Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Night Of The Iguana Review

note; my spelling is better than most guys talk
night of the iguana
this is my review of night of the iguana
its written by Tennessee willaims
knowing him its got gayness, mental illness and parent issues
aka; evangelion
I assume this is a giant monster movie like the killer shrews
it stars Richard burton(the gay dr from equus)
it starts with Richard as a priest giving mass
its by mgm
I like em
too bad its widescreen
his sermon is about a city without walls has no defence
and w/o our spiritual guard we are temptded
he devolves into a tirade about some weird shakespere cr-p
I think he was talking about falling into sin
the church members leave as he just keeps trading
then we get the credits
ooh, john huston did this
I loved his adaptation of the bible
really good camera work
you never see adams parts due to good zoom and pacing so they're just offscreen
the part with the sodomites was like a tim burton p0rn0
as in; weird creepy scenes and danny elfman sounding music
after credits with an iguana, Richard is in mexico or something and hanging with a blonde
he also is with some geezers
I think he's on a tour bus
tour bus from the underworld; in attack mode!
step into the grand tour (of h-ll)
the geezers (all chix) sing "happy days are here again" on da bus ride
on the trip they see mexico kids holding up iguanas
Richard sez they taste like chicken
they stop on a bridge and watch kids play in the pool
th blonde talks with rich about how the trip s-cked so far
she also wants to call him by his 1st name
then this hag comes in and sez the blonde is under age
but they are in mexico
laws are different there
she looks 20s
its revealed the Richard spent a night with the blonde or something (they aint really clear) and he got his keys mixed up
then a tire blows
this is how horror movies start
while the driver fixes it the blonde goes swimming with the Richard
lol the blondes name is charlotte
hush hush sweet charlotte
the hag finds out Richard is swimming with her she goes on a tirade at em until the return
when they return the hag slaps the blonde and insults the Richard
what a b--ch
hope the giant iguana b0nes her
at night the blonde sneaks out to see the Richard
she chats with him but hes uneasy
I think hes got a b0ner
she sez ses goig home and not telling the hag
but she wanted him to know
the hag talks to the blonde but finds the blond aint there and attacks his door
she comes in but the blonde ant there
she keeps calling the blonde a "child"
shes like 16
that's old enough to HAVE kids
man wats with this nasty old hag?
she hates hetero men
its like shes a feminist
latr the hag tries to force the driver to send word in texas go after the Richard
but he wont do it so she does it herself
Richard drives da bus but does it badly and stops in some place
he takes the bus engine part and leaves for this hotel or w/e
he asks for fred but fread bit it weeks ago
turns out the place hes at is closed in august
also his last job had people against him and if this one goes bad, he might get canned
he plans to buy time and win the geezers over
the driver thinks the Richard is in love with the blonde and sees it as bad
the Richard explains to the chick working there the hag wants to charge him with statutory raepe
she don't know what that means and he sez; a man is seduced by a woman under 20
the age of consent was 20?!
most people don't stay virgins past middle school
look at yugioh zexal
anna b0ning Yuma
bronk b0ning rio
richer tries winning over the hag and she sez she "no longer assumes responsibility for the blonde"
also the hag sez the geezrs got the runs from mexico food
that's racist
the chick shaves the Richard and chats
she gives him freds shoes
later some geezer couple comes in and wants to stay
these people are perfect for giant animal movies
oh and the male geezer is a poet who's 97
he might've know slaves
the girl in the geezer couple is actually his granddaughter
they pay their way by doing poems and drawing cr-p
and they tried every hotel in the area ad none of em would accept em
also 2 mexico guys hunt an iguana
in grade 1 in my 90s childhood my teacher said he had a pet iguana
the hag calls this place to get info on the Richard
she outs him as having been kicked out of priest and says he was seducing younger girls
the granddaughter talks with the chick about her husband
fred was 20 years older than her and later got into fishing
the blonde goes to see the Richard and he knocks over a ting and steps in broken glass
he don't care and wants her out
but she wants to marry him
he tries to explain how this is bad as he walks in broken glass
he keeps denying it
she walks in glass to show her love so he picks her up and carries her out kicking and screaming
I just remembered in sailor moon serena is 14 ad darien is like 22 and they later fall in love and b0ne nd make minimoon
he gets help from the granddaughter and she tends his fet and his cr-p from his room
he wants to do priest stuff to prove hes still a priest but the collar is damaged
the geezr poet falls but they help him
hes ben having issues and instead of returning to Nantucket, went to mexico
richard gives the grand daughter(who's like 40) some smokes as mexico smokes are recycled from used ones
he explains why he isn't a priest now
a year aGo a sunday school teacher tried to b0ne him and the b0ned
she attempted suicide but didn't work and in church he went on a tirade
he went to a nut house but now works as a tour guide
he rambles about how man has been going against God by polluting and hunting
sounds like captain planet
he also sez if he gets fired hes going to china
meanwhile the chick offrs the hag some chronic
she talks to the Richard and they get in a fight by throwing around a drink cart
the chick goes on a tirade against the graddaghtr and they talk about the Richard
the blonde goes missing but is at a bar drinking and dancing
the bus driver fights 2 Mexicans near her
I think they're dance fighting as theres music they fight to
he gets his a55 kicked
later the Richard tells off this judge (hags bro) and the bus driver and the geezers leave
the hag swears to bring down the Richard but the chick subtly accuses her of hating him and the blonde for being hetero and shes aint
Richard sez if she realizes it, it might destroy her as she's moral
I was joking about it earlier
I didn't know she was
but it does give insight into feminists
they don't want sexy chicks in video games so they wont be tempted
the chick gets the hag to pay the bill and the Richard goes mental
he removes his cross and tries to swim to china but the Mexicans get him
hes tied up and the graddaughter makes bible references to how Jesus had it worse
the Richard sez all women wanna see a man tied up
this sounds like a p0rn0e
they chat back and forth for a while
when does the giant iguana come in?
when talking about her grampa she sez; a home isn't a building but a state where 2 people can rest
she sez its good if people are never alone
meanwhile the chick is making out with the 2 Mexicans and runs off as a storm starts
I assume they were b0ning I the real version
the granddaughtrer sez afterhe rens were iced in a car thing, she was 16 and accidentally screamed when somone bumped her leg
he was arrested for mo les ting a minor but she saved him
another time she went out in a "sampan"(wtf is dat) with an austraLIAN!!
SHE TOOK OFF HER CLOTHES FOR HIM(f caps lock) and he did stuff with her clothes while her back was turned
that was the closest to b0ning she had
she talks aboiut b+eating a "blue devil" (I think its a metaphor but it may be a Castlevania thing)
she gives advice to the Richard on how to beat it]
from her description, it sounds like an addiction
she untied him a bit ago btw
they talk about God and cut loose a captured iguana
the poet the sez his poem is finished and sez it
I think its about b0ning
after hes done he goes to pray
she prays to stop and he bites it
the chick reads the poem
the granddaughter sez shes gonna go on alone and he sez he wants to travel with her
she sez its not good but the chick offers to give her the hotel
the grand aughterf decides to book it and Richard lets her keep his cross
the Richard decides to take over the hotel and work with her or w/e
the end
what happened with the blonde
this was a good film
not what I expected
a bit hippie
but well done
love dat b/w filming
for night of the iguana 2 i'd like for the blonde to have married the Richard burton and the iguana he set free has went into a ancient temple and eaten some black item that caused it to grow and become a huge daemony abomination and is out to just bust stuff up AROUnd the area. the mexico military cant stop it so its up to the Richard burton to pray the evil away and use his priest skills to fight it.

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