Saturday, October 12, 2019

Scream Review

Note: i spell like a horror movie
this is my review on scream 1 from 96 (the yeaer the n64 came out)
its got nev campbell, courtney cox, matthew lillard from wing commander 99 and Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College (what a career!), the chick who brought down weinstein,
Skeet Ulrich from the craft and jamie kennedy. oh and some drew barrymore who i think was tom greens woman, henry winklewr the fonz amd roger jackson from power puff girls and david arquette from 8 legged freaks
its directed by wes bcraven who did nightmare on elm sterrt 001, the last house on the left, the hills have eyes, swamp thing the serpent and the rainbow, the people under the stairs, vampire in brooklyn and the othe 3 scream films
hih, the writer, krnt williamson did the show time after time, based on the malcom mcdowel movie and dawsons creek (whicj i never really watched)
so it starts with drew barrymore getting calls from a guy
she makes cop p0rn ii mean pop corn and is gonna watch some cop p0rn i mean horror movie
the tallk about horror movies but he gets creepy
she lox da doors and sez she'd call da cops
but the cops wont make it in time
if she had a strong firearm she could protect herself
she sez her bf is comming but caller has him tied upoutside
he challenges her to a horror trivia game to save him like its season zero yugioh
she sez the killer in friday the 13th is jason but killer sez its his mom and jason was in the sequels and guts her bf
his last question; what door am i at?
as hes at 1 of em
spoiler; the game is rigged
also; this is just like yugioh with pegasus's labrynth brothers
just needs some leather and chains and whips and its yugioh
so she runs and gets shanked bt fights him off as her rents come home
he fnishes her and her rents find her hannging from a tree
later, nwv cambells bf bayou billy comes by and sez their relationship reminds em of the exorcist on tv
as its not as 18+ as it used to be
on 1 show; if ur relationship was a movie, what would it be?
me; the human centipede!!
also; p0rn0 holocost
so they start making out but she stops it as her dad might catch em if they b0be
stay a virgin nev!
dont wanna wind up as an aids carrier!
as he books it she shows him her nips
i keep thinking of the scary movie ver of this
da next dae everyone is talking about drew getting iced and the school has counciling
in my high school no one got iced
even in my slummy 2nd high school
so theevs homies chat about who could the killer be
they are all white straight and have nio gender issues
they'd change that today
jamie kennedy is the goof joke character who's weird
kinda like me but i'm more bada55
also hes a movie nut
kinda like me bt i'm more bada55
the news womt sstop j-rkin off about drew getting iced and they mention nevs mom getting b0ned and iced last year
later nevs homie wants to rent a tom cruise movie to paust it and see his ding d0ng
then the killer calls and talks about horror movies which she dont like
like a dumba55 she goes outside to go with his taunts but when he sez he'd ice her like her mom she geets p-ssed
he attaks and she fights him off and after killer vanishes, her bf shows up and driops a cell phone and she thinks its him
david arket shes up and arrests backdoor billy
his full nsame is billy loomis like the guy from halloween 1 2 4 5 and 6
also; the guy from psycho 1
so this is the 3rd in the series
like yugioh, gx and 5ds
paycho, haklloween and screamm
also weather chick gale weathers (which sounds like a p0rn0 name) is played by courtney cox (which also sounds like a p0rnn0 name) and is kinda b--chy
imagine editing this a nd friends together and it shows the fat eps as her before entering the weathewr business
david arket plays dewey who is a goof a55 and his sister is nev's female hhomie
Gale is writing a book on nevs moms assassination and nev slugs her
eat it b--ch!!
later nrev gets a call from da killer who sez she fingered the wrong guy
also its revealed nev said the guy she had put away for icing her mom was appealing
Later nev confronts gale over her lying book about saying nev lied
but gale sez her mom consented to the guy and somone else framed him
at school a guy runs throuygh the halls dressed like da killer screaming like an ape
butt stuff billy chats with nev about how she changed after her mom got iced and he got over his mom ditching his dad
later, fonzie expells 2 teens for dressiing in cosrtums and telling em hw wants to cut em open and f their guts
nowadays he's be firted for saying that to 22 sensitive virgin teens
or thats how the media would show it
in the bathroom, 2 teens gossip; about nev being the killer  and call her moma sl-t
and nev is in the stalls
she otta skin em and make em eat their own skin
they leav and as ev s leaving, killer comes out of a stall and she escapes
gale flirts with dewey and in real like they married and b0ned
So classes are called off and jamie kennedybis throwing a party
so fonzie hears sounds and looks around
1 janitor named fred has a fedora and red/black sweater
ita like james cameron having a d0ng monster in avatar
so fonzie gets chopped up
so nev worries she may have fingered the wrong guy
later at the video store jamie kennedy pounts out how  the killers are acting like its a horror movie and follow horror ovie tropes
he suspects billy is the killer and billy sez jamie probably is
i  like the 90s look of this film
too bad its widescreen
later the cops figger out the calls are comming from nevs dad and tomorrow is the anniervsy of nevs moms assassination
so its night now and theres a party and gale and cameria man and dewey stop by it
gale plants a camera there and deweys sister goes to get some beer from the garage
she meets killer in there and thinks its a joke
she realizes it and fights him off b4 trying to escape the garage pet door
she cant fit through and killer opens da garage and it kills her
i dont think garage doors can lift a person
but after 1000 ways to die and myth busters, i dont know whats real anymorw
riki-oh could be scirntiffically accurate
so da cam gale planted has a 30 second delay
so nev worrys shes gonna wind up like her mom andd her billy butt buddy comforts her with movie cr-p about how everything is 1 big movie
nev; why cant i be a meg ryan movie, or even a good p0rn0?
me; you ever see urotsukidoji? maybe la blue girl?
then they b0neoff screen
while watching a horror movie, jamie sez da rules to survive
1 no b0ning
2 no booze or drugs
3 no sayng; i'll be right back
then a guy goes to get a beer and sez i;'ll b right back!
then gale goes out of tthe news van and sez; ill b rite bak!! and walks with dewey
then jamie hears they found fonzie gutted and strung up from the goal post like he sed he'd do to the teens
so are they still expelled?
only fonzir sed it and he didnt make a report note file
the teens go to see a murderd humann  cuz they are scum
while out, dewey and gale find nevs dads car in da woods
after b0ning billy sez he called his dad for his 1 phone call when arrestd
she sez he could've used his 1 call to call her so shr'd think its not him]
then killer shows up, shanks billy and nev lox em in the room
bt he shows up downstairs (as in scream 3 its revealed theres another guy in on it and they had it planned siince ep0 1  like star wars) and she escapes off da roof and seez deweys sisten in da garage dootr
killer appears behind jamie and gale returns to da van and sees killer there on the camera
then killer shows up and icrs cameramanand gale escapes
dewey goes in and halloween is on tv
gale trys to getta way in da car but theres a body on da roof and she swearves to avoid nev and crashes
women driving bad? thats racist!
dewey gets shanked and nev hides in a car but killer has da keys
then killers in da car and she fights and escapes
then jamie and dewreuys sisters bf show up and say each other ddid it
so she lox em out
billy recovered from getting stabbed dead and comes down da stairs and he lets jamie in
bully caps jamie and reveals his stabbing was fake and corn syrup
and dewies sisters bf is in on it
both them were killers aand working together
also they framed the guy nev fingered for her moms wacking and wacked her
they had no motive like hannibal lechtor or norman bates
both had backsstorys in other things
also; nevs mom was a sl-t and after seducing billy dad, it ruined his fam
and now that billy b0ed nev, shes nkot a virgin
and now its after midknight and  its their annin=versery of icing her 5kank
they have her dad (who's innovcent here ad a victuim of his wifes 5kankery too) to blame it on
they shank each other to fake being victims like the gay guy from empire and say "movies dont make psychoes, threy make em more crwative"
remember that gillies de rain or w/e from france?
he iced kids and had daemon rituals
centuries b4 movies
then gakle comes in and has their gun
bt its emptty and they knock her out
wait, safety was on
but nev and dad escaped and call em using the voice changer as a reversal
and dewweys sisters bf is too damsaged from cutting to help
btw, some say billy and dweys sisters  bf were secretly gaying eachother like the guys rope was based on
nev sneak attacks bully dressed as killer and shanks him with an umbrella
then fights dews sisters bf and wacks him with a tv dropping on his head
so jamie iis a.ive cuz hes a virgin and nev fights off billy again
he sees dead but when he moves, nev blows his brains out
then its day time and gale givews a report of it
the end
then credits to a mid 90s song and shows clips of who plays who with the name like spaceballs
that was pretty good
good 90s horror thats self aware
i saw the 4th one in theatres and some of the 2 middle ones and liked em
its well made, has good callbacks to the past, and advances things
it just works
and i like the 90s feel of it
i recall kids in grade school wearing the mask and some had pumps that squirted blood over em
craven knew what hes doing
for scream 2 i want it to be nev getting a new bf who's into horror movies. wait; i want it to be jamie kennedy whop's her new bf, and they are gonna graduate. but 1 by one, people start getting iced in really goey ways. turns out; its dewey, who snapped after his sister bit it and developed another persona who takes over and makes him eat people. also this persona is super smart and has acess to his abilities and memories. also its a stealth game on n64, sega saturn and playstation where you play as dewey's oother self and gop around icing people while remaining undercover.

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