Thursday, September 21, 2017

Charge Of The Light Brigade Review

note; I play Yugioh but this isn't that card
charge of the light brigade
this is my review on charge of the light brigade(1936)
its got erol Flynn and Olivia de haviland
ooh Michael curtiz did this
it starts with a dedication to the officers who fought in 1856
then says this guy who wrote the poem was important
ooh Donald crisp is in this
then it sez its based on actual events but some parts are made up
then more text saying something about brittish lancers
not the brits!
they're the bad guys!!
errol Flynn leads men on a mission
a horse busts a leg and they ice it
nowadays they'd make it look bad for it
one guy nearly shoots a bird but errol Flynn sez its property of the ruler of the area
the highest rank men meet the ruler
he remembers errol Flynn
btw one guy is called Charles Barclay(not barkley)
so the ruler's dad got payment from brittish taxpayers
but now hes in charge and they need a new deal
one guy sez a falcon once busted a lambs back
get the myth busters
later they go on a leopard hunt and ride elephants
nowadays some animal supremacists would b--ch about it
animal rights?!
what next?!
plant rights?!
Donald crisp(I think) takes a shot but missed. so the ruler caps the leopard
an elephant he's riding goes nuts and drags the ruler
another leopard nearly gets him but errol Flynn saves him by capping the cat
hes thankful
later its 1854 in Calcutta
Olivia de vaviland talks to errol flynns characters brother
there a love triangle between them
after like 40 secs of talking she leaves
then some high rank guys talk about a mission
errol Flynn is sent on a mission to deliver horses to the black sea
that's racist
errol lfynn reunites with his bro
the high rank brits talk about how the ruler is doing stuff the czar is doing
then theres an 1800s party like in all these 30s-40s films
erroland Olivia dance and chat
they switches partners with bro and sez she hasn't gotta chance to tell  errol
the ruler arrives and hes got a Russian count with him
I like how these guys have those frilly shoulder things like Michael Jackson or zeches merquise did
olivoia and bro wanna tell errol about their love
but her dad comes in and tells him to gtfo fro being with his brothers fiancée
her dad is a colonel and threatens to misuse his army powers to make bro suffer
ad tries to get Olivia to go back to errol
but shes totally gay for his bro
she dances with errol and hes gay for her
later bro tells him hes and Olivia are in love
errol gets p-ssed at him
bro sez the f with the army and errol
later errol sez bye to Olivia
he sez bro loves her but hes still into her
then he travels by horse's a55 to Calcutta
they mention turkey wars with Russia and the English and French (being the bad guys) side with turkey
we done shots of them leading horses around the wasteland
then wasteland warriors attack and the take cover and fight back
errol has a plan to drag a thing by horses to raise dust to look like reinforcements are coming
also he knifes a guy and takes his clothes/scalp and wears em for some reason
the wasteland warriors book it and Flynn riding in warrior clothes gets shot at by his own guys
but it missed
after his mission he passes by his bro
both get sent on the same mission somewhere
errol don't believe Olivia loves bro
he arrives back at or from Calcutta and tells of being attacked
the higher rank guy sez there were orders not to fire on anyone
wtf England!?
an army not meant to fight?!
that's as dumb as unarmed cops!
errol Flynn teaches a kid a weird salute
he finds Olivia has returned home b4 he arrived
some people talk about which bro she loves with her'
bro comes by and talks with her about how she really loves him
shes gonna tell errol soon
they smooch and it fades to the next scene
did they b0ne?
later Charles barklay sez the ruler is preparing for an attack
errol sez to attack 1st as the ruler knows about England gonna war with Russia
I prefer the czar over the queen
although I'm polish and both countries hate my kind
but back then Russia was good
later they get orders to do maneuvers
I don't know what that means
errol sez his area is undefended with the guys on maneuvers
but they have orders and that's more important than common sense or logic or reason
they di maneuvers to "put up a display of force"
I've played nobunaga's ambition and find sending all your troops isn't good unless ur desperate or super confident
errol Flynn chats with Olivia about gayle olde englande
she almost tells him her thing but right that moment, an attack happens
we get a good shot of distance and men scrambling
oh and of the attacking force ridin in with many horses but dust behind em to show theres more than we see
like d w Griffith in birth of a nation
they battle and are overwhelmed
so they fall back to the barracks and pick e off as they climb the wall
looks like they're f'd
oh f theres women and children in there
they're gonna get f;d dead
they have plenty of bullets but little water
and its warm
well, it IS a wasteland
they need help from the forces sent out
at night the moon hides behind clouds
1 guy gives errol an item
errol goes out and hides on the ground between cloud moon shots
why don't they have a secret escape in it?
like a hidden tunnel or back way out?
he sneaks out but gets capped and falls in water
the next day the enemy troops are gone
but someone comes by
its guys from the ruler
they want a truce and errol
wait wtf
I thought errol bit it
oh it was Randel who bit it
ruler wants to spare errol cuz errol saved him
they chat and he wants em to surrender
erol don't consent and goes to tell his commander
commander surrenders (what is he? french?!)
man theres a lot of phallllic pillars holding up the walls
and they look circimcized!
real d-cks have skin
like real faces have noses
the brit forces put the injured ad women ad children on boats
but the rulers forces go j fk and sniper em
errol tries to save olvia
then the ruler takes over the base
errol and Olivia need to get reinforcements to save the women and children the ruler is b0ning
btw the ruler is called the khan
like Genghis khan?
he b0ned more chicks than anyone!
makes errol Flynn look like bill gates!
they get back to another base and get reinforcements
at the taken over base it looks empty
so they go in
they find everyone iced
in the real version they were probably chopped up and b0ned
so text sez that England went to war with Russia (who would totally kick englands candy a55 irl)
Olivia hears bro I think ids headed to battle
she talks a bit but I wasnt paying attention as I was reading about Phineas Gage
later some high rank guys talk about what to do
errol writes an order to send the light brigade to some place
he sez he wants his men to fight to avenge the base of the kids b0ned dead
but the higher rank guy sez no and for errol to deliver the letter to the light brigade
errol goes kinda spazzy and seems to snap
he recalls all the people b0ned dead
good acting btw
he changes the order but I can hardly rrad it in that squiggle rapper graffiti style hand writing
changing orders?
I'm surprised hes not drawn and quarted for that
the guy he letters to is glad to get the order and actually might be the guy who surrendered I think
errol has his bro sent off to hq to keep him outta the fight
btw errol survived the attack b4 by order of the ruler
errol gives a mel Gibson speech about avenging those who kill women and children
oh and ruler is working with the Russians
bro delivers the letter and the guy he gives it to sez the light brigade is fighting Russian artillery and are done for
so bro is sent to try to save em
the loight brigade crosses a valley and charge
the Russians blow em apart with cannons
and theres cannons surrounding em
but they keep going
huh, they really killed horses to make this
just like they really kill crabs to make sushi
the light brigade breaks through and figfhts the Russians
ruler caps errol flinn and errol Flynn spears ruler
then we get the brit flag waving and words saying to honor them
the guy who gave the real order is issues cuz for giving the order to fight
he rads the letter the bro gave and its errol confessing to faking orders
the order guy burns it to protect Flynn\
the end
that was pretty good
btw Donald crisp was olivias dad
I liked it
and I hear its popular in japan
plus I heard in the transforms the movie (1986(the GOOD one)) they wanted to kill off season 1 and 2 toys by a charge of the light brigade attack of them getting blown apart
what they did was good too
I liked this despite its brittishness
for charge of the light brigade 2 i'd like for the kahn guy to have survived but his stomach was removed and his esophagus was connected to his intestine so he has to eat a lot to get the nutrition. he turns to eating people and starts capturing people from other places and devouring em alive so he can get more nutrients. soon his cannibalism makes him the most feared man in the area and it starts an uprising for thre people joining him to avoid being eaten. they go around capturing more areas for him to eat people and soon England has to pull out cuz they cant stand seeing their men being eaten alive by him(he makes one captured guy watch and sends him back to tell).

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