Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Vertigo Review

note; typoes don't make it worse
vertigo
this is my review on vertigo
I recall a batman the animated series ep about this
its by Alfred Hitchcock and has
gross
widescreen
vista vision?
wtf is dat?
anyway its got jimmy stewart and kim novak
it starts with a close up of a chicks face with credits
then it goes red and has trippy effects with the title
ooh, its based on a novel
a ovel by a FRENCHIE!!!
after dat its Cops chasing a guy over rooftops
1 cop falls and catches himself and the other cop trires to save him
he rolls a 1 and falls off
later jimmy stewart(da cop)is complaining about wearing a corset
its for medical reasons
hes not turning queer or anything lol
he sez he had to quit the force cuz hes afraid of heights
heights freak my a55 out too
hes got vertigo and gets dizzy at looking down
he marvels at a new model of bra the chick he's talking to has in her office
maybe he's turning!!
its revealed jimmy and the blonde were engaged for 3 weeks and she dumped him
also jimmy got a call from a slum bum who was in da war
they say a shock might snap him outta his fear of heights
so he stands on various chairs to test it
working his way up
he looks up and down and on the highest chair he looks out a window and sees a drop and faints
later jimmy talks to this guy he knew from years ago(I think its the slum bum)
the guy wants the jimmy to tail his wife
jimmy don't consent
the guy sez his wife has suspect things going on with her and goes out for a while w/o explanation
jimmy consents
later jimmy's watching a chick from across a room
later tails her in a car
theres no dialogue, only music and images
like a silent film
its well done
they go through a flower shop and jimmy goes back in his car
he eventually follows her to a cemetery and finds a grave she stopped at
later in a museum he finds her looking at a painting of a blonde holding flowers and having a necklace
all this is done w/o a word
jimmy asks an employee about the painting and gets info on it
then more tailing
he follows her to a hotel or something and uses his badge to get info
she uses a Spaniard name to come there to sit x a week
but despite jimmy seeing her come in, the receptionist sez she hasn't been there today
when he gets up to check her car is gone outside and she aint there
he talks to his ex from b4 about san fran sisco history and they go out to find a guy she knows of from a gunfight in the 1800s
the guy sez the picture girl/the name the blonde uses was a chick who had a house in some place with a bf but they split and he took the kids so she wet nuts and suicided
this is turning into a horror movie
the ex fiancée bugs him to know why he's into this
later jimmy reports to the guy and its revealed the picture woman was her moms grandma
and crazy runs in the family(the guy's too)
later jimmy car drives after her again
he follows her to the water under the golden gate bridge and she jumps in
so he jumps in and saves her
wtf she's out cold
she fell 2 feet into water!
that's not enough to K O someone
he brings her back to some room(a motel?(BATES MOTEL?!)) and I think he changed her clothes(and maybe played with her b00bs offscreen)
she wakes up and he gives her a clothes(a robe)
she comes in and talks and she don't recall much
they talk for a while and he calls the guy
when he gets back shes gone and I think his ex goes by in a car(I didn't getta good look)
the next day (I think) he tails her and chats to her at a house
btw we're like an hour in already
that just whizzed by
a sign of a good filme
she gives him a thank you letter and leaves
they go to a forest and find trees alive since bible times
they look at a tree cut with markers on historical events
she points to areas and sez where she was born and bit it
then walks off and disappears
wtf is this a ghost movie?
Hitchcock don't do those
he finds her and asks her questions on where and when she is/was
she sez she didn't jump in the water, she fell
and she cant tell him what happened
later she describes her feelings like a dark corridor with mirror shards
she remembers a room and her open grave with no name on it
also she recalls a tower and bell in a Spanish village
but not a portrait
he wants to put the clues together but she sez if shes nuts it explains it
that's more of a cop out than an explanation
she goes mental and they kiss on the lips like a couple
that night he chats with his ex and she wants to be a painter
she painted a replica of the picture the chick looked at b4
but shes the face on it
jimmy isn't cool with it and books it
she goes mental
later the chick comes by and tells of a dream she had
but jimmy sez she was in the place she dreamed of
but she denies it
she sez shes afraid of the dark in the dream and the place
they go there and she talks about being there as a kid
they sorta make out then
but she freaks out and runs off saying it shouldn't happen
she sez for him to let her go in the church alone
he does but then notices the tower at it and goes after her
he followes her up da stairs and has vertigo attacks
then she falls off the tower and he tries going dow da stairs slow
we get a really good shot of people going on the roof and jimmy on the other corer of the screen leaving
later theres a trial and its deemed jimmy and the guy wernt guilty
wait
they're telling the jury the evidence for and against his guilt
I think hes found not guilty
the guy sez hes going to Europe
at night jimmy seez triply animation and weird strobing colored lights over various images
I think its her dreams
he wakes up freaked
later he talks to his ex(or she does da talking)
she tries to help him and sez MOTHER IS HERE!!
what was hitchcocks issue with moms?
I think jimmys a vegetable
wtf theyre in a nut house
a dr sez he's bummed and feeling guilty and should take 6-12 months to heal
later jimmy is out and asks a chick about her car
she sez its the guys car and he moved away
jimmy goes to places he saw the chick at an hour of film ago
but he starts seeing her
he goes around and asks a dame in a hotel room (where the chick was b4) a few questions
shes suspicious of him but he wins her trust a bit
he asks her who and where she are and are from and she gives normal answers
she talks on and he sez nothing but she puts the situation together
she feels bad for him and he offers to have diner with her
she consents
we see what I think is a flashback and it shows the chick who bit it really ran up the stairs and her husband threw a body that looked like her off the roof
she writes a note saying she wanted to be with him but the guy really just used her to ice his real wife and fake a suicide cuz he looked like her
the backstory was part faked and he was just a tool to get away with it as the guy knew jimmys disability wouldn't let him get to the top of the stairs
she then rips up the note and goes to dinner
at diner the ex comes in looking like the chick
after dinner he sez he wants to be with her as much as he can and starts winning her over
funny thing
I was thinking of the sequel idea where the chick really survived and faked jumping
over the next few dates hes winning her over
at a shopping place he tries to get her a suit like she wore b4
she freaks out
they get the suit
he also wants a dress like she wore b4
nowadays feminists would go mental against this
at home shes going mental and he sez he's finally happy
she tries to make it about him by saying"you should like me for me"
ironic as she's the one who f'd him up
she agrees to change for him
after getting a make over (wow, no one sez make over anymore. in da 90z we said it all da time on tv) she returns to jimmy looking as she once did
he gets her to do her hair right and they kiss
I'm surpirzed theres no b0ning in this one
Hitchcock usually alludes to it
as they make out the camera turns and background changes
this is a long make out scene
its like big top pee wee(the circus one, not the implants one)
later they are living happy and are going to dinner
then he notices this jewelry shes wearing is the same one from he picture
as they drive he takes them somewhere off course
he seems a bit sinister
clever
he knows she cant say anything as it would blow her cover
and she knows it too
they go to the place the chick fake bit it
he makes her go up the stairs and follows her
this is kinda like in akira where tetsuo went from hero to villain
he reveals he knows of the necklace jewelry and he figured it all out
she confirms his suspicions and he brings her to da top
they reveal they love eachother and he sez its too late
then they make out
a nun comes out of the shadows and freaks her out and he falls off the tower
the end
wtf kind of ending was that?!
IT JUST CAME FROM nOWHERE
the film was good and it peaked right at da end
but still it seems kinda f'd
I liked it
ad its very restrained
it doesn't go big and flashy
but has good camera and editing
for vertigo 2 i'd like for her to have survived the fall but be missing her legs and has gotten really fat from issues. she gets metal legs put on and they have blades on the feet like that crippled Olympian and she and jimmy (who is full on nuts now and goes around eating people) go after the guy who set the whole crime up. he uses his wifes cash to hire all the poors in Europe to defend him. so they go around chopping up and eating them to get to him in his castle of solid coins and bank notes with him in a suit of armor made of money. its also a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis and snes with player 1 as the chick who can take more hits and one as jimmy who is big and buff from all the protein he ate from eating people and does more damage.

2 comments:

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