Friday, October 25, 2019

Lake Placid Review

note; i wanted to spell right, but that was already taken
lake placid
this is my review in aike pl;ace from 1999 (the year the SDF-1 crashed on Macross Island and ended the global civil war)
Its written by david e kelley who did a buncha shows in the 90s and 00s
and directed by steve miner who did frie3day the 13th 2 and 3, soul man and halloween h20
it stars bill pullman (use the schwartz!!) bridget fonda, betty white and Mariska Hargitay
i saw this b4 and liked it
lets see if it holds up
so this sherrif and fish/game guy are tagging beavers in a lake and f/g guy gets eaten in half by som kinda monster
its bigfoot!!
good gore effects btw
later in soviet new york i think, Mariska Hargitay reveals to msain chick she b0ned her bf
take it to springer
back in the lake, bill pullmsan is a cop or something and investigates the half eaten guy
back in soviet nrew yyork main chick is given the job of going to da lake in soviet maine as they found a dinosaur like tooth in the guy who got eat and shes a paleontologist
you know if it is  a dinosaur, that disproves evolution
but we got the mokele mbembe in africa too
so shefrif  shows main chick da tooth and the body and she wants 2 c da laek
only a geezer couple live in da lake and teens skinny dip in it but dont get eaten
lusty teens? is this a horror movie?
also sheriff has a big a55 gun
so pullman is fish/gamme and dont want her going as dsomeone just got iced there
they go see betty white who's hhusband got iced a while ago as she sez she put him to sleep for being sick and mashed his head in
so sherrif sez it was gonna be called lakke placid but that was in use
the crew go camping camping and main chick gets all b--chy over being afraid of nature
when sherrif drops a thing by her she slaps himn a few times
thats asaulting an officer!
send her to jail and hose her off with aids!
btw, had he smacked her it would be shown as evil and unfunny
pullman knows somethings up with this new sodom city chick going out here in maiine with the pet semetary
then this rich mythology proff comes in in his chopper and has a crocodile fetish
he looks like peter jackson
so they go out and croc fetish sez he b0ned main chick
then they get their canoe flipped and they cut away to them outta the water
btw marisa never shows up after thsat 1 scene
croc nut finds a piece of the guy who gor eat and sez the croic affects the whole ecosystem in da lake
later 2 cops are digging a hole cuz croc nut payed em 500 bones each
sherrif tells croc guy hes full of sh-t for all his weird croc cr-p
he takes it well
so main chick tells pulman she got shipped out here as her bf boss found a better chick
latr sheriff goes out and whizzs and finds croc nut setting a trap
they clash and nut sez crox come on land
croc nut; he was waving his littkle w-ng around and scaring me!!
main chick reveals he studys croc worship in pagan cultures and thinkds theres a power to em
what is this? a bad jrpg?
then its day and they go out in a canoe and croc nrd and someone go scuba diving
main chick sez crok nutt looked in crox eyes and sed they like dragon eyes
da boat is jerked around and dragged by its anchor and main chick falls in da water
it lets go of da anchor and they save her and pullman comes up
croc butt is still in da water and as this 11 guy pulls an item outta da water,the monster eats this no name guys head
but it was too fast to see
so the cops seal da area to keep info getting out and croc a55 sez hes sorry for sherriffs deputy getting it
then goes on about his weird a55 dream and sherriff gets caught in crocmo's trap
as sherrif chases crocmo, a bear attacks but gets eaten by the huge a55 croc
so its an asian croc and 30 feet long and crocmo whines about sherrif wanting to cap the croc
crocmo sez hes a briown belt in karate and to take ur brst shot and sherrif slugs his fat a55 out
mai chick tends to puklmans cut from something and tghey grow closer
a love stoey in a horror movie??
the thing didmt need it
later crioc dink sez the biggest killed on record was 27 feet
this movie was b4 primeval wuth gustav max
later croc aids lands his chopper in da cove he thinks da croc lives
also when checking a croc print, main chick finds the guys head and a snake crawls out its mouth
and its not cg
so then tthey see betty white feeding the croc a cow
she sez she was feeding it for years and it ate her husband
typical animal rights commie
not caring when people get iced to protect animals who would eat her
like pam anderson wanting chemmicals tested on inmates (who are at times wrongfully convicted) instead of monkeys and rats that only live like 2 years
so croc butt goes in da wwater to be with da croc and sees it behind him lookung at him next to him
da chick with him turns on da chopper and he uses an inflating thing to lure it as he jumps in
but it bites the pontoon and they get away
what a dumba55
at base pullman tells off croc butt over his a55holery and croca55 gets bummed
he tells main chick in da past, crooks were thrown to crox to see if they were guilty and he wanted to be judged by a higher lifeforme
why not just play russian roulette?
r/6x its totally safe
like vacationing in the 3rd world
often safe
but once in a while you get iced
croc dink goes on a  tirade over trying to save this 150 year old croc who swam from another contenent and he wants to drug and catch it
so they use a cow on a chopper thing to lure the croc out
it vanishes and pops up and attacks em
their guns are useless on it and main chick swims as iit chases her
it gets caugfht in da chopper and sherrif wabts to blow it apart
monster croc goes under from drugs and they have it
pullman uses a tranq gun on it
but then another comes out and sheriff blows it apart with a huge a55 gun
then the authorities come in to take mega croc away
just like the avengers in maximum carnage
pullman and main chick say bye and they go out for a beer
later we see betty whhite feeding a buncha baby crox as lets em eat her toes as we see da big a55 croc taken away on a truck
the end
that was pretty good
good bbuild up
doesnt drag
good acting and writing
good effects
the cgi coroc dont look too bad
cool story
nice twists
its a werll made 90s fiilm
for lake placid 2 i want the croc nut to have found an anciernt tome of croc rituals and use it to commune with a croc daemon. the daemon has him collect croc artifacts to make people mutate into croc people and he gives him croc powers. also its a 16 bit platforme game on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba and youm play as croc nut and use ur croc powers to get through ancient temples to get the items and fight the ancient mechanical guards in them with ur croc powers.

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