Thursday, April 30, 2020

The Warriors Review

Note: I spell bada55 like this movie
the warriors
this is my review on the warriors ftom 1979
its based on a book based on a greek story and was directed by walter hill who did 48 hours and red heat (both i saw 0 times each)
it stars James Remar from mortal kombat Annihilation, David Patrick Kelly
 from The Crow and Commando, Thomas G. Waites frm McBain and no one else I know of
I saw this b4 but don';t recall too much
also in the book the main guys were black but they deafricaniszed them for diversity
this was rated x in argentina, soviet england, banned in sweden, and finland, and rated 13+ in french canada and 14+ in Brazil
so its night and these 70s gang guys go on da subwayy for a meetung with the other gangs
this was written as a counterpunch to West Side Story making Soviet New York gangs ook lite and fun
man, all these gangs dress like freaks
its like a lady gaga show with less hermaphrodites
1 guy tells another warrior to tag everything so they'll know da warriors were there
so they are gonna see cyrus (not the yugioh gx guy or grabdpa simpsons bro) who leads da biggest gang in soviet new york
at da meeting syrus sez they otta team up and take over the city as with all their numbers, they are more than enuff for da cops
is this them unionizing?
i knew unions were bad!
and of cource, with him as union boss, he'd get all the cash
most famous union boss?
joseph stalin
boss of the soviet union
btw, a gang oened new york is like escape from new york where they just sealed that cesspoole off and let the animals fight among themselves
thankfully, someone j fk's cyrus and the gangs scatter as the cops come
the real hitman blames the warriors for wacking syrus back to h e double new york and they fight
the wwarriors escape into a graveyard and 1 got caught
they decide to return too their turf at coney island (which was a level in spider man the animated series on sega and snes)
1 guy challenged the plan guy fro control but the train is comming and they leave
but 1 guy tags a headstone cuz he has no respect and need to be eaten alive by spidermonkeys
meanwhile the other gangs decide to get da warriorz and a radio host with a gross looking mouth plays the song nowhere to run
btw this is fullscreen so no black bars eating half the screen
so sudeenly its raining hard but its goen by the next scene
crazy weather in new york
must be cuz iof all the daemons
so they go through the startion for the train as a gang chases em and make it in just as the train leacves and the gang gets there
the train stops cuz someone torched something and and they gotta get off
meanwhile, the real killer and his crew wanna take out the warriors to cover their evidence
just like with daiana when the queen had the guys taken out
the warriors go throught another gangs turf and this ganmg is small time but act big and to avoid a fight, warriors go with it
but a chick mouths off and wants the warriors vest
when the warriors dont coonsent to these forced union dues, she twists small times leader to make em
he backs down and they tell off chick for being a wh-re
chick follows and gets caugt by da wqarriors and when 1 nearly b0nes her, new leader stops him
the smsll time gang comes out but warriors throw a booze bottle on fire and it blows a cr-pmobile and both gangs run
chick goes wityh warriors as they are badder a55 like with vaiya ditching her big black butt buddy afteer hes iced in m d geist
so at da station is da cops but they fiight and flee
just open fire on em!
one shot through the leg and hes down!
1 teen brawls with a cop, gets knocked onto da travks, and a train splatters him
he will have no more victims!
da warriorz get out and theres this kiss looking baseball guy with a bat and his gang that chase em
they look kinda like The Crow
1 kiss crow gets took out by  warrioors and they stop to fight other kross crows
imma stick dat bat yo yo a55 and turn u into a popsicle
more warriors join and they win
so they go on and 1 guy tries b9ning a gorl on a bench
but she handcuffs him and she blows a whistle as she was a cop trap and the cops beat him diwn
so later chickk has jacked a coat and is with leader and in the subway this cop comes after em
he cripples him with a thrown bat to the leg and ecapes
some warriors meets a girl gang and hangs with em
leDER is named swan as they all got mad max names and he chats with chick over her being a b--chy 5kank
theen they make out
better get the Aids test. who nows how many guys she's had
he probably tastes j-zz or something as he ditches her
so back at the barwiith da chix, the chix lock em in and pull guns/knives and warriors fight their way out
from da chix commwnts, they learn everyone thinks they iced syrus
so the surviving warriors make it to the station except 1 guy and swan
chick reunites witrh swan and she sez guys are after him and the surviving warriors show up
thy hide in da  mens room and the after em guys follow bit theres no one in there
they almost open da stalls annd da warriorz bust oiut and beat ion em
the bathroom is trashed and chick bites onne so hes gonna devolve into a chick every month
at another gangs place, a guy sez he saw who shot cyris
on da train, some civilized humands get on and chick seems disgruntled at thweir being happy
the civilized humans see shes bad news and get out b4 she kills them and eats their organs
so then iits day like in that movie collateral and they get off da train in coney island and are a bit bummed theyv fought all night to return to some slummy cesspoole
bt da other gangs followed em and 1 clacks beer bottles and sez warriorz, coe out and play!
at da sea they meat the real killer and he admits to icing cyrus
he pulls a gun on em but gets a switchblade thrown in his arm
the oher ganngs are there and i guess no one saw or heard em comming
they see real killer did it and he denies it but they let the warroors leave and goe in to gang b0ne him dead as scene cuts to thedj playing a song for da warriors and da warriors walk the beach as they dont need sleep from night b ball
the end
that was quite good
good action, color, night scenes, fight scenes, effects, acting and music
its well made andwas bada55 and cool
its wven got beat em up video games in this cwnntury with most of the surviving cast
for the warriors 2 i want it to be the 80s and thee gangs have united and taken over new york. Pesident Reagan (Whi in real life liked the 1st movie) decides to put an end to the gangs once and for all and sends in his toughest soldiers to take out the gangs and free the aids drugs and gangs infected cesspoole from its tormentors. Its also a 16 bit Run n Gen game on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, GBA and Atari Jaguar where you blast through the rotting slums and fight off the gang members devolved by drugs and aids into grotesque abominations.

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