Thursday, October 10, 2019

Free Birds Review

Note: I spell bird better than like an America
Free Birds
This is my review of Free Birds from the distant future year of 2013
It has owen wilson from zoolander, woody harrelson from zombie land and amy poehler from some gay show thats inferior to mad tv
i never saw this b4 but heard its... Actually i only heard of it on FamilyFriendlyGamimng and they thought it s-cked
its also got george takei and kieth david
so it starts with a thing talking about holidays and how they all have food
What about Yom Kippur? Thats fasting and prayer!
so these roughly gamecube level cgi birds are dumba55es and don't get they will be eaten
but 1 dont fit in
like every other animated movie like this
eventually they figure out they gon get eated
so the other tuekys offer main bird to be sacrificed
like its gonna actually stop them from eating the rest
turns out, its the presidental pardom and this copfederate souding prez saves main bird ciz his kid likes him
so then they go to camp david and daughter falls asleepwatching tv
main bird watches tv and orders a pizza and sees a show about a mexico who was exiled for being different and became a latin ,lover like rudolphe valentino or ricardo cortez
btw this is directed by the guy who did horton hears a who and the live action jonah hex
later main bird gets caught by a wild turkey who wants him for a mission
wild turkey is bada55 and skilled like a ninja
he sez he got a mission from a great wild turkey in the sky and has a super item
they go to a base to use a time machine to save turkeys from the 1st thanksgiving
also wild turjey is kinda outta it
but the time machine is just garcen cr-p
but the shed is a elevator to the secret base
remember how da army dropped outta helping independence day cuz they wouldn'r take out the area 5 1 thing?
imagine if the gov droped outta this for all that time machine cr-p
man, we're like 20 mins in.
that felt like nothing
so after escaping guys in hazmat suits trying to roast em, da prez is doing the time travel thing
the turkrrys get in the time thing and the chrononaught books it as the birds time hop
so they land da machine in 1620 (Between castlevania II Belmonts Revenge and Super Castlevania IV) and the machine starts cloaking
da burdz escape a hunter and his dogs thanks to a girl turkey
the hunters are shown as evil for some reason despite just wanting to eat
we can't even have a spider eating a cricket anymore as some candya55 might get freaked out by nature
leader of the turkey tri8be is p-ssed the future burds lead de hunters near their nest and theres an escape thing where no turkeys are harmed
a few are safely caught
to decide what to do, save the captured birds or not, wild and leader beef up like in dbz and slam each other
I heard modern captive turkeys are bred so their breasts are so huge, they fall over
Anime fan: What's wrong with that??
So the americans need food amd their leader is losing popularity from the people needing
and hunter only brought 2 dinky birds
so girl bird wants a nerd bf and main guy is a beta male nerd
wait; the buffed uop bird isnt the leader
kieth david's bird is
so fture birds go to da base and keitg sez the settlers forced em into hiding
is this avatar??
also girl turkey sez if they stand around doing nothing they become dumba55es
just like all those teens who smoke chronic in their psrents basements
so hunter figgers out the turjkeys are leading em away from something somehow and has a plan
also; 1 turkey named justy is inbred seeming cuz his dad married a chicken
1st; birds have weddings?
2nd; is that a thing on justin trudeau being half castro half frenchie?
btw; 1 turkey has a mexican accent
not sure how that works as they all grew up together
like in the dub of yugioh 5d's how jack atlas has a cockney accent
so after main bird sets off a trap by geting beat by it, girl burd wants to know of da future
then wild bird and his rival i thought was leader have a dance fight contrst to see who's better
man, the movie's half over and nothing happened
so after telling her of the fiture, main bird and her escape hunter dogs hiding in the time machine
hunter finds em and maavhine goes to space and girl bird now believes hes from the future
they return to earth and machine sez its recharged but main burd wants to hold off the return trip
2 things i noticed
1 how does the machine communicate with birds?
2nd; is this a thing on that rainforest movie rio?
so wild burd sees thanksgiving is tomorrow and takes main bird from girl to ready the attack
then tells his bsackstory of being raised in a factory farm and his mom helped him escape but he didn't save the eggs she gave him
later he met the great turjey who gave him a doorknob and told him not to give up
i just realized tthis is a lot like ecco the dolphin on sega genesis
animals time traveling to save their fam from being eaten by superior life formes
so main buurd is throwb over da fence and escapes hunter dogs by using the romote laser pointrer from da future
also he gets wild bird in the eye with it
that can bust ur eyes
dangerous immitatable actions in a kids movie??
what next? kkids playing with aids needles on the street??
so wuld burd frees the caght birds and gets a horn from hunter
then lights a fuse and it blows the gunpowder shed in the settlers base
they book it but wild burd leaves a gunpowder trail from the horn he stole
they get back and are celebrated  cuz of da horn
but girl bird dont like it
hunter sez da birds busted da base and they got magic cr-p
also he notices the powder trail and lights it
main burd asks girl bird to come to da future with him but she sewc the burning trail
hunter gets there, busts their base and torches it
what is this? Avatar??
so da birds (who most of are blue(like avatar)) escape a chute to water and leader sacrifices himself to let the main guys escape with da eggs
btw, we nver see the birds eating
dont they eat bugs and mice?
i hear a chicken can skeletonize a mouse in seconds
so the birds have a ritual whee they fan plucked feathers out of a cave
then they decide wjo gets to be next leader by this game
leader had a half a seashell in a box
where did they get a box!?
whoever has the other half is the next boss
its girl bird
and she calls for them to fight
just like avatar
ripping off a rip off
its like turning mecard ripping off bakugan that ripped off duel masters and battle b da man, which ripped off beyblade and yugioh
so main guy gives up and is gonna go home
he goes back to the future bit his other future selves are there and tell him to go back and fix things
also he has the magic knob and ralize they are the great turkey who sent wild turkey on his mission in the 1st plsace
thats a time loop
its like terminator 1 or black giku in dragon ball supper
so wild bird returns to the new base and in the past/fuuture, main bird be's the great turkey to wild bird
btw. wild bird is named jake, like in avatar
they weren't even trying to hide it
so in da 1621, da birds have a braveheart battle on the humans
hunter wants to use cannons on birds with spears (cuz wings = hands) but time machine comes in and saves em
hunter fires a cannon 2x (without replacing da fuse) but gets sucked into da time hole
main bird tells the settlers with time machine anf gives em pizza from da future
was pizza even invented yet?
so humabn leader give thanks to da bid and they have the 1st thanksgiving
what about Squanto and thanking The Lord?
A Thanksgiving without mentioning God?
Its like an independence day w/o mentioning America!
so wild bird goes in the time machine on a new unexplained journey like in ecco the dolphin II the tides of time
the end
oh and the crefits shows amrican things but tuekey'ed up
then wild birc returns wiotha chicken and duck and asks if they know of turducken
a chicken, stuffed in a duck's a55, stuffed in a turkey's a55
that wasn't so bad
yeah i pretty much a g rated avatar with comedy but i didnt hate it
yeah its full of oplot holes and the characters are pretty much the same as other better films
but its sorta entertaining and has a few good moments
its not awful.
decent music and gags
the generic president being used so it doesnt date thw film reminds me of that earthworm jim ep
huh, this was made in texas
it was voiced and animated ok and had keith david is always cool (like in gargopyles from da 90s)
its an ok movie
a bit above average at times and not awful
for fre birds 2 i want for it to be about the hunter going through the time rist and going through other time perios and hunting other creatures. also; he goes back to before noah's flood and hunts dinosaurs. its also a 16 bit run and gun game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you play as the hunter and  fight anxient animals and fight daemons.

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