Saturday, October 5, 2019

Black Swan Review

note; i'm too polish to spell this soviet thing right
blsck swan
this is my review on black swan from 2010(the year jupiter became a new star from the monoliths and the 1st robotech war happened and transformers season 3 in japan happened)
i never saw this b4 but heard its dark
its by fox searchlight like napoleon dynamite
ooh, thopening music is sota danny elfman
so it starts with a baklet chick
its directed by darren arrenovsky who made that really altered Noah movie
its got natalie portman from the less bad star wars films and ynona rider from alien resurrection
so the balllet was a dream and natty is a dancer or something
its  based ion swan lake which the 90s film the swan princess was based on
i liked dat 1 but never saw the half dozen or so sequels
so after a few mins of going there and prep, the chix dance to train
the director tells da story of the swan princess whi's evil twin seduced her man and she suicides and somehow frees her
thats not how the 90s one went
they need a chick to play both white and blac swanz
wait, was the siister also a swan? or was it her street name like t bird from the crow?
so after training, 1 chick busts her dressing room
huh, this was insppirred by Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Double.
i otta reviw that
Dostoevsky does good work
so natty trys the part but i dont think it went well
later, in a dark alley she sees a chick who looks like her
at home she trains and f's her leg
ahh, her toenail broke
mom treats and comforts her
later this chiock, oh its natty, tries to ask for the lead part
director sez she tries to be perfect but never loses herself in the moment
then they make out but he bites him
wtf is going on?!
latewr another dancer tells natty off for sating something to someone
then she gets the part
i'm having trouble understanding this one
in thw little girls room someone wrote wh-re on thr mirror which she eraSES
at home she sees the eyes of pictures following her
huh, accordimng to wikipedia (which is WRONG often) this film is a lot like the anime perfect blue
oh and mila kunis from that 70s show,family guy and jupiter ascending (that one was a55!!) is in this
so later wynona is retiring and director inttoduces natty to this dinner party
also natty keeps having blood issues like sores and pulling skin off her fingers
its aids!!
then m,ila comes in the bathroom and kinda flirts a bit
is this a p0rn0??
latwr i think natty (who's character nsame is nina like in breath of fire) sees a creepy statue of a birdman(not michael keaton)
then a drunk chick thinks natty let the director b0ned her mouth
maybe we shouldn't have female dancers if these kinda accusations are gonna pop up
later director talks to her about b0ning
natty! get outta there!! he's gonna b0ne u!
he suggests she trys j-rkin off
is this a p0rn0?!
ohhh padme! how could you be in this?!
at home mom notices shes been scratching hersel and puls out her nails
well, just cuts em
but might as well at this point
also natty is just in undies and covering her b00bs with her arms
later natty wakes up and starts j-rkin off but sees someone sleeping in the room and stops
the next day wynona gets run over and director sez she did it on purpose
later she sees wynona in the hospital and she's got a stiched up leg
after more training she gets chiiropractor or w/e done with her buusted up bod
later director sez no one would b0ne natty cuz of her dancing and he dances with her, feels her and makes out hard
weinstein no!!
after mo lesting her he sez; dat was me seducing you. it should be the other way
after he goes, mila comes in and suggests nattys gay for director
later nattys j-rkin ooff in the tub and goes underwater but sees mila and blood
turns out, she has back scratches and she cuts her nauils
so after more taraining and chats with mils nattys riding the subway and a dude is j-rkin off to her
wtf is this film!?
at home mom wants her to remove her shirt but the door rimngs and no ones there
so natty chex and its mila
mila sez shes sorry about wgat she sed and they go have drinks
mila gives natty some drugs bt natty sez no
man we're over an hour in and not much happened
natty sees mila put drugs in a drink and mila pressures her to have a drink
she has water w/o drugs and they chat with guys
so after some dancing to red lights and making out, natty goes home
in the cab mila grabs nattys crotch like that pruvo did to terry crewes
where is this? soviet california?!
so mila snd natty go to nattys home and hide in the bathroom from mom and gay out
ew, natty's flat
after b0ning natty, mila kills her with a pillow
aso natty wakes up and gets to the pracitice late
mila is dping her part as a fill in
mila sez she disdnt spenmd the nightr with natty and thinks natty is gay for her
later they have aother practice and she does the scene where she jumps off a cliff into a mattress
later they measure nattys flsat chest and she finds out mila is her alternate
natty whines to director over how mila is aftr her role
according to sovivet wikiepedea, this is set in new york
later shes dancing and da lights go out
she sees a birdman b0ning mila
what is this, bram stokers dracula?!
good effects on da burdman
later natty returns the stuff she jacked from wynona swhon starts shanking herself with a nail file
she runs home and pukes and sees pictures moving ands laffing at her
mom sees her so she lox herself in her room and starts turning into a bird
she wakes up and mom is trying to keep her from the play which is driving her nuts
natty books it and goes to the play
director sez t lose herself like dat eminem song about moms spaghetti and nat pulls skin off her toes
then her other foot starts fusinmg together
shex goes on and does da play
between takes, she sees mila feeling a guys groin and is dressed like natty's part
for da play natty starts spazzing out
between acts directotrs p-ssed at natty for a screw up
mila is in her dressing room and wants to do her black swan part
they fight, mirror breaks, natty shanks mila with broken glass like that cr-ppy romero+juliete from da 90s
natty starts freakin out and begins pulling out her ribs and eating them
so she goes out and plays blicketee black swan
then starts turning into a bird creature
but its all in her head or w/e
so she makes out wuth director and back in her trail;ir theres no body
she puts a towel on a door to cover da blood
but then mila shows up saying she respects her and wants to getta long
natty real;izes shes nuts and pulls outv a piece of glass from her gut
i think
i dont know wtf is going on
tthen she gives another show and jumps into the mattress
but her gut is bleeding
she sez it was perfect and the scene fades to white like total recall
the end
that was weird
well made, good music, good acting, good effects
kinda purvurted and stange
but not hateABLE
did i like it?
i didn't hate it
but its kinda odd
its a psychological horror but has some gore and creepyness
its got some weird fetish stuff like animal transformation and gore
but its a well made film
it doesn't drag and has good flow even if it don't have too much high action or jolts
for black swan 2 i want nina to be recovering in the hospital and a psychic finds theres a curse on the plaY from the german king it was based on (ludwig or w/e)'s killer mad they made a play based on him. he''s turned into a bird daemon and was the one driving the main star insane. so its up to mila kunis's character to dace fight the ghost daenon through a series of locations the play had important showings and use holy shoes to beat it untril its back to germany and its source. Its also a 3d action platformer on n64, sega saturn, 3do and playstation whee you go through infected areas the play was at and solve puzzles and beat the birdman in each spot.

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