Tuesday, March 14, 2017

The Gold Rush Review

note; I hope ur used to my bad writing by now. cuz I aint chainging
the gold rush
this is my review on da gold rush(1920s ver)
its by Charlie chaplain
he did some grand films
although I felt Harold Lloyd made me smile more
I loved a sailor made man
but I cried during city lights
such pure emotion
Charlie was more into meaningful heartfelt films while Harold did more epic stunts
buster Keaton did more tricks and awesome dangerous cr=p while I'm not sure how to classify roscoe Arbuckle
I also saw Klondike by ridley scott where people went up north for gold and most of em bit it
after the credits say who plays what, it also sez the music was by Charlie in da 40z reissue
a title card describes how the gold rush of the 1980s I man 1890s s-cked
people swarmed for fortune but they didn't know how awful it was
at chilkoot pass people climb single file up a mountail
elsewhere the lone prospector(the tramp) comically walks on thre heights of a icy mountain
a bear follows him
hope it don't b0ne him
elsewhere is another guy who looks tough
his name is big jim and he found an a55load of gold
the tramp goes around in an icy field and uses a compass drawn on paper
he finds a marker for j(I forget his name) sourdough who bit it in 98
big jim is apparently wanted and has posters for him
his tent blows away in a storm and te tramp finds an empty cabin
this is how horror movies start
he finds a bone with a bit of meat on it and eats
is that human??
big jim cmes in and tells him to get out
when he opens the door, the wind blows him back
its not big jim
he kicks the tramp out but after some loney toons style back and forth, tramp wins
big jim comes in and nearly eats the tramps hand while eating meat on a bone
is this cannibal?
the cabin guy returns has a gun
he struggles with big jim over it as the tramp triesd to get away from the business end
but they struggle and it keeps aiming at him
they all stay inside for a few days as its an endless blizzard
they run low on food and the tramp eats a candle
big jim(I think) comes in and for a sec it looks like he ate the dog
but he didn't
to get food they cut a deck of cards to see who goes out in the storm
I think big jim goes out
also cops are after big jim and in a tent in the storm
he encounters a cop outside and ices him
and the other
they call him black Larson
I think that's who I thought big jim was
at the cabin the tramp cooks a shoehim and the real big jim eat it
reminds me of the dreams I have about me eating plastic
later black Larson (which sounds like a Yugioh card or jrpg item name) fids big jims gold claim
at the cabin, big jim is hungry and imagines the tramp as a chicken
chicken boo?(from animaniacs)
if u gotta at, ja gotta eat!
he tries to ice the tramp but sees him as a non chicken again in time to pull back
he decides to eat him anyway and they have a Scooby doo style chase
as black Larson eats bacon, big jim and tramp try to kill and eat eachother
then the big black bear comes in
in some scenes its a real bear
in others a guy in a suit
the ap it offfscrean and eat it offscreen
must be because bear isn't kosher
later they part ways
big jim returns to his gold site but black Larson is there
they fight and blarck larso wastes him with a shovel
I assume he eats him too
no sense to waste all that meat
hes still alive
he wakes up later
also I think an avalanche wastes black Larson
in a small mountain town is a chick named Georgia
the tramp cashes in his gold at a place
at a dance Georgia has photos of herself but a guy takes the hottest one for a few secs
the tramp arrives but cant find a girl
it looks like Georgia wants to dance with him but its really the but behind him
later she sez she wants to meet someone worth while
tramp finds her hot photo kinda busted up
hope he don't j-rk off to it
the photo grabber flirts with her but she turns him down
btw shes wearing a sleeveless dress that shows her armpits
too hot for 1925
to get away from him she dances with the tramp
he keeps pulling his pants up as they are baggy like a 1990s black guy(or white guy who wants to be black)
he gets a big dog leash caught in his pants(I think from using it as a belt) and it pulls him around
the photo guy hassles the chick again but she shows him her armpit ad leaves
then he intimidates the tramp for getting in his at
he pulls the traps hat over his face and tramp swings
he hits a wall but it makes a clock fall on the guy and brain damage him
the tramp thinks he slugged him out
later the tramp fakes being frozen to get a gy to give him breakfast
big jim cant recall the situation cuz of his head bashing and wanders around
the breakfast guy named hank hired tramp to look after the cabin while hes out
Georgia stops by and reunites with the tramp
while there she finds he saved her picture and a flower or w/e she gave him
also her female friends are with her
he accidentally sets his foot and chair o fire but puts it out
they agree to have dinner together
for new years
he gets excited and busts up the cabin in celebration
I assume that's 1920s censorship for j-rkin off
t make cash for the dinner he shovels snow
but each time he shovels 1 door, the snow goes to another
he sets up a good diner and a big a55 donkey comes in and eats a candle
later the chicks arrive and he does a little dance using forks as legs and dinner rolls as feet
the simpsons parodied this
wait, that was a dream
at midknght everyone celebrates and Georgia is with the rest of the town partying
and the photo guy
the tramp is bummed
he's either gonna cut himself or shoot the place up
wait, that's degrassi
the chicks and photo guy decide to go see the tramp
he leaves and checks the party
the chick Georgia se to the photo guy she loves him
they plan to play a prank on him but hes gone
the friends leave but the photo guy wants a kiss and she don't consent
in the real version I think he tried to b0ne her
later big jim sez he has a lotta gold but cant recall where
but if he can find the cabin he can find his way back to it
seems legit
Georgia sends a sorry note saying she loves him to the tramp
she gives a note to the photo guy but he don't care
photo guy f's with the tramp
he gives the note to a guy to give to the tramp but don't say who its from(and its signed goerga)
wait, she loves the photo guy?
big a55 jim comes in and tells tramp to bring him to the cabin to get the gold
tamp sez to georga he got her note and is gonna make good
jim and tramp go to the cabin and jim draws a map
at night the wind blows and the cabin is blown around
it winds up on a cliff edge
tramp wakes up and moves things around and it makes the cabin tilt like that level in Castlevania bloodlines
they f around to se how it tilts
tramp goes outside and nearly falls off the cliff
the cabin falls but a rope gets caught on rocks and holds it at a tilt
jim tries to get to the upper edge of the cabin by climbing o tramp
why not use the wall?
he gets out and finds his gold claim right where the cabin is
he gets the tramp a rope and he climbs out as the cabin falls like in a sonic level
how'd they do that?
it looks almoist real
later they're millionaires
big jim and a fur coat like a p-mp
under the tramps coat is a fur coat
I think they became p-mps
but tramp misses georia
shes also on the boat
tram gets back into his 1st clothes as they are comfier and gets his photo taken
but falls on his a55 down the stairs
and reuites with georiga
she's also in a fur coat
is she a p-mp?
the captain thinks the tarmp is a stowaway cuz he's dressed like a hobo
she offers to pay his fair but tramps homies reveal hes a millionare
he otta have that guy whipped for that
they go up the stairs and get a photo together
he makes out with her and the guy sez they "spoiled the picture"
sounds like hes heterophobic
the end
that was wonderful
the ending was bliss
heart and love
with good humor
we love u Charlie
for the gold rush 2 i'd like for it to be a ww1 film with big jim and the tramp supporting the kaizer and tramp has a son with Georgia who is an ace in the war. its the son's story of getting lost in the mountains and finding some ancient hidden area with mammoths that he uses to help the Austrians fight off the brits(who are depicted in here with black eyes and gray skin and have fangs and claws and practice cannibalism at the slightest opportunity to show they are the bad guys)

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