Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Nanny Review

note; this isn't the 90s show about that jewish chick
the nanny
this is my review on the nanny (1965)
it stars bette davis who was the rotted hag in whatever happened to baby jane
ooh its by hammer studios(the Christopher lee Dracula guys)
it starts with kids at a 60s playground
its widescreen
gag me with a spoon
bette davis walks through the park(its black and white btw(that's racist)) and carrys some box
she goesw to some home and a couple is disgruntled
the moms crying and dad trys to help her
man bette davus is a rotted hag
she looks like a bad crossdresser
the couple are brits
gag me with a spoon
the dad yells at the mom cuz brits aint manly enough to smack em
she tells bette shes afraid her boy was away from her too long and wont like her
as da boy is returning home after a thing
mom don't feel up to going somewhere so bette davis goes
mom has viet nam flashbacks of her daughter
the head of the school sez to dad that you gotta be able to tell the difference between kids healthy and mental phantasies
he also sez the boy joey (joyey jeremiah from degrassi jr high) isn't normal
the cleaner walks into joeys room and hes hung himself
she freaks out but he was faking it by having another rope around his torso
oh dat crazy kid
headmaster hears of it and sez joey hates old ladies
his dad takes him home and he refuses to sit with bette davis
she might rot on him
on the ride home joey sez he hated the cleaner cuz shes like bette davis
but davis tries to play nice with him
at home joey is given a room but he wants the small room and moves his cr-p over
my wisconsion friend would like the mom
he likes not ugly brit chicks
spoiler; there aint many!!
joey wants to do things on his own but mom wants bette davis to do it for him
ur candying his a55!
dad acts like joey is normal
his dads kind of a d-ck
no emotion
brits never evolved that
or souls
evolution is fake!
dad talks to joey as joey makes a noose
joey wants to be independent but dad sez bette davis was his joies moms  and aunts nanny
he looks outside and theres a stairway on the building side
I think I saw this b4
or to quote Zelda
strange, it seems somewhat, familiar
later mom and joey talk with a chick and she sez shes got health cr-p
I think its the aunt
they reveal after grandma bit it and an accident, nanny stayed with em
is aunt is scared she might bite it
joey asks if bette davis has the same condition
this kid sounds like a serial killer
at dinner btte davis (nanny) made dinner but jorey don't eat it
dad sends him to bed w/o dinner
mom has emotions and dad sez stop
whart a d-ck
later joey sez theres no key in the bathroom door and he wants a bath
just turn the thing in da knob ja dink!
mom isn't feeling good but joey sez if its not fixed he wont have a bath
then don't have a bath ya c-cksucker!
 don't need one every week!
joey makes nanny swear she wont do anything
is this a child mo les ter movie?
is bette davis gonna b0ne him??
as nanny brushes moms hair they talk and nanny sez it gon be ok
joey locks himself in his room
what if theres a fire?!
later joey sees a girl on the fire escape and they talk
they bet faegs over if she has a b4
at 1st I thought it was currency but then I remembered its smokes
they talk and he reveals his sister bit it and hey blamed him
he goes in to get smokes and dad sez hes going out
joey eats dads breakfast and nanny sez she made it
joey sez he knows she wont poison the dad
I just wanna say that in all these movies its never the one who looks crazy being the bad guy
its always the one he suspects that's the rea bad guy
joey and girl drop a flower pot on a milkman and he tries to beat joey's a55
but nanny tells milkman off and saves joey
joey goes to girls apartment and sez he'd have ratted her out if it would help him
they talk about the nanny and he sez he can prove shes scare-able
he puts a doll in the bath and leaves the water running
when nanny sees it she has an episode
mom gets slightly mad at him cuz brits are wieners but he talks his way outta it
nanny makes steak and kidney pies and puts a J on one of em
hamburger is better
if you have to cut it up its not worth eating
gag me with a spoon
at dinner they eat pie but he wont eat it
nanny sez he was in the kitchen but when joey calls her a liar mom flips out and sends him to his room
punished for saying something true about someone?
what is this?!
well, it IS England
might as well be Sodom
nanny feeds mom pie and she gets food poisoning
she put aids in the pie!
you ever hear of an AIDS burger?
its with an aids carrier takes a needle and injects his aids blood into a burger and cooks it.
then he serves it to you, you eat it, and get the AIDS
dr asks joey if he put anything in her pie and nanny finds poison in joeys room
joey sez if hes left alone with nanny he'd run away
so they get the aunt to come by
so what if he runs away?
let him!
learn him some manners!
he might get b0ned by some homie!
aunt takes sleeping pills but joey tries to talk her outta it
kinda defats the purpose of having her come over
oh yeah, they took mom to get her tummy pumped
imagine if they hooked a hose to her a55 and pumped her pipes full of butter
joey plays checkers with aunt
joey makes nanny swear not to come in
you know, cuz killers have honor
brit logic; law breakers obey the law
its why they have unarmed cops
in America everyone has guns
in Canada the cops and crooks have guns
in England only crooks have guns
so something scares aunt (I think a dream) and she freaks out
but nanny saves her
it wasn't a dream
joey was wet and said nanny tried to hold him under the bath water
so she slaps him
joey goes to chat with the girl
joey reveals years ago how nanny went out when not supposed to and his sister saw him playing with a knife and said he'd out him
joey told her to play with dolls and she did... in the bath tub
doll falls in, she goes in and hits the thing
nanny comes back and comes in to the bath tub
joey sez she iced the sister
nanny sez joey did it
they believed the nanny
joey and girl talk about frying nanny with x rays as they have an x ray thing
joey reveals after sister bit it, nanny bathed her like she was alive
and joey didn't trust her after dat
so they sent him to the school
dr returns and finds joey in his place so he sends him back to nanny(hes the girls daddio)
joey sets up cr-p in his room
later aunt wakes up and finds nanny by joeies door with a pillow
aunt realizes nanny was gonna suffocate joey
and she poisoned the mom
nanny denies it and when aunt gets too stressed she bites it
it takes a while though
and nanny keeps her from her smelling salts
nanny dabs her face with a moist cloth and reveals she took a taxi to some place the day the sister bit it
she went to see this chick who was biting it
oh its her kid
and the daughter was preggers
with an illegitimate kid!
and she had it killed and her body as damaged by it
this gets worse and worse each thing they add
what next? she ate her kid?!
if its not considered human life then its not cannibalism to eat
as many chicks eat their placenta
so this shock snapped her and when she got home she turned on the bath w/o checking it
she thought sister was alive but really she bit it b4 nanny got back to the tub
after hearing that awful story the aunt finally bites it
nanny comes after joey but his ropes he rigged up alert him of her coming
he runs but slips and knocks out
nanny carrys him to the tub and throws him in
as she holds him under she snaps and saves him
she goes and collects the pictures of the family
then joey reunites with his mom and they somehow know everything
the end
that was pretty good
it keeps you guessing a bit on who the bad guy is
it uses good editing and the b/w art style is a nice touch
plus its not gory
but England rated it X cuz they s-ck
for the nanny 2 i'd like for her to be on trial and its a court case about her mentalness. she goes in and out of her mentalness and she sees crazy things and alternate things to reality. turns out, her mind was shocked by her dasughters awfulness and it weakened her barriers between her and reality and she became unhinged in a Schrodinger's cat thing where she can see the other world where things are ok. during the trial she weakens reality and various abominations from other realities come in and start wasting the courtroom and she becomes a walking dimension distortion.

No comments:

Post a Comment