Thursday, October 3, 2019

The Croods Review

Note: I'm too Creationist to spell right
The Croods
This is my review on Da kroodz from the distant future year of 2013(after the 1st Robotech War during the Malcontent Uprisings)
I've never seen this b4 but I heard it was good
In da 90s it was all about cavemen and dinosaurs
Chuck Rock, Joe & Mac, The Live Action Flintstones
To be fair: Creation Science disproved cavemen and many alleged bones of them are actually other animal bones misidentified
But I watch Power Rangers and Yugioh ZeXaL so reality don't interfere with my likings of shows
its directed by Chris Sanders (Like... da colonek??) who did Lilo and Stitch, How To Train Your Dragon and the 2020 Call of the wild
its byy dreamworks/universal and stars nick cage, enema styone, ryan reynolds and cloris leachman
so this caveman chick and her fam are the last of their kind or something
they survive by following da roolz or being careful
but their world gon end
min girl is a malcontent teen who wants more outta ligfe than her regular fam
just like every disney princess
the animation is pretty good, like high end gamecube
dad played by nick cage from valley girl and face/off leads the fam is a semi-military way with plans and order
better than being a grunting drooling semi-ape they usually make cavemen like
remember garfield: caught in the act, on sega genesis?
that had a caveman level
also theres a kung fu caveman granny who is sarcastic and kicks a55
this seems like a 90s movie
so after an epic chase/football game of jacking a caveman birds egg, they drnk its goo
these guys are caveman ninja like joe/mac
then it gets dark and they go back in da cave for safety
but caveman teen girl keeps staying in da sun as she dont like da cave
b4 going in, she hearz a sound and stays too long
a monster nearly gets emm b4 she gets back and they lock da cave
so dad tells her off for nearly getting em whacked and worried about da fam
oh f the music was done by the guy who did mac&me!!
and tthe bodyguard and the super mario movie
later teen goes after a light in da cave and goes out
she finds a fire and a teen caveman guy
after sniffing him and a small fight he shows her fire which she thinks is alive
he seems like a human instead of a caveman
also he sez da world is ending and theres a huge earthquake comming
she sez she cant go with him and he gives her a flute and books it
then dad comes in and isnt pleased she left
night is when the drug dealers come out
she sez she found something new and they freak out as new is bas
look at widescreen
hay, this film is in fullscreen on the family channel
she shows em the flute and they bust it outta fear
then the earth quakes and every thing busts
so the cave is gone and we get a lite bummer moment
but beyonbd it is a fertile land and mountain and stuff
just like violence jack evil town
this family movie ripped off a violent p0rn0h
so they explore the jungle and high trees and its sorta like avatar
they meet some monkeys and they beat up caveman dad]
then the apes run cuz a big cat yokai comes out
just like avatar
dz cat books it cuz it gets dark and theres a swarm of punk animals that skeletonize animals
pretty hard core
she blows an amimal horn to summon human and he saves em with fire which makes the swarm flee
then he protects teen girl from her fam cuz he dont get she's a caveman
they fear the fire and play with it and torch the pplace
human; who are u people
caveman mom; we're the croods!
i wanna take his face... off
who ai i? i;m spider-man
i activate... the pyramid of light!!
thanks' to these... mystery emn!
so after a chaotic night the human tells em to get to high ground b4 the whole world ends
teen gets dad to take human with em for his fire
and they get dad to go to da mountain
i just noticed the dad looks a bit like my italiano/ midd easturn homie joeseph from the yugioh tournament
then caevman and sontey getting an egg
but they get a scorpion
can't have em killing a warm blooded creature
thats too much for today's candya55 generation
meanwhile, in the 90s, i saw my grandpa take off a chickens had on the farm when i was 04
so huamn and teen set a trap card and use a puppet to lure in a big a55 bird
trap fails and bird attakcs but it gets caught in da trap and they cook and eat it
didn't expect that
also human and caveman girl are growing closer
after dinner dad tells a story of a tiger fam that did what teen girl did and everyone bit it
then human tells a story of a tiger who went to a dangerous cliff and after falling, could fly somehow and went to tomorrow
tigers can fly?
did it use its ki like in dbz?
plus the teen son is really happy to have 2 sotries in 1 night
how simpler things were
now teens get malcontent if they can't go on facebook every 20 mins or play fortnight
so the next day they wake up and the ground is falling into lava
then they come to a spikey floor and only human can cross as he's got shoes
so he gets to be in charge and makes em shoes
they take time to get used to em
human; i get ideas from my brain
son; i dont got one!
dad; acvemen got along fine without brains!
this is pretty clever and fun
later they walk on stilts to get over the cat yokai and human sez thhe tiger flew by riding the sun and flying to tomorrow
later human sez to split up but dad dont want em to
then they fall and get split uup
so they go through this rock thing and notice beauty in nature and lighten up
but dad is still in the rocks and is bummed
evebtually he gets out and his fam moves beuond him
also at night they see da sky and stars and cool stuff
they say dad didnt have ideas so the next day he makes moden stuff like shades and a snapshot
but its flintstones style made of dirt and stuff
we get good bad nick cage acting
so dad sez he thought if he had ideas teen girl would like him more
so they get near the mountain and the fam sez they are done with following dad's rules
dad attacks human and they get stick in a tar pit
human sez his fam bit it in a tar pit and he sees no way out
they have a moment of revelation and see how gril and dad love each other but forgget to ssay it and its his job to keep em alive
human gets his pet monkey to make a cat yokai puppet to get the big cat yuokai to pull em out
won't the tar cook em or damage their skin or dna?
so after beating the tiget somehow (i was typing when it happened0 they get to a clouds and sun sarea but fall
mom (who did very little in this film) sez to get back to da cave and dad sez they gotta follow the light and go on
he throws em over through the smoke and has a tender moment with his fam
so dad jumps ovr and later they r in a cave with da yokai kat
but it is nice this time
dad didnt jump, hes looking for em
i think
dad finally gets an idea and mkes somthing outta bones
then gets the swarm after him and gets a fire
then somehow makes em carry him in the bones
so he gets back to his fam, they reunite and are safe
also the cat yokai is their friend now and they learned lessons
btw the youngest daughter is a fetal kid wo acts like an ape
sorta like donny in the wild thornberries
the end
that wasnt bad
it had some heart, good music and visuals and acting
good storry and easy to follow ideas
good animation
its a bit 90s but still has a bit of a modern bit
it could be seen in any time era as its set in the past
i liked it and i;m glad i saw it
its positive and has good feels
and it goes by pretty fast with no drag
btw, it came out in 2013, the year after the mayan apocalypse
for the croods 2 i want a tribe of ostrich people to encounter them. the o p say they are the true rulers of the world and weresealed away in the past. they escaped from the earth quake and now want to enslave humans and cave guys. so they arange a fighting tournament to deciide who gets to rule the world. its also a 16 bit fighting game on sega genesis, snes, gba, atari jaguar, and tg16 where you play as either a caveman or an ostirch man and fight members of the opposite race to work up to the ruler ostrich or dad caveman depending on who you choose.

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