The Martian Review

note; this isn't  50s b movie. but I wish it were

the martian

this is my review on the martian (the 2010s one)

after logos we get a title I can hardly read

so its mars and people are on it

why?!

so they joke around and collect samples

suddenly theres a storm coming

right after being told of it, it arrives

so they choose to end the mission

they walk through the sandstorm in the dark with head lights

matt dammon wants to stay but the storm takes him out when something hits him(I wasn't looking)

the rocket back home might tip over so they gotta book it

lol matt damons name is mark

like in tommy wiseaus the room

they give up thinking matt damon went back to h-ll and leave that awful planet

wtf the area is called the ARIES 3 site on MARS!!

that's like the APHRODITE  city on VENUS

or the A site on ALPHA

later mat damon wakes up with low ait

oh and the stormes over

hes the only man in the world

wasn't this a twilight zone episode?

he goes into da base and gets nude

he;s gotta wound on his abs

he does DIY surgery to fix it

this is like in Prometheus with the chick getting a cyber c section

then he starts a vlog on his condition

the antenna broke off and shanked him

but his blood sealed the hole in his suit

its gonna be at least 04 years til any manned mission can come for him

and he cant contact em

and he's low on food

and if the systems of his base go he bites it

but you know he wont as that would ruin the movie

wait

4 years?!

astronaut chris hatfield spent 5 months in space and when he got back hre was so weak he could hardly hold up his head

so 4 years would make them immobile

plus you'd have to get use to mars gravity(1/3rd of earth)

then its another 4 years years in space

if he ever returned to earth he's probably bite it from organ failure

they'd probably spill outta his a55

so he checks things and finds he has like a year of food

so hes a botanist and makes a small farm in his place

oh and he watches happy days

he uses oxygen and hydrogen to make water with fire

as nasa makes nothing flammable in space, he uses the girls items

including a cross

that's racist

it blows and roastes him a bit

so he tryes it better and it works

the water is vapor in the air and it moistens the area

then he starts growing potatoes

on eat they have a

memorial for mat maron

this black guy wants to go back to the mars

but jeff bridges wont consent as they don't want pix of mat daemons body

so black guy sez to say they are gonna recover whats left of mat daemon

a sattilite viewer notices acticity on mars in the base location

and jeff bridges don't wanna (wait its jeff daniels) let anyone know hes alive

it might be bad pr

also they think hes gonna bite it anyway

also they wont tell the crew returning home

but it comes out anyway

oh and the only music he has is "turn da beet around" which I thought was from the 90s as its in that stallone film

but its disco apparently

so mat maedon knows they have the next mission is set to land 3200 kms away

that's like a whole mile

wait is that earth km or mars km?

so ittl take him 50 days to get there

so after testing he digs up plutonium they buried to use as some thing

oh and at earth they might do something that will take 09 months to get there

are they gonna get him pregnant>?

so 48 sols (wtf is that? they keep saying sols. do they mean days? then day days!) later he has potatoes grown

he goes out and the earth satilite people figure out where hes headed

I just realized that as mars has 1/3th earths gravity they don't gotta make the rover car as sturdy as earth cr-p

so mat danon digs out the pathfinder and brings it back

he connects it to his tech and gets it to transmit date to earth

I cant even hook my sega genesis to a widescreen tv

how can he combine these decade different techs?!

he asks them y/n questions on paper and they turn it to reply

he uses a hexadecimal code thing and pictures on paper things to rig a code of numbers he turns into letters and deciphers

nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd]

nasa tells him how to hack da rover car to communicate with pathfinder or w/e

now they can text

its the early 90s internet al over again

he asks how the crew felt when they found hes alive

they eventually say they hasn't told em

hew starts saying f--k

they say hes broadcast world wide and watch his mouth

his reply isn't shown

I assume it had to do with b0ning

later the 1st crew gets word mat daemon is alive

hay guyz! that guy u thought got iced is alive and u left him. we didn't tell u for 2 months but now we r. we cool homie?

so mat daemon sez once u grow crops somewhere u colonized it

i'm surprised that word isn't banned by then

what year is this anyway?

according to wikiopedia  its 2035

10 years after transformers victory and well into the 3rd Robotech war (the one with the Invid)

huh, ridley scott directed this

what is it with him and space?

is this part of the aliens canon?

oh and btw, in Robotech we had mars fully colonized by 2005

they go to an abandoned mars base in season one in 2009-10

later its night and the base blows

he fixs his cracked helmet with duct tape

also his plants bit it

its like -80 below zero

he gets to a safe place and freaks out

ur dead bone head!!

they decide to speed up the thing going to him

he sends a text to the crew heading to urth telling em cr-p

so earth and mars aint positioned well

so this nerd has an idea but wont say wat it is

jeff daniels wants to speed up cr-p and maybe skip inspection

meantile matt maerde is outta ketchup and has potatoes in vicoden

isn't that a b0ner pill?

the nasa launches the satilite but it blows

see you in h-ll matt daemone

matt daemon asks the chick who ditched him to tell his rents if he bites meanwhile the chinees have a booster rocket that can save matt damon

but it would cost them their thing

they give it to America

really?

come on

1st; they wouldn't do that

they don't even like their own people

2nd; this is just bad writing

our only plan failed

but someone else has something better never seen or mentioned b4

oh and the one with t is never seen or mentioned either

that's like bad power rangers

the nerd has an idea to just speedrun the rocket and not stopping to pick up or drop off the supplies

its just gonna grab em on the way

something about gravity

why not jus slingshot around the moon?

so the 1st crew finds out and decides to help

but its against the nasa orders

and they'd have to go back to the mat maerdeea

oh matt aradesaa is gonna rocket up and catch the passing by spaceship

we get a montage of them getting ready to david bowie music

he was in the hunger by tony scott

later mat daemon has a beard and thinks about the laws of mars

he uses trippy reasoning that hes a pirate

lay off the drugs matt daemon

I can see it now

the martian 2; space chronic

so he uses his modded rover car and drives to his destination to get out

he drives, recharges the solar things, sleeps and repeats

what was the movie where the guy is about to blast off of mars and sez "f diss planit!!"??

I saw it in like 2001 or so and cant recall if its mission to mars or red planet

so to get matt daemonism home hes gotta ditch 500kg from his vehicle

that's like a whole pound!

wait is that earth weight or mars weight??

so hes gonna have to leave most of his ship behind

but mars has a thin atmosphere so he shouldn't burn up

also its gotta be remote controlled from space

yeah, that sounds safe

trust people miles away to perfectly direct something moving at high speeds

where as online gams can have lag in connections

and this is higher more complex tech

see you in h-ll matt damon

then we get a montage with matt maedon stripping the ship to the song waterloo

I never new this was 70s

oh and he puts a blanket cover thing over the ship cover

dat mammon shaves his hair back to the way it was at the start of the film

he rockets off and gets to space

set con trols to out er space now fly ing high er than ev er be fore

ran gers

in space!

theres some speed problem and they use much of their fuel to fix part of it

so mat maron wants to use air things to redirect himself to "fly around like iron man"

they still have iron ma in 2035?

the 1st crew decides to breach the airlock to reduce thrust

see you in h-ll 1st crew

wait wtf theres gravity in on the space ship?!

they're running and everything

wait, in other parts of the ship they float

good f.

so they use sugar and cr-p to make something to blow the airloack

a guy goes out and plants it

oh and 1 guy on here looks like dan woren from Robotech

hes got the beard and face features

so the chick who left mat mardon goes out to get him

but cant reach him

so matt faemon shanks his suits hand and uses the air to fly up

she grabs him but he slips out

he grabs her chord and they spin around and hug

he then sez its good to see her and her music taste s-cked

everyone in the 1st world cheers as watching it live

later mat maredo is on earth and notices a plant growing in the ground

I think hes at space academy

the martian gx

wait hes teaching there

he tells em about how bad space is

maybe we shouldn't go there in the 1st place??

hmans aint designed for it

btw at 1 point he sez this is da only time 1 man had 1 planet

what about adam b4 eve?

oh and as the credits go we get the 5th mission to mars

matt was da 3rd

he waited for da 4th

btw why are all the tvs flatscreens?

in 80s stuff people still use vhs in the future

the end

that was pretty good

in 20 years it'll be on the history channel

like with 2001 a space odyssey

I'm srs

they had that on the history channel

should've been riki-oh

that was a better film set in 2001

but this was pretty good

not much to hate about it

its basically castaway in space

good survival and nerd cr-p

for the martian 2 i'd like it to be years later and everyone who was on mars has started to mutate from some unknown element being there that affected people and when mixed with our atmosphere. they start to deform into grotesque abominations and begin feeding on people. turns out, this happened to the last residents of mars and they disintegrated into dust without others to feed on. also their metal cities rusted and decroded into the red dust of mars. and the only way to beat the mutated is for humans to eat them as they cant survive digestion but can regenerate from blades and bullets. its also a 16 bit beat em up  game where you play as people who beat up and eat the mutated and matt damon is the boss with the most grotesque mutation.

Fiddler On The Roof Review

note; spelling bad is my TRADITION!!
fiddler on the roof
this is my review of fiddler on the roof
its by norman jewison
I recall in an interview he said everyone thinks hes jewish
I understand
everyone thinks barry white is white
or jack black is black
so this is set in the distant future year of 1905
ewwwwwww
its widescreen
but I like things from the early 20th late 19th century
my great grandparents were from then
so a guy plays fiddle on the roof
tevye sez everyone is a fiddler on the roof
cuz they try to live in a rough place
but they stay cuz its tradition
then we get a song knda
they he describes some of his traditions
then we get a song about tradition and how dad runs things
also they have arranged marriages
is this? the 1900s?
actually that's how my great grampa met my great grandma
also this is in pre soviet Ukraine
but was films in Yugoslavia
but now that's Slovenia and Croatia and bosnia
my great grandparents were from Slovenia
it all fits!!
so w/o tradition, tey're lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on da roof
then we get credits as a fiddlers plays of da roof
so the matchmaker comes by and the girl she's matching worrys of getting a cr-ppy husband
then this speilberg looking guy comes by looking for this chick
matchmaker takes some food and is gonna book it
but she 1st sez this guy wants the girl shes matching
but hes not the best\
also its almost Sabbath
oh and theres a guy named lazar (like the Yugioh 5ds guy)
but its pronounced laser
then the other girls sing about wanting a good husband
then the girls imitate match mAKER but say cr-ppy husband things
then tevye returns with his horse going lame and complains to God
he has 5 daughters
to quote the black guy from total recall; I got 5 kids to feed
and tevye isn't rich
man we're like half an hour in
that felt like nothing
its got good pace
then tevye sings about how it would be if he were a rich man
when singing about his wife being rich he wants her to have a double chin
does e like fat chicks?
also he'd have more time for the Lord
later tevye brings his milk cart by pulling it himself
that's pretty bada55
then a guy comes in saying in a village the jews were kicked out
they complain but this university guy from another town sez they don't do anything but chatter
and the world is turn outside of the village
tevye quotes king David and Abraham but its really Moses
the university guy sez the rich are crooks and theoir riches will be his
oh f!
hes a commie!
I should've known from him being in university
so tevye invites the commie in to his home for Sabbath dinner
if only they knew
also speilberg guy wants to get a used sewing machine to impress tevye so he can be husband to the daughter
I haven't learned any of the daughters names
they're all weird 1800s eastern European names
like my great grandparents
oh and lazar is named lazar wolf
sounds like a mega man X boss
the daughter wants speilberg to ask tevye for marrying her
but if he sez no, that's it
he chckens out from asking him and leaves
then they have Sabbath and sing a prayer
wait, hes still there
this is actually really nice
soothing and calming
later tevye goes to see the lazer wolf
and his place is pretty fancy'
full of expensive cr-p
they talk and its revealed tevyes bro in law is in America
lazar wolf is talking about getting a daughter to marry
but tevye thinks hes talking about his cow
they clear it up
did tevye think lazer wulf was gonna b0ne his cow?
btw lazar wolf is older than tevye and wants tevyes daughter
tevye talks to himself about pros and cons about marrying his kid to this guy
on one hand
on the other hand
on the other hand
and he consents
they drink and sing
I like this
its nice and positive
they then goes to a bar and they sing and drink
then they clear the tables and all start dancing
wow
they got moves
so much for white people not being able to dance
then a dancer offers tevye a dance
can he do it?
they go slow
man these guy can movie
after the epic dance lazer wolf sez after marriage he's be tevyes son
he walks home drunk and laughing
this czarist cop tells tevye he likes him warns him of something coming
theres gonna be a set up uprising and its to be quashed to show the inspector they are on top of things
I expect that from England, clintin, oh bba mma, l b j and soviet Russia
but not the czar!
hes the good guy!
on the way back tevye dances with a fiddler
later the commie twists the story of Jacob working for 7 years to make employers look bad
this daughter debates the commie over tradition vs radical thoughts
commie sez in the city boys and girls dance new dances together
boychicks and girlos dancing together?!
oy vey!
meshugena!
I could just plotz!!
also commie dances with the girl and she likes it
that's like b0ning back then
so tevye wakes up late as hes hung over
this is why I don't drink
the daughter learns shes gonna marry the lazar wolf
charge the x buster mega man!
but the daughter isn't thrilled over it
she doesn't consent to the marriage
but tevye sez he made an agreement so she gotta
she crys over it and he relents
 thewn speilberg comes in nd sez he wants to marry her
btw hes a tailor
like my grandpa in soviet Poland
nothing wrong with men sewing
like those fine italiano guys who make fine italiano suits for the mafia
he sez he wants to marry her and he pledged to her to marry
is that like a promise ring?
tevye sings about how crazy it is for a boy and girl to choose to love eachother
btw my grandpa married by grandma (in Slovenia) of their own free will
but it was the 40s so it was kosher
although it was ww2
tevye weights the options of one hand or the other hand
tevye keeps raising both hands with index fingers out saying tradition
smone otta edit it so hes giving the finger
oh and tevye consents
speilberg and daughter run through the vwoods singing what a miracle it is
also they keep referencing old testament things
I just realized pretty much everyone here is creationist
like my Slovenian great grandma (born 1885)
man we're like 80 mins in
didn't feel like it
later a guy talks to another daughter about borrowing a book
I think hes flirting
hes using it to spend time with her
she takes the book
later its night and tevyes wife wakes up from a nightmare
then tevye tells his dream where his dead relatives were there
it looks like a silent film
they have issue with the daughter marrying a taylor
then the butchers 1st wife rises and is p-ssed
wait, they mad the daughter might marry lazar wolf
and 1st wife might ice her after 3weeks
tevyes woman sez its for the brest their girl marrys the tailor
later the czarist cop is forced by a high rank anti semite to visit the village
the speilburg tailor and the daughter have a wedding
and tye and wife sing about time going on
waoh
how deep
then some guys do a really skillful dance where they have wine bottles on their heads and synchro move together w/o dropping em
that's like kung fu
then they remove the wine and dance really awesome
then the new married get presents
and lazar wolf gets p-ssed a tevye for breaking the agreement
the commie sez they love eachother and chose
but everyone freaks out
and he sez they should have boys and girls dance
and everyone freaks out
rabbi sez its not exactly a sin
commie dances with the girl he likes and tevye dances with his wife
they dance and then the anti semite cops come in and bust a55 up
but the czarist cop stops em and they leave
then the anti semite cops f up the town
why?
they didn't do anything to em!
then we get an intermission thing
later its been a while and tevye talks to God about his issues
later the commie talks with the girl he likes and wants to marry her
don't do it!
hes a commie!!
he trys to make marriage sound political
she has to remind him marriage needs love
well, he is a commie
they go to tevye saying they are getting married
and they want his blessing
but not his consent
tevye is shocked by this
he does his, on one hand, on the other hand, thing
one thing is; did adam and eve hAVE A matchmaker? the same as these 2
so he gives consent and blessing
also the commie is going away with his daughter
he tells his wife and she freaks out cuz she don't thin the commie is rich
many commies are rich off the backs of those they deceive
like Bernie sanders
or Michael moore
oh and commie has a rich uncle
he sings of love with his wife
its pretty heartwarming
later the commie has a rally to turn people commie
but the cops on horseback with swords f em up
take that you socialist scum!
meanwhile, wait, later, I think, the girkl who likes the commie got a letter from her commie bf
couldn't she just marry a guy with a poop fetish?
or a necromaniac?
no
she settles for a commie
wait, I thought she went with him
the daughter tells tevye her commie bf is sent to Siberia
and shes gonna live with him in that artic h-ll
but she loves him
and sings about it
I notice everyone has really good teeth
my mom sez if I went to Poland, people would think mine are fake
cuz they too good
better than England lol
she goes off to north Antarctica
later a new baby is pooped out
wait
its a new sewing machine
but people act like its a new baby
its the tailor spielburg guys
the rabbi gives the sewing machine a blessing
he sez theres a blessing for everything
how about my sega?
then the 3rd daughter likes this guy (the book guy?) but the tevye don't like him cuz hes a gentile
that's racist
wait
gentile isn't a race
but people think stuff like that
as in they don't know what racist means
daughter wants to marry him
but tevye don't consent
tevye wants to see the new sewing machine but wfe wants to go
tevye gets p-ssed and looks at it for a sec
then they go
problem solved
so this chick (I think tevyes woman) sees this Russian orthodox priest
then goes to tell tevye her 3rd daughter skipped town
the priest said the daughter and book guy got married
if it was a catholic church they'd have to convert
tevye is don't with the daughter and reminisces over her good days
we get some silhouette of him thinking of his girl ditchin him for the guy
its well done how it synchroes
then the daughter returns to him
he thinks; on one hand, on the other habd
bt there is no other hand
he snaps and kills her
well
it looks like he might
but he just storms off
was that real?
or just in his head?
later the czarist cop comes by saying the town gotta evacuate
he feels bad about it
the other towns must leave too
they have 3 days and gotta sell their homes
some wanna stay and fight
but the army would be too much
they dispute what to do
tailor speilburg says now would be a good time for the Messiah to come
spoiler; the new testament
they sing about their town
a little bit of this
a little bit of that
but then it goes different than that 00s song
the matchmaker is going to Israel
tevye is going to new York and lazar wolf is going to Chicago
they reconcile
tevye sez bye to his farm animals like they understand him
the 3rd daughter returns with her husband
she sez bye but tevye ignores her
he sez bye to his animals but not his daughter?!
meshugena!
how is that spelled?
they leave and tevye sez for God to be with her
they plan to write
just use ur ki to send esp messages
oh and speilberg tailor has a kid with the daughter
they leave
as tevye walks the fiddler follows him playing
the end
that was great
good music by john Williams
good acting
good dancing
good feel
its just an upbeat film
even the edgy parts are not that harsh
its clean, lively and enjoyable
plus its like my family in the 1800s
I think my moms grandma was born the year this is set
for fiddler on the roof 2 I want it to be about tevye's journey to America but the boat he goes on to get there is attacked by a mosasaur. they drive it off with a prayer but it comes back at several times and they have to fight off it with the rabbi's holy spells. eventually it gets on part of the boat and starts eating people and they have to use their limited weapons to fight it. its also a Gameboy and game gear and Atari lynx 8 bit game where you are on autoscrolling levels and have to avoid touching areas with the mosasaur and if you do you fight a boss battle as the rabbi firing holy words at it as it tries to get on board to eat people. and the people numbers on board are your life meter and you gotta get so many through to make it.

Midnight Express Review

note; I spell like i'm on drugs. but i'm clean
midnight express
this is my review on  midknight espress
I hear its based on actual events
oh it sez it is in the credits
so in october 06 1970 in turkey Constantinople or something this guy is getting chocolate or w/e in tin foil taped to his bod
holy cr-p the main guy looks like my Yugioh homie Bernie
same haircut and everything!
so he eventually goes through customs and is nervous
the guards question him about a Frisbee
huh
w/o his shades he looks more like kurt russel
after customs he's on a bus
the guards pull them over
he sends his gf on the plane while he gets his passport
hes almost at the plane and the guards frisk him
they find the chocolate bars
they think its gonna blow em up at 1st but when they realize it they take him away
they go through his stuff cr-ppily and break it
lol his name is billy hayes
like lisa hayes in Robotech
but it sounds like billy mayes the guy who sold cr-p on tv
he also takes out the bars in his boot
these turks act like italianos
then we se him bare a55 naked and his a55 is milky white
did they use a butt double?
hen this blonde texas guy comes in and interprets for him to the cops
turns out the alleged chocolate was really chronic and they want him to get his drug dealer
turns out billy was gonna sell chronic to his friends and it was 2 killos
that's awful
didn't they see reefer madness?
if my kid did drugs i'd feed him to bugs
so billy goes to get the guy who sold him the chronic
but instead, slips out and runs away
never trust a junkie
after a cool chase scene with cool music like in a 16 bit game, hes caught by the texas at gunpoint
then he sends a letter to his rents saying sorry for getting caught with drugs
hes sent to prison for his drug crimes
good!
later at night this guy attacks him but he fights back
so he's taken downstairs and beat
something about him stealing a blanket cuz he was cold
the guy said he'd get one tomorrow
he's strung up by his feet and his feet get beat
then I think the guy b0nes him
it just fades to black as he goes to him
later some inmates wake him up saying he was out for days and help him walk so his feet dont swell
you think they were b0ning him in his sleep?
instead of guard dogs they have peacocks as they scream loud if disturbed and don't s-ck
the homies advise him on jail cr-p
and dont trust anyone
billy talks to john hurt from alien about getting a lawyer
john sez to catch the midnight express, slang for jailbreak
wasn't there a transformer called midnight express?
I think it was in robots in disguise (the early 2000';s one on fox kids)
his dad comes in for his trial
the trial isn't in english as its set in a non American country
theres no subtitles either
he gets several years in jail for drugs
maybe they should've given him the guillotine?
I mean he's doing drugs
his dad is busted up about his son doing only a few years
maybe if you raised him better he wouldn't be a junkie!
I never did any illegal drugs
I don't even drink or smoke or make p0rn0es
since I grew up with good messages like on power rangers
now kids are eating tide detergent
if power rangers was better the kids would atch it and avoid drugs
oh and the dad swears at and threatens the guard looking after his druggie son
that'll give him good treatment
then its a year later and he writes to his rents
gayness is not liked but everyone gays out there
and its not ok to attack above the waist as that's intent to kill
so everyone stabs eachother in the a55
also theres kids in jail like in riki-oh
to be fair, in north America they charge teens as secks offenders for sending pictures of their parts to classmates
as its deemed transmitting child p0rn0e
so if a 15 year old j-rks off is that mo les ting a kid?
oh and the kids in jail get their feet beat
they pick out the 4 worst and publicly beat in front of the others
good
beat those little c-ck suckers!
if they were good they wouldn't be in jail
maybe this will learn em!
so billy has an issue with one turk who rips him off a lot
the next day john hurt from alien's cat is found strung up
he gets bummed about it
then its april 1972
billys lawyer sez if he pays the lawyer a lot, the papers can be taken and b4 they are refound, he can get out
later one of billy's prison homies gets the blueprints to the prison
he sez they can get out through the catacombs
dont those go on for miles deep underground in jet blackness?
I think there was a horror movie about hat in the 2000s or 2010s
the homie wants o go through the cr-ppy made wall by using a screwdriver
billy dont wanna do it as he's only got 20 months left in his sentence
the homie gets p-ssed and decides to take da roof
then we cut to him being beat offscreen by the head guy the dad threatened
later billy writes to is gf saying the homie got so beat he got a hernia and popped a testicicle
holy cr-p
shouldn't have tried to escape
or better yet shouldn't have went to jail
my black texas friend was in jail
he worked there as a guard
he hated it
those animals trying to b0ne and ice eachother
and people wanna give them more rights
later billy gays out with a guy in the shower
they turned him
hows he gonna explain it to his gf?
actually springer had that as an ep
i'm not gay but my bf is
later the homie he was gaying out with is released
the homie who popped a g0n ad is getting better and sez he found another way out
but then billy gets news his court thing was reviewed
he's charged with smuggling and gets a life sentence
and if he lasted 53 more days his sentence would've been done
in court he gives a twisted morality monologue about some things being legal now and not tomorrow
and b--ches about his only having 53 days left b4 updating
but he was only charged with possession in the 1st sentence and the updated one gives him the proper one as he was smuggling
man he's going on this tirade for a while
don't do the crime if you cant do the time!
he then calls em pigs and sez he f--ks their kids cuz they're pigs
yeah that's gonna get em to go easy on you
btw he f--ks pigs
he said so
he gets 30 years
so does it start over or do the 3 years he did count?
back in prison he and the homie check the walls for hollow spots
they find it and the wall is soft
later at night they dig out the wall bricks
right after getting them out they put the bricks back as they say its too late and they aint prepaired
later they get maps and stuff and go in the passage
but john hurt from alien is cr-ppy at going down the shaft
they find a dead end as its been blocked
they decide to return but come back down every night til they find it
later the guards find the blocks are different and the head guard who looks like tiny soprano (who the dad threatened) has the popped testicicle homie taken away
john hurt from alien is p-ssed at the guy who iced his cat for finding the tunnel
billy sez if he really wants to f him, swipe his cash\
and john hurt from alien knows where it is(in the back of his radio)
he otta cr-p all over the guys money
later the cat killer finds his cash is gone and freaks out
the guards tear the place apart
he finds some in a tea machine
also this really fat guy dances around without a shirt saying the cat killer is f'd as he has no cash and plenty foes
oh and the homie who popped a g0n ad had his hernia rupture again
later tony soprano guard finds chronic and a guy(oh its cat killer) blames john hurt from alien
billy snaps and has a violent fight with catkiller
in the real version I think he b0ned him dead
holy cr-p he damGED the cr-ppy sink cat killer hid under
he really f's cat killer up
and he bites out cat killers tongue
in the real version I think he bit off his thing
then billy is sent to the nuthouse
to be fair he did look kinda demented standing there covered in blood and staring at the ceiling
john hurt from alien is there too for some reason
in the nut house billy wanders around in a daze
a brittish guy who I think sez he f'd a kid long ago talks to him
later billy is taken out and put in a room where his gf comes to see him
look at this cr-p
he does drugs and puts his gf who loves him through h-ll
how selfish
he wants his gf to show him her t-ts
she does and he starts j-rkin off
then she presses them on the glass and he kisses the glass
ohhh billy
so that's where the cable guy got it
he moans that he loves her and shes sad
to be fair, if he did all those drugs he might be a vegetable and be just as mentally unbalanced
she has a picture album with a ticket from mr franklin in Greece
later in the nuthouse the crazys walk in a counter clockwise circle and he goes the other way
the brit tries to get him to conform
then rambles about billy being a bad machine
billy tells the brit the brit is the bad machine and billys from the factory
later billy goes to the bathroom area with looks like wood siding over holes in the floor
how do the toilet areas work?
do they just poop in a trough and it slides outside?
do they feed it to the animals?
billy finds cash in the picture album
he tells john hurt from alien he's leaving and tells him to live until billy can rescue him
he talks turkey and the guards let him see the tony soprano guard
billy brings tony soprano and tony takes him out
billy realizes something wrong and freaks out
in the room they go to the tony soprano guard beats on him and starts getting undressed
good f--k hes gonna b0ne him!
billy fights back and tony soprano falls against the wall and a metal key hook gets him in the back of the head
billy gets on the guards clothes and sneaks out
the scene is like the opening with him on edge and heartbeat background noise
a guard calls to him but only to throw him the keys
I guess all whites look the same to them
wait, turks are white
wait
did he get back the money he bribed the tony soprano with?
text sez billy got out in October 04 1975
then got to greese and went to America
thrn we get photos from the real billy getting home
the end
that was pretty good
I liked the music and the style
good acting and it had some good twists
I though they were gonna get out through the catacombs
then remembered the ending when I saw it b4
btw the director also did
Fame (1980) I liked it
Pink Floyd – The Wall (1982) never saw yet
Mississippi Burning (1988) saw it
Evita (1996) never saw it but my dad likes it
Angela's Ashes (1999) also never saw
The Life of David Gale (2003) I saw but everyone else I hear hated it
the blonde prison homie was in the 1982 the thing
the 1990 captain America
schindler's list
and Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus
oh and randy quaid was the homie who popped a tescicile
for midnight express 2 I want the homie with a hernia to be in the hospital and is taken to a research area where they use black magic. using a black magic healing spell they fix him but it gives him black powers. they see it worked and wanna break people to fix em with black magic to give em black powers and make a super army. but the homie wacks em and tries to get back to the prison while discovering his black powers and taking out wild animals in the streets and violent hobos. but the head of the black magic group he wounded heals himself and also gets black powers and confronts the hernia homie several tmes while sending newly black magiced people and animals to take him out as revenge. also its a 16 bit action game like rocket knight adventures on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar and you play as the hernia homie with a black magic meter that recharges and you get new powers after beating certain bosses (newly black magiced guys). oh and ur mission is to save the guy played by john hurt from alien.

Bullitt Review

note; my spelling are bad but am movie are good?

bullitt

this is my review on bullitt

it stars steve McQueen who I only saw in the great escape

but they mentioned him in the 80s Robotech movie

it starts with cool music and credits going through a building

then some guys break in

1 guy drives a car but is shot a lot

then a guy sez he lost a guy and the guy on the phone sez its his bro and something about paying a contract

then its a car driving in some city I don't recognize

a man wearing black asks for messages at a hotel but theres none

he goes driving around

later steve McQueen ( sm ) is in bed and his boss comes over

so sm goes to this gathering with people

his boss gives him his mission

protecting a witness soo they can take down an organization

I hope its a union

those things haven't been needed in decades

oh and the city is san fran sisco

like sonic adventure 2

sm and his partner go to see the witness

hes from Chicago

like me

but its a yankee state so it might as well be Canada

sm calls a big tough guy and talks about his mission and why he was cho sen

sm tells witness to avoid windows esp at night

then sm and partner go home

after spending time in a club, sm partner calls sm saying their boss wants to come up

sm sez don't let em in and hes coming over

then someone unseen with a shotgun like ryo Asuka comes in and blows em  away

pretty cool shot of the guys upper shoulder blowing

after sm gets there he rides the ambulance and the sm partner tells him about the guys

after the shot guys surgery sm sees a chick at the hospital

the big tough guy (I think the boss, wait, hes not) sez the shot guys let the hitmen in

holy cr-p we're like over half an hour in

that felt like nothing

this has good flow

the boss named chalmers like the simpsons guy asks if he can get a thing from the witness

chalmers blames sm and sm thinks chalmers outed the location

sm wants to now what kinda deal witness made

chalmers sez if the witness who sm wasn't near when he was shot bites it, it's sm's a55 on the barby!

or as they said in angel cop

his g0n ads will be on the anvil

heh

imagine if they chained wolverine down and busted his parts with a sledge hammer!

jokes on you bub, they're already growing back!

later a guy calls sm and sez he's looking for the gunshot guy

sm figures out its the hitman

sm goes after him and theres some good suspense of them going around in a dark area

hitman books it but sm gives chase

after busting a window to get through he loses him

wtf its day out

I thought t was just night

when he gets back the witness bites it

sm has the dr misplace the chart of the witness and he has the body sent away as an unknown name

sm goes on his daily runs and the next day chalmers is looking for witness and sm

chalmers sez to a guy who needs the witness that after getting nearly iced the witness is hiding

and chalmers thinks sm took his witness for some reason

after a night of probably b0ning this chick wearing only a shirt, sm goes out

oh hes at the apartment where the witness was

the hotel I mean

then sm does some detective work asking around about the guys

chalmers wants the witness but the big tough guy trusts sm and sez he;s got a reason

chalmers sez hes activating habeas corpus to summon the witness

sm's informant sez witness was stealing from the guys hes ratting on and had 2 million dollars in 60s money

later sm is driving and gets into a chase with these 2 guys

he'ds following em to cool music

and I think he;s in one of those ferrarri mustangs

waoh

it shows the camera from inside the car as it f's through san fran sisco

that's crazy

really f's with my head

imagine it as VR

after some near killing a guy on a motorcycle on the highway or w/e the bad guys open fire on him with a shotgun

sm runs em off da road into a well laced gas station and they blow

later sm is grilled by the big tough guy and spills everything

the bad guys were too cooked to identify

and as they wernt convicted, they are legally innocent

like o j

or woody allen

later sm goes looking for clues or something

the chick sm was b0ning finds a blonde 60s chick iced

and sm is there with her

after they drive a bit in a yellow car she gets out and goes by the water

she has an emotional issue about sm living with people getting iced

only like 5 people bit it btw

its not like the original Yugioh where the other yugi kills people

this is like candy a55 arc v where only a few bite it

later chalmers and sm opens an item holding box and find lotsa cash

it belomgs to Dorothy

later sm watches an autopsy

wait, it wasn't chalmers in the box

later chalmers comes in demanding the witness

but sm walks away

after a machine calculates something its revealed the witness who bit it was not the real witmness

the real witness set up the fake witness and iced his woman

didn't see that coming

later sm is at the airporte

he checks the info and finds the real witness using the fake ones name is there

they get da plane to return b4 taking off and chats with chalmers

on the plane the witness jumps out and runs but so does sm

sm chaes him bit he gets away in the grasslands

why doesn't steve McQueen just sense his ki?

witness shoots at sm but misses

I think

they run and the plane takes off

he fires at sm again

this could be a silent film

no talking and good action

he gets back at the airport and sm cant find him

good tension

then chalmers comes in with guards

witness books it and caps a guard but sm caps him

wasn't he a witness?

I thought they needed him alive

chalmers slips away in a car with a bumper sticker that sez support ur police

the next day he washes his hands

the end

that was cool

good tension, pacing and action

the music was nice and smooth

good twists and its just cool

well done homie

not much happens but its spread well over a good area

and its not too complex

plus it doesn't waste too much time on a tacked on romance

I hardly noticed any of that

for bullitt 2 I want the union that the witness was gonna bust has gotten into more businesses and it seems theres no way to stop em. so bullitt goes under cover after getting his face replaced so he looks like jean clause van damme (who plays him now) and has to sneak into the union base and get hidden camera footage on his cyber earings. also the union thugs ae trying to find out who is against em so the just go around beating people up and taking a bite outta e to mark them as a way of knowing they are done. also its an action game on sega genesis, super Nintendo and Atari jaguar where you play as jean claude bullitt and kung fu fight others while syanding by and watching the union thugs beating and eating its employees for evidence

The Ultimate Warrior Review

note; I never saw this b4 but it sounds cool

the ultimate warrior

this is my review on the ultimate warrior

its got yul brynner who was the pharaoh in the ten commandments

I assume this is where the wwf star got his name

the director also did enter the dragon, game of death and Gymkata

so it starts with showing empty cities and credits

alex colon?!

is this a p0rn0e!?

then some people catch birds in a bard

wait

I think its an ex office

then one guy gets iced with a crossbow

some guys come in and catch the other guy

they ice him

at least they didn't b0ne him

in another place some people have tomato plants

they say this guy hasn't moved in 2 days

then goes inside and has some kind of episode

later the people are gonna go recruit a guy

the guys go outside

ooh outside theres a truck like optimus prime in da 80s

flat front

so they go up to buff shirtless yul brynner

max von syndow is called da baron and offers to recruit him

he sez he don't knowe his sek sool requirements but he can work it out

what if he's into dead puppies?

necro zoo pedo

they leave as yul said nothing

they walk through the empty town and some maniacs attack em

a few get picked off and declothed but yul comes in and kicks a55

he's got a big knife

I like yul brynner

I hear he's Russian

but he looks a bit like my polish grampa

some guys watch baron and yul return

the baron's people live in a sealed off area with a wall made of junk

yul calls himself carson

later yul is wearing a shirt form some reason

in riki-oh and fist of the north star, they put on shirts to tear em off

baron chats with yul and yul sez he joined em for cigars

yul has a hood ornament of a 1981 Cadillac

the last year they had cars

barons dad had one

yul was from Detroit

in modern times that place pretty much is mad max

yul has family on an island that's safe

and yul sez people are going cannibal

but enough about Detroit

lol

although California is getting f'd bad too

later some chicks b--ch about milk issues

later some guy is stealing tomatoes

later yul looks out through binoculars and see a ginger named carrot who I think is da bad guy

they look at eachother from across da city

baron sez carrot can get 40 men on him in a quick notice

baron reveals his plants are immune to plagues that f'd da earth earlier

yul sez they might have to leave

baron sez his kid is pregnant

but who is the father?

find out, today! on maury!!

later a guy hears the preggo left and goes out after her

wait

I think its another woman with another baby

oh they need milk and the guy wants her to and the baby to book it

baron finds out someones been jacking tomatoes

the couple break into a dusty area looking for food

but its none

then some bad guys come in and waste the guy

then b0ne the girl

wait

they just ice her

carrot the ginger finds the baby and wants to use it as bait

this is a lot like violence jack evil town

at night yul sez the carrot ginger gang wont attack while yul is there

yul goes to save the baby and fights guys with torches

he throws a guy and it breaks da ladder up

while the carrot ginger gang trys to get up he crawls up an air shaft and jumps across roofs

he climbs down a ladder and runs

I just realized him standing there for 2 days was like in violence jack evil town where jack is in the wall for 6 months

yul makes it inside and carrot calls his men off

later chats with baron about getting out through subway tunnles

baron worries about the people thinking he' betraying them to save his kid/grandkid

also the people have a dispute over a guy being accused of stealing

baron backhands 1 and tells em to get out when he's back sassed

the guy he accuses has a tomato in his place and plants a tomato on some Italian/jewish guy's room

he looks like ben savage or his brother feed savage a bit

the people appear to b0ne him dead for it

they swarm him and everything

wait

they put a sack on his head and kick him out

a guy kicked out for stealing food?

just like in violence jack eviltown

they also chain him up and put bells on him

he is then b0ned dead by the homies outside

later the pregnant daughter and her bf talk about going to that island yul mentioned

btw I read this movie is set in the distant future year of 2012

put it on the history channel!

they aired the mayan apocalypse film 2012 on it

in 2013

later at night some guys climb this zig zag ladder thing between he buildings and get in the area

they ice da guard and jack da food

hope they don't b0ne the tomatoes

the bf fights em and the noise attracts baron and yul

by the time they get there, the guys chucked him off the roof

he aint gonna be in he ultimate warrior GT

the good guys arrive and waste the bad guys

one gets thrown into a pile of fire of a building

yul tells the daughter the bf bit it

the next day the daughter don't wanna go to escape

but wants baron to get the seeds to safety

he drugs her with tea to make her sleep

but unlike violence jack evil town, he don't b0ne her

he wants yuil to get her to safety

baron torches the place, gives yul the seeds for new plague proof plants and sends him down the sewer/subway

he sez; if u gotta choose 1 to save, do da seeds

he seals the way down so they cant return

but previously in the film yul punched through wood

also people saw baron doing this

btw what if theres methane or other combustable ghas in the subeway?

going in with a torch will blow the place

yul could survive it

just fight w/o skin

the people revolt against baron for sending away the yul and giving him a bit of food

they turn on him and beat him dad

man they really f'd him up

baseball bats and blades and cr-p

but he only has a bit of blood

carrot ginger finds out somehow and sends his best bada55es

a guy (I think the tomato planter) is caught and carrot interrogates him ver a stove

also its only been 10 mins

wtf really?

their civilization base crumbled that fast?

well, this IS new York!!

also after getting the info he cooks the guy

the baddest a55es 3 go in the sewers

btw how does yul know where to go?

its gotta be a maze down there!

after wandering through the tunnles for a while, yul hides the daughter and puts out da torch

then wastes 1 guy on a wall of spikes

the other guy books it and yul gets the daughter and a torch and continues

the booked it guy tells carrot and his homies

yul finds a way up that the door is rusted through

he opens it easily like its not even locked

they rest for a bit

while talking another bad guy attacks but yul wastes him

while walking a bit she might be ready to poop out the baby

so yul gets her in a subway train

she poops it out without screaming

bada66

he ties a knot in the chord and cuts it offscreen

a bad guy hears the baby crying and gets on the subway thing

yul takes him out

then another guy

the others flee so its just carrot and yul

carrot has a ball and chain

he takes out yul blade

yul catches it on his arm and they fight over it

carrot falls into a it but the item is still on yul arm

so yul gets an axe and swings at him

then cuts the chain with da axe

but its too tuff

so yul makes a left arm offering and removes one hand

carrot falls like 8 feet and bites it

yul then burns the wound closed on the torch

btw the wire the on his arm was cutting it up bad

yul, daughter and grandson go outside and its just zoom ins on images of outside

then they are on the beach

and credits

the end

holy f

joseph von Stroheim did sound effects

was that the son of erich von Stroheim?!

and who was alex colon in here?

but that was good

I liked it

I can see where go nagai and shou aikawa got tgeir ideas for violence jack

and yul brynner is bada55

nowadays we'd have some candy a55 as the hero and trying to leatn to be more confident

this was good

its only like 94 mins

and flows well

also the whole "getting to a safe island from cannibals" was used in dawn of the dead 1985

for the ultimate warrior 2 I want it to be about yul brynner in the island place where his fam is. they make him a new hand out of metal with is just a blade with spikes. also he's training the kid of the daughter to be the next ultimate warrior. and gives him tests of manliness. also its a 8 bit nes and Gameboy and game gear and sega master system game where you play as the kid and do obstacle courses to reach goals to gain new abilities. also there are giant cats on the island like cougars and tigers and you gotta fight em with your bare hands and ki attacks

Taxi Driver Review

note; I cant droive. but I can spell... bad!!
taxi driver
this is my review on taxy driver
its got Robert de niro and jody foster
its directed by martin skor say see who's name I cant spell
ewwwww
its widescreen
huh, albert brooks and peter boyle are in it
so it starts with credits of de nido driving a taxy at night
everything looks all f'd up
I assume hes on drugs
good music though
the next day he sez he cant sleep nights
boss sez; theres p0rn0 theatres 4 dat
deniro sez he tried dat
he gives is boss his stats
hes 26 and was in da marines
huh, de niro looks like my high school friend in da 70s
the friend is also italiano
later he writes in his diary about his work schedule
while driving at night he talks about how at night the degenerates come out
oh f
hes in new York
that's new Sodom!
after returning to the garage he has to clean the blood and spurm off the backseat
wtf
what is this? Urotsukidoji??!
later he goes to a movie theatre and tries talking to a black worker
but shes kind of a b--ch to him
so he buys some snacks
wtf hes in a p0rn0 theatre
also he has issues sleeping
latter hes thinking to himself about his liking jody foster who he saw on the street
love at 1st sight?
also this guy she works for is trying to get elected as governer
and the chick (who I think might not be jody) notices de iro staring at her from his taxy
when this nerd working with her asks de niro to move he books it
later its night and he runs the cab fare for no reason while driving empty
he goes to a place with his taxy homies and peter boyle talks about b0ning this chick in his taxy
de niro sez some driver got chopped up by a guy he was driving
one taxy homie offers to get him a firearm
one homie trys to give de niro a piece of errol flynns bathtub to sell
later the chick talks to da nerd about lighting a match with out using most fingers
he cant do it but she sez a guy she knows can
nerd thinks the guy is mob
then de niro volunteers to the chick to help the guy she's trying to elect
he flirts with her and is nice
later he writes in his diary about the date they had
then they show it
he seems a bit autistic sometimes
later he gets the girl to go to a move with him
also he dont know her last name
just like in seinfeld
b4 the date the candidate is riding in de niroes cab and he makes small talk
de nero sez the candidate should clean the city up cuz of all the scum and filth on it
latter teen h00ker jody foster is brought in a cab by her p-mp and the p-mp gives de niro a crumbled up bill to forget it
its probably covered in spurm
later hes going through new York and some black teen throw cr-p at his car
man this place is a cesspool
holy cr-p we're 40 mins in
I thought it was more but it didn't feel like it
for his date he takes the chick to a european p0rn0 with showing an egg being fertilized
whats with all the spurm in this film?!
she don't like being taken to a p0rn0 and leaves
de nero sed lotsa people take their dates to this movie
in the theatre was several couples
also theres some 70s h00kers (or 90s teens by how their dressed) outside the theatre
he tries to contact her but she ignores him
so he goes to her work and tells her off
his image of her being special is f'd and now hes disgruntled
later hes driving a guy and stops da taxy and sits there
the guy hes driving sez his wife is b0ning the black guy in the apartment they are outside
and hes gonna ice her with a big a55 gun
later peter boyle talks with his homies about picking up a midget with a tall bimbo
also 2 gay guys who tried beating on eachother
de niro sez to peter boyle he want to do something awful
peter boyle gives advice to try to help him
later hes watching tv and the cabndidate s giving an interview
later while driving at night he nearly runs into teen h---ker jody foster
he drives slow and follows her
oh and a black guy walks by swearing a tirade
teen h--ker jody foster goes down another road to b0ne some guys and de nero goes off
later de niro gets a big a55 gun
wait
e gets a smaller one
the guy trys to sell him drugs and a car
then de niro starts working out
its like hes training for something
and it turns out he bought several guns
later hes looking in da mirror wearing this bra strap thing to hold his guns
he builds a mythbusters like sleeve thing to hide his gun and launch it into his hand quick
later its an event for the candidate and de niro chats with a guy in shades and a suit
the guy sez if de niro gives him his name and address he can get him the info to join the service
de niro gives him fake into
the guy sends a camera guy to et de niroes picture
later de niro does the "you talkin to me" monologue which is gonna be seen as shakespere in a few decades for its themes and views
later de niro is ot at a convieneince store and this black guy is sticking up the store at gunpoint
so de niro wastes him
good guy with a gun
the Mexican guy owning the store sticks up for de nro saving his life and beatds the black guys corpse with a metal bar
maybe that crook shouldn't have tried to jack da store
this is turning into the punisher
later the candidate is giving a speech and quotes historical purvurt walt Whitman
he sends an anniversary card to his rents with updates on his life
later de niro, wait, I think its someone else, talks to a guy for teen h--ker jody foster
wait it might be de niro
the guy talks about letting him b0ne teen h00ker jody foster in various ways
the guy thinks de niro is a cop
then why'd he tell her about b0ning teen h--ker jody foster?
I guess new York has more liberal consent laws
also the guy mentions spurm
he goes up to the room with her and tries being nice to her
she's kinda jaded and sarcastic
its like the girl from the crow
she trys b0ning him but he refuses
he wants to help her escape a life of secks
also when she nearly got into his taxy before she was on drugs
man new York is more liberal than I thought
they agree to meet for a meal later
on his way out he gives the crumpled money to a guy who gave it to him I think
at da meal he wants her to live with her parents
she talks about womens lib and her rents hate her
yeah, i'm sure they are ok with her b0ning guys
de niro trys to talk her out of a life of being f'd by men
she tries to et him to go to a convent in Vermont
later the guy who talked about b0ning teen h--ker jody fister has a romantic moment with her
then de niro practices at the gun range
he gets ready for something and puts some cash aside for teen h--ker jody foster
later the cabndidate is giving a speech and de niro with a Mohawk aND shades arrives
de niro nearly pulls something outta his coat but the bodyguards spot him and he runs
later de niro is out driving his taxy and goes to the guy who loves teen h--ker jody foster
but da guy don't recognize de niro
hes kinda b--chy to de niro so de niro caps him
de nirpo goes in and blows off this guys hand
I think its the guy he gave the money to
then he caps him and another guy
the hand guy survives swearing at de niro and another guy plugs de niroes arm
so de niro launches out his sleeve gun and caps the other guy
de niro goes to teen h--ker jody fosters room and while fighting with the hand guy, puls a knife and gets his other hand
then feeds him a bullet
he sits on da couch and when a cop comes in makes a gesture about blowing his brains out
this is all because that chick broke up with him over taking her to a p0rn0
we get a slow pan of the blood soaked place
I thought when the guys hand blew off was pretty bada55
as the camera moves into the street it plays some sorta dbz music
like a cross of the kikuchi and faulconer scores
then the teen h--ker jody fosters rents sent de niro a letter saying thanks and jody foster isn't a teen h--ker anymore
and newspaper clipping say de niro is a hero
after recovering fro getting shot up, de niro gives a ride to the chick he liked
and the candidate got the nomination
he drops her off and drives through the night city to smooth jazz as the credits roll
the end
that was pretty good
I like the music, the atmosphere and colors
its got a good feel to it and it keeps your attention
plus the acting and writing are good
wtf special thanks kriss kristopherson
why?
but this was a good film
showing deniro find his way to help someone
for taxy driver 2 I want deniro to be going around new York a few years later and the candidate won the election. but he just gave more rights to criminals and took away the rights of those the attack. so de niro goes out at night and takes out crooks with new gadgets and leaves their bodies splattered outside as a message for the other crooks. also its a 16 bit action game like bladres of vengeance or phantom 2040 on sega genesis, super Nintendo and turbografx 16 where you play as de niro and go around taking out homies causing crime. also one of the recurring bosses is the guy who b0ned teen h--ker jody foster who deniro capped who is revealed to have survived and gotten cyber upgrades and is out for revenge.

Logan's Run Review

note; yays I finally got to review this!
logans run
this is my review on logans run
I missed reviewing it several times b4 so here I go
after text sez in da 23rd century, war f';d da urth, people survive in cushy inside enviroments but bite it at 30
so its the best and worst of the 1st and 3rd world
this is based off a book I never read btw
we get credits and good miniatures
then babys with jewels in their hands
Michael York from Austin powers and nothing else of worth watches the next him, logan 6, as a baby
his homie is fransis
they go to what looks like da mall and chat
when a new hu man is made, they wack the previous one
like iphones
also they find knowing who the baby mama was to be sick
looks like maury homies won the future
then turned white
its 2274
around 300+ years before contra
then everyone born 2244 come in the center of the arena wearing weird horror movie outfits
reminds me of the omega man
how long is this anyway?
p-ss in my a55!
its nearly 2 hours
so the arena does some Yugioh thing and floats em to the ceiling as everyone cheers
then they blow in sparks like power rangers
Michael York ( logan ) gets a pager call and goes out to hunt a guy
him and fransis use laser pistols at him and miss a lot
I think they're missing on purpose to keep the chase up
the runner falls off a thing and bites it
fransis jokes about logan missing
and sez he could've renewed on the thing they were at
now hes done
later logan is in a kimono and watches a video screen that looks like a hole with people in it
wait wtf
a chick comes outta it
he wants to b0ne her but she don't consent
he asks if she prefers women like many go nagai chicks but she sez no
she feels bummed over the runner getting iced
he sez its not killing its termination
man, they got the future right
killing is not seen as killing for those they don't like
she seems to have been on the b0ning circuit but only to talk with the logan
btw the 1st person to show up on his video screen was a guy
well, he IS brittish
da next day a fellow hitman sez he was wounded in a hunt and is getting repaired
they joke about him getting a new face
just like how kim kardashien got all those butt expansion surgeries
wait
if we an surgery anything in this time, shouldn't all the guys be super buff and the chix super curvy?
in other words, comics and anime
I mean they can look however they want
the guys otta look like hulk Hogan and the girls have Q cups
logan goes to a chrome room and a computer grills him
he doesn't know wat an ahnk is or what sanctuary means
he needs to play more Yugioh
the words relate to runners who got away
and theres 1056 out
he figures out that no one is renewed by the spark burst thing
they all go to h-ll
and don't get recycled
good thing reincarnation isn't real (I hope)
the computer has him go out as a runner to infiltrate the sanctuary
they change his jewel color to flashing red
and wont say if he gets those 4 years he had left back
that means no d-ckweed!
see you in h-ll Michael caine
later hs at the ymca and chats with fransis about if fransis ever saw anyone renew
fransis sez yes but wont say who
its like evolution
I never saw it but I know its real cuz I cant handle it not being
later logan remeets the chick from b4 (who wore an ahnk)
he sez he wants to be a runner
I just realized this is like in the time machine with those bimboes the eloi who get eaten so theres only young ones
later after ahnk chick chats with her homies she gets logan to go to da arcade
hope they have world heroes or samurai shodown
then logan gets a pager thing to get a runner in the cathedral
he takes a roller coster like thing like in Yugioh zexal to go through a glass tube
and 2 red shirts are following em
ahnk chick sez she wishes she knw her mother and logan lols at it being silly
normal things being mocked? ep that's the future
in the cathertdal (a cr-ppy ghetto place) they find a little girl
then they find shadowy cavemen like guys
they meet da guy who cut up the hitman
logan sez his homies will gut him if he lives too long
the cutter kid fights logan but logan pulls a gun and the kids split
then he ,meets a chick and he gives her a gas capsule to getta way from da hitmen
then a hitman finds her and burns a hole in her womb with his gun
so that's what happens when it actually hits a guy
ankh chick she sez her sanctuary homies wont accept him and he and her go to get a new face
at da surgery place he meets a dr who did who own face
and dr knows the ahnk girl and didn't want logan here
the surgery thing cuts and heals b4 he feels t
dr tries to ice logan by turning off da healing
but he gets sliced up by it
laser blade beams
fransis finds him and sez he saw logan let a runner go at cathedral
but logan gets away
could they save the dr?
I mean the healing can fix him right?
hes not iced for long
while escaping logan and ahnk go through this weird so mo p0rn0 place
after getting out logan convinces ahnk to let him join
they get to a door the runners are at
they dont trust him and poot in his face with spears
this blonde from the dr';s place comes by somehow and sez logan iced dr
but then after being reminded by ahnk, recalls the fransis was after logan
that's racist
making blondes look dumb\
logan wants to send ahnk back but she don't came and wants o e with him even if she could still live in the city
then more hitman come in and logan wastes a few
fransis comes by again and sez he wont ell but logan has to ice ahnk
so logan zaps the machine by fransis and runs
they get out through another door
they find a sea generator thing that's out of use
logan sez he knew the city gets power from da sea
oh and its a fish breeding pen
they find it savage people ate fish
oh and fransis go through da door with da key da logan
aw f butt
I just noticed its really widescreen
like half the screen is black bars
ruined forever
fransis shoots a wall and the water washes logan and ahnk to another area
logan hits a lever that makes machines move and an elevator goes up like in streets of rage
now the machines would be cgi
they go through an ice cave lie in sonic adventure
they take off their clothes and we see er b00bs and butt
but logan keeps his pants on
a hetero robot who sez hes more than machine or man comes n
he looks like a rankin bass character
sounds like one too
they put their wet clothes back on and follow him
they find frozen naked people
the robot trys freezing them but things get f;d and the whole room goes down
then the go outside and its the sun
this is where thx 1138 ended
wtf they don't know the sun
in the future people don't know common things
its right
then fransis comes out
the logan and anhk go around outside in th sun and green plants and swim in da water like planet of da apes
oh and they get nude
and their hand jewels are clear
btw the jewels is used later in troll dolls
remember the stone protectors?
its a cross of troll dolls and teenage mutant ninja turtles
they come to washing ton d c and find the lincon thing
people today not knowing historical figures
that's the future
this reminds me of the show life after people how it shows what happens when people stop keeping of cr-p
also they don't know what the words husband or wife are when reading them
in the future, everyones a dumba55
in one building they meet a geezer
they ask if they are in sanctuary but he don't know it
neither did logan until an hour ago
they are amazed by what a man over 50 looks like
a they don't know what cats are
this guy seems like an weird hobo
he rambles on about naming cats
also they are surprised he knew his parents and was bred in a human womb
while logan is looking at cr-p with geezer, fransis catches ahnk
then he from a balcony is gonna sniper logan
but 1st he chats with him
good thing hes not john wilkes booth
logan gets fransis to lool at his jewel and he seez its off
then fransis jumps down like 20 feet like john wilkes booth and fights logan
logan wins
fransis sez logans renewed and bites it
they bury his a55 outside
geezer asks them to bury him after he bites it
logan sez he wants to reveal da truth to da city people so they stop spark icing em
ahnk don't think its worth it as they wont believe him
just like earlier when he wanted to go out of the city
they bring geezer who rambles the whole trip
geezer tells em about marriage
geezer learns about ten getting iced at 30
I just realized this is like that book "the giver"
i read it in grade school
they get to the water and ditch geezer to swim under it
they get in da city and the icing of the people is happening
what good timing
logan tells em they don't have to bite it and shows his clear jewel
he sez theres no renewel
hitmen catch em and logan is interrogated by da computer
he tells it theres no sanctuary
and the escapees were frozen
the computer reading his mind cant handle it and f's out
man
they really dooin dat?
this is a ultra high tech machine
and it just f's out from not getting something
its what we worried about with Y2K
logan gets free and shoots up the place
the computer blows and the city is f';d
i'm surprised it took em decades for it to happen
this cr-pmobile computer cant to sh-t!
then the people come out and meet da geezer
I just realized why is the geezers hair only jerry Garcia length?
does he cut it?
how?
the end
wtf
jack baur in the credits
kiefer sutherland's gonna sue
lol dick butz
that's a p0rn0 name
that was pretty f'd
its long and drags a bit
but it showed a future that might happen
we aint far from it now
I liked the lighting and coloring in it
good 70s sci fi
its not super epic like power rangers season 1
but its not awful like the Disney power rangers
I can see why it was parodied so much
for logans run 2 I want it o be about the people gradually adapting to living in real life. but they keep doing stoopid things like b0ning cats and looking at the sun til their eyes burn up. also when they get pregnant they don't know what to expect and are freaked out about the body changes. abd its up to the geezer to stop them from f ing things up. also its an 8 bit Gameboy, game gear and Atari lixnx game where you play as da geezer and go around levels stopping these people from getting f'd. oh and some of the people getting spark iced by the ritual in the area are alive but mutated from it and gradually turn into monsters who shamble around from rotting limbs but can hit hard so geezer uses his samurai skills to take em on as bosses.