real person. it grows to full size as its made from a full grown woman and goes around wasting people. and only Richard burton can kill it with his manliness and toughness. its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and snes with player one as Richard burton whos a brawler and player 2 as elizabet taylor who uses magic as shes pure now and can fire ki beams of positive ki that burn through bad guys.

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