Saturday, April 4, 2020

Warcraft Review

note; i spell bad but at last i;m cooler than guy guys who played the game of this
this is my revidw on Warcraft from 2016 (something robotech happened then)
i never played the games and assumed its for geeks
although i like Dungeons and Dragons and Chess so who am i to talk?
it stars no one i know, ooh, clancy brown! he  was good in the 90s cr-p he did
i never saw this b4 but heard people say it s-cked
holy cr-p it was the highest grossing video game movie
ha! uwe boll wanted to direct this but blizzard said no
its directed by Duncan Jones who was the kid of david bowie
btw i;m not a big fan of  blizzard for suckin up to the commies just for cash
imagine them working with the cartels of soviet mexico?
then again, they waste less people so it would be an improvement
i did play deat and return of superman by them and that was the only good superman game
so after like a min of logos we get a narrator saying orcs and humans were at war but b4 dat was a greater enemy
now their world is going under and diss ork needz to get his klan a new home
so his woman is really pregnant as they gotta appeal to fetish guys nd they go on a journey
then in 1 part tis blue chick asks her slsve owner free her child
this ugly mage does some black magic and i think sucks out the slaves souls to open a h-llgate and da orx go threw but his woman starts pooping out their kid
on da other side she poops it out and da mage sucks out a deers soul and gives it to the kid
maybe its ki hes draining and not souls
meanwhile in human land this dwarf shows human a gun and gets word humans kingdom is under attack
btw this is fullscreen on my tv on showcase on soviet canada
human interogates a guy with a tattoo and stops him from using magic words but lets him examine this body ad something weird happens with it
instead of just teling the guy, they go on a trip to the king to summon a guardian with magic guy and theremagic guy sez he sensed something evil
you couldnt just tell the human??
so they get a griffon and fly over the not lord of the ringd mountains to a castle totally not like lord of the rings 02
btw this is just the 1st 15 mins
its like they gotta cram 15 gams in 1 movie
so they go to this room thats sorta like the one in the mortal instruments city of bones and this guy is making a golem
keep it outta prague!! we all saw that 20s movie!
guardian finds the magic guy and blasts him but magix tells him of this black magic that feeds on life and caused srs damage and guardian agrees to lt him go
i want a Lunar movie. the 1st game was pretty good and i hear the 2nd is better. but i only did the gba port
so guardian teleports to the kings place and they go over the situation and find theres a huge force comming for em
so guardian and some men go to the woods and get attacked by orx
da orx cream em but main guy fights em with smarts
work smerter. not harder
then the orxs start going up on green fire and biting it and daddy orc from b4 gets away alive on a horse
guardian leaves with the busted men and leaves magic guy to handle things
main guy and his men chase after main orc and orc loses his horse and gets beat out by main guys horse
the humans capture a orc chick and she can speak human and thers other orc captives
they never heard or orcs and she tells em the orcs are from other world and are here to take this one
also she leaned human from prisiners
so back in orc turf main ork sez the gardian used the black magic against em and orc mage sez only he controls it ad hes on it
later main orc talks with his woman about their son and being a leader
later kings wife sees ork chick whos in a cage and offers her freedom and civilization
later main orc talks with a homie about hoe tyhe black magic is killing da land
later mage and main guy chat at nightand orc chick is there and sez she dont wanna b0ne the mage (whos a nerd) and she broke a lot of bones wich healed stronger
her mom was bure for pooping her out and she was saved by some guy
mage (who imma cal nerd)  sez his rents gave him to the mages and its a great hoor but he ran away and brought gureato disshonor to heez ninja klAN! HUUUU!! Ippon!!
later main orc catches nerd by the head and tells orc chick to help beat his side as his magic is gonna f the land
so guardian eatos is holding back the black magic annd the huan tribes have a council to decide what to do about the orcs and their scourge
totally not like lord of the rings
so some kingdoms dont wanna work with em and later they gotta stop da orx from opening a portal
orchicktells em cr-p and the humans give her a blade to defend herself as they cant have guns
nerrd goes to main guy and sez da guardia burned his research and that somethings up
main guy and orchic meets the orx and main orc talks with him uing orchic as a translator
they gotta team up to beat the orc mage and orc mage is gonna ritual sacrifice captured humans to fuel a portal opening
then some orx attack in armor that were hiding under the roxks and the humans flee but battle the armorcs
guardian uses a lightening force spll to waste da orx, wait, he makes a lightening barrie to seal off da orx
but the main guys son is stuck with da orc and i think we gonna have a sad moment like in 300 where that guys son got choppped
so this big a55 orc wastes son and it trys to be sad but when we see sons body theres no wound wherd he was shanked
in real life his guts would be spilling out
in real life theres no ocs!!
well, maybe sasquatch or oni
man we're half way through
that didnt feel like much
so da humans teleport away and orchic talks with human king i think who sez he knew a chick who loved him and he itched her
i think its giardian maybe and he gives orchic a magic thing
wait, is main guy and he sez his sons mom bit it pooping him out and has a moment with orhic
later nurd goes to his mage masters saying guardian s poisoned by black magic and the give a histor of a secret thing that nerd is not to tell of
he goes in and its a black area wth some geezer who used up the last of her ki to bring him there and that the true guardians are the regular people and darkness and light come from each others
manwhile, guarian sez the blak magik made him f up and its his fault the orcs came and he sucks out a guys ki when he bathes in green magic
so the guardian plans with humans and p-sses em off and after a scuffle, sez he and king will protect the kingdom
so main orc is locked up but his homie frees him
so main guy was locked up but nerd frees him and uses magic
main orcs woman puts her baby in the water in a basket like he's moses superman or goku and she bites it icing a big guy
so main orc challenges orc mage for leadership and they fight
main guy and nerd get to the guardian place and fight gurardian whos all decroding
orc mage uses black magic to cheat and drain his ki but it makes his men ditch him
so he sucks their ki
so the humans fight the orcs and orc mage sacrifices guys i thin orcs too to open the gates
so nerd and main guy beat guardian by using a golem and the gate closes but nerd gets th blac magik but fights it off
so guardian is unevil now and biting it and tarts closing the portal as humans uses gunses
the orcs are bustin the men and king tellls orchic to bring peace between orcs and humans and she ices him with a shan in the neck to stop the fighting like zordon getting iced to save the universe
the orc mage sezthey like her now and shes their new boss as icing the other boss maes you boss
then main guy comes inon a gryffin and finds the iced king but his gryphon gets caught and slammed b4 they can get away
main guy is trapped but orc mage wants his men to ice him but orc chick sez tey cant for some tribal reason and they leave
main guy goes bac and sez he found the shib they human gave orchianic in kings neck and and humans make main guy new kinga and wanna go against the orcs
then the baby from the basket is floating down the river and naration sez something
the end
then 10 mins of credits
that wasnt so bad
i thought it was a decent film
i never playe the games and its a lot like a more fair to orcs lord of the rings but i liked the bright colors and cool effects
it has good flow an pacing and it isnt bording
it kinda crams a lot into its 3 hours with add runtime but i thoguht it was pretty decent
it feels kinda like a 00s movie with its colors and effects
its not bad but i never played the games so maybe i;m not the best to judge
but as its own thing the movie was decent
fo warcraft  i want the orcs to have been mostly wiped out and one oof the last ones is the baby from the basket. he's been sent to revive their people and found a new homeland for them. also he's got ki abilities and can fire ki blasts and jump far with wm and was raised by a farm couple. also the king and his men are after him and he has too escappe them by evading detection while icing all who see him. its also a 16 bit platform game like ninja gaiden on sega genesis, snes atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as this orc and use your powers to sneak around and you got to finish off anyone who sees you and if they aleart anyone, you take em out too

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